Update 44 is now available for testing on the PTS! You can read the latest patch notes here: https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/categories/pts
ESO Joke of the Day
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LrdRahvin✭✭✭✭✭Today's patch...
Also, Necro'ing is bad...mmmkay...Edited by LrdRahvin on June 29, 2015 5:42PM3 -
gard✭✭✭✭✭How many Bosmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. But how did they get in there?
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Bc1151✭✭✭Food4Thought wrote: »I'm curious how many people have Elder Scrolls or Elder Scrolls Online jokes and I want to hear them all. If you got a joke, please post. Whoever gets the most "LOL" wins!
I'll start.
An Orc walks into a bar in Cyrodiil with an ugly, one eyed, mangled parrot on his shoulder.
The barkeeper looks up, jumps back, and proclaims, 'God what an ugly thing. Where did you get it?"
The parrot responded, "Orsinium. They are all over the #$%&# place."
Just putting my vote in, I liked this one the most. I chuckled pretty hard.
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A male high elf and a male wood elf walk into the bathroom and they use the urinals and the wood elf looks over at the high elf and says damnnnnnn!1 -
Banky71✭✭✭✭What's the difference between and Imperial's bum and a pizza pie?
One is large and round and has a horrible cheesy substance on it that no one wants to look at and the other one is a pizza pie!!!If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both.
gamertag - xbone Banky710 -
Shunravi✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭YES!!! A WORTHY NECRO!!! awesomeness. Let the jokes roll!This one has an eloquent and well thought out response to tha... Ooh sweetroll!3 -
AngryNord✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭An Imperial stands between a Breton and a Nord in a urinal. He looks at the Breton, and sees he's got the letters W and Y tattooed on his 'manhood'.
"What's the reason for those letters?" he asks the Breton, kinda embarrassed.
"You mean the W and Y? Oh, that's a little trick, when it is full length, it actually says Wendy - which is the name of my girlfriend".
Then the Imperial looks at the Nord, and sees the same two letters tattoed on his 'manhood' too.
"Sooo... I take it your girlfriend's name is Wendy too?" says the Imperial
"What? Huh? Oh.. That.. No, when mine is full length, it says 'Welcome to Skyrim - hope you have a nice stay'".Edited by AngryNord on June 30, 2015 6:17AM2 -
Pallmor✭✭✭✭✭
✭A Nord, a Breton, a Bosmer, and Molag Bal walk into a bar in Windhelm.
The Breton proudly announces that he can drink any of these Ebonheart scum under the table: "I can drink 10 mugs of mead without stopping!"
The Bosmer responds "Ha, that's nothing compared to what we in the Aldmeri Dominion can drink! I can drink 15 mugs of mead without stopping!"
Molag Bal laughs at them. "I AM THE CROWN PRINCE OF DOMINATION, PUNY MORTALS! BARKEEP, BRING ME 30 MUGS OF YOUR STRONGEST MEAD!!"
"Sorry, sir," said the barkeep. "But your Nord friend there just drank every drop of mead in the bar while the rest of you were talking."
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Heromofo✭✭✭✭✭*clears throat*
Mofo: I present the funniest ESO joke!
The Soon List
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEvfX1gPa_4
This video includes known "zones" to be in production for The Elder Scrolls Online:- Orsinium (formerly Wrothgar)
- Murkmire
- Clockwork City
- Abah's Landing
- Mephala's Realm
We also have
Imperial City
Spell crafting
thieves guild
dark brotherhood
phase 2 of the justice system
veteran removal
etc etc etc srsly the list of promises is insane its kinda why pc players are ticked off.
This was last year:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LkeMacg-b0
Last year's soon list is this year's soon list
That is all............
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Forestd16b14_ESO✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭What do you get when you strike the heart of Lorkan with the ebony blade?
A Ebonheart pact.0 -
LrdRahvin✭✭✭✭✭skoomaking916 wrote: »that someone thought it was time to launch this game.
You're missing the REAL joke...the game didn't just launch (only for the console kiddies) it's been out for over a year.
Bwahahahahahaha.
Pretty funny stuff.
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Zershar_Vemod✭✭✭✭✭CraglornHouse Nyssara (NA)
Black Market Traders
Order of the Lamp Post
Thorn Brigade
VR15 Nightblade Vampire1 -
Robbmrp✭✭✭✭✭
✭An Orc, High Elf and Paul Sage walk into a Bar.....
Barkeep turns to the Orc and says what'll ya have?
Orc Says I'll take a JC....
Barkeep says, Jack and Coke coming up.
Barkeep turns to the high elf and goes what'll have?
High Elf says, I'll have a GT....
