Favorite NPC one-liners?

MythicEmperor · January 2017

Shadesofkin wrote: »

"The only way to change a slavers mind, is to drive a sword through it" -Dragonstar Arena Champion

That's what wards are for.

tinythinker · August 2017

How did I miss this before? Well, I guess I was busy doing speedruns all those years ago.

"Well, my situation can't get any worse... so now it can only get better. Onwards and upwards!"
- Janneke Meadmoon, trapped in a cage in Elinhir awaiting torture and execution when the vestige arrives

ArchMikem · August 2017

"Irrki even left a dead Skeever to show how much she cares!"

tinythinker · August 2017

ArchMikem wrote: »

"Irrki even left a dead Skeever to show how much she cares!"

Hehe. heh. eww.

QUEZ420 · August 2017

Rip "A borrower or a lender bee"

ArchMikem · August 2017

Wow btw. I was 400th post at 5:55pm.... Such timing.

tinythinker · August 2017

Not quite an NPC, but...

"Slaves are now easier to steal from. You monster."

"Vivec’s underwear is now the same color as his loin cloth, for those of you who previously checked."

- G.B., PTS Patch Notes v3.1.0

Drakkdjinn · August 2017

http://imgur.com/HFD606n

newtinmpls · September 2017

The quartermaster in the undaunted enclave in DC has a suggestive invitation to "come take a look"; can't recall the exact wording, but the voice and question/invitation is quite pleasantly distracting.

Feanor · September 2017

I thought the most favourite one liner of all times was...

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

- Stuga, seemingly everywhere

ThePrinceOfBargains · September 2017

“Now you can play skeever-wicket with your own skull!" ~Clavicus Vile

I want a “skeever-wicket” game mode.

Xoelarasizerer · September 2017

Jaimeh · September 2017

My all-time favourite quote/exchange is when you buy a drink for one of the undaunted members in Coldharbour:

"Listen! That one bought this one a drink!"

"Tubidan, you are dead. What a waste of coin."

Tubidan is so exuberant, whereas the other undaunted says it in a very deadpan way, and the whole thing always makes me laugh!

My most recent favourite one is by Barilzar in Vvardenfell, when he asks for protection: 'I have a natural aversion to daedra!'. It's probably more to do with the delivery than the actual quote, but it gave me a good chuckle

Runschei · September 2017

Razum-dar says something about that you should stop by him later on the evening during the Messages Across Tamriel quest. At least as a dunmer female he did. If anyone got a screenshot of it, please share it ahahha

tinythinker · December 2017

Drakkdjinn wrote: »

Yeah, love those visual gags. Need more, devs. Need more!

tinythinker · December 2017

How did I miss this in the closed beta? It's more than one, but worth it. So worth it. Thanks for putting it on YouTube, JarlUlfric...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4p0eKp_B9o

It's such a great tune, regardless of lyrics. Nice melody. But the lyrics make it gold:

You nest in our lofts, spray dung on the wall, Tear up our roofs like a mid-summer squall, Frighten our children and make the babes bawl, Promise you'll never change.

Full lyrics below:

While cliff-racers spread their wings, so broad,
And lesser birds bend their knees, so awed,
You snarl, and hiss, and spit, and screech!
I hear the guars grunting each to each,
"What a terror! What savage speech!"
Oh to be like you.

Your temper flares at the smallest offense,
You snatch our guars and mangle our fence!
You nest in our lofts, spray dung on the wall,
Tear up our roofs like a mid-summer squall,
Frighten our children and make the babes bawl,
Promise you'll never change.

Cliff-strider, stride so high,
On fiery crags, you touch the sky!
Cliff-strider, stride so high,
Screech loud as thunder, may you never die!

You're vengeful and petty like my mother-in-law,
You stink like you've got old fish in your craw,
Your shrieks shatter glass, and rattle my ears,
Your rotten-fig smell brings grown mer to tears,
You *** on our pillows, they smell bad for years,
You're Vvardefell's pride and joy!

Cliff-strider, stride so high,
On fiery crags, you touch the sky!
Cliff-strider, stride so high,
Screech loud as thunder, may you never die!

Nearly worth the cost of the expansion on its own.

That and the... ahh... interrupted bard song (no spoiler)

Jaraal · December 2017

From one uppity Dark Elf noble in Vvardenfell:

"Hey, s'wit! What are you doing over there!"

