Addicted to eso

Rohamad_Ali

I don't see any problems here . The girlfriend may need to go but that's not my call .

Minalan

Addicted you say?

Well we have these amazing GAMBLING crates over here for you....

And we won't even TELL you the odds to get that epic mount!

MaidenOregon

I wish I could get my husband to play, I know he would love the PVP. The fact that it would appease my addiction is a bonus.

FortheloveofKrist

Stop playing and forget the game. It's an addiction, just like any other. And you're telling your troubles to a bunch of addicts; what do you think they are going to say? They are telling you to keep playing, because they too are addicted.

I quit a couple weeks ago because of the privacy policy. As a result, I'm reading more, I'm a more active listener (rather than thinking about the game), and I started cooking more often (rather than getting take out because I'm too busy playing).

It's tough, because withdrawal is real when the addiction is real. But you'll start to be amazed what you can accomplish with the time you used to spend staring at a screen and compulsively farming, grinding, etc.

Oh, and before you say "Why are you on the forums then," the answer is simple: I still hold out hope that I can come back someday to play in a more controlled manner. But until that day, I'll just check the forums from time to time.

Stay strong, bud. And perhaps you should suggest to your girl that you both stop playing and find alternative activities. At least for a while.

emma666

So your girlfriend has no problem playing Skyrim for 6 hours but has a problem with you playing ESO... Makes no sense to me and you should have a conversation with her about that. You'd think a gaming girlfriend would have a better understanding! Honestly, if you think you're actually addicted and it's affecting your life in a bad way, then you should probably step away, try other games (the witcher 3!!!) and give it some time. But if you're only taking a break or quitting because your gamer girlfriend has a problem with it (sounds like it), that is very selfish on her part considering she enjoys games too, ironically a TES game at that. In the end, try to balance all the things that make you happy and don't give it up for petty reasons if you truly enjoy it.

Forztr

I know a guy who was addicted to gaming and it reached a point where his marriage was almost done because of it. That was a real wake up call for him and when finally given a genuine ultimatum he chose his wife over his gaming. Five years later he's a much happier person, he puts his family and friends first.

If you talk to him now he'll tell you about a great restaurant he took his wife to last week or how his kids are top of their class. Then he'll go on about his past gaming exploits, his world first boss kill or how he was the go to buffs dealer on his server. He still games a little but now it's a form of entertainment and not the reason he gets up in the morning.

If gaming is your priority then its a L2L (Learn To Live) issue. My advice would be to go cold turkey and quit gaming completely or switch to single player games that have an ending. MMOs are designed to be addictive and are the worst genre to play if you have genuine addiction issues.

Rohamad_Ali

FortheloveofKrist wrote: »

Stop playing and forget the game. It's an addiction, just like any other. And you're telling your troubles to a bunch of addicts; what do you think they are going to say? They are telling you to keep playing, because they too are addicted.

I quit a couple weeks ago because of the privacy policy. As a result, I'm reading more, I'm a more active listener (rather than thinking about the game), and I started cooking more often (rather than getting take out because I'm too busy playing).

It's tough, because withdrawal is real when the addiction is real. But you'll start to be amazed what you can accomplish with the time you used to spend staring at a screen and compulsively farming, grinding, etc.

Oh, and before you say "Why are you on the forums then," the answer is simple: I still hold out hope that I can come back someday to play in a more controlled manner. But until that day, I'll just check the forums from time to time.

Stay strong, bud. And perhaps you should suggest to your girl that you both stop playing and find alternative activities. At least for a while.

Good grief dude it's a video game not skooma . There's no physical withdrawals from unplugging .

OP you should consider why a game takes more of your time then with your girlfriend . I don't mean to be rude just honest . Maybe you you settled instead of finding someone that captivates your attention , I don't know . I know when my girl gets home , I'm pretty excited to see her and the games go off for a long time . Not everyone hooks up with the right person and a mate deserves to be wanted . If you seriously have time pulling away you might want to rethink where your at in the relationship . It should be easy to click the power button off .

