I can't wait to come back during greymoor

LuxLunae

TLDR: After going on a hiatus from my previous life and getting far away from it; I found that my self-doubt and worrying is what caused me to stop enjoying the things I loved. Once I told myself to continue forward and deal with the unknown problems as they come, my productivity exploded beyond even what I knew I was capable of. I went from being paralyzed by fear to grabbing the reigns on fear and riding it through. When I held those reigns traveling through the path, I had a warm cozy feeling emanating from me. It was like when I pet a dog, let the sun hit my face, deep meditating focus, happiness all at the same time. It was then I knew I broke that shackle of self doubt and am ready to move forward and start to enjoy things again.

As none of you may know, I took about a 3 month hiatus from my previous life so I could focus on building myself back up and finding what it is I wanted to do with my life.
After giving up on finding a job out of college some 3 years ago, I just bummed off my parents. I kept telling myself I would do something but never got around to it. I'd just sit at home eat, sleep, youtube, play games, etc.

When I was young I wanted to be a research scientist. I found out quick I couldn't afford the school I was accepted in and failed hard (F's) trying to scrap up the money to stay afloat. I stupidly didn't apply for scholarships. I stupidly didn't ask for help from the school. I made mistakes in my 20s. My parents could not guide me as they were not fully informed about how scholarships worked and what colleges offered to students to help them. So then I found a much cheaper school and chose computer science.

I was doing ok making A's and B's, and some C's then they told me half way through the program my pell grant would run out and they will charge me extra as I went over credits. (The previous college I went to before making the switch) This is the part I hated the most. Most of us do a job while going to college to pay for it. However, I didn't know that when I go over credits they will penalize me. My book money gone, my food money gone. I was already exhausting the federal loans to pay. However this is the part I hated the most. You see, in college, you must do group work. I have no problem with that. However, when your whole group drops and says "I can't mess up my GPA I am going to retake" While I am stuck there with no money forced to continue or not finish at all. I just sit and wonder why I was put in that situation.

So I got creative, I had to search the teachers and see their syllabus. I knew A's would always be out of the question unless the group stayed with me until the end. Bs would be doable but could be sacrificed if one class was looking like a D so that I would get all C's. I also made sure of 2 things, the final would replace the lowest grade and the projects were heavy or as heavy as the final.
I was getting to the point where I would make my own project for the class on the side just in case my teammates all dropped. I could also use portions of it to contribute to the group project.

Then my senior year came and I pretty much begged for an internship/research opportunity (from the college) however they told me those are meant for the people who were above 3.0 GPA. Note that they paid students to do those things at that college. So then I am sitting there in the CS lounge at the same table as one of my teammates and they start talking about "Man they wanted me to do a research project, why the hell would I want to make my life harder? I am just trying to get my degree and bounce." I am sitting there thinking, "if this guy rejected it, why can't they still ask me for it?" (maybe somebody else accepted it lol) So now I graduated with a 2.5 GPA with no internship experience and I was going to look for a job.

Well, I noticed that the university, although taught me computer science, did not teach me about the new technologies people were using. Also most jobs want a 3.0 or it's instant rejection. So after a year of trying and not having insurance. I went to go work at the local gas station and my eyes were opened of what true despair was. How did I not see this side of life yet? I saw many problems people are putting a blind eye to. There was nothing I could do. Then the idea that my dad did this job and saw and dealt with all of this to provide food on the table for us. I decided to stay there for one year to be in my fathers shoes. That's when I told myself (it was about in 2018) in 2020 I make the changes. I used the time before that to move myself into position for the change.

I went to a coding bootcamp that was away from home. I hadn't coded in 3 years and I wanted to know what the new tech people were using. They gave us projects and put deadlines. 2 weeks per project. I never had such a deadline. I was panicking and worrying wondering if I would finish it. It was 5 days before it was due and I thought I wouldn't finish it. However I told myself. Just continue forward. Forget about what may happen and continue. Then I completed it. I was surprised about this. Half the class did not complete theirs. Then the second project came. Most of the technology I never used. That same doubt and worrying came again. However, I told myself again just continue forward don't worry about the date and continue. Then AGAIN I FINISHED IT!!!

