One thing I would recommend is not contacting them right after the daily reset, a lot of players like to get their daily writs out of the way usually takes around an hour at most assuming they have 18 characters.

I always end up switching to offline mode while I am doing them because people in my friends list kept asking me to help them out with stuff during that time of the day. Got no problem giving someone a hand but prefer to get what I feel I need to do everyday out of the way first.

Other than that if there online never hurts to ask if you want to do something with a friend, just make sure to check there location, as in are they in a dungeon/trial/arena, that tends to be a bad time to chat with them but if they are just out and about in the overland, worst that will happen is they will tell you they are busy.

I don't see them unfriending you unless your a bit too clingy asking to do stuff with them all the time, asking once a day to find out if they have plans and see if you can work out a time to see if your both able to play together should be more than enough, if your asking them every time they log in, when they log in multiple times a day it would be a bit much might scare them off.

Joining at least one no requirements social guild can help a lot if you want help with stuff, lot of good friendly guilds out there, worth giving it a shot.

It's so hard to try and analyze what makes that "spark" that ignites friendships. One thing that holds friendships together is doing an activity. Asking someone what they like to do in-game is a pretty solid start. If you're more of a quester, maybe that won't be a group activity. But doing world bosses and sharing daily quests is good.

Also, you can ask if they're in a guild and join it with them. Guilds are kinda great for social anxiety because they don't actually require you to be social lol. You can kinda lurk and watch other people interact, but decide when you wanna join in on activities and guild events. It also just gives you passive connection to a lot of people, and increases the chance of finding that "spark" with potential friends. Most of the people I play with regularly are guildmates of friends.

I also have social anxiety and can be very avoidant and feel awkward, but guilds helped me make connections. It also is a place where other people will ask if anyone wants to do a world boss or a dungeon or some housing, so it's like a place where OTHER people do all the initiating! And they initiate without focusing on YOU personally! So it's kind of anonymous that way lol. Easy to hide when you want, and pick when you're noticed.

That's been my experience, anyway, and that of some of my friends with social anxiety.

Alexandea wrote: »

Recent wrote: »

Hello 😊
As the title says …Im seriously not very good at this social thing.

Help please.

Hi, are you on PC or PS4/Xbox? It’s ok to say hi when you see the dude online, perhaps chat on game stuff is ok. Don’t ask personal questions like hobbies or favourite food though, that raises my red flag…

PC

tsaescishoeshiner wrote: »

It's so hard to try and analyze what makes that "spark" that ignites friendships. One thing that holds friendships together is doing an activity. Asking someone what they like to do in-game is a pretty solid start. If you're more of a quester, maybe that won't be a group activity. But doing world bosses and sharing daily quests is good.

Also, you can ask if they're in a guild and join it with them. Guilds are kinda great for social anxiety because they don't actually require you to be social lol. You can kinda lurk and watch other people interact, but decide when you wanna join in on activities and guild events. It also just gives you passive connection to a lot of people, and increases the chance of finding that "spark" with potential friends. Most of the people I play with regularly are guildmates of friends.

I also have social anxiety and can be very avoidant and feel awkward, but guilds helped me make connections. It also is a place where other people will ask if anyone wants to do a world boss or a dungeon or some housing, so it's like a place where OTHER people do all the initiating! And they initiate without focusing on YOU personally! So it's kind of anonymous that way lol. Easy to hide when you want, and pick when you're noticed.

That's been my experience, anyway, and that of some of my friends with social anxiety.

Thank you for your reply 😊

My concern now is how do I keep this friendship? Im sociably awkward and I struggle with over thinking. I have social anxiety and i'm not sure of the online friendship code or ettiquete.
Is it okay to say hello every day i see them online ? They enjoy doing group activities so is it okay for me to initiate an invite to group?

First of all, I want you to know why friendships end... They end if you don't talk to each other. Especially if you are both not very social, it can be difficult to say something first. So nobody says something, time goes by... And you start to wonder why do you have this person on your friend list? And it becomes harder to talk to each other, because what if other person doesn't even remember you? Then you don't even know what to say.

In other cases, friendships end if you don't have any common interests, or if you don't respect each other's right for personal space. If you start bothering somebody with requests for group activity, other person might become uncomfortable to see you online - and it leads to him playing in offline mode when he anticipates your presence... Or he will simply remove you from his friend list.

Recently I removed one person from my friend list cause he was asking me to do daily dungeons and trials each day - even though I plainly told him "I don't do that often, I am tired of this content". After a month, he whispered me literally out of nowhere "Hey, are you busy right now?" ...A bit creepy without being on my Friend list, but such change in personality! Previously, he never even said "Hi" and he was never interested if I'm busy I ignored him anyway, because I know that he would ask about some daily dungeon again.

Don't treat your friends as just some numbers to fill your dungeon/trial groups - keep in mind different preferences of each person on your friend list.

