Favorite NPC one-liners?

WhiteCoatSyndrome

The woodworkers can be hilarious.

Davon's Watch: "The teeth on these saws are flatter than mine. Ah, carpentry. It's a labor of love - unrequited, I'm afraid."
Elder Root: "If you've come to work wood, I'd keep you're wits about you. The locals stage protests from time to time. It's bizarre, but you get used to it."

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

@LadySinflower I know this is several months after the fact, so you may already be aware of this, but there's a quest involving the Khajiit in question and her dog in IIRC Rimmen. Complete it and I think you'll feel better about it.

validifyedneb18_ESO

Let the cat fight those monsters, I'm getting out of here!

Arjuna1696

Heem-Jas in Ruins of Mazzatun: "My blood is filed with sap and fury!"

cyclonus11

"I've heard these mushrooms are delicious, but I'm not going to eat them. They glow like lanterns! That's not appropriate mushroom behavior! I disapprove." - Kaleb Bereouch, Nord, Deshaan

Bowser

My favorite is at the end of Sanctum Ophidia:

Atildel: "The Serpent's Stone. I never thought I'd live to see it. It's huge."
Turuk Redclaws: "Turuk has seen bigger."
Atildel: "It's a marvel of Nedic sorcery. Imagine—the literal essence of all our troubles in Craglorn trapped in one place. A miracle stone."
Turuk Redclaws: "Turuk's stones are an equal miracle. Admittedly not Nedic."
Atildel: "You're disgusting."
Turuk Redclaws: "Turuk tries."
<Atildel starts chuckling.>

TheImperfect

I like the khajiit guy who wanders around Windhelm and says 'Get this one another drink!' It's the voice acting, perfect.

LadySinflower

WhiteCoatSyndrome wrote: »

The woodworkers can be hilarious.

Davon's Watch: "The teeth on these saws are flatter than mine. Ah, carpentry. It's a labor of love - unrequited, I'm afraid."
Elder Root: "If you've come to work wood, I'd keep you're wits about you. The locals stage protests from time to time. It's bizarre, but you get used to it."

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

@LadySinflower I know this is several months after the fact, so you may already be aware of this, but there's a quest involving the Khajiit in question and her dog in IIRC Rimmen. Complete it and I think you'll feel better about it.

Wait, is that the same Khajiit and her dog? I completed that quest months ago and didn't realize! Thank you for telling me!

WhiteCoatSyndrome

LadySinflower wrote: »

WhiteCoatSyndrome wrote: »

The woodworkers can be hilarious.

Davon's Watch: "The teeth on these saws are flatter than mine. Ah, carpentry. It's a labor of love - unrequited, I'm afraid."
Elder Root: "If you've come to work wood, I'd keep you're wits about you. The locals stage protests from time to time. It's bizarre, but you get used to it."

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

@LadySinflower I know this is several months after the fact, so you may already be aware of this, but there's a quest involving the Khajiit in question and her dog in IIRC Rimmen. Complete it and I think you'll feel better about it.

Wait, is that the same Khajiit and her dog? I completed that quest months ago and didn't realize! Thank you for telling me!

No problem!

Kelces

"Use this to defeat them!"

newtinmpls

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

I agree...so much so that in my head-cannon my Orsimer Battlesorc bought it and gave it as a gift to his beloved wife. Pup is now named "Molly"

Lemonsinspace

Any of the guards trying to arrest you in Hew's bane.

Khajiit one - Pay your fine or, or face justice!
Breton female - hits on you and asks you out for dinner later, gets offended as you run off and reject her

Sorry I can't remember the quotes

starkerealm

LadySinflower wrote: »

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

"In Daggerfall, packs of these slavering beasts roam the streets!"

Go to Daggerfall, and the quest giver to start the Glenumbra's main quest is a dog.

There's a bit of clever stuff, like that, mixed throughout the game.

"Is it true that Covenant Soldiers drink the blood of their foes?"

*Looks at Rivenspire.*

tinythinker

Faint vapor traces of a hint of a shadow of a spoiler for the Greymoor prologue...






















Someone is a feeling a bit aggressive:

"If Ironbelly's flier led us astray, we're going to head back and kill him again." - Lyris

"I wish I knew whose head I had to remove to stop this." - Lyris

Which made me chuckle at this:

"Back to the wagon. We leave for Windhelm at once!" - Lyris

newtinmpls

I have to say that this is the first year I did the Jester's Festival, and holy cow there are some great lines.

