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ESO Joke of the Day

  • PBpsy
    PBpsy
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    1.6
    2.1
    ESO forums achievements
    Proud fanboi
    Elitist jerk
    Troll
    Hater
    Fan of icontested(rainbow colors granted)
  • AngryNord
    AngryNord
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    Why do Nord men have beards?
    So you can tell who the women are.

    How long does it take for a Nord to change his underwear?
    Change, what is this change?

    A Nord patrol was on the borders of the Dominion when they saw a Bosmer running away. All the warriors went after him except a young boy left holding the horses. After a while noone came back so the boy went home and told his thane. The thane and 50 warriors returned with the boy and saw the Bosmer running away so they ran after him. Again none came back so the boy went home and told his jarl. The jarl raised all 500 warriors of his clan and went with the boy. Again they saw the Bosmer running away so the jarl took his 500 warriors after him. Eventually the jarl returned alone and almost dead. He gasped to the boy, "Its a trap. There are two of them!"

    Why is *** white and urine yellow? So Nords can tell if they are coming or going.

    What is the definition of a Nord virgin? A girl who can run faster than her father.

    Why did the Nord squire leave the army? He didn't like the way he was being reared.

    All the above stolen from Glorantha and adapted to the detriment of the Nord race.

    These jokes are so stupid and unfunny they simply MUST be made by an elf...
  • FireCowCommando
    FireCowCommando
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    Cadwells' gold rewards
    Edited by FireCowCommando on October 13, 2015 7:15AM
  • Belidos
    Belidos
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    Best ESO joke ever: "I'm posting on the forum, I must be speaking for everybody that plays because my ideas are awesome!".
  • craftycarper73
    craftycarper73
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    Guild Banks. :p:p:p
    Born, Bred & Made in Manchester UK, RIP 22 Angels. 22/05/2017

    PC-EU

    The Place by Tony Walsh Please Read
    This is the place in the North West of England

    It’s ace, it’s the best and the songs that we sing

    From the stands, from our bands set the whole planet shaking

    Our inventions are legends! There’s nowt we can’t make and



    So we make brilliant music. We make brilliant bands

    We make goals that make souls leap from seats in the stands

    And we make things from steel and we make things from cotton

    And we make people laugh, take the mick summat rotten



    And we make you at home and we make you feel welcome

    And we make summat happen, we can’t seem to help it

    And if you’re looking for history then yes, we’ve a wealth

    But the Manchester way is to make it yourself



    And make us a record, a new number one

    And make us a brew while you’re up, love. Go on!

    And make us feel proud that you’re winning the league

    And make us sing louder and make us believe it



    that this is the place that has helped shape the world

    And that this the place where a Manchester girl

    Name of Emmeline Pankhurst from the streets of Moss Side

    Led a Suffragette City with sisterhood pride



    And this is the place with appliance of science

    We’re on it, atomic, we strut with defiance

    In the face of a challenge we always stand tall

    Mancunians in union delivered it all



    Such as housing and libraries, and health, education

    And unions and co-ops, the first railway station

    So we’re sorry! Bear with us! We invented commuters!

    But we hope you forgive us – we invented computers!



    And this is the place Henry Royce strolled with Rolls

    And we’ve rocked and we’ve rolled with our own Northern Soul

    And so this is the place to do business, then dance

    Where go-getters and goal setters know they’ve a chance



    And this is the place where we first played as kids

    And me Mam lived and died here, she loved it she did

    And this is the place where our folks came to work

    Where they struggled in puddles, they hurt in the dirt



    And they built us a city. They built us these towns

    And they coughed on the cobbles to the deafening sound

    Of the steaming machines and the screaming of slaves

    They were scheming for greatness, they dreamed to their graves



    And they left us a spirit, they left us a vibe

    The Mancunian Way to survive and to thrive

    And to work and to build, to connect and create and

    Greater Manchester’s greatness is keeping it great



    And so this is the place now we’ve kids of our own

    Some are born here, some drawn here but we all call it home

    And they’ve covered the cobbles, but they’ll never defeat

    All the dreamers and schemers who still teem through these streets



    Because this is a place that has been through some hard times

    Oppressions, recessions, depressions and dark times

    But we keep fighting back with Greater Manchester spirit

    Northern grit, northern wit in Greater Manchester’s lyrics



    And there’s hard times again in these streets of our city

    But we won’t take defeat and we don’t want your pity

    Because this a place where we stand strong together

    With a smile on our face, Mancunians Forever



    And we’ve got this* as the place where a team with a dream (*Forever Manchester)

    Can get funding and something to help with their scheme

    Because this is the place that understands your grand plans

    We don’t do No Can Do, we just stress Yes We Can!



