The Elder Scrolls Online

Maintenance for the week of October 27:
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• [COMPLETE] Xbox: NA and EU megaservers for maintenance – October 29, 4:00AM EDT (8:00 UTC) - 12:00PM EDT (16:00 UTC)
• [COMPLETE] PlayStation®: NA and EU megaservers for maintenance – October 29, 4:00AM EDT (8:00 UTC) - 12:00PM EDT (16:00 UTC)
Maintenance for the week of October 27:
• ESO Store and Account System for maintenance – October 30, 9:00AM EDT (13:00 UTC) - 6:00PM EDT (22:00 UTC)

Ask Saucy Jack!

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Saucy_Jack
Saucy_Jack
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Was there ever an ESO-related question that you thought was too dumb to ask? Here's your chance to satiate your curiosity with sarcastic answers!

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Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 5:16PM
ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Chicharron
    Chicharron
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    As an ESO player.

    What can I do to make the Astros win the World Series?

    I have $500 in that.
    Edited by Chicharron on October 27, 2019 2:07AM
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Chicharron wrote: »
    As an ESO player.

    What can I do to make the Astros win the World Series?

    I have ·$500 in that.

    The Psijics know a great deal about astral projection; it's just a hop, skip and a jump to Astros projection.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:36PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Raisin
    Raisin
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    Got really excited to ask what flavour sauce you are.

    "ESO-related questions"

    oh-okay-45736431.png
  • Zacuel
    Zacuel
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    Am I going to die alone?
  • b95fister
    b95fister
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    If they get rid of animation canceling, will bad players suddenly become good at mechanics they fail at now?
  • Michae
    Michae
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    How can I solo the Emperor achievement?
    "I bear the cruel weight of certainty. Total, absolute, relentless certainty. People rarely comprehend the luxury of doubt... the freedom that comes with indecision. I envy you."
    ―Sotha Sil

    @Michae PC/EU
  • DrWhispy
    DrWhispy
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    Why do I keep getting kicked from Vet Dungeons for using a constant barrage of light attacks mixed with stealth?
    Mediocre DPS extraordinaire
  • Saucy_Jack
    Saucy_Jack
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    Raisin wrote: »
    Got really excited to ask what flavour sauce you are.

    "ESO-related questions"

    I mean, my ESO name is Saucy Jack, therefore this is totally ESO-related. I am comprised of a patented blend of awesome-sauce, hot sauce, and a proprietary substance I call "scrub sauce".

    Heavy on the scrub sauce.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:36PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
    Saucy_Jack
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    Zacuel wrote: »
    Am I going to die alone?

    As long as you have soul gems, you will never truly die.
    As long as teabaggers exist, you will never be alone.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:37PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
    Saucy_Jack
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    b95fister wrote: »
    If they get rid of animation canceling

    Oh, you sweet summer child. You are precious.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:37PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
    Saucy_Jack
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    Michae wrote: »
    How can I solo the Emperor achievement?

    Step 1: Play solo.
    Step 2: Become Emperor.
    Step 3: Profit!
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:37PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
    Saucy_Jack
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    DrWhispy wrote: »
    Why do I keep getting kicked from Vet Dungeons for using a constant barrage of light attacks mixed with stealth?

    Because you're using light attacks, silly! You should be using ONLY stealth. If your team can't find you, they can't kick you!
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:37PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Night_Watch
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    Which is better for me in ESO? Would it be PVP or PVe?
    I'm really, really sorry! It was the first thing to come to mind. A bit like the 'Stay Puft Marshmallow Man'. I'll go sit quietly in the corner with my flame resistant clothing on.

    "If there is an underlying oneness of all things, it does not matter where we begin, whether with stars, or laws of supply and demand, or frogs, or Napoleon Bonaparte. One measures a circle, beginning anywhere."

    Charles Fort - Lo! (1931)
  • DrWhispy
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    That makes total sense! On to trials!
    Mediocre DPS extraordinaire
  • Zacuel
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    Saucy_Jack wrote: »
    Zacuel wrote: »
    Am I going to die alone?

    As long as you have soul gems, you will never truly die.
    As long as teabaggers exist, you will never be alone.

    *Walks away looking more depressed than he came in*
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Night_Watch wrote: »
    Which is better for me in ESO? Would it be PVP or PVe?

    I'm assuming by those you mean "Pie vs. Player" and "Pie vs. Everyone".
    Everything is made better with pie.
    Therefore, both are better for you.

    Q.E.D.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:38PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Night_Watch
    Night_Watch
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    Saucy_Jack wrote: »
    Night_Watch wrote: »
    Which is better for me in ESO? Would it be PVP or PVe?

