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Favorite NPC one-liners?

  • tinythinker
    tinythinker
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    "Can I interest you in a room at the local inn? Actually, wait. That came out wrong." - Felande Demarie

    :wink:


    "I've had tenants tenants cram their rooms with the wildest things. Mounts, foliage, assistants--I mean, it's an inn room!" (also Feldande)
    Edited by tinythinker on March 31, 2018 8:54PM
    Experienced, new, returner? Help keep ESO's community strong ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ -- share what you love about the game, offer constructive feedback, and make friends.ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Who are you in Tamriel (whether it's just your character's attitude & style or a full backstory)? - Share your Character's Story! ◔ ⌣ ◔
    (And let us know 🔷What Kind of Roleplayer You Are🔷 - even if that only extends to choosing your race)


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Support Mudcrab Mode for ESO (\/)!_!(\/) - part joke, part serious, all glorious! You butter be ready for this
  • delta_mystic
    delta_mystic
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    http://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Connynque

    270px-ON-npc-Connynque.jpg


    fence in Vulkhel Guard

    "Been dipping our hands into strange cookie jars, have we? Show me what you have."
    "What delights have you pilfered for me today?"

    If you've reached your limit for both selling and laundering, she will instead say:
    "Oh dear, it seems I've outspent my means! Come back later, will you?"
  • themaddaedra
    themaddaedra
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    A Telvanni noble gets drunk, writes something that you could barely call a "poem" to someone, and your quest is to steal that embarassing piece of paper for her.

    You get the paper, you deliver it to the Telvanni noble, and you say "Hide the ink, when next you drink!".

    It's not an NPC quote tho, but still a good proof of story writing skills in this game :)
    Edited by themaddaedra on March 31, 2018 9:46PM
    PC|EU
  • Scorpiodisc
    Scorpiodisc
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    "Do you know how long I have been looking for you?"
  • DoctorESO
    DoctorESO
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    "Surprise me. Say something intelligent."

    - Guard, when they used to say insults
  • Arobain
    Arobain
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    Your like your weapon titanborn, once you lose your temper you lose your worth - Tharn
  • Hurbster
    Hurbster
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    something something "netch fart".
    So they raised the floor and lowered the ceiling. Except the ceiling has spikes in it now and the floor is also lava.
  • FrancisCrawford
    FrancisCrawford
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    Rolis Hlaalu has many good lines, the best being:

    "If I have to wait around anyway, the least you could do is bring me a pillow."

    His rarest -- I've only heard it twice -- is probably the uncharacteristically unsure:

    "Remind me, is this for jewelry or armor, or what? Whichever. The client will like it."
  • tinythinker
    tinythinker
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    "Hey, where's my pig? Who took my pig?" ...one of the few lines you hear over and over during the Jesters Festival you don't get tired of hearing. Delivered so well and such a funny line
    Experienced, new, returner? Help keep ESO's community strong ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ -- share what you love about the game, offer constructive feedback, and make friends.ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Who are you in Tamriel (whether it's just your character's attitude & style or a full backstory)? - Share your Character's Story! ◔ ⌣ ◔
    (And let us know 🔷What Kind of Roleplayer You Are🔷 - even if that only extends to choosing your race)


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Support Mudcrab Mode for ESO (\/)!_!(\/) - part joke, part serious, all glorious! You butter be ready for this
  • fgoron2000
    fgoron2000
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    I'll have...<urp>...what I'm having...
  • jedtb16_ESO
    jedtb16_ESO
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    in several places an npc will say.....

    what do you want?

    and in my head....

    we want to be free

    we want to be free to do what we want to do

    and we want to get loaded.....

    cue video.....

