Favorite NPC one-liners?

tinythinker

From a kidnapped NPC in a cage awaiting gruesome experimentation after being freed...

"That's the last time I accept an invitation from a mysterious robed stranger."

katkat42

I've been playing through the Pact newbie garden. At one point, the boat captain who takes you from Bleakrock to Bal Foyen says, "I'm so glad I could save all these lives. And all these coins, as well. These poor, innocent coins. I will protect them."

Tigeracer

Anything razum dar says. I love that cat.

Sasky

Next time you see a forum troll: "Some enjoy bringing grief to others. They remind M'aiq of mudcrabs--horrible creatures with no redeeming qualitites."

Just about anything M'aiq says is good.

JKorr

You look like a good sturdy one. Should I start with my whip or the crop?

Some of the "idle" comments the Dark Seducers have can be a little disturbing...

Potenza

"want to lose 10 lbs of ugly fat? I'll be happy to cut off your head"

Potenza

"I need another drink like a head in the hole"

Potenza

"Surprise me! Say something intelligent!"

majinstef

j.murro2ub17_ESO wrote: »

"want to lose 10 lbs of ugly fat? I'll be happy to cut off your head"

best one I read so far

freespirit

You gotta luv the 'drunken Nords'..........

''One more drink and she'll look good''......

Always makes me smile

Braidas

"I've got a hangover the size of Cyrodiil", and "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one"?

KenjiJU

"Have you ever heard the phrase..."

LadyShauna

freespirit wrote: »

You gotta luv the 'drunken Nords'..........

''One more drink and she'll look good''......

Always makes me smile

I passed an NPC and I thought they said to ME, "One more drink and you'll look good". I dropped everything I was doing at that moment, my jaw dropped, I am standing there as he walks away with not even a glance back at me. I'm suddenly mortified that I'm not as beautiful as I believed myself to be... And now you tell me it was about someone else? Well good!

Gotta say Razum Dar is a charmer, but I also love the things Pacrooti writes to me about his stealing opportunities, if that counts.

DuelWieldingCheesyPoofs

"Its been weeks since ive seen action"

innuendos lol

Elf_Boy

Defiantly an adult game.

I dont remember the lines I do remember the first time I wandered into the -err- red light house in stonefalls. You know the one. Normally I am far from being the prude -- my first thought was kids play this game - BAD PARENTS BAD.

Then I started laughing and walked around to see who was doing what with/to who.

Very educational.

Eckblad

"It's af fine day to stay out of trouble"

Pseudolo

"Remove yourself! I'm a married woman!"

Elf_Boy

I walked by an NPC yesterday who told me "All Kajiiti are grey in the dark" Nice Ben Franklin reference.

phatbandit

can't remember exactly but...

"thieves are about, keep an eye open...and one hand on your sweetroll..."

Tekalynn

Elf_Boy wrote: »

Defiantly an adult game.

I dont remember the lines I do remember the first time I wandered into the -err- red light house in stonefalls. You know the one. Normally I am far from being the prude -- my first thought was kids play this game - BAD PARENTS BAD.

Then I started laughing and walked around to see who was doing what with/to who.

Very educational.

"Oh, you'll just have to wait your turn...my lovely."

Elf_Boy

Tekalynn wrote: »

Elf_Boy wrote: »

Defiantly an adult game.

I dont remember the lines I do remember the first time I wandered into the -err- red light house in stonefalls. You know the one. Normally I am far from being the prude -- my first thought was kids play this game - BAD PARENTS BAD.

Then I started laughing and walked around to see who was doing what with/to who.

Very educational.

"Oh, you'll just have to wait your turn...my lovely."

It was clearly not a 1v1 situation - at least in some of the rooms. So, no I dont think anyone would have been bothered the least by someone er, lending a hand (or you know erecting the spine of, um, er, friendship) and sharing.

Valymer

I heard a woman NPC say one time, "Every girl has her price. Mine is 5 gold."

Evolv3d

Npc merchant in Craglorn = My Wife told me i had to shift more stuff, so i took a sheild out of a create and put it in a barrel dunno how this helps.

always makes me chuckle

tinythinker

"Now that's a lizard I could wrap my fingers around." - Neer (in Murkwater).

MercutioElessar

"That was unexpectedly competent. You'd make an adequate house servant" (Haskill, first Mages Guild Quest)

pureskills101

I Havent heard the 10lbs of fat one yet! But that one did make me laugh

LynthePin

One of the Auridon guards said this to me, and once I stopped laughing, I put it as my quote on all my posts.

Tabbycat

I could swear I heard an NPC in Stormhaven (around Alcair castle) saying "Hide your kids, hide your wife..."

tinythinker

The following aren't both one-liners, but that's a flexible thing. I can't believe I didn't notice the soup sisters the other two times I played through the Pact storyline. Both are found in Eastmarch. I like the way they continue the tradition of the Cyrodillic version of Argonian names being blunt and simplistically descriptive.

Makes-One-Soup (Deldwine's Inn, Fort Amol): "One soup. As long as it's delicious, that's all anyone ever needs."

Makes-Many-Soups (Jorrun's Stand, near north gate)

Soups: "Soup! Soup for everyone!"
Player: "You must make a lot of soup."
Soups: "Many soups. Many different flavors."
Player: "Sounds good! What are my choices today?"
Soups: "No choices. Today I make root vegetables in a silverskin broth."
Player: "One soup? That's no many soups!"
Soups: "Many soups, but not all at once. I have only one pot! If you are too greedy, you get no soup at all!"

Hmm, an Argonian soup ***.

Edit: Filter kicked in. If you've ever heard of any of the iconic characters from the show Seinfeld, you can figure it out. ("No soup for you!!!")

tinythinker

Quick follow-up:

"You have that wonderful musky scent of fur and dirt and grass and old meat. Mmmmm!" - Thane Oda Wolf-Sister

phatbandit

tinythinker wrote: »

Hmm, an Argonian soup ***.

Edit: Filter kicked in. If you've ever heard of any of the iconic characters from the show Seinfeld, you can figure it out. ("No soup for you!!!")

HA! love that 'the other 'n' word' gets filtered!!

good thing there are no threads discussing WW2!

btw - it shows up if u quote it, i can read it while i type up this post!