    Forever Manchester’s a charity for people round ‘ere

    You can fundraise, donate. You can be a volunteer

    You can live local, give local. We can honestly say

    We do charity differently, that Mancunian Way



    And we fund local kids, and we fund local teams

    We support local dreamers to work for their dreams

    We support local groups and the great work they do

    So can you …help us help… local people like you?



    Because this is the place in our hearts, in our homes

    Because this is the place that’s a part of our bones

    ‘Cos Greater Manchester gives us such strength from the fact

    That this is the place. We should give something back.

    Always remember. Never forget. Forever Manchester.
  • Sausage
    Sausage
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    Whats the same between Women and Guitar? Grab the neck and play the hole!
    Heromofo wrote: »
    *clears throat*

    Mofo: I present the funniest ESO joke!

    The Soon List

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEvfX1gPa_4

    This video includes known "zones" to be in production for The Elder Scrolls Online:
    • Orsinium (formerly Wrothgar)
    • Murkmire
    • Clockwork City
    • Abah's Landing
    • Mephala's Realm

    We also have
    Imperial City
    Spell crafting
    thieves guild
    dark brotherhood
    phase 2 of the justice system
    veteran removal
    etc etc etc srsly the list of promises is insane its kinda why pc players are ticked off.

    This was last year:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LkeMacg-b0

    Last year's soon list is this year's soon list

    That is all............ :D

    You forget that new Gold Coast, basically they put new zone on production as soon as IC was done. Surprisingly they arent slowing down, is Zen bluffing or no.
    Edited by Sausage on October 13, 2015 9:55AM
  • urkonse
    urkonse
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    what is smallest book in ESO in consoles?

    "Guide to use text chat"

    Lightning guild is recruiting active players at any level & skill ( PS4 , EU)
  • dafox187
    dafox187
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    BBSooner wrote: »
    A nord, dunmer, and khajit walk up to the local tavern. The nord and dunmer walk in. Slaves stay outside.

    *gets super salty*

    don't get mad at my spelling, autocorrect doesn't cover fantasy.
    Why couldn't the Khajiit go to the party? She had to be Elsweyr.
  • dafox187
    dafox187
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    An Altmer and a Dunmer walk into a bar...the Bosmer walks under it..

    ive played with bosmer and there was a barrel they wanted to steal out of but it was to high for them to reach

    don't get mad at my spelling, autocorrect doesn't cover fantasy.
    Why couldn't the Khajiit go to the party? She had to be Elsweyr.
  • Doomslinger781
    Doomslinger781
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    Q: Why shouldn't you act arrogant around woodworking hirelings?

    A: Because they always cut yew down to size

    harharharharhar
    Templar: Duncan Castlehoff (main)
    Sorc: Sabine Lumoria
    DK: Auderlant
    NB: Yggmeena
    Templar: Mukambei
    DK: Stegmon
    Sorc: Gruze Von Kruger
    NB: Gnarl Ballin
  • BlackguardBob
    BlackguardBob
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    Bard: "So this Orc next door was Berserk, banging on the walls at 3 a.m. causing a fuss and screaming at the top of his voice and calling for a guard.

    "I wasn't bothered though because I was singing and playing my lute."
  • gjjbrouwerb16_ESO
    gjjbrouwerb16_ESO
    Soul Shriven
    imma imitate Mannimarco on this thread:
    Q: what do you call a Dark Elf with a sense of humour?
    A:Sotha Silly

    Q: Qho is the most popular lady in Suran's house of Earthly Delights?
    A: Almalicksia

    Q: he is green and grey and lives in a swamp, reciting poetry
    A: Vishrec

  • Sylvermynx
    Sylvermynx
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    Holy NECRO Batfolks....
  • WaltherCarraway
    WaltherCarraway
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    i guess a mod won this contest 4 years ago?
    Back from my last hiatus. 2021 a new start.
  • Sylvermynx
    Sylvermynx
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    i guess a mod won this contest 4 years ago?

    Most likely!
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