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf73xqZvk6k
  • wenchmore420b14_ESO
    wenchmore420b14_ESO
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    "Hey, where's my pig? Who took my pig?" ...one of the few lines you hear over and over during the Jesters Festival you don't get tired of hearing. Delivered so well and such a funny line

    Agreed!!! ZoS, who is that voice actor? She is great!
    Drakon Koryn~Oryndill, Rogue~Mage,- CP ~Doesn't matter any more
    NA / PC Beta Member since Nov 2013
    GM~Conclave-of-Shadows, EP Social Guild, ~Proud member of: The Wandering Merchants, Phoenix Rising, Imperial Trade Union & Celestials of Nirn
    Sister Guilds with: Coroner's Report, Children of Skyrim, Sunshine Daydream, Tamriel Fisheries, Knights Arcanum and more
    "Not All Who Wander are Lost"
    #MOREHOUSINGSLOTS
    “When the people that can make the company more successful are sales and marketing people, they end up running the companies. The product people get driven out of the decision making forums, and the companies forget what it means to make great products.”

    _Steve Jobs (The Lost Interview)
  • AshenArtifice
    AshenArtifice
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    Nagaddu, a Khajiit Merchant - "Some call this junk. This one? This one also call this junk, resell it at deep discount."

    Also, all the guards who just sound so surprised and relieved when you actually pay your fine.
  • VaxtinTheWolf
    VaxtinTheWolf
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    Whoa, this is an old thread we've got here, but sure.

    "Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

    I hate this. I've had that DLC for years and I'll go there when i'm good and ready!
    Edited by VaxtinTheWolf on April 12, 2018 11:37AM
    || AD - Rah'Jiin Lv50 Khajiit Nightblade (Damage) || EP - Generic Argonian Lv50 Argonian Nightblade (Tank) || DC - Zinkotsu Lv50 Breton Nightblade (Healer) ||
    || DC - Ja'Kiro Feral-Heart Lv50 Khajiit Dragonknight (Damage) || EP - VaxtinTheWolf Lv50 Redguard Templar (Tank) || AD - Velik Iranis Lv50 Dark Elf Sorcerer (Tank ) ||
    || EP - Einvarg The Frozen Lv50 Nord Warden (Tank/Healer) || EP - Keem-Ja Lv4 Argonian Necromancer (Healer/Tank) ||
    PC - North American Server (Champion 1300+)
  • Runschei
    Runschei
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    Runschei wrote: »
    Razum-dar says something about that you should stop by him later on the evening during the Messages Across Tamriel quest. At least as a dunmer female he did. If anyone got a screenshot of it, please share it ahahha

    Quoting myself because I am yet to find a screenshot of what he says.
  • Taranthula
    Taranthula
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    Oh kwama, sweet kwama don't you wanna be a MAAMMAAAAA....


    Nord Man: They say the hist weeps with happiness when an Argonian hatches. How can a tree weep?

    Nord Woman: What nonsense -- everyone knows the hist isn’t a tree.

    Nord Man: Oh- Maybe its a giant Argonian dung pile! Now who’s the silly one..
  • raviour
    raviour
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    "Welcome to Rivenspire, land of beautiful women and ugly war."
  • AshenArtifice
    AshenArtifice
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    Another one to add would be everything ever said by Lerexus Novation. So many skeleton puns.

    Then there's Urgarlag Chief-Bane: "When Orsimer disapprove of your behaviour, blades do the talking. I'm very opinionated."
    Edited by AshenArtifice on April 12, 2018 12:16PM
  • Jaimeh
    Jaimeh
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    It wasn't intented as a joke, but Chef Donolon asking for 'locally sourced bananas' in Vulkhel Guard, made me chuckle :smiley:
  • Jayman1000
    Jayman1000
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    "Every man has his price. Mine is 5 gold." - random hostile npc.
  • Golnebo
    Golnebo
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    "I wish I had time to help Errold, but my hands are full right now". By a woman standing around Belkarth doing absolutely nothing all day.
    PC - EU