Tabbycat

She sounds a bit... controlling.

A relationship red flag me thinks.

Anyway, the point is you should be able to play your game for an equal amount of time that she's playing her game. And if she wants you to give up your game, she should be willing to make the same sacrifice. And if she has problems with that, you are going to have more problems down the road.

Loralai_907

What works for one may not work for another. Do you, however that works best in your life. But if you choose that one thing is going to be ok, complaining about it says it really isn't ok. You want to set up gaming times within your life, cool. That doesn't work for your life, cool. You want to give up the game for the sake of your relationship, but she can continue to game, cool.

FortheloveofKrist

Rohamad_Ali wrote: »

FortheloveofKrist wrote: »

Stop playing and forget the game. It's an addiction, just like any other. And you're telling your troubles to a bunch of addicts; what do you think they are going to say? They are telling you to keep playing, because they too are addicted.

I quit a couple weeks ago because of the privacy policy. As a result, I'm reading more, I'm a more active listener (rather than thinking about the game), and I started cooking more often (rather than getting take out because I'm too busy playing).

It's tough, because withdrawal is real when the addiction is real. But you'll start to be amazed what you can accomplish with the time you used to spend staring at a screen and compulsively farming, grinding, etc.

Oh, and before you say "Why are you on the forums then," the answer is simple: I still hold out hope that I can come back someday to play in a more controlled manner. But until that day, I'll just check the forums from time to time.

Stay strong, bud. And perhaps you should suggest to your girl that you both stop playing and find alternative activities. At least for a while.

Good grief dude it's a video game not skooma . There's no physical withdrawals from unplugging .

OP you should consider why a game takes more of your time then with your girlfriend . I don't mean to be rude just honest . Maybe you you settled instead of finding someone that captivates your attention , I don't know . I know when my girl gets home , I'm pretty excited to see her and the games go off for a long time . Not everyone hooks up with the right person and a mate deserves to be wanted . If you seriously have time pulling away you might want to rethink where your at in the relationship . It should be easy to click the power button off .

Psychological addiction is still addiction. Are there physical withdrawals? Not usually; I mean, it's not an opiate. But psychological withdrawals are real. Why do you think the OP felt the need to come here to discuss his troubles? Overcoming any addiction, anything you do compulsively, can result in anxiety, irritability, and feelings of self-loathing.

Or was yours just another "snowflake" comment?

FuriousStar

Yea man, if she plays Skyrim already, might as well get another copy of ESO for her, and go visit a Shrine to Mara. Make it in-game official.

Those who lay together CAN play ESO together.

Rohamad_Ali

FortheloveofKrist wrote: »

Rohamad_Ali wrote: »

FortheloveofKrist wrote: »

Stop playing and forget the game. It's an addiction, just like any other. And you're telling your troubles to a bunch of addicts; what do you think they are going to say? They are telling you to keep playing, because they too are addicted.

I quit a couple weeks ago because of the privacy policy. As a result, I'm reading more, I'm a more active listener (rather than thinking about the game), and I started cooking more often (rather than getting take out because I'm too busy playing).

It's tough, because withdrawal is real when the addiction is real. But you'll start to be amazed what you can accomplish with the time you used to spend staring at a screen and compulsively farming, grinding, etc.

Oh, and before you say "Why are you on the forums then," the answer is simple: I still hold out hope that I can come back someday to play in a more controlled manner. But until that day, I'll just check the forums from time to time.

Stay strong, bud. And perhaps you should suggest to your girl that you both stop playing and find alternative activities. At least for a while.

Good grief dude it's a video game not skooma . There's no physical withdrawals from unplugging .

OP you should consider why a game takes more of your time then with your girlfriend . I don't mean to be rude just honest . Maybe you you settled instead of finding someone that captivates your attention , I don't know . I know when my girl gets home , I'm pretty excited to see her and the games go off for a long time . Not everyone hooks up with the right person and a mate deserves to be wanted . If you seriously have time pulling away you might want to rethink where your at in the relationship . It should be easy to click the power button off .