Barkeep goes Gin and Tonic coming right up.
Barkeep then turns to Paul Sage and goes what'll ya have?
Paul Sage goes, gimme a 15
Barkeep puzzled says a 15?
Paul Sage goes yeah....Seven and Seven......
NA Server - Kildair0 -
Valrien✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭Wow, so many people are using this thread as an excuse to bash on the game. Why can't we all just share some actual funny jokes
Valrien Dravic -- Level 50 Dunmeri Sorcerer (EP)
Garahel Dravic -- Level 50 Bosmeri Nightblade (EP)Tamriel Unlimited was a mistake. One Tamriel was a bigger mistake4 -
LrdRahvin✭✭✭✭✭Wow, so many people are using this thread as an excuse to bash on the game. Why can't we all just share some actual funny jokes
Here's one for you...
ESO 2 -
Tannakaobi✭✭✭✭✭It's been a while:
Three friends were lost in the desert, a Nord, a Breton and a Redguard. They found a lamp and rubbed it, with a woosh a genie popped out. He granted them each a wish.
The Breton wished to be back home and Poof! He was back home. The Redguard wished to be at home with her family and Poof! She was back home with her family. The Nord said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."1 -
_Chaos✭✭✭✭✭
✭Tannakaobi wrote: »It's been a while:
Three friends were lost in the desert, a Nord, a Breton and a Redguard. They found a lamp and rubbed it, with a woosh a genie popped out. He granted them each a wish.
The Breton wished to be back home and Poof! He was back home. The Redguard wished to be at home with her family and Poof! She was back home with her family. The Nord said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
And then what?!
'Chaos0 -
BabeestorGor✭✭✭✭Why do Nord men have beards?
So you can tell who the women are.
How long does it take for a Nord to change his underwear?
Change, what is this change?
A Nord patrol was on the borders of the Dominion when they saw a Bosmer running away. All the warriors went after him except a young boy left holding the horses. After a while noone came back so the boy went home and told his thane. The thane and 50 warriors returned with the boy and saw the Bosmer running away so they ran after him. Again none came back so the boy went home and told his jarl. The jarl raised all 500 warriors of his clan and went with the boy. Again they saw the Bosmer running away so the jarl took his 500 warriors after him. Eventually the jarl returned alone and almost dead. He gasped to the boy, "Its a trap. There are two of them!"
Why is *** white and urine yellow? So Nords can tell if they are coming or going.
What is the definition of a Nord virgin? A girl who can run faster than her father.
Why did the Nord squire leave the army? He didn't like the way he was being reared.
All the above stolen from Glorantha and adapted to the detriment of the Nord race.Babeester Gor is the Axe Goddess, the Implacable Anger, the Avenging Daughter and the Earth Guardian.
Vriddi gra-Yildnarz, Dragonknight and Smith
Myrvanwe, Sorcerer and Enchanter
Tsajirra, Nightblade and Clothier
Vilvyni Indarys, Dragonknight and Woodworker
Arielle Alouette, Templar and Provisioner
Fishes in Troubled Waters, Nightblade and Alchemist
Shanika Some Long Title I'd Change If I Could, Templar and Aspirant Jeweller
Pippi Longhorn, Nightblade, Ne'er-do-well, and "Tribute" character
EU PC.0 -
Yolokin_Swagonborn✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭✭✭Jokes? Yolo Loves jokes!
Q: How many champion points does it take to unbalance PvP combat.
A: About 300.
Q: What do you do after everyone has gotten new V16 gear and there is nothing left to do in Imperial City?
A: Release the new DLC and raise level cap again.
Q: How do you counter a sorcerer using bolt escape?
A: Go to the forums and cry for a nerf
Q: How do you counter a Dragonknight using Talons?
A: Tell all your friends you actually saw a dragonknight in PvP.
Q: How do you kill a templar using toppling charge?
A: Stab him repeatedly while the skill temporarily stuns him after he charges and has been bugged that way for a year.
Q: How do you counter a nightblade in PvP?
A: Use piercing mark of course!
Q: When will we get dye-able shields?
A: Somewhere between now and the heat death of the universe. An event known as "Soon."Edited by Yolokin_Swagonborn on September 25, 2015 11:27PM2 -
Yolokin_Swagonborn✭✭✭✭✭
✭✭✭✭✭Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.6 -
Paazhahdrimaak✭✭✭✭✭This one was from oblivion..
Why do khajiits lick their butts?
To get the taste of khajiit cooking out of their mouths.
I didn't read all 13 pages. I hope this was not said.Edited by Paazhahdrimaak on October 13, 2015 5:34AM1
