What's the best/funniest NPC line you've heard?

Skylandra

There is a pretty good one In Craglorn East side of the map where a gate is. He is Cursing the idiot that put the siege weapons up on the wrong side of the gate and stairs and how he isn't going to be the one to disassemble and move them.

elrusho1

Famous last words:

' ... it looks like I have to take care of you myself!'

repeated by 80% of people.

Alphashado

"Surprise me. Say something intelligent"

Or

"Want to lose 10 lbs of ugly fat? Cut your head off"

Dirtybyrd

I hear some bandits in Cyrodiil say!
"lady telling a man"
Man says "argg" while fighting, Lady says "That's what say said"

Kartalin

Random NPC line repeated across Tamriel: "So then I says, 'That's not a stew, that's my laundry!'"

Spottswoode

The prince has just the sense of sarcasm I would have if my sister were queen.

Yuls

Reminds me of one of Tharn's charming comments:
"I swear, I haven't heard such bickering and whining since the last Tharn family gathering at Mid Year's Feast"!

MartinXKid

When you buy a beer for the fighter's guild ghosts at Coldharbor. I don't know the line perfectly so I won't try but it makes me laugh.

katkat42

Haskill: "The fork [of Horripilation] excites and synergizes magicka around it. When held in the hand of someone more notable than yourself, it can produce dramatic results.

"In your hand, it might be suitable for conveying roast beef to your mouth."

Adusa-Daro: "But if wishes were fishes, Adusa would be a very happy cat."

When you ask High King Emeric if you can ask a few questions: "Of course. I am a veritable treasure trove of useless information, and I love to share." Reminds me of some people I know...

Darien Gautier: "If I could get my hands on that d*mn lizard, I swear I'd make a pair of boots from his hide. And then I'd put them on and stomp through troll poop!"

Nagaddu, a merchant in Elden Root: "Some call this junk. This one? This one also call this junk, resell it at deep discount." Nice reference to Skyrim's "Some may call this junk. Me? I call them treasures."

Balag, talking about the arena in Reaper's March: "Swordmaster combatants are skilled with the hacking and the slashing. Also the jabbing and the chopping. Sometimes there is the poking."

Lyris, on killing zombies: "I hate killing things that are already dead. It's just not as satisfying."

Lyris's toast: "To Molag Bal, that ugly skeever! May his privates be infected with Brown Rot Fever! May our course be true and our hearts be brave, as we march into Coldharbour to spit on his grave!"

I could go on, but this post is long enough.

Melian

That Nord who says maybe you could become the Thane of Whiterun (I've heard they take everyone).

Oh, and the Khajiit (I think it was Adusa) who gets distracted by the thought of string.

Srugzal

Melian wrote: »

That Nord who says maybe you could become the Thane of Whiterun (I've heard they take everyone).

I sprayed my coffee when I heard that one. That and the notion of an ironic Nord hipster holding forth while someone shouts "your grandmother could eat more than that!!!" in the background.

leeux

Melian wrote: »

<snip>
Oh, and the Khajiit (I think it was Adusa) who gets distracted by the thought of string.

@Melian:

This one:


Heh... That was one of the first NPC's dialogues that I captured, because it seemed funny to me

babylon

"I bet you have to study just to be a halfwit"
-random guard

Blud

A lot of people getting LOLs in this thread.

Swampster

I can't remember exactly what was said.. but sometime around completing the first faction quests, I was ported to visit Queen Ayrenn.. And Razum-Dar says something suggestive about Naryu, earning him a rebuke from the Queen

That was funny.. then there's the Kahjit with the soppiest looking Dog in the cage.. "stare into it foaming vile maw" etc etc

IKilled007

Some drunks in Eastmarch arguing about the lyrics to their favorite drinking song and one of the guys saying something to effect of, "Why would it be 'If I get drunk?' My getting drunk was never in question." I know I butchered it, but it's something along those lines.

Ragefist

Ruins of Sancre Tor

Tharn complaints about foul smells
Lyris complaints about smell of rotting corpses
Sai-Sahan says: "Its much more pleasant place in the summer"

Zouni

One of the Shadowfen ( or Deshan) quests - Nord and his son gather Argonian relics quest:
"That boy is stupid! He couldn’t find his arse even if he used a clairvoyance spell! He takes after his whring mother."

Xenite

"It smells like church in here!"

mar1ano1987nrb18_ESO

All the discussion of the dead undaunted inside the Hollow city tavern (Coldharbour)
"Sing you fool"!
-The discussion between the bosmer and the khajit in Elden root(peacemaker achievement)
The Khajit is eating flowers near the road and the bosmer gets mad with him because flowers are supposed to be sacred, or something like that.
"But this one loves to eat flowers" lol ...that one made my day.

And there a lot more of those wich I dont remember .

I hope they include more of this conversations in the future .


oh yea ..and almost forgot .

All the Abnur Tharn lines and jokes while you are doing the main story xD

Aett_Thorn

There was a mission in Greenshade were you need to rescue some Bosmer explorers who had been kidnapped by pirates. Once you get them out, you find that the guy who asked you to find them was an Imperial bounty hunter or something, and so the explorers are being captured again as soon as you rescued them.

The conversation that follows from the Bosmer is pretty hilarious, including something along the lines of:

Bosmer1: Ugh..I can't believe we let you talk us into sailing through pirate-infested waters.

Bosmer2: Oh come on, this isn't that bad!

Bosmer1: We're being taken prisoner...again!

Bosmer2: But we're adventurers! This is the most excitement we've had in months!

Srugzal

Two of my recent favorites, part of the same quest.

fastolfv_ESO

im not sure if this one has been mentioned yet but darien in rivenspire hands down wins this one when he says "stop annointing me with your oils and creams, they smell like church!" lol

Vunter

Nebthet78

I spit my drink out at this one.

Blackhorne

I just got a new favorite, and -- surprise! -- it's from M'aiq the Liar. Spoilered for those who want to find his words on their own.

M'aiq learned too late that the ash pits are home to Dunmer Ancestors. He ... erm ... hopes they don't mind the rain.

seanolan

There's a random bit of dialogue I heard in greenshade that may or may not be location specific, and I have only ever heard it one time:

"Come back again, when you cannot spend so much time."

Greatfellow

i used to run up to a bank in one of the cities probably fifty times while I was leveling in that zone, every time passing two NPCs, a man and a woman. The man would always say, "Hello," or "Good day," or something like that. But one time I sprinted by, full sprint, and I swear he said something like, "What's your hurry?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, dumbfounded. It was great.

cabbageub17_ESO

Don't recall the dialogue but early in the EP maps there's a Couple upstairs in an inn clearly engaged in S&M

Zhoyzu

sai sahan

"a man is only as great as the beard that wears him"