Psychological addiction is still addiction. Are there physical withdrawals? Not usually; I mean, it's not an opiate. But psychological withdrawals are real. Why do you think the OP felt the need to come here to discuss his troubles? Overcoming any addiction, anything you do compulsively, can result in anxiety, irritability, and feelings of self-loathing.

Or was yours just another "snowflake" comment?

I didn't want you to put the poor guy in panic mode . We don't know if he's a hypochondriac .

kip_silverwolf

I have 6557 Steam hrs on ESO, so that should tell you how addicted I am It's not uncommon for me to spend 8+ hours a day in ESO

Thankfully my hubby (who is not a gamer) has become used to my gaming habits during our 20+ years of marriage but there are a few rules I set myself.

1. I always set aside a couple of hours every night to spend with hubby. Usually this consists of watching our favorite shows together after dinner while we cuddle on the couch.

2. Family comes first - I will always set aside my gaming time to attend family gatherings & events (though I do admit to leaving early sometimes to return to ESO, but then if you knew my family... )

3. I always keep the fridge stocked with beer for hubby, especially when something new is happening in ESO. Often hubby will jokingly tell me to 'go get on ESO' so he can drink in peace!

4. I always encourage & support hubby with his own hobbies and interests, especially as his interests often mean he's out of the house a lot so I can play in peace! XD

GDOFWR420

darthsithis wrote: »

This is my first mmo. Got it opening day, got all the achievements (except master angler lol), and know a crap ton about the game. I LOVE the ppl, the gameplay, just the 'x-factor,' the satisfaction of a good build and rotation, never getting sharpened vma staves etc.

But my gf thinks I play too much, and kinda hates it. I stopped playing but think about it like A LOT.

Can someone make me feel better about cutting back/quitting? I really wanna farm tel var and check out ppls houses and duel them and be a raid leader.

My sorc has 170 days logged, maybe she's right idk. I'm just sad I think I loved this game, or at least got addicted to the gameplay and social atmosphere of likeminded ppl.

Someone make me feel better plz...why should I be glad eso won't be part of my life anymore?

I have a 157+ hours on my dk. I also had to cut way back due to having to go back to working full time now I'm just a weekend warrior and it sucks, maybe see if she will join you on your adventures. Show her how fun it can be to play instead of just watching. Next time your together offer to let her design her own toon and let her give it a shot.

Celas_Dranacea

darthsithis wrote: »

CasNation wrote: »

I took a break from ESO recently to play some single player games. When you are in a relationship, I noticed there was a big difference between your SO coming in wanting you attention and saying "I'm in a trial, give me between 20 min and 2 hours" vs. "Sure, what'what's up? <hits pause button>".

Your point is clear, and you're my hero. U get it my dude.

She's not materialistic we are in love, she just hates the whole 'lemme finish this trial, it's a p.u.g. But I'm sure it won't last 4 hours' and then it does lmao.

I feel better already. It's just a game, break will be nice.

Yeah this is the biggest thing for me in managing my addiction to eso and my relationship - I have to be mindful about how often I participate in group activities when I'm home with my wife.

if I'm questing, farming mats, doing writs, leveling, getting skyshards etc. I at least can step away and talk if she wants to vs. ignoring her when I'm in a pvp group or doing dungeons.

Relationships take a mix of sacrifice, compromise, and standing up for your needs - probably in that order.

BRogueNZ

in sickness as in health, online and off, for as long as you both have soul gems?

Molydeus

DHale wrote: »

Molydeus wrote: »

DHale wrote: »

My wife and I have been together over 20 years hate that I play this "stupid game" so much. She told her mother he plays this game every day she said so what you watch tv every day. Now we have worked out a curfew but still okay every day for 3.5 hours on week days.

