Favorite NPC one-liners?

tinythinker

An old line but it still hits...

"Raz would never watch you with careful eyes, ready for the first sign of betrayal. Never!"

tinythinker

"You have tried the Goat Nibblers? This one thinks they're baaaad" - Ri'zaadzin, located in Skywatch (Auridon)

*facepalm*

newtinmpls

Got to have been in a thieves den, but I can't recall which one...

tinythinker

newtinmpls wrote: »

Got to have been in a thieves den, but I can't recall which one...

He is in Vulkhel Guard

https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Hazaznaz

Kadraeus

Carylas wrote: »

Velsa from Thieves Guild DLC has the best dialogues. Here are some:

Quen: "I found this invisible bridge!"
Velsa: "So you followed my advice and threw yourself in the chasm."

---

Lakayd the Repentant: "Recite Danobia's maxim, or you shall be deemed, trespassers!"
Zeira: "It must be some kind of pass-phrase! If you have any ideas, now's the time to call them out!"
Velsa: "You can't seriously expect us to—"
Walks-Softly: "Falorah!"
Quen: "Yokuda!"
Walks-Softly: "Pass-phrase!"
Quen: "Gaiden Shinji!"
Velsa: "Idiots!"
Walks-Softly: "Velsa, you aren't even trying."
Lakayd the Repentant: "Trespasser! Danobia's justice falls upon you!"

---

Zeira: "That didn't go as planned."
Velsa: "You're right. I honestly thought it would kill us all."

Lowkey loved Velsa even though she's so rude. Her quips were hilarious.

Not one-liners, but more lines I liked from her (copied from UESP since it's been months since I played the DLC):

Quen: "I can't see the bottom. Is there a bottom?" (prequel to the quotes you added)
Velsa: "Throw yourself in. We'll see how long before we hear the splat."

Player: "You're important to me, Velsa." (when asking her to the party)
Velsa: "That's ... no. Absolutely not. Pull those thoughts back inside your trousers, set them afire, and bury the remains."

Player: "Never mind, I was only joking."
Velsa: "The lesser soulgem of wit strikes again."

"Silver-Claw wants us to recover his ledger. Like a book—have you seen those before? Squiggly lines, sometimes pictures, about as thick as your skull?"

TeruKisuke

I’m surprised that some of the stuff my friends and I quote on a daily basis aren’t on here.

“Mo’ fodda? Fo’ tha kwama?” I don’t remember exactly who said this, I think it was from Darkshade Caverns, but it’s the way he says it that makes it so memorable.

“By Vivec NOu!” -NPC from Darkshade 1, the way she says it is so memeable.

“The SCROWLLLLLL isssss MINEEEEE!!!”
-Molag Kena, White Gold Tower

“Come my minions!” -That weirdo Rat King boss in Wayrest Sewers 1.

“Ozozuchar, my son, my child.” -Molag Bal during a dark anchor. He has this drawl that makes it hilarious.

“The skins of those you love will fly as my banners.” Also Molag Bal at an anchor. Might be the darkest threat I’ve heard from this game.

“I’m the GRAYTE MAYGE!” -Vanus Galerion, in all his eccentricities.

“You thought you could OUTSCHEME the LORD of SCHEMES?” -Molag Bal, towards the tail end of the base game main quest line, to Mannimarco.

“I wish to become a cro-co-dile.” A weirdo Argonian lady in a quest from Stormhaven. Spoiler alert: she becomes a crocodile. I guess you know what they say... “They said I could be anything, so I became a...”

“Siroria! Siroria, nOooo!!!” -Olorime in Cloudrest

“How does it feel to watch your friends die, O-lo-ri-me?” -Z’maja in Cloudrest. (We like to meme on this and someone will always say, in a quiet, rushed, and high-pitched voice as if Olorime is saying it in response, “F***youZ’maja!”)

Hanu from March of Sacrifices: "Go ahead. Say it. I'm a s'wit, aren't I?“

Can’t forget the persistent NPCs that chase you down.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
“Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” -You know who.

“Dragons? In YOUR OWN homeland?”

