Favorite NPC one-liners?

Knootewoot

'Do you know the old saying? Neither a Borrower or a lender be. Rubbish. Without borrowers or lenders how would we ever be able to buy or sell anything?'

I miss this line. You guys destroyed it.

max_only

Pacrooti has got some chutzpah he just told me “Pacrooti accepts tips, you know it is easier for a mammoth to pass through the eye of a needle if it is a little greased yes”

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Mark 10:25

Y’all wilding as they say.

Grianasteri

I seem to recall in a delv or dungeon being told by an NPC to "go up the back passage to her inner sanctum". Ive no idea which or where.

Ive always liked Raz in Summerset saying "as difficult as it may be, try to look anywhere but at Raz".

ESO certainly has a sense of humour.

tinythinker

max_only wrote: »

Pacrooti has got some chutzpah he just told me “Pacrooti accepts tips, you know it is easier for a mammoth to pass through the eye of a needle if it is a little greased yes”

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Mark 10:25

Y’all wilding as they say.

the man gotta make sales

moonpawc

"M'aiq learned the Brothers of Strife are either volcanoes or Elves. If one of each, their mother could have some explaining."

tinythinker

Knootewoot wrote: »

'Do you know the old saying? Neither a Borrower or a lender be. Rubbish. Without borrowers or lenders how would we ever be able to buy or sell anything?'

I miss this line. You guys destroyed it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_XT6chiNt0

Skullstachio

“We’ll make a Necromancer out of you yet.” ~ Abnur Tharn.

Truth be told, he ain’t wrong. (What with the necromancer class coming in the elsweyr chapter of eso.)

tinythinker

"This is excited as I get"

EdoKeledus

Molag Bal :"Your mind is naked to me! I can taste your fear! You are fertile ground for the seeds of eternal torment"

Molag Bal :"Your pathetic Aedric trinket can't defeat me! I am Molag Bal, Lord of Domination!"

Valenor

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?" /sarcasm

Neoealth

"Do you get to the cloud district very often"?

"Oh what am I saying of course you don't" *smug face*

tyggerbob

My favorite is the woodworker in Anvil with her "Don't you just love the feel of wood in your hands?"
I damn near spit out my drink the first time I went in there and talked to her

tinythinker

barney2525

"I'm amazed that your lack of education and repeated blows to the head haven't dulled your wit, Titanborn" - Abner Tharn

tinythinker

"An Imperial once tried to stroke this one while she slept in the sun. Thought Nirahni was someone's pet!

"Let us just say he left Riverhold with less flesh than when he entered" - Nirahni, Elsweyr

Hippie4927

Bursor of Tributes: "Well slap my feathers and call me a pigeon!"

Mason_King

Augur of the Obscure
I love him and his accent, these are a few of my favorites

"Oh, you're going to love this one. I'm seeing a tiny island, surrounded by ... it's either water or cats. Difficult to say. Let's hope it's the cats, eh?"

"You know the worst thing about near-omniscience? Every time someone laughingly says, "have you heard this one?" you have to say yes. Or in my case, you have to glow and scream until they run away."

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but it's critically important that you polish me three times a week, mate. It sharpens my powers of perception and enchances my self-esteem."

"Your belly's rumbling. Hungry? That's one I'll never understand, mate. The drive to push plants and animals into your face-hole, grind them into paste, then store them in flesh-sack. Yech!"

"You know there's a ghost in here, right? It's name is Vincent, and it adores cherry pie! Maybe you should go fetch a pie … or, you know, an exorcist. Not sure where you fall on the whole restless dead issue."

"You know I can see time in all directions? I see you as you are now, as you were before you were born, and as you'll be after you're dead all at once! You're an adorable baby, mate. Less charming as a corpse."

DreadDaedroth

The female argonian that yells:-Burn, sucker,burn!-

tinythinker

"I'm sorry, I don't see much difference between the flesh of a pumpkin and the flesh of, say, an Altmer."


"[W]e aren't to eat nor harm any plant life. It's a noble goal, but you cannot ask me to give up the taste of pumpkin. Life's too short."


"The locals claim they can smell pumpkin on my breath."

- Lobelathel, Grahtwood

Ysbriel

“When i want to be wrong i’ll ask for your opinion”
“what delightful folly is this”
“You don’t have to come down here for me to hurt you”
“There are no spoils here but death”
“Ahh More guests”
“I hear the Gold Coast Trading Company is looking for caravan guards”
and last but not least
“No! Finganeon!”

SFDB

"Dog's filth! You have angered a powerful enemy!"
It makes me laugh because I picture Molag Bal about to deliver a withering putdown, but trods on that little accident, and forgets all about me and instead rants at the feces he's scraping off his foot.

freespirit

I see the budding Necromancers are practising their skills!

Jamdarius

tinythinker wrote: »

From a kidnapped NPC in a cage awaiting gruesome experimentation after being freed...

"That's the last time I accept an invitation from a mysterious robed stranger."

"M'aiq learned too late that ash pits are home to Dark Elf ancestors. He ... erm ... hopes they don't mind the rain."

Jamdarius

Fizzlewizzle wrote: »

A few things i heard in the Rift:
"I just had my armor cleaned, i miss the bloodstains already."
"Is it true what they say about Argonian Maids."

Also, this book:

The last two lines.

This is one of the reasons I read books in TES series, many people don't care and lose a lot cause of it

Jamdarius

oh right and also this one:

"Where has the giantess gone? Back to milk some mammoths?"
~Molag Bal at anchors

LadySinflower

StoHelit wrote: »

Come and see, from distant shores of Glenumbra: a REAL. LIVE. DOG.

I am not a dog person (am a cat person born a Leo) but that bothered me a little bit. I mean I realize the dog is being kept by a Khajiit, who is a cat... It's a play on the "cats vs dogs" enemies trope. But she keeps saying how awful and vicious this dog is. Then you walk up to look and it's just a cute little dog. Yes it's just pixels on a screen, but I wondered how she treats the dog. I felt bad for him but had no means to remove him from the situation. If I go to that town now I try to avoid hearing the Khajiit sh*t-talk the poor dog. It kind of p*sses me off.

LadySinflower

I love Razum-Dar.

Every time you have a quest Razum-Dar:
(Paraphrasing) "We have to go do this thing to save Summerset and the queen. AND OF COURSE, WE MEANS YOU."

tinythinker

How did I miss this guy before?

So bad at being a spy no one would actually suspect him



"Tell me, traveler, have you ever met a Psijic? Those mysterious arcane monks from the displaced island of Artaeum?

"Oh, no reason. Just trying to make conversation. If the Divine Prosecution asks, though, I never mentioned the topic"

- - -

"I'm not saying I'm a spy for the Pact. Perish the thought! What I am saying is that if you hear anything interesting, come back and tell your old friend Drakaws.

"In the mean time, feel free to use the equipment"
- - -

"I may or may not have connections in Black Marsh. And I may or may not know someone who knows someone in the court of the Skald King. Does that make me a spy? Of course not! Just well-connected.

"But if you hear anything interesting..."

tinythinker

"This used to be the City of a Thousand Cults. Or, you know, maybe not a thousand, but a lot. Never counted, actually." - Drake of Blades

barney2525

" you're half-sister tried to kill you!"


"I have that effect on people. Especially my relatives" - Abner Tharn