"A curfew" smh

Obviously, you are not married. When you have been with your partner for over 20 then we will see how fast your shaking head gets smacked. The good news is every married guy... knows.

Ok, let's try this again since my post was "edited to remove bait."

I've been happily married with children for over 10 years. At no point has my wife ever considered "smacking" me for disagreeing with her, and at no point have I ever considered "smacking" her for disagreeing with me. What "married guys" are you talking about that are slumping their shoulders in acceptance of spousal abuse? Not any I know. All the "married guys" in my circle are in loving relationships and are not abused by their wives, and their wives are not abused by them. Marriages are about love, compromise, sharing in one another's passions and hobbies, and above all, knowing that you can relax with your best friend and never have to worry about being punished for who you are.

The good news is every married guy in a healthy marriage... knows.

Deceptive_Yoshi

Find something else you love to do IRL with her maybe.

Furinol

Tough stuff,

Gaming addictions are very real. My engagement and my role as main tank for raid guild in WoW were at odds at one point in time.

The problem lied with me - whether I wanted to admit it at the time or not.

I'm married now with an amazing two year old son - and I almost lost this due to some pixels.

My advice:

Brutal self honesty - when you shut off the game how do you feel? Anxious? Maybe a little punchy? When you are with your girlfriend are you thinking of the game or does she have your undivided attention?

At the end of the day - be able to identify your *** as your ***.

Excuses like:
At least I'm not at the bar drinking
I'm not cheating on you!
I'm not spending money!

are all garbage if you are spending hours in your game while the person you love is watching tv by themselves.

FWIW - I don't play any games while my son is up - I'd rather play with him.

When he goes to bed if my wife is doing something I will play ESO. If my wife goes to bed early I will likely play an hour or so before I go.

I also wake up very early so usually have an hour or two before the family is up on the weekends.

I will not be an accomplished "anything" in ESO anytime soon - but I wouldn't trade my real success for virtual success either.

Best of luck.

Jitterbug

darthsithis wrote: »

lnsane wrote: »

I was going to say that maybe, if you feel that you are addicted to a game, she has a point.

It doesn't interfere with anything in my life except her getting upset at it. That being said, I am addicted lol.

Just gonna uninstall it. There's always 'one more thing to do' but I see that never ends. Just gotta uninstall and move on for a bit.

I like the concept about a two way street. I don't mind her playing skyrim, and I think she hates eso because I do endgame stuff and 12 ppl can't wait on me or get screwed over cuz I left randomly. That's the biggest part I think. It's also the part of the game that hooks me the most lol...you know...the MMO part of it lol

I had to change my outlook on playing MMOs when starting this game. Not because of my girlfriend per se, but because my life is different now than when I was younger. I have a job, a small child, a house, etc. and I can't do things in game that require my "full" attention. I had to do most things solo, and save stuff like dungeon runs for times when I was sure my girlfriend could take care of the baby and I had like an hour or two of free time.
Pugging in Cyrodiil seemed fine because, let's face it, the war will not be won or lost on account of my afk'ing for 10 minutes.

Basically, my approach is now, if I can't just get up and leave the activity in a second I can't do it. Save for those special free time evenings where I can get into something like a vet dungeon.
This also means that all the BiS stuff is not for me, and that I am now a casual scrub. It's a different way to play for sure, but I'm not sorry. I'm sure you can find a middle ground, and if your girlfriend is truthfully being unreasonable and you are truthfully sad about this you need to talk to her. Tell her about your honest feelings. Reach a middle ground.
Chicks dig that.

darthsithis

Thank you guys all for your humor and input

So we talked, and I can play for the 2 hours a week when our work schedules don't line up and I am home before her lol. Enough time for me to stream maelstrom, run a dungeon, and wean myself off of a never-ending product that was designed to ensnare the consumer indefinitely

darthsithis

edit: i was just moping

ThePaleItalian

N0TPLAYER2 wrote: »

Lose the girl, play all the eso you want

This is why he doesn't have a player 1

Violynne

darthsithis wrote: »

But my gf thinks I play too much, and kinda hates it. I stopped playing but think about it like A LOT.