Then it finally hit me, it was all my worrying and self-doubt of what may happen to me that was making me depressed and incapable of enjoying things like games, reading, building, etc. That worry and doubt started when I could not find a job. It consumed me and made me a hollow shell of myself. In these 3 years up until 2020, I never told myself JUST CONTINUE FORWARD AND DO WHAT YOU CAN NOW!! CHANGE WHAT YOU NEED IN THE FUTURE!! It was beautiful I felt so great when I was doing those projects. Everything made sense the path in my brain to what I wanted to do as a child was restored to me.

So what am I doing now? I am going to start a final project and finish it before greymoor comes out. It is my hopes that I can work for a company by the end of this year. Once I get a job I can grow my software skills (which I found out grows pretty freaking fast when I don't let worry or doubts control me. It even surprised me I finished the projects)

Taleof2Cities

Here's another insightful ...

Aliyavana

neat, insightful given, please give me insightfuls too

Kurat

I'm not sure what I just read but have a good day anyway.
At least someone is excited about Greymoor.

MartiniDaniels

Well, good luck in your pursuits, though if you are serious about them, I suggest to be away from MMORPG genre and any time-consuming games at all. Of course you can play them once you reach your targets, but when you are at "advance" stage, it is better to keep your distance from such addictions as ESO could be.

vamp_emily

You might like Greymoor but performance is at an all time low.

Curious, how did you like coding camp?

I used technology to find my job. I wrote a program that screen scraped jobs online and stored all the information in my database. My program then would send them an email with my resume and a few weeks later a follow up letter. A click of a button, I sent out 300 resumes and the next day the telephone calls started coming in.

I had to slow it down the program a bit because my ISP didn't like it and they changed my network password until I called and said, "sorry".

BisDasBlutGefriert

Very nice write up!!! Here, have one of these:

~huuuuuuuuuug~

Haquor

Im going to go ahead and suggest you dont come back. Get yourself a job first.

tinythinker

BisDasBlutGefriert wrote: »

Very nice write up!!! Here, have one of these:

~huuuuuuuuuug~

Hope all is going well, Lux Lunae. Using positive rewards to maintain momentum can be so great.

Just one more week and Greymoor is here

Vaoh

Awesome story! Loved this post.

ESO in particular (though also gaming in general) can be quite time consuming. From my experience, I found it best to cut myself off from my PS4 when I have a massive amount of schoolwork to do. Usually it’ll be for a span of 1-3 days. I’m someone who is on a ESO raid team that runs 3 days a week for 2-3 hours each run. When necessary, I tell my raid team about my work and then take that time to instead put all of my attention toward irl responsibilities. Today I actually finished my finals so it’s been extra busy although definitely worth it since I managed all A’s.

Always prioritize irl instead of ESO. This game will disappear a lot sooner than you might think. Your future is much more important than any video game should be, and if you neglect irl, you will have regrets later.

I hope the best for you. Keep up the good work!

Pinja

I'm on a cycle away from the game too, and it may be several months to several years before I make a full return.
As many have said you should prioritize IRL before you return to the game.
Congratulations on finding your esteem by the way. But you may have plenty more you may want to discover in life. Heart, family, financial stability, financial fertility, Panda Express's Beijing Beef, and as my SLS class has expressed purpose.

I'm no veteran, but I did a write up of college that wasn't gratuitous. I saw that college made people pay to work, to not compete for themselves but corporations. To save money and time at the cost of students. A filter which paraded desperation and postulates self-worth.

Even now I wonder what I personally am doing. Someone once told me their purpose in life was pay bills & die. Others said it's maximize your distractions and have fun.

There's free spirits, koons, the benefactors of the rich, the lucky, & the contempt who get away with fun. Where you want to be I don't know. The challenges you face though exist outside of ESO.

SidraWillowsky

Reading this made me so happy for you. I hope that you're incredibly proud of your well-deserved successes. And in coding, no less! It sounds like you're very good at it, which means you'll likely have no issues landing a solid job.

Treat yourself to some ESO time but I'll echo what others have said and impress upon you the importance of your real life stuff, especially since it sounds like you're just getting started. But I do hope that you enjoy the hell out of Greymoore when you do sit down to play it