Favorite NPC one-liners?

Iarao

Bookwyrm wrote: »

Forestd16b14_ESO wrote: »

anything mike the liar says. Those who don't know talking about M'iaq the liar. Just that appearntly Bethesda and ZoS have been calling him Mike since Morrowind when he first appeared instead what I always though it was "My-Eek"

That's because M'aiq pronounces his own name as "My-eek," but that could be attributed to his accent. I pronounce it that way too, just because that's how he says it, but it makes sense that it would be "Mike" as well.

nah. he is too exotic to be just mike.

tinythinker

"What's the point of living forever if you're nothing but a ball of ooze?"

- Lady Clarisse Laurent

(miniscule potential spoiler)

tinythinker

"[T]rees aren't great with directions, what with staying in one place their whole lives and what not" - Adrahawn

tinythinker

"Oh come on, we smashed all the things!" - Seeks-the-Dark

(after you do the typical "smash all the things" quest move and it's too late)

FrancisCrawford

When a certain dungeon final boss starts a new phase of the fight by rising far above the fray:

"That escalated quickly."

FrancisCrawford

"Would it kill them to run away? No, actually it wouldn't. Maybe they should try that."

Not sure if I phrased that (or my last one) exactly.

Soulshine

Not exactly a "one liner" here but... PvP review if I ever saw one

SammyKhajit

“The day is ours!”

Czeri

Bastian just shared this pearl of wisdom while we were galloping through the wilderness:

"You know what's the hardest thing when riding this fast? The ground."

newtinmpls

Overheard recently in a cult lair

"You don't want the knife to stick in the bones."

whitecrow

LadySinflower wrote: »

WhiteCoatSyndrome wrote: »

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

@LadySinflower I know this is several months after the fact, so you may already be aware of this, but there's a quest involving the Khajiit in question and her dog in IIRC Rimmen. Complete it and I think you'll feel better about it.

Wait, is that the same Khajiit and her dog? I completed that quest months ago and didn't realize! Thank you for telling me!

Nor did I! And I'm afraid I don't remember that quest at all...

I always figured she was just being a showman anyway... fleecing the rubes.

whitecrow

Iarao wrote: »

Bookwyrm wrote: »

Forestd16b14_ESO wrote: »

anything mike the liar says. Those who don't know talking about M'iaq the liar. Just that appearntly Bethesda and ZoS have been calling him Mike since Morrowind when he first appeared instead what I always though it was "My-Eek"

That's because M'aiq pronounces his own name as "My-eek," but that could be attributed to his accent. I pronounce it that way too, just because that's how he says it, but it makes sense that it would be "Mike" as well.

nah. he is too exotic to be just mike.

I hear it more as if in Japanese, "Ma-eek"

whitecrow

FrancisCrawford wrote: »

n0tthesun wrote: »

Valymer wrote: »

I heard a woman NPC say one time, "Every girl has her price. Mine is 5 gold."

Yes! I heard this in a delve once. Poor girl--have some self-worth! Surely you're worth at LEAST 50k. xD

There are a lot of delve standards, including (all quotes approximate):

"The pretty one. The one with a beard."

"That's not soup; that's my laundry."

"They say money is the root of all evil. Everybody needs to have roots."

"Everyone has their price - mine's 5 gold."

ectoplasmicninja

"What do dragons want with gold anyway? They don't need to buy anything."

Astute observation, Bastian.

whitecrow

Not sure if I posted this before, but from the opening Thieves' Guild adventure:

Quen: "What's a "falorah"?"

Something about the way she says it just cracks me up!

Marillea

I hardly ever come across M'aiq. I did yesterday, and I just had to giggle.

LannStone

So fun to read this thread from the beginning.
As has been pointed out, so many memorable lines hit home because of the way they're delivered.
I've been through the Coldharbour quest line more than a dozen times on alts and still laugh when Molag Grunda sends her golem to fight me and when it's killed, cries out in a very disappointed hoarse voice,
"You killed my creature!"
She sounds like a stereotype of a cartoon villain, and I'm sure that's just the way the voice actor intended it.

newtinmpls

And from the public dungeon "Hall of the Dead" in Eastmarch

"they always blame the priest"

tinythinker

LannStone wrote: »

So fun to read this thread from the beginning.
As has been pointed out, so many memorable lines hit home because of the way they're delivered.
I've been through the Coldharbour quest line more than a dozen times on alts and still laugh when Molag Grunda sends her golem to fight me and when it's killed, cries out in a very disappointed hoarse voice,
"You killed my creature!"
She sounds like a stereotype of a cartoon villain, and I'm sure that's just the way the voice actor intended it.

That line is delivered exactly right.

tinythinker

Most of the following lines could be the one-liner in the context of the others... (I hope we get to see where is idea goes in a future DLC):

"I've got all sorts of ideas for a new book on ovamancy! Eggs with smaller eggs inside! Brilliant, right?