    I'm assuming by those you mean "Pie vs. Player" and "Pie vs. Everyone".
    Everything is made better with pie.
    Therefore, both are better for you.

    Q.E.D.

    Fantastic answer. Except I ate all the pies! So I guess you can all stop asking who it was.
    "If there is an underlying oneness of all things, it does not matter where we begin, whether with stars, or laws of supply and demand, or frogs, or Napoleon Bonaparte. One measures a circle, beginning anywhere."

    Charles Fort - Lo! (1931)
  • Malthorne
    Malthorne
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    Why do khajiits lick their own butts?

    Will I ever be able to log in again?
  • Respect4Elders
    Respect4Elders
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    What should I do with myself during long loading screens?
  • silvereyes
    silvereyes
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    Why is everything always broken?
    [PC/NA] @silvereyes | My Addons on ESOUI.com
  • Froil
    Froil
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    Boxers, briefs or nude?
    "Best" healer PC/NA
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Malthorne wrote: »
    Why do khajiits lick their own butts?

    The same reason everyone else licks their own butt, obviously.
    Malthorne wrote: »
    Will I ever be able to log in again?

    Is that what you call going #2? First of all, gross. Second of all, a visit to the doctor should allow you to do that again.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:40PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Runs
    Runs
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    Why does my latency show as 101ms, when it's taking 30-45 seconds for the animation to start when I try porting to a different zone. And why is mail taking upwards of 1 minute per mail to actually send after pressing send. Is the game displaying a false latency or do I not properly understand latency?
    Runs| Orc Nightblade • Chim-el Adabal| Dunmer Templar • M'air the Honest| Khajiit Templar
    Oddity| Altmer Sorceror • Drizlo| Orc DragonKnight • Lady Ra Gada| Redguard Sorceror
    Taste-of-Hist-Sap| Argonian Nightblade • War'den Peace| Khajiit Warden • Little Warden Annie Altmer Warden
    Ports with Blood| Breton Templar • Dirty-Old-Man| Dunmer DragonKnight • Eyes-of-the-Sun| Argonian DragonKnight
    Bleak Mystique| Nord Warden • Polychronopolous| Imperial Sorceror • Bullcrit| Khajiit Nightblade
    PC NA CP 1250+ and still a noob
    At Writs End - A place to complete master writs
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Respect4Elders wrote: »
    What should I do with myself during long loading screens?

    Coffee and pie, my friend. Coffee and pie.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:40PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
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    silvereyes wrote: »
    Why is everything always broken?

    Because of the Dragonbreaks. Those things break everything. EVERYTHING.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:46PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • b95fister
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    Saucy_Jack wrote: »
    DrWhispy wrote: »
    Why do I keep getting kicked from Vet Dungeons for using a constant barrage of light attacks mixed with stealth?

    Because you're using light attacks, silly! You should be using ONLY stealth. If your team can't find you, they can't kick you!

    This by far and away is the most insightful, informative, and awesome thing to ever say on these forums
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Froil wrote: »
    Boxers, briefs or nude?

    Since the assumption is that this is an ESO-related question, it's grey-black briefs, always. Until the devs allow us to dye them at the station.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:46PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • phairdon
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    Why did you break PC/NA?
    Your immersion is breaking my entitlement. Buff Sorc's. Darkshroud the cremator Death by furRubeus BlackFluffy knight BladesThe Fat PantherPsijic Fungal SausageFlesheater the VileCaspian Rafferty FernsbyArchfiend Warlock PiersThe Black BishopEvil Wizard Lizard (EU)Neberra Vestige Fajeon (EU)Salanis Deathstick (EU)Blood Mage Alchemist (EU)
  • Saucy_Jack
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    Runs wrote: »
    Why does my latency show as 101ms, when it's taking 30-45 seconds for the animation to start when I try porting to a different zone. And why is mail taking upwards of 1 minute per mail to actually send after pressing send. Is the game displaying a false latency or do I not properly understand latency?

    Latency, of course, is a contraction of "late and see", which is a riff off the saying "wait and see".
    So when you're wondering when the mail would arrive, it's a "wait and see" situation.
    If it takes longer than expected, it turns into "late and see".

    Therefore whenever something's taking longer than expected, it's a "latency" issue.
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:46PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
  • Saucy_Jack
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    phairdon wrote: »
    Why did you break PC/NA?

    It wasn't me! I swear!

    >___>

    <___<



































    hehehehehehahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Edited by Saucy_Jack on October 27, 2019 4:46PM
    ALL HAIL SNUGGLORR THE MAGNIFICENT, KING OF THE RNG AND NIRN'S ONE TRUE GOD! Also, become a Scrub-scriber! SJ Scrubs: Playing games badly to make you feel better about yourself.
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