Favorite NPC one-liners?

worrallj

Thalia the blackmith in belkarth:

"Working a huge stone forge on the second floor of a broken-down warehouse is dangerous, sure, but the gold's too good to pass up. Can I help—wait. Did you hear a creak? Please tell me you didn't hear a creak."

me_ming

As in my sig:

"We're heroes, my boon companion, and heroes always win! Let that be a lesson to you."
-Caldwell, "The Final Assault"

"There is always a choice. But you don't get to choose what is true, you only get to choose what you will do about it..."
-Abnur Tharn, "God of Schemes"

DreadDaedroth

Bandit:
-Here we reap, our mother's weep, It's time to sleep my boy, oh-boy!-

HalvarIronfist

The Frozen Man, on bleakrock isle.

"Don't talk to me, I'm a shrub."

Relatable.

tinythinker

HalvarIronfist wrote: »

The Frozen Man, on bleakrock isle.

"Don't talk to me, I'm a shrub."

Relatable.

Maybe this could be on a T-Shirt in a ZOS merch store

EdoKeledus

Jon Snow : "She is my queen"

mann9753b16_ESO

Guard and Beggar in Davons Watch:

Guard: "Should I just run you in?"
Beggar: "Would I get fed?"

Nightowl_74

I like how this npc in Mournhold blatantly denies the existence of the room we're in.
"Torture chamber? What torture chamber?"

Also, his next line.
"My wife dabbles in necromancy. It's a hobby."
Some people scrapbook, his wife raises the dead instead. It's pretty much the same.

tinythinker

mann9753b16_ESO wrote: »

Guard and Beggar in Davons Watch:

Guard: "Should I just run you in?"
Beggar: "Would I get fed?"

0utLaw

“Shoo! Shoo!” (c) goblin in Frostvault

Kuramas9tails

"LOOK! I GOT CLEAN SOCKS!"

Vanthras79

Tigeracer wrote: »

Anything razum dar says. I love that cat.

Especially the one about the guar and the Argonian temple.

Daraugh

tinythinker wrote: »

HalvarIronfist wrote: »

The Frozen Man, on bleakrock isle.

"Don't talk to me, I'm a shrub."

Relatable.

Maybe this could be on a T-Shirt in a ZOS merch store

I would buy that so fast!

tinythinker

Daraugh wrote: »

tinythinker wrote: »

HalvarIronfist wrote: »

The Frozen Man, on bleakrock isle.

"Don't talk to me, I'm a shrub."

Relatable.

Maybe this could be on a T-Shirt in a ZOS merch store

I would buy that so fast!

Heh, back in March of 2015 I tried to get them to make "I Brake For Bugloss" bumper-stickers

Hippie4927

This new one in Rimmen made me chuckle.........

Pr0Skygon

"They're cheating! Actually, go ahead and cheat!"
vMA commenter.

Sinolai

"pay attention daedra, it is never the same twice". Those who have heard it, have heard it often and will never forget it. Ironically, it is the same every time.

mairwen85

Sinolai wrote: »

"pay attention daedra, it is never the same twice". Those who have heard it, have heard it often and will never forget it. Ironically, it is the same every time.

Technically it is still correct. It isn't the same twice. It is the same every time.

[not the same only twice, is the same more than twice]

TempPlayer

"The skins of those you love will fly as my banners." - Molag Bal

Each time I heard that, I think: Okay, I know a guy who has dandruff problem. Can provide you with as much dead skin as you like for your banner. Your enemies will scream and fled in terror when they see it.

pknecron

A couple drunks, I can't remember it exactly, but it goes something like this: "In the morning I'll be sober, but you'll always be stupid."

NotaDaedraWorshipper

There are many and sadly I often forget to take screenshots of the ones I like.

But one I do have is of a bosmer who loses her temper when an altmer suggest that the Graht-oak would be better if it got chopped down for tinder.
"Thrice blasted son of a dreck-sifting root-munching bread-baking sot! May your ears be stuffed with whirlifly larvae, your bow-hand bitten by a rabid stoat ...
Moving on!
Tread carefully, friends. Wouldn't want the forest to swallow you up!"

It really sounds like she's grinding her teeth and is trying not to do anything bad towards the altmer, before she tries to calm herself with the moving on!

tinythinker

"Rigurt is externally grateful..."

but i haven't seen him running around in that collar and bell

tinythinker

"This one almost made it, but then... you know, brandy." - Zurnash

- - - -

"Did that --? That drunk Khajiit just took off his clothes. Why did he take off his clothes?" - Skordo the Knife

tinythinker

"It's not often that you come upon sign posts asking for mighty heroes to save thing kingdom!

"Well, maybe you do. It seems like you have that kind of luck." - Za'ji

Pevey

It was in the thieves guild line, something like, “Agh. An explosion! Everyone run to the nearest tavern!”

And I laugh every time because when I lived in NYC it was so true. Every emergency, like a storm or blackout or whatever, that’s exactly what people seemed to do.

OolongSnakeTea

"Ex-wife, enjoy your ex-life!"
Still the best thing since sliced bread.

L_Nici

From Razum Dar: "This one doesn't trust dogs, especially ones that talk, Talking animals, so unnatural, yes?"

tinythinker

"Murder! Murder I say! Sorry, sorry. I like to keep the featherless curs guessing."
-Bursar of Tributes

"Flap my feathers and call me a pigeon, but these will do nicely!"
-Bursar of Tributes

KageNin

Can't remember where or which NPC but ,,Go play with a Khajit, or something'' true story

tinythinker

A vote for one of the Top 10 Creepiest NPCs in ESO goes to Ferordomas.

His two pieces of dialogue:

"You wouldn't know by any chance where I could acquire fresh corpses?"

"Those Anka-Rah are so... sumptuous, don't you think?"


And the nearby note leaves no doubt of his meaning:

There is no living beauty compares
With corpses and their glassy stares

I feel a thrill when I gaze upon
The bodies of the dead and gone

Cadavers cannot refuse your request
Cold and silent, they suit me best

My heart begins to jump and dance
At the very thought of nec-romance