Favorite NPC one-liners?

DarknessShallFall

This is one of my favorites.

Violynne

Abnur Tharn is, by far, one of the best characters in the game. The VA is stellar as the timing of his jabs truly make every word he says a joy to listen.

By far, this really made me laugh for a few minutes:
"It's so simple a five year old child could do it. Since we don't have a five year old child, you'll have to do."

The actual text doesn't do this justice. It's how he says it. I had to put the controller down to regain my composure.

Honorable mention goes to:
"I enjoy the company of clever, well informed people. You really should try it some time."

Again, the delivery was spot on comic gold.

Too bad he ran off in the game after the MQ.

Hoping a DLC future brings him back.

GazettE

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

that's one of my favorite

jokeaccount

GazettE wrote: »

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

that's one of my favorite

this gave me hives

as for op's question, i'm gonna hop on the raz bandwagon and say the bit where he gets transformed into a certain female npc and wants to take a moment "in private" to make sure the spell worked everywhere is pretty damn funny.

Hoolielulu

So many good lines. So, so many.

I've started attacking anyone who says, "What are YOU looking at?" You want to see what I'm looking at, huh? My fist in your face!

Fleshreaper

"I'd challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed." Random guard.

There is another one, something about wits and being half way there. basically the guard is calling you a half wit.

DoctorESO

Nedras? A thief?

Enslaved

"I'll be back" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

newtinmpls

delta_mystic wrote: »

I admit, sometimes I just go to that bag store just to hear him fuss.

Sting864

tinythinker wrote: »

Hmm, an Argonian soup ***.

Edit: Filter kicked in. If you've ever heard of any of the iconic characters from the show Seinfeld, you can figure it out. ("No soup for you!!!")

What if you say "Soup Knotsee?"

neverwalk

i hear you had to study real hard, to become a half-wit. in the big tree.

Esha76

"I need a stiff drink and a good plow... But you don't see me knocking on stranger's doors bellyaching about it."

I forget her name, one of Magister Gothren's Telvanni guards you talk to in the Sun-In-Shadow quest line.

Zenzuki

Cat P!ss? Ugh! Who throws cat p!ss on a person?

and

Wanna lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? I can lob off your head!

tinythinker

"We need an outside perspective."

"So what? We just recruit the next adventurer who wanders by?"

-- Jurisreeves Soravil and Lorne, Summerset

pod88kk

"Shifting cargo is thirsty work"

This may sound innocent to most but in Ireland "shifting" is another term used for making out/French kissing so I always get a giggle handing in my writs because I just imagine him licking all the things I've made

tinythinker

"Raz's head itches, and not in a good way." -- some cat person

tinythinker

"I already received a dozen letters from the temple in Mournhold, each protesting Fighters Guild involvement in their affairs. I thanked them for restocking the latrine." -- Cardea Gallus

Ectheliontnacil

When Lyris says, "this better work Mannimarco!"

And Abnur Tharn's like: "My lord, I wonder if you'd muzzle your half-giant pet, she really is annoying."

kaiage

Hello.

maltinkilic

Today I was in Grahtwood turning in a master writ and heard npc's talking:

" Imagine how many ships we can build with this tree. Too bad they don't let us cut it down."

Also when riding in Vvardenfell an NPC teleported right before me, looked around for a few seconds and said: " no it's not here" and teleported elsewhere. I was baffled.

tinythinker

Random brigands at the ruins of Assarnatamat.

"Of course crime pays, otherwise their'd be no crime." -- orc

"This one broke six lock picks opening an empty chest." -- khajiit

The second one reminded me of the players frustrated by mostly empty chests. No lockpicks spent for the players but still.

tinythinker

Ufretin

"Get a job!" - Random Khajit when you fail a pickpocketing attempt.

tinythinker

"[N]ow Raz has his own person on the inside. An Eye of Raz, if you will, yes?" -- some cat person

nimander99

Welcome to the bank of...

Dolnor

First one is an treasure, not an NPC....I like the description:

Echo Box - Treasure
"A small wooden jewelry box that repeats the last thing
whispered into it one more time. Popular among working
spouses."

LOL...how many arguments end with each spouse trying to say the same thing...one last time! -)

---

Ok, NPCs dialogue and written text on a parchment:


-Alyxe-

So you didn't come to see your old granny Alyxe to sit on her lap and
hear a story? Didn't want to play count the warts, eh?

I might have a couple scraps I could sell, but they could be cheaper if
you knew how to make an old lady's teeth tingle.

---

-Sharnag gro-Barkbite-

The curse couldn't poison me. Nothing can! When I find a new bug or
beast, I don't just kill it, I eat it to gain its strength!

Sometimes you, uh, pay for it, but you've never truly conquered
something until you've buried it in the ground.
(Note: Is he referring to burying his poop? LOL)

---

-Little Leaf-

Braadoth's the cheif of the Iron Orcs. Kind of hard-headed and a tough
old tree. When the Orcs joined the Scaled Court, Braadoth was given the
title of Pohidian Exarch of Undulating Destruction.

It's a mouthful, I know, but I love our titles!

---

(Part of parchment in some Orc Quest that I didn't jot down)

"Why does the sky look like my echatere's fur after
she's rolled in the mud?"

"Trinimac or Malacath? Why choose? I say we just
ignore them both and let bygones be bygones."

"If I were a treee, I think that would be the perfect
existence. Except for the birds. I hate birds."

"Tusk off or tusk you? Why choose?"

"If I had a think-wife, she could think my deep
thoughts while I do other things."

"Where does the wind come from? And where does it
go? These are the things that keep me up at night."

"Should Orcs bow down to a king? Come to thnk of
it, if he was a real Orc king, he'd never ask us to
bow down anyway. Orcs don't do that sort of thing."

"It's always best to spin turnips before eating. They
taste better when they're dizzy."

"Winterborn: Threat or annoyance?"

"Argonians: People or luggage and outer garments
that deliver themselves?"

"I think the radish is the perfect food, spicy and
crunchy. Damn. Now I'm hungry."

---

TQQdles™,

Dolnor Numbwit
Eternal Testing Newbie
Member, The Older Gamers (TOG)

tinythinker

"Why must cryptic cultists be so... cryptic?" - some cat person

tinythinker

"Just stand back and don't radiate any palpable evil." - Silurie, Cey-Tarn Keep in Summerset

"Lady Enigma, greetings and sanitations from the Nord Cultural Exchange." - Rigurt the Brash

Jaraal

When you steal an Altmer female's last possession and she says, "Oh dear! I must have left it in that tree over there!"

Avalon

I was hiding in the chamber at the end of the ... Dark Brotherhood chain... I think it was... trying to regen health and all, and while waiting, the NPCs started chattering. I kind of ignored it, was hanging out with one of my daughters, so we started making comments about the game... then, we heard the main boss say, "That's what SHE said!" And both of us immediately quieted, and stared at the TV for a few seconds, until I remembered to record it!! lol