For the Ladies - Experience as a Woman Playing ESO

WuffyCerulei

As far as I can tell from simple experience playing ESO, the game seems to have a higher male population. Though there's nothing wrong with that, I want to hear other women's opinions of playing ESO and its community.
I personally have not met any real issues when it comes to guys being the higher population, excluding the occasional jerk who decided to make a sexist remark in zone chat. I've also never met any real sexist men or boys in the game, though I'm not afraid to call anyone out who is being such.
Has anyone else ran into issues being female in the ESO community, or is it rather comfortable for you? Let me know.

Please do not make sexist, racist, hateful, or similar comments or you will be reported.

Moonscythe

I don't ever turn on voice chat on the Xbox and don't hang out in the cities at night when things can get crazy so have been fairly immune to awkward experiences. I find it rather odd though. There are an amazing number of female characters and from comments on the forums it seems quite clear that many guys prefer to watch curvy lady hips when they are running in third person. This brings up the question of why any guy would be rude to a female character. Don't they ever consider the implications should a male voice speak out?

Of course, some of the gamer tags are quite absurd attached to some of the characters I've seen, so it may be that I still haven't fathomed the male sense of humor especially when he thinks himself anonymous and buffered by his cronies. Of all my characters current and past, I have only ever made one male. I still find him awkward to play because I am in first person and it is me looking out. I'm always and only myself in a game and I'm not a guy.

notimetocare

The guild I am in has plenty of women, we are probably 40% of the guild. Almost every game I have ever played has a higher male population because most of us 'female gamers' play trash games like candycrush or other phone games. Don't mistake this for galling gaming a male space, it is a gamer space. Is there sexism? No, I barely see real sexism unless I look back to my attempts to relate to feminism. Are there sexist jokes, crude comments, perversion, etc? Oh sure, and I join in myself. Why? Because its the culture.

I have dealt with someone actually seeming sexist in one game, WoW, and it took about 2 minutes for that guy to be insulted and guild kicked (from a progression guild, not casual/social). The vast majority of men in gaming are not going to treat you negatively, it is quite the opposite. I know for a fact I have received special treatment and been given free stuff because of chestfat that none of them have or will ever see. So why be afraid? My best adivce is to understand every comment as a joke or sarcasm (yes even a rap joke) because this is internet, you are VERY unlikely to be in any real danger. As I learned myself very early on, most of what you will think of as actual harassment or sexism is not intended that way. If it really offends you, that is on you. Offense is never given, only taken. Once I learn this, life got so much more fun. Join along, hop in the culture. Another option if you are really offend, make *** jokes. I guarantee most men are just as selfconcious as any woman can be.

TL;DR: 'harassment' is what offended people call gaming culture. Men and women both get it, but we get special treatment because chestfat.

Volkodav

I've had no problems with anything,personally.I play the game and no problems,..being a female.

BlueViolet

I've had some tool in DC zone once tell me that I should be r*ped and beheaded because I dared to point out that one of his "facts" he was spouting off about was actually incorrect.

Other than that, I've found that people don't really seem to care what you are. I don't particularly like being referred to as "dude" though it applies to both sexes these days I suppose, but I don't say anything, since at least a friendly "dude" is preferable to being sworn at or something. However that isn't even a gender thing, it's just impolite all round to be rude or abusive toward anyone.

Edit - On the character comment above, I also usually play only females, but after I read a couple of threads here, I made a male Khajiit and I love him. Even if his running does seem awkward to me

notimetocare

BlueViolet wrote: »

I've had some tool in DC zone once tell me that I should be r@ped and beheaded because I dared to point out that one of his "facts" he was spouting off about was actually incorrect.

Other than that, I've found that people don't really seem to care what you are. I don't particularly like being referred to as "dude" though it applies to both sexes these days I suppose, but I don't say anything, since at least a friendly "dude" is preferable to being sworn at or something. However that isn't even a gender thing, it's just impolite all round to be rude or abusive toward anyone.