"Where's my pig? Who stole my pig?" The delivery is so good that despite the fact I did this quest many times, I still cackle when I hear it.

tinythinker

"I don't care to sail through corpses." - Sugar Claws

Yeah, me either.

Plus her catch/hedge lines...

"I don't care to sail through corpses. But if I dock at Mistral they'll inspect my cargo!

"Which is all legitimate, I assure you."

- - -

"I can take you to Vukhel Guard. Bah, all my business here has dried up! At least I won't have trouble with the inspectors in Auridon.

"Which rarely happens."

tinythinker

"Maybe the best we can hope for is to end up with the right regrets" - Lyris Titanborn

Ri_Khan

"M'aiq could never fight for prizes. He has a weak chin," - M'aiq the Liar

FrancisCrawford

nm

FrancisCrawford

Evolv3d wrote: »

Npc merchant in Craglorn = My Wife told me i had to shift more stuff, so i took a sheild out of a create and put it in a barrel dunno how this helps.

always makes me chuckle

I'm always pleased when I see that they've given a good joke or story to an LGBT couple. The merchant flirtation in the Hollow City are another good example of that. And on the serious side of course there is the dying Bosmer quest.

FrancisCrawford

Dubah wrote: »

My favorite line is from a merchant in craglorn she says "My wife told me I need to move more product, so I took the shields out of the crate and put them in a barrel. I don't know how that's supposed to help our business, but she has always been the brains in the family"

The first time i heard it i just wanted to sell stuff, then i processed what she actually said and i backed out and talked to her again to confirm what I thought I heard her say.... Too funny

Quoting even though I quoted it from another post a moment ago, because this version has cleaner spelling.

FrancisCrawford

IcyDeadPeople wrote: »

"I like crushing skulls and eating sweet rolls...and I'm all out of sweet rolls."

Perhaps the most missed of all the guard lines.

newtinmpls

FrancisCrawford wrote: »

IcyDeadPeople wrote: »

"I like crushing skulls and eating sweet rolls...and I'm all out of sweet rolls."

Perhaps the most missed of all the guard lines.

Oh wow, lovely homage to Rowdy Roddy Piper!

.

tinythinker

"Here to buy? Sell? I'm here to sell! Buy!"

"Oh, that sounded better in my head. No wonder the Bards College didn't take me."

- Storm Blade-Bard

[The merchants in Solitude are all great with distinct personalities. This one is just the most annoying. Some are very quirky, paranoid, and just... odd]

Carylas

Velsa from Thieves Guild DLC has the best dialogues. Here are some:

Quen: "I found this invisible bridge!"
Velsa: "So you followed my advice and threw yourself in the chasm."

---

Lakayd the Repentant: "Recite Danobia's maxim, or you shall be deemed, trespassers!"
Zeira: "It must be some kind of pass-phrase! If you have any ideas, now's the time to call them out!"
Velsa: "You can't seriously expect us to—"
Walks-Softly: "Falorah!"
Quen: "Yokuda!"
Walks-Softly: "Pass-phrase!"
Quen: "Gaiden Shinji!"
Velsa: "Idiots!"
Walks-Softly: "Velsa, you aren't even trying."
Lakayd the Repentant: "Trespasser! Danobia's justice falls upon you!"

---

Zeira: "That didn't go as planned."
Velsa: "You're right. I honestly thought it would kill us all."

Neophyte

“Here’s the thing.... I forget the thing”

starkerealm

newtinmpls wrote: »

I have to say that this is the first year I did the Jester's Festival, and holy cow there are some great lines.

"Where's my pig? Who stole my pig?" The delivery is so good that despite the fact I did this quest many times, I still cackle when I hear it.

The chef is fantastic. She's even got some rare lines you almost never hear like, "Pigs can't fly, can they?"

tinythinker

"You'll be surprised to hear that life as a bottle does not suit me" - Peculiar Bottle

tinythinker

"Watch the cats. They're always looking for more fish to eat. If you have some, they'll know. Just like I know I can help you with some fishy goods" - Adzi-Goh, Outlaw Refuge in Solitude

Thechuckage

Excited Nord voice "Look, I have on clean socks!"

or

Dunmer in eastmarch "Do my eyes look red to you?"

Nephthys

Abner Tharn to Lyris Titanborn: Get away from me, you brutish she-troll”. 😂