    {Nemesis the Magnificent} - Wannabe Magician with a nack for accidentally killing everything around him - Aldmeri Dominion High Elf Mastercrafter.
    {Knightmare the Wild} - Fiendish Templar Lady with a must kill attitude - Dunmer by birth - EP by choice.
    {Thinks-he-is-Funny} - Tough EP Argonian Dragon Knight. Drinks his ale in Belkarth - Secretly in love with his battlesister Knightmare the Wild. Battlegrounds King.
    {Son-of-a-Witch} - Confused Nightblade who took up the dark arts of black magic. Literally sits in Mournhold all day doing nothing. Dreams of returning to Dragonstar Arena.
    {Eilalenya Alkinaerith} - Strikingly beautiful High Elf of the Aldmeri Dominion - Seducer of men and elves - Learning the Healer ropes. Heals for fun.
    {Blue Bear-y Pie} - Think-outside-the-box Mastercrafter Warden - Enjoys long walks on the beach - Protector of Tamriel's fauna and wildlife - Breton lady.
    {Neopatra} - Grumpy old Veteran - Wreaks havoc in Cyrodill - loves her grandchildren - Redguard Brute. In case of bad mood she turns into a werewolf.
    {Sneaky little Maraya} - Gorgeous Redguard Bombshell - Evil stamsorc who loves to clear dungeons of monsters.
    {Seven of Nirn} - No-nonsense brutal lady-Orc. Always rambling on about the Covenant. Get with it or get out kinda StamSorcOrc.
    {Reeks-of-Incompetence} - Hangs in the balance DK. Studied to become a dentist. Alcohol made her do nothing all day. Argonian Historian.
    {Doctor Whoops} - Self conscious Sorc . Father to 18 children. None of which are anywhere in sight. Proves shield nerfs wrong. Currently doing vDSA.
    {Daisy Deathbringer} - Foul necromancer that likes to hang at funerals and graveyards. Mostly plays with the dead, does not deal much death.
    {Major Defiler} - Lovely necromancer who likes to study life. Puts the word romance in necromance.
    {Cindiana Jones} - Defected Templar. Very deadly in Battlegrounds. Likes to wander around Cyrodill.
    {Sideskirt Bob} - Nightblade who got his nickname when a lady Nord mentioned his waistline.
  • ValandarTheRed
    ValandarTheRed
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    NLZWzew.png

    This one always made me laugh, at least partly because it's slightly out of character. First time I heard the voice actress say it, I nearly sprayed soda on my screen.
  • delta_mystic
    delta_mystic
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    UeYEfPu.png

  • jedtb16_ESO
    jedtb16_ESO
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    so you made that yourself did you?

    on handing in low level writs....

    always feel a bit guilty cos the alc and prov stuff was made, in bulk, by my main crafter.
  • Varidian
    Varidian
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    just about anything Cadwell comes up with
    The Blood Sons Of Sekt
  • ankeor
    ankeor
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    Remains silent.

    -Remains-Silent
  • anadandy
    anadandy
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    "I'd hammer at her forge." - that one stopped me in my tracks as I was running by :)
  • Beamer_Miasma
    Beamer_Miasma
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    Some bosmer, in Marbruk I believe: "Stone houses? But how'd they get the stone to move??"

    And in Khenarthi's Roost there's this brilliant NPC conversation:
    Khajiit: "It says here in this brochure that hurricanes are 'unseasonable' this time of year in Khenarthi's Roost."
    Altmer: "Then what would you call the one that just destroyed half the settlement??"
    Khajiit: "Unseasonable."

    From memory so might not be 100% accurate, can't login to check atm :(
  • tinythinker
    tinythinker
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    "Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

    I hate this. I've had that DLC for years and I'll go there when i'm good and ready!

    You'll do it the next time you log in and be grateful. We had to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow for ESO DLC when I was a kid.
    Edited by tinythinker on April 12, 2018 6:31PM
    Experienced, new, returner? Help keep ESO's community strong ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ -- share what you love about the game, offer constructive feedback, and make friends.ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Who are you in Tamriel (whether it's just your character's attitude & style or a full backstory)? - Share your Character's Story! ◔ ⌣ ◔
    (And let us know 🔷What Kind of Roleplayer You Are🔷 - even if that only extends to choosing your race)


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Support Mudcrab Mode for ESO (\/)!_!(\/) - part joke, part serious, all glorious! You butter be ready for this
  • Guarlet
    Guarlet
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    wbSTMbU.jpg
    AKA The Goblinator, PC/EU
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