"You're new at this, aren't you?"

"You're as subtle as a bull netch in a pottery shop!"

Jaraal · December 2017

Runschei wrote: »

Razum-dar says something about that you should stop by him later on the evening during the Messages Across Tamriel quest. At least as a dunmer female he did. If anyone got a screenshot of it, please share it ahahha

Reminds me of Queen Aryenn talking about that one time with her and Razum-Dar in a town that starts with a W and involves a drunken schoolmarm and a velvet dress, lol. Those two certainly get around!

Eyesinthedrk · December 2017

I erect the spine of praise.

Pro tip: Don’t use it as a pick up line unless she plays eso too.

Jaimeh · December 2017

Oh, another one: the NPC in CoA2 watching the ash titan descending 'That's no fowl I ever saw'

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

milkbox wrote: »

my favorite was from a hireling.

"This one tried molasses for the first time. It was sticky, sweet and wonderful. This one thinks that next time, he will try other parts of the mole."

I kept that undeleted for a while, along with a couple of others from Pacrooti and Gavin.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

Saturn wrote: »

"I like to crush skulls and eat sweetrolls and I am all out of sweetrolls."

One of my favorites.

What I didn't know until recently was that the original version was connected to the killing of zombies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1TcnQxV4BE

And what I didn't know until a few minutes ago is that the actor (Rowdy Piper, RIP) is said to have adlibbed the line.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

Emma_Overload wrote: »

"Sometimes the prey turns and nips us... it is a small thing"

---- Molag Bal

I love a lot of Molag Bal lines. They're not funny, generally; they're just great.

I also was amused that some new ones are clearly based on Donald Trump.

The other great recent Trump one is when the premier in Clockwork City, who we've already overheard as being an anti-immigration zealot, is describing as insisting that his subordinates praise him all the time.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

Molec wrote: »

"No charge to have a look" from a female merchant in Rawl'Kha i think.

All over. It's even in the rotation from the crown store merchant.

Piojo · December 2017

Love the one-liners in eso, but my favorite is from Modryn Oreyn from TES: Oblivion (fighters guild in Chorrel): “I’ve wiped things from my shoe that were smarter than you”. I’m not normally one for put-downs but the delivery was pure gold.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

Kalfis wrote: »

Do you know the old saying, Neither a borrower or a lender be?

Shakespeare probably didn't mean it either. That whole speech was meant to illustrate that Polonious was a blowhard.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

Izaki wrote: »

Elf_Boy wrote: »

Defiantly an adult game.

I dont remember the lines I do remember the first time I wandered into the -err- red light house in stonefalls. You know the one. Normally I am far from being the prude -- my first thought was kids play this game - BAD PARENTS BAD.

Then I started laughing and walked around to see who was doing what with/to who.

Very educational.

Where is that place never seen it

There's some of that in the Ebony Flask Inn in Ebonheart, where you can buy a cheap room and where you also have to go for the New Life Festival.

FrancisCrawford · December 2017

1. I love almost everything Rolis Hlaalu -- the master writ guy -- says; his delivery is perfect.

My favorite is the one where you says that if you're going to make him wait this long for delivery "The least you could do is bring me a pillow".

2. Another consistently great NPC is the Orc woman who gives Undaunted pledges. Best is probably when she explains that Orcs express differences of opinion with swords, and "I'm very opinionated".

3. One quote I used to have in a signature block and now can't find the exact wording of is Abner Tharn's comment that he doubts the Lord of Schemes is wasting time with petty squabbles. "Perhaps we should follow his example?"

5. Several of the good delve bandit NPC lines are already above. But I also like:

"Money is the root of all evil. Everybody needs roots."
The one about the guy who goes to town to be pickpocketed because that's the only way he can get attention.

Hippie4927 · December 2017

My favorite one is the undaunted guy who wants help in the john because "my doctor told me not to lift anything heavy"! I always get a chuckle out of that one.

zaria · December 2017

Fishoscandi wrote: »

The dunmer banging a hammer at a barrel in Stormhold: I don't seem to be making much progress.

That is an standard one lot uses. My favorite is an Khajiit in the Khenarthi’s Roost starting island, because of some artifact its raining inside an tower and he is mopping up the water.