Favorite NPC one-liners?

Saturn64

I can't remember her name, the pretty one with the beard.

tinythinker

"You have a little something on your mouth, there" -- Lieutenant Belron...

...after you drink a juice made from mashing dead human hearts.

At the 0:37 mark"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h9CeEYWwDI

Sharee

"If you lack the claws, a sword will do, yes?" - Khajiit weapon merchant.

RedTalon

"There are no rules here, but I'll tell you when you break them." Random DC Guard.

"Your face would look good on a wanted poster." Random NPC when caught sneaking.

WhiskyBob

Wanna cry me a river?
Go ahead, maybe you'll float out of Craglorn.

phairdon

"You should consider bathing more often". From a guard in Elden Root.

pugyourself

Wayrest Guard: "How do you like your salad? Tossed or chopped?"

starkerealm

Knootewoot wrote: »

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

Because many people hated it. I miss the phrase though. But it holds has some truth in it. Don't borrow from others and don't lend to others. That way you won't owe somoene and you don't have to worry someone who owes you won't pay back.

Yeah... except that's not what she said. Her exact words were "Neither a borrower or a lender be." Which, you know, congrats, you corrected the grammar in your head. That one always bugged the hell out of me.

There's a bunch of good one liners from Raz... but:

Empty_Emotions

"Look it's not that I'm above bribes, because I'm not.. I just don't like you"

-Riften guard after getting caught stealing

Jaxsun

"Be careful with your weapon and you won't get hassled."

farrier_ESO

I love ALL the guards in Shornhelm. I'm moderately convinced that they're the politest guards in Tamriel.

But my favorite one-liner is probably a Nord in Windhelm, declaring in an Arnie voice, "It's NOT a rumor!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb5IZ8Mni3I

I wonder how many zillion references are just completely passing me by

tinythinker

A couple I noticed last week that I've heard/read a few times before but amused me more this time:

<Eat the suspicious meat pie>
- dialogue prompt for the quest "Shrine of Corruption".

You've seen the room investigation before whichever Alliance you pass through, with prompts like "Examine suspicious book". But I love how you are prompted to actually investigate this particular suspicious object. "Yeah, this may be part of some evil scheme, better taste it..." It even gives you a buff

"You've returned! And the bards, stupid though they may be, are alive!
-Thane Vofknir

This line is delivered perfectly by the voice actor, which really helps many of the examples from this thread.

Aett_Thorn

I'm also a fan of a Bosmer contact in early Reaper's March who proudly proclaims that she has eaten a salad...and liked it!

painsworth01

Several months ago, i logged into the game for R&R after dealing with a house renovation project that was lasting FOREVER. My toon was standing in Daggerfall and an NPC walked up to it and asked, "How are your renovations going?" LOL and fall out of my chair.

Recently, in Stonefalls i was leaving a castle and accidentally hit the crouch button. The NPC at the door said, "Genius! You know I see you."

I enjoy the NPC chatter. Thanks, ESO.

riverdragon72

Rumba1 wrote: »

Female Bosmer guard in Rawl ka (sp?) Reapers March who says:

"come again when you can't stay so long"

as you pass by.

My favorite one

Thelon

"This Kahjit has been on watch for many hours, with no grooming."

Rshidva

In the Lost Village public dungeon in ColdHarbour one of the darkseducers says:
You look like a sturdy one. Do you prefer the whip? or the paddle? (or something like that, s'been a while, was kinda shocked at how unexpected that was)

"Every girl has her price, mine is 5 gold" (an npc somewhere)

newtinmpls

Heard in Windhelm:

"One more .... and you'll be good looking"

ProfessorKittyhawk

The first time I heard this during theMage's Guild questline from Valaste, I was caught off guard and laughed my butt off.

"He's ready and waiting. Together, you'll perform the ritual that will ... hah. Perform. Like a dancing midget!"

Mitrenga

You save a soldier that have been captured on a quest in Deshaan and he asks you not to mention it to his commander. If you tell his commander that you are the one who saved the soldier's hide and bring back the daedric tome; soldier screams in the background: "you nix hound!".

It was priceless.

Ourorboros

Heard at entrance to Rawl'kha bank, goes something like:

"You say you live by your wits. You're half right".

I_killed_Vivec

I like the posh English accents of the Queen's Eyes in Vulkhel Guard near the bank...

"Hello there"

Forestd16b14_ESO

anything mike the liar says. Those who don't know talking about M'iaq the liar. Just that appearntly Bethesda and ZoS have been calling him Mike since Morrowind when he first appeared instead what I always though it was "My-Eek"

WhiteCoatSyndrome

Feldrasa: (sounding excited) Do you think she'd obliterate me if I touched her?

I'm regretting not talking to these people more before I finished the questline. XD

Bookwyrm

Forestd16b14_ESO wrote: »

anything mike the liar says. Those who don't know talking about M'iaq the liar. Just that appearntly Bethesda and ZoS have been calling him Mike since Morrowind when he first appeared instead what I always though it was "My-Eek"

That's because M'aiq pronounces his own name as "My-eek," but that could be attributed to his accent. I pronounce it that way too, just because that's how he says it, but it makes sense that it would be "Mike" as well.

Moonscythe

In Khanarthi's Roost after the rat problem is solved the Altmer inspectors are asked if they will need dinner. The inspector replies "No, Khajetii food is too….cultural for me."

AH93

Most of the things Abnur Tharn says, he's the only npc that seems to have any sense

tsuchiya.anoncub18_ESO

"I bet you have to study to be a half-wit." - Guard in Grahtwood.

potemathewolfqueen

"I'm going to live forever, or at least die trying." - many random NPCs in DC

and this one from Holgunn always makes me laugh:

newtinmpls

Moonscythe wrote: »

In Khanarthi's Roost after the rat problem is solved the Altmer inspectors are asked if they will need dinner. The inspector replies "No, Khajetii food is too….cultural for me."

Oh, I'd forgotten that until you brought it up.

In a related quest (that I cannot for the life of me recall details - and now I'm having to re-download ESO onto my new computer so I can't check it) I also like the way the Commander backs off about the whole skooma thing when you press her. Something about 'seeing skooma everywhere'

In a way it's a lovely paradox that 1-it's about the only halfway decent thing she ever says (mostly she's just a jerk) and 2-she was right all along.