"Don't... just don't answer that." - Revus Demnevanni

waterfairy

this thread is from 2014

tinythinker

Vigarr wrote: »

this thread is from 2014

There are many long-running threads. Enjoy reading people's favorite lines

whitecrow

Well it's not like they become outdated.

waterfairy

tinythinker wrote: »

Vigarr wrote: »

this thread is from 2014

There are many long-running threads. Enjoy reading people's favorite lines

ha true but this has got to be the oldest that isn't locked...think was from the beta days. Zumog Phoom tier necromancy

tinythinker

Vigarr wrote: »

tinythinker wrote: »

Vigarr wrote: »

this thread is from 2014

There are many long-running threads. Enjoy reading people's favorite lines

ha true but this has got to be the oldest that isn't locked...think was from the beta days. Zumog Phoom tier necromancy

Not from beta - September 2014 is months after launch. It never died, so it isn't necromancy. That's like visiting someone great grandparent and saying they must be a zombie

Back to the point of the thread - any NPC dialogue you are a fan of?

OutLaw_Nynx

Tirps wrote: »

That one breton guy in Belkarth "You want to cry me a river? Go ahead. Maybe you can float out of Craglorn."

How I feel when I’m at work 😭

tinythinker

OutLaw_Nynx wrote: »

Tirps wrote: »

That one breton guy in Belkarth "You want to cry me a river? Go ahead. Maybe you can float out of Craglorn."

How I feel when I’m at work 😭

I would have loved to have been able to use that dialogue when I worked retail at the help desk...

DP99

I love the Khajiit merchants in Senchal, especially these guys:

Sanuzh, the "enchanter," who really isn't:


"Our vast rune inventory includes rare selections such as this, uh, shiny strange rune … and, uh, glowing bobbly thing. Or even our bestselling squiggly swirl block!
Ziss, this one needs a new job."

"Listen, just see what we have. This one really can't pronounce any of the things we are selling. Sanuzh wants only to pay off a debt."

With the following lines of dialogue he pulls out a scroll and begins reading the prewritten store dialogue:

"Hello, fair adventurer! Please partake in our most illustorus … illustery … illustrious, yes that sounds right, illustrious store … ziss, why are there so many big words in this note?
Ummm, please buy something."

"Are you feeling disenchanted with your life? If so, this one has good news for you. Our products can enhance anything. Weapons. Armors. Lovers. You name it."

Mojaluz, the alchemist:


"Mojaluz tests all the potions he sells personally! In fact, Mojaluz just drank a potent one that heals Dragon burns. Oh no. Why do you have five eyes?"
"Mojaluz used to be a chef, but realized no money can be made baking treats. Unless those treats have special ingredients."
"All sales are final! Mojaluz doesn't care if you threw up the potion you drank or if your skin turns green. No refunds!"
"Listen, Mojaluz understands that better herbalists might work within Senchal, but at least this one's goods are legal. The Shields buy them often!"

And, lastly this gem from the banker, Murimdak, in the Outlaws Refuge:


"People told Murimdak he was crazy to open a bank in a refuge for outlaws. But do you know what's really crazy? Leaving your workplace to relieve yourself. Down here? Ha! The world is Murimdak's chamber pot!"

Fenris_Arainai

Completely drunk Dunmer in Seyda Neen: "Do my eyes look red to you?"

tinythinker

DP99 wrote: »

I love the Khajiit merchants in Senchal, especially these guys:

Sanuzh, the "enchanter," who really isn't:


"Our vast rune inventory includes rare selections such as this, uh, shiny strange rune … and, uh, glowing bobbly thing. Or even our bestselling squiggly swirl block!
Ziss, this one needs a new job."

"Listen, just see what we have. This one really can't pronounce any of the things we are selling. Sanuzh wants only to pay off a debt."

With the following lines of dialogue he pulls out a scroll and begins reading the prewritten store dialogue:

"Hello, fair adventurer! Please partake in our most illustorus … illustery … illustrious, yes that sounds right, illustrious store … ziss, why are there so many big words in this note?
Ummm, please buy something."

"Are you feeling disenchanted with your life? If so, this one has good news for you. Our products can enhance anything. Weapons. Armors. Lovers. You name it."

Mojaluz, the alchemist:


"Mojaluz tests all the potions he sells personally! In fact, Mojaluz just drank a potent one that heals Dragon burns. Oh no. Why do you have five eyes?"
"Mojaluz used to be a chef, but realized no money can be made baking treats. Unless those treats have special ingredients."
"All sales are final! Mojaluz doesn't care if you threw up the potion you drank or if your skin turns green. No refunds!"
"Listen, Mojaluz understands that better herbalists might work within Senchal, but at least this one's goods are legal. The Shields buy them often!"

And, lastly this gem from the banker, Murimdak, in the Outlaws Refuge:


"People told Murimdak he was crazy to open a bank in a refuge for outlaws. But do you know what's really crazy? Leaving your workplace to relieve yourself. Down here? Ha! The world is Murimdak's chamber pot!"

yeah the merchants in the chapters almost always have great dialogue, as if the writers feel like this is their chance to take risks and have the special kind of fun that comes with it