Favorite NPC one-liners?

Maitsukas

"Am I drunk? Or is it me?"
- A drunk Nord in Windhelm

Lady_Galadhiel

Not really one line but...


She reminds me too much of my character also Nord,same hair and also badass

waterfairy

tinythinker wrote: »

Back to the point of the thread - any NPC dialogue you are a fan of?

I forget his name or which outlaw refuge that he hangs out in but there's a skeleton with a helmet who tells you that he's not a skeleton, it's an illusion spell gone wrong and he's actually naked

Edit: I just remembered he's in mournholds outlaws refuge, talk to him when you're in the area because the accent and voice acting are what makes his 3 lines memorable

OutLaw_Nynx

Oh! Grundwolf in Moongrave Fane. This made me laugh because it isn’t often the boss insults me.!🤣

“You smell like cat [snip]!”

Censoring bc I don’t want to get in trouble.

[Edited for Profanity]

Theosis

Dragons? In your own homeland?

tinythinker

Vigarr wrote: »

tinythinker wrote: »

Back to the point of the thread - any NPC dialogue you are a fan of?

I forget his name or which outlaw refuge that he hangs out in but there's a skeleton with a helmet who tells you that he's not a skeleton, it's an illusion spell gone wrong and he's actually naked

Edit: I just remembered he's in mournholds outlaws refuge, talk to him when you're in the area because the accent and voice acting are what makes his 3 lines memorable

That was funny and... awkward

OutLaw_Nynx wrote: »

Oh! Grundwolf in Moongrave Fane. This made me laugh because it isn’t often the boss insults me.!🤣

“You smell like cat [snip]!”

Censoring bc I don’t want to get in trouble.

Yeah reminds me of the quest from the base game where you throw bags at NPCs and one says, "Cat xxxx!?? Who throws cat xxxx on someone?!"

newtinmpls

I saved a few screenshots so I could recall the lines...



And

spartaxoxo

I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee

Curryganz

everything Clivia Tharn shouts in the WGT, it's her voice mostly. THE SCROLL IS MOINE

faeeichenlaub

Creepy priest code speak convo in Vulkhel Guard.
"Now the lesson of the divine body"
As my cutie Bosmer girl goes by.

Ilithyania

SAI SAHAN

IN THE FLESH

Alucardo

neferpitou73

"I never liked him, he humms off-key"

DreadDaedroth

The argonian on EP base in Cyrodiil, she says something like " I spit on Queen Aryenn eyes" and "burn those suckers, burn"

Jolsyf

Don't remember which argonian npc said but I think it was in murkmire:

"I erect the spine of I don't give a damn"

spartaxoxo

Also this Choixth "conversation" with the Vestige.

Vestige<Remains Silent>
Choixth <remains silent>
Vestige <remains silent>
Choixth <also remains silent but starts doing stupid poses>
^ that goes on several more times!
Choixth: All Right! You Win. You're the darkest dark sister to have ever darked. Can we move on?
Vestige: Fine. I'll talk.
Choixth: Praise Sithis. I thought we might die of old age first.

I liked this exchange so much I added it to the Wiki myself despite almost never touching it, a couple years after Murkmire came out because it was a travesty it wasn't included.

I didn't quite get the formating right but again, not a wiki person lol

ZOS_Adrikoth

What a great thread, thanks for sharing your favorite one-liners folks. So many excellent choices!

waitwhat

"I only kill people who kill people, because killing is wrong." -overheard from a female bandit in Reaper's March.

Gleitfrosch

Don't remember the exact wording, but it was something like

"Damn, she is fast when she's furry"

FrancisCrawford

tinythinker wrote: »

DP99 wrote: »

I love the Khajiit merchants in Senchal, especially these guys:

Sanuzh, the "enchanter," who really isn't:


"Our vast rune inventory includes rare selections such as this, uh, shiny strange rune … and, uh, glowing bobbly thing. Or even our bestselling squiggly swirl block!
Ziss, this one needs a new job."

"Listen, just see what we have. This one really can't pronounce any of the things we are selling. Sanuzh wants only to pay off a debt."

With the following lines of dialogue he pulls out a scroll and begins reading the prewritten store dialogue:

"Hello, fair adventurer! Please partake in our most illustorus … illustery … illustrious, yes that sounds right, illustrious store … ziss, why are there so many big words in this note?
Ummm, please buy something."

"Are you feeling disenchanted with your life? If so, this one has good news for you. Our products can enhance anything. Weapons. Armors. Lovers. You name it."

Mojaluz, the alchemist:


"Mojaluz tests all the potions he sells personally! In fact, Mojaluz just drank a potent one that heals Dragon burns. Oh no. Why do you have five eyes?"
"Mojaluz used to be a chef, but realized no money can be made baking treats. Unless those treats have special ingredients."
"All sales are final! Mojaluz doesn't care if you threw up the potion you drank or if your skin turns green. No refunds!"
"Listen, Mojaluz understands that better herbalists might work within Senchal, but at least this one's goods are legal. The Shields buy them often!"

And, lastly this gem from the banker, Murimdak, in the Outlaws Refuge:


"People told Murimdak he was crazy to open a bank in a refuge for outlaws. But do you know what's really crazy? Leaving your workplace to relieve yourself. Down here? Ha! The world is Murimdak's chamber pot!"

yeah the merchants in the chapters almost always have great dialogue, as if the writers feel like this is their chance to take risks and have the special kind of fun that comes with it

People complain greatly about the recent writing, and I have no disagreement with the criticisms.

That said -- the writing IS still funny.

FrancisCrawford

Funny song line, from Vvardenfell:

"Who wants to die with a thirst?"

FrancisCrawford

And my favorite merchant line is still the one from the not wholly successfully repurposed factotum:

"How may I detain you today?"

Zulera301

There's a Dunmer woman outside the Mournhold City Center that says "we should storm the city center! They can't catch us all!"

I wish I knew if she was there before or after that whole Area 51 thing.

Ghanima_Atreides

"I need another drink like I need a head in the hole" - drunk Orc in Rivernspire (and possibly elsewhere)

Cirantille

"[snip] off you overgrown guar!"

[edited for profanity bypass]

Hurbster

Mirri has some interesting comments about not wanting to see my family when I go to the Dark Brotherhood base.

SeaGtGruff

Some of Bastian's comments can be funny in certain situations:

"Sheathe your weapons. The battle is won!"
(While fighting a dragon, when the dragon takes off, still at well over 50% health, and prepares to fly overhead raining death.)

"They made their choices. So be it."
(When the dragon does its fly-by and kills a number of players who couldn't get out of its path in time.)

phairdon

"That's not a stew pot, It's my laundry!". From a random bad guy during one of lodus plague missions.

kaushad

"That dragon means to kill us all! You especially." - Florent Sylberfain, Wayrest

Sailor_Palutena

"There is an orc saying: buy a shield!"