Lately, in Leyawiin every single time I go to do my crafting writs, the Fighter’s Guild NPC: “Comrade! A word?” “The g u i l d r e q u e s t s your help!”

“HAIL, mightyyy warrya!” -Some weird lady on the road in Summerset between Keelspitter and the delve. Still haven’t done her quest yet but it amuses me every time.

Some new favorites from Bastion:
-“This is a great area for harvesting.”
-“They made their choices.” as we kill something akin to a mudcrab.
-“Are you stuck, or choosing to remain still?”

TwinStripeUK

Sasky wrote: »

Next time you see a forum troll: "Some enjoy bringing grief to others. They remind M'aiq of mudcrabs--horrible creatures with no redeeming qualitites."

Just about anything M'aiq says is good.

This^^

I repeatedly talk to M'aiq until he asks me to come back another time... and then do so

MJ202

Nyghthowler wrote: »

In a letter my Provisioning Hireling sent me;

"I started writing a song on cats. Unfortunately the third verse got run over by a wagon. Next time, I'll use parchment."

"I don't care who you are. That's funny right there!"
--Larry the Cable Guy--

MJ202

"Be sure to let the door hit you on the way out!"

-- from a private home owner while trespassing--

Alexandea

Today might be your lucky day!!

tinythinker

Alexandea wrote: »

Today might be your lucky day!!

It was! I got the Scarlet Senche of Regret a couple of days ago O.o

VilniusNastavnik

Anything Velidreth says. That NPC is probably the most animated.

newtinmpls

Granted, not the most useful delivery, but the letter was worth it

newtinmpls

And an old odd quest that I recently ran into.



Because dying is apparently something not to worry overly about

tinythinker

New DLC means new dialogue. Share any gems you find

Lines from previous content also welcome, of course!

DormantOne

"Vandacia!? I knew I disliked the man the moment he had me beaten!"

DormantOne

"Whatever happened to bludgeoning someone to death with a wheel of CHEESE!"

tinythinker

"Adventurers just cause trouble for everyone else" - Sunel Tharyon, resident of the Wretched Spire

adrazns

"So much to do, so little time" -Random NPC

tinythinker

"I don't need to explain anything to you, fart wisp" - Morah, in The Deadlands

tinythinker

"You're setting a bad example for my minions and drudges" - Gilfrex, in the Fleapits

Raideen

"You think me brutish? How do you imagine I view you?"- Molag Bal

vibeborn

Not really a one-liner but today while doing absolutely nothing, I suddenly heard Bastian say something along the lines of

"I don't have a romantic partner back home, but I do know a girl, who would get mad, if she heard me say that"

Makes me wonder, who that girl is, and why Bastian is so keen on getting a break from her

xeNNNNN

Pretty much all of High Kin Lord Rillis's voice lines are my favourite from Banished Cells 1 & 2. Whoever wrote that was like "how can I make an evil elf a massive troll".


Though a new one is from Lyranth in the Red Petal Bastian last boss fight;

"That looks like a you problem" when the boss appears.

huskandhunger

Well aren't you a tall glass of Mead.

berunhieyes

There are a bunch in the letters from Gavin Gavonne, the provisioner hireling. Some of my favorites.

"I took up meditation. It's better than sitting around doing nothing."

"Never, under any circumstances, should you moon a werewolf."

"The more you have, the more you want, but the less you have, the wider the selection."

"What if today turns out to be the tomorrow I worried about yesterday?"

"I stopped by to visit with my mother. She had a nice talk."

"Politicians are easy to spot. You can tell them by the complete vacany occupying the space where their faces should be."

"The day I die will be a day like any other. Just a bit shorter."

"The only thing between me and greatness is, well...me."

tinythinker

"You are simply... unimportant" - Rynkyus, in The Deadlands

Valaenya

"Well, kiss a troll and call me pumpkin!" - Skordo the Knife in Northpoint.

tinythinker

"I shall shred the ankles of your foes once more, claw out their eyes and snip at their hair" -Arox the Mutilator

tinythinker

Hehehe

"You're needs are irrelevant and are no longer my concern" - Lyranth the Foolkiller