Let's see...

ESO gives you a good community, good fun, and you enjoy it.

GF gives you grief, clearly no fun, and you dislike it.

There's a solution here.






Spend time with your girlfriend, who you clearly know and interact with.

It's actually pretty shameful to read you put more into the game than you do her.

If you can't change your behavior, do HER a favor and let her go. She doesn't deserve this.

Egonieser

Well, you played excessively, and your GF was right to call you out on that. You don't deserve a gf if you don't plan to give her attention that she needs.
Real life is always first, real people are always first. Stop feeling bad about pixels on your screen. The unhealthy attachment (addiction)to it is just a chemical imbalance in Your brain, as any addiction is. Either learn to balance out your ESO time in a way it doesn't encroach on your intimate time or give it a cold shoulder. But sounds like you should've stayed single if a game has such an effect on you.
When I met my (now) wife in LoTRO, everything remotely computer related went completely out of my head. And when I did eventually started playing again, it was to accommodate my time with my significant other, not other way around.


Or... Just get her to play ESO.

Mathius_Mordred

Get married, you'll then spend most of your time trying to find ways to be apart so it should work out nicely.

darthsithis

Violynne wrote: »

Spend time with your girlfriend, who you clearly know and interact with.

It's actually pretty shameful to read you put more into the game than you do her.

If you can't change your behavior, do HER a favor and let her go. She doesn't deserve this.

where are you getting that I put more time inta a game than her? She just said the time I do put in is too much, and I realized 'wow I really miss it' when I, you know, gave up because I love and respect her lol. Im actually kinda fine with a double standard of her playing games but I can't. I'll pair the merlot with the filet and massage her feet while she plays skyrim, and she absolutely deserves that my friend.

Zouni

Do not take her for granted - she will dump you if you keep on going like this.

Stopnaggin

darthsithis wrote: »

^touche, a valid argument.

Ur kinda right just don't wanna admit that.

But I CAN say that if something causes a rift, it just has to go. i really was addicted tho, had such a hard time turning the damn Xbox off even at like 6am. This game really clicked with me. Maybe mmo's are just like that, I feel like it is designed to be addictive and then prey on that while giving you a sense of great accomplishment haha

It's all about balance, she needs your time and you both need time to do other things. You can not be stuck together 24/7, I don't care how much you love someone, they will drive you crazy. I get home from work, me and the wife chat for about an hour, I play ESO for a couple of hours while she watches her lifetime movies. The we watch something together before we go to bed.

You have to balance your time, I also get up early on Saturdays before everyone else in the house and run trials with a group of friends, same time every Saturday. You can still get your fix, and honestly she needs to let you get your fix. Everyone needs an escape from time to time. As others have suggested get her to play, if she likes Skyrim, this should be right up her alley.

Side note though, all relationships are a compromise, she shouldn't be too demanding if she also plays video games. Just food for thought.

darthsithis

Egonieser wrote: »

Well, you played excessively, and your GF was right to call you out on that.

correct

Egonieser wrote: »

You don't deserve a gf if you don't plan to give her attention that she needs.

Why would I plan, I already acted and chose lol. Yeah I miss it, but that is not a crime.

Seeking compromise is not planning to starve her of my attention, and it is doltish to think so my friend.

hobbies are okay to have, just going through a bit of pain since I'm giving up ESO for her. Hope that assuages any fears you may have of my cruel and negligent intentions.

I agree with half of your post, but srsly don't understnad

Egonieser wrote: »

But sounds like you should've stayed single if a game has such an effect on you.

like damn so if I don't ask her to quit Skyrim, does that mean that I should not have stayed single? If you hypothetically got addicted to a drug does that mean you should never have gotten married in the first place? I could go on, but you get the point.