What's the best/funniest NPC line you've heard?

Bossdonut

"You swit"

Always a classic

Eshelmen

Annalyse wrote: »

Eshelmen wrote: »

"If you see a bat and it's holding a baby, THATS...MY..... BABY!"
LOL, Wha?

That gave me a good laugh! Where is that? I want to go there now just to see the bat guy.

@Annalyse
Lol no idea. I found it on the PS4, it was a featured shared video.

DerAlleinTiger

Two lines really stick out to me.

One's from the announcer in DSA:
"The only way to change a slaver's mind... is to drive a sword through it!"


The other is from the Drake of Blades in the Memorial District. I can't remember the precise wording, but it goes something like:
Drake - "Meet me by the chapel. The Worms are scared to go near it."
PC - "They're scared of the chapel?"
Drake - "It's quiet. Smells of incense. Feels holy. I also hung three of their leaders over the altar. That made an impression. Why are you making that face? Oh, right. Sacrilege. The Eight will understand."

mia_pow

"You mess with the bear you get the claw."

The other one I hear guess because I play as an argonian something about, when was the last time I took a bath.

Phinix1

My memory's shot, but I remember this one from Khenarthi's Roost since I just did it a couple days ago:

Ulondil: "What? Of course she's dead! Or else she would have come for me!

...

She's c-coming for me, isn't she."

XD

Ffastyl

"Damn these fish! If only I had a spear. Or a crossbow. ...Or a crossbow that shoots spears!"

"Drinking is thirsty work."

Irathray

HEY FANCY MAN

Tryxus

Ahnastashia

I was sneaking around trying to get into a better position behind a NPC to pickpocket them, and all the sudden she said "You do know I can see you, right?" I thought that was pretty funny. I laughed, and stopped trying to pickpocket them.

theher0not

"how can she not? I have gone trough every step of courting. I rubes my head against her leg, I put my head against hers and purred. I even caught a skeever and left it outside her house" when you ask the blademaster in Hollow city if the enchanter knows that she(the blademaster) loves her.

If you then talk to the enchantress she has no idea why the khajiit is acting so odd and that she was kind of scared by the dead skeever but it turns out she likes the khajiit too.

Aquanova

"Your face can curd the milk" cracks me up every time I hear it.

Caza99

A guard said to me once "Surprise me, saying something intelligent." I was insulted but it was so good xD

KhajiitiLizard

Bossdonut wrote: »

"You swit"

Always a classic

Goes with "you fetcher" and "filthy n'wah"

Ah... TES:III Morrowind.... nothing like slaughtering all the Dres at a Dres plantation...

And the best part is you don't even get a bounty for it.

And yes I free all the slaves.

BenLocoDete

"I'm trying to not be superstitious, it brings bad luck"

Anti_Virus

"The skins of those you love, will fly as my banners"

- Molag Bal

Marcosyn11

When I interrupted a private dance in the Ebonheart's whorehouse.

Conquistador

Anything coming out of Rufinus' mouth takes the cake.

WhiteCoatSyndrome

Epona222 wrote: »

Another one that I like is from the end of the quest in Bergama where you have to sort out the wedding for that couple. You present them with their gift (an aphrodisiac), and the woman does that "shocked/horrified" facial expression and says "Oh my... what a... special gift... thank you". Always cracks me up

I was amused by the Orc who sent you on that leg of the quest. "They won't be able to walk for a few days afterwards..."

Blud

Nils the Bland -- If you interrupt him while he's counting in the Windhelm bank, he swears at you.

"Dibella's dirty knickers! You've made me lose count!"

squeakylump

My partner always goes to stone falls to go to bank and do crafting there's a guy near the bank talking about his family just had a baby several quotes from him my favourite is
I'm no good with Argonian names I'll just call him junior or something
The one that gets my goat from him is
I'm an uncle IM AN UNCLE!!!!!,

Vipstaakki

"Oh, whatever may i assist you with? Perhaps you need your pillow fluffed? Or maybe you need me to cut up your food for you? Wait! I know you! You are from Deshaan!" - Naryu Virian at Eastmarch near Fort Amol.

Briolase

"Wood Elves. They're so small. You have to kill at least three of them to get any blood on your blade. From what I can tell, you must have slaughtered an entire village. Keep up the good work" - Elam Drals

Also, everything else Elam Drals says. I love turning in my DB repeatables.

Mettaricana

Best quotes ever drunken nords in windhelm

"You look like I need another drink"
"I'll have what I'm having"

Mettaricana

Kikazaru wrote: »

This is what Razum-Dar said after he was magically disguised as Queen Ayrenn.




Hehe.

Its like ayrenn has a polymorph gone bad or just glad to see me!?

Ragdoll

Phantax wrote: »

"If you want to lose 10 lbs of ugly fat, I'll gladly chop off your head"

This. Always makes me laugh.

Zoner

I always liked the drunk dunmer saying 'do my eyes look red to you'

JolaRossa

Paraphrasing, "They told me I was mad to build a forge on the second floor of a rickety building..." -- said by the guy outside the forge in Belkarth, just as I was thinking "who the hell put a forge on the second floor of a wooden building??"

Nifty2g

lord warden, aid me

Zoner

IT'S MEREEL

Zerok

In some delve in Bangkorai, there is a lorebook right next to the delve boss that says something like this:

"We have trapped ourselves in a time loop. Every few minutes, an enemy comes in and kills us. Then it repeats itself all over again".

Well thought