1) It's natural to say hello when you see the friend log in. You don't need to talk about anything else immediately or suggest doing some grouped activity. Just acknowledge each other's presence

Did you have some fun thing happen to your character during your playtime? Tell about it to your friend. He can share some fun things which happen to his character as well
I accidentally crafted CP160 item for my writs, instead of CP150? I'm so proud of myself, my friend needs to know!
Some other player was angry that I pickpocket NPCs, so that he started to light attack me. But he attacked the NPC instead, and aggroed both the NPC and nearby Guard?.. That needs to be shared!

2) If you wish to suggest some grouped activity, always ask if the friend has time. Ask about what content the friend prefers. If you know that he dislikes certain dungeons and arenas, you can avoid making suggestions which are uncomfortable to your friend.

My best friend in ESO really hated vDSA. But he could agree to do it just to help out. So I remembered to never ask him about joining me for vDSA, because I would never want him to feel uncomfortable.

3) You can talk about different in-game things. That way, you will see if you have common interests, and you will know the daily routine of each other.
For example, we both were doing crafting writs on multiple characters. If we happen to have conversation during this time, we would often say "brb relogging" and then "back"

I had (and have) very good people among my friends in ESO (even if not on my Friend list, but always on my mind ). But there was one person who was my Best Friend in ESO, such friendships happen only once in a lifetime. And our friendship endured even while we were both not very social people. I remember how we didn't talk to each other for some time, and this friendship could end because of silence. One simple "Hello buddy " resurrected the friendship!
Sadly, he left ESO before Elsweyr release, and he never returned I really-really miss him.

It was awesome to do some activities together and to talk about in-game things. We also shared our useful secrets with each other.

One day, we were having conversation about Cipher. I was obsessed with it, I really wanted to have it from RNG drop, to learn the recipe. I even had a dream when I got it from a wolf mob on some hill. I told my friend about that. He said that if he would get it, he would never waste in on learning and rather sell it. I told him that for me this item would be far too precious to sell... Few days later, he sent me this mail:



I wanted to return it immediately, but then I read the words in the mail.
I learned the recipe only thanks to my friend
I never had Cipher drop for me from RNG. And I would never buy it, because that is simply not fun to buy everything. But the way I got it back then was much more precious.

I gained three people in my second or third day of playing while getting invited to group for just a regular quest in Vvardenfel. Talked to one or two of them a bit afterwards on a few other missions, but then that was it. Since then, I’ve gotten several more people on my list, but I’m not very social and I guess they aren’t either.

Where I made a lot of friends was while doing housing.
I have spend a lot of time with people who aren't in my friendlist visiting each others houses and chatting about decorating non stop.
Sometimes when we encounter each other randomly in Tamriel we greed us and do another house tour
Its amazing because it happens randomly and in the most unexpected times,like once I got a whisper while being in the AD Imperial City Home base during Midyear Mayhem and it was one of the housing buddies.
You meet so many different types of people in the game it is truely an unique experience.

Be yourself!
Be helping!
Be cool!
Don't be too available! (People tend to be attracted to those who entrepreneur)

Everyone always looks for someone they can help/be helped by - it's the story of life.

Recent wrote: »

Hello 😊
As the title says, I made a friend while playing solo. I was feeling lonely but busy so I had enough to do to not focus on my loneliness and surely enough i met a nice dude. We were killing overland bosses and we grouped up then we added each other.
My concern now is how do I keep this friendship? Im sociably awkward and I struggle with over thinking. I have social anxiety and i'm not sure of the online friendship code or ettiquete.
Is it okay to say hello every day i see them online ? They enjoy doing group activities so is it okay for me to initiate an invite to group? How do i know how much space to give them? Im seriously not very good at this social thing.

Help please.

if you want you can add me as friend?

i generally follow 90 % of the time when i'm online.

@Arkew

Recent wrote: »

Hello 😊
-SNIP- Im sociably awkward and I struggle with over thinking. I have social anxiety and i'm not sure of the online friendship code or ettiquete.
-SNIP- Im seriously not very good at this social thing.

Help please.

There is already a lot of good advice here from others from an in game perspective. Thought id way in on an irl perspective.

In highschool i was a public speaker.

After high school personal issues caused me to go to a darkplace and became a recluse. Only leaving the house for work and uni. Would spend months not really saying a word.

Fast forward 6 years. Graduated uni with my Eng. Degree. Socially inept. The firm I was working for having gone under due to the financial crisis. Struggling to get work due to what I had become. Lost so much confidence in my abilities etc.

Mate dragged me to Toastmasters. Its a public speaking group that helps you become not only a better speaker but also a more confident person.

Ended up getting an administrator role at same time. Over 12 months co-workers started commenting on how much i had changed.

So some resurces i can recomnend to get over your social hurdle.. join toastmasters. If you dont already, joining a gym and working on self can boost confidence. Join a social group. My group pre covid went hiking twice a month. 5-20 people regular.