What's the best/funniest NPC line you've heard?

Blud · November 2014

I just got some items from my Argonian craft supplier who aspires to be a writer. She just got hooked up with a publisher.

"I wallow in the mud of elation."

I love Argonians. It made me visualize myself wallowing.

You can get some gems from the craft suppliers.

katkat42 · November 2014

Blud wrote: »

You can get some gems from the craft suppliers.

Only from Mystics, surely?

Blud · November 2014

Daraneth, an NPC in Grahtwood for the main story quest says:

I do hope that smell came out of an animal.

I've italicized the stress, so you can imagine it with her Altmer accent.

Epona222 · November 2014

wenxue2222b16_ESO wrote: »

cabbageub17_ESO wrote: »

Don't recall the dialogue but early in the EP maps there's a Couple upstairs in an inn clearly engaged in S&M

This would be the Ebon Flask in Ebonheart? They are not just upstairs but in the basement too ...

I think the best line in the Ebon Flask (it may have been mentioned already) is from the Woman in the basement with the guy tied up and all the torture tools next to her, she has 2 things she can say when you talk to her but 1 of them is something like "Don't spare any pity on him, he's misbehaved terribly"

Had me in doubled up laughing the first time I heard it

Merrak · November 2014

"You really must go and bother someone else. I'm close to convincing Neomi to come see my collection of antique riding crops. If you know what I mean" - Michebert Montieu

"Please go away now. I've almost got Michebert to finally ask me over to see his antique riding crops and I don't want anything to get in the way. I really need to see a good riding crop today." - Neomi Malyne

Both can be found outside the Daggerfall Bank. Still among my favorites in the game.

Stroggnonimus · November 2014

dwemer_paleologist wrote: »

"i erect the spine of praise"
"i erect the spine of trade"
argonian female in eso says those and i laugh every time, never gets old to hear it.

Thats just how argonians talk you racist ! I erect the spine of anger !

Blud · November 2014

In Grahtwood, a Dominion soldier said:

"I bet you'd have to study just to be a half-wit."

Messy1 · November 2014

On Betnikh if you go to the stables and talk to a NPC in the vicinity they say
"We should just kill all the horses, eat them and be done with it."

painsworth01 · November 2014

I've just spent 9 months of RL time renovating a 30 years old house. Recently i was standing in Daggerfall and an NPC approached my toon, saying, "How are your renovations coming along?"
Spooky!

PsylverRaven · December 2014

Vicecanon Hrondar - "Just in time! We've got a mess on our hands, worse than after a dog eats a cheese wheel."

Then I picture the NPCs walking their pets and carrying poop bags and cringe because it uses an inventory slot.

HydroCanuck · December 2014

"...Then I took an arrow to the knee."

Phaedrus · December 2014

"

Karius_Imalthar · December 2014

There is a wood elf crouching near the front stairs of the main building in Mistral, Khenarthi's Roost that has a normal Wood Elf voice but speaks with the "This one..." Khajiit expression. I laughed and thought ZO must have made a mistake until I explored the room above the inn. There is an npc or journal that suggests he's gone a bit too native.

Psychobunni · March 2015

I home in Dhalmora and Bokeeus tells me all the time that she "whispers secrets to the wood"

what kind of secrets?!? mmmhmmm

Kalfis · March 2015

A Nord I tried pickpocketing in Rifen yelled out "This thief has inappropriately touched me!"

Necrelios · March 2015

"Less drilling and more action would be nice." - Female guards whenever the walk passed the crafting center in Evermore.

spoqster · March 2015

"If you feel like losing ten pounds of ugly fat, I'll be happy to chop off your head."
-- Wayrest

Tholian1 · March 2016

I was doing a quest in a draugr infested barrow in Wrothgar. I was battling the draugr with my bow and I think the NPC follower yelled for me to aim for their knees.

Robotworgen92 · March 2016

The captain of the prowler after you challenge her to a drinking contest. "I had hoped you forgot my raunchy song about the queen, but what was I supposed to rhyme with Vulkhel guard?" Lol, I can't imagine what she could have rhymed with that..

waterfairy · March 2016

I can't remember the words but I accepted a quest to meet an orc woman somewhere, did random things for 3 nights then went to meet her and she said something like "Where have you been? You think I have nothing to do then sit on my arse waiting on you"
I know it was scripted but it was funny how personal it seemed.

Eshelmen · March 2016

"If you see a bat and it's holding a baby, THATS...MY..... BABY!"
LOL, Wha?

https://youtu.be/O_pnxqMi0dw[/yt]

Blud · April 2016

Robotworgen92 wrote: »

The captain of the prowler after you challenge her to a drinking contest. "I had hoped you forgot my raunchy song about the queen, but what was I supposed to rhyme with Vulkhel guard?" Lol, I can't imagine what she could have rhymed with that..

Something hard?

Vanady · April 2016

'Feel more... Goblinish every moment', don't remember the npc's name. xD

imredneckson · April 2016

"Shutup Tharn"

theher0not · April 2016

BoloBoffin wrote: »

The Khajiit showing off the "real, live dog!"

I love her. So much.

I also recently ran into a khajiit guard(female) who I think flirted with me. She said something about us having another bussnies than the bounty. When I payed her she replied "I hope you enjoyed that too" (that guard was in TG town)

captainwolfos · April 2016

Pretty much anything Tharn says, and/or any of his dialogue with Lyris, but this exchange is probably my favourite:

Abnur Tharn: Dank corridors, crumbling walls, nauseating smells. This place has all the charm of a Riften brothel. It must feel very much like home to you, Titanborn.

Lyris Titanborn: You mean a crypt filled with the rotting corpses of inbred kings and failed statesmen. Must be what it’s like at a Tharn family reunion.

Apherius · April 2016

My best is ( sorry it's in french :P )

shéogorath : " puissiez vous être un fromage a tout jamais ronger par des ragnarr ! "

llllADBllll · April 2016

Arkays beard it's been a long day.

Epona222 · April 2016

Another one that I like is from the end of the quest in Bergama where you have to sort out the wedding for that couple. You present them with their gift (an aphrodisiac), and the woman does that "shocked/horrified" facial expression and says "Oh my... what a... special gift... thank you". Always cracks me up

Annalyse · April 2016

Eshelmen wrote: »

"If you see a bat and it's holding a baby, THATS...MY..... BABY!"
LOL, Wha?
https://youtu.be/O_pnxqMi0dw[/yt]

That gave me a good laugh! Where is that? I want to go there now just to see the bat guy.