One the character comment above, I also usually play only females, but after I read a couple of threads here, I made a male Khajiit and I love him. Even if his running does seem awkward to me

NA DC? There are a few trolls, they don't care if we are men or women, it just lets him tailor the insults lol

BlueViolet

Yes, it was on NA.
Which I found slightly surprising at the time, because normally, I find DC zone the least abusive of them all.
I didn't find it upsetting as such, it was just a rather distasteful thing to say. A quick click puts the offender on ignore though, and no more problems.

Abeille

The only problem I ever had was with a guild member that was promptly kicked, but that happened over a year ago. I don't remember having any other problems in this game. I think this game has a somewhat mature player base on that regard. I play on PC though, so no voice chat.

By the way, there was a very nice and progressive chat going on on Auridon's zone chat (NA AD) a couple of days ago, and it lasted for the entire time that I was there (over three hours, trying for the fishing achievement). It was pretty great.

TARAFRAKA

To be honest, I have had some amazing experiences in eso and also some extremely sexist and racist ones.
I've made it a point to only hang out with my guild members exactly for this reason.
I had a guild member awhile back that went ballistic when I completed VMA for the first time. He insisted I hadn't done it myself bc I was a *** girl. He told me I probably made all my gold by moaning in voice chat and letting thirsty guys pay me for it. Quite the gentleman this one was.
I am always thrilled when I run across other women in game and not surprisingly they all have horror stories of their own also.
One friend came to chat crying bc she had been in craglorn farming and a guy was upset that she had "stolen" his aspect stone. He proceeded to then tell her she was a c word and he was going to...forcefully violate her in front of her kids....over a runestone.
I wouldn't want my daughters playing this game in all honesty. I've always been diligent about reporting people like this but I always run into them multiple times displaying the same disgusting behavior.

CaptainBeerDude

BlueViolet wrote: »

I've had some tool in DC zone once tell me that I should be r*ped and beheaded because I dared to point out that one of his "facts" he was spouting off about was actually incorrect.

Other than that, I've found that people don't really seem to care what you are. I don't particularly like being referred to as "dude" though it applies to both sexes these days I suppose, but I don't say anything, since at least a friendly "dude" is preferable to being sworn at or something. However that isn't even a gender thing, it's just impolite all round to be rude or abusive toward anyone.

Edit - On the character comment above, I also usually play only females, but after I read a couple of threads here, I made a male Khajiit and I love him. Even if his running does seem awkward to me

He'll have a more ladylike gait if you get him 'fixed'.

notimetocare

BlueViolet wrote: »

Yes, it was on NA.
Which I found slightly surprising at the time, because normally, I find DC zone the least abusive of them all.
I didn't find it upsetting as such, it was just a rather distasteful thing to say. A quick click puts the offender on ignore though, and no more problems.

Yep, always been my mantra unless the opportunity presents itself to troll back. Words cant hurt me. I notice these threads often get filled with stories of comments like yours or Tara's and either I never see them or i have forgotten because I don;t let it bother me. I mean, if someone is going to make a *** threat at me in person or knows my email/home I might worry. Some person raging on me for stolen loot or trolling just rolls off me like water.

Vangy

Hmm im a dude but when im on my DC buxom sorc wearing whisperweft gala, baby I turn heads. I do the /dancedunmer on rock and people crowd around me. Love the attention.

More on topic tho, one of my PvP guild leads is a woman and its no different from when a male crown leads. (except for the fact that I find her voice a lot more conducive to listen to but thats on me). I guess in this day and age no one really cares if your a dude or chick behind that computer screen. Unless you are playing with 12 year olds.... Im also told by some irl female friends that console is totally insane for them to play on cos voice chat gets insanely sexist and weird. For PC tho, I think it should be no different if you are a guy or girl as long as you join a mature and serious guild.

BlueViolet

CaptainBeerDude wrote: »

He'll have a more ladylike gait if you get him 'fixed'.

ROFL
Poor bugger, I couldn't do that to him.

notimetocare wrote: »

Yep, always been my mantra unless the opportunity presents itself to troll back. Words cant hurt me. I notice these threads often get filled with stories of comments like yours or Tara's and either I never see them or i have forgotten because I don;t let it bother me. I mean, if someone is going to make a *** threat at me in person or knows my email/home I might worry. Some person raging on me for stolen loot or trolling just rolls off me like water.

I find it pointless trolling in return. Most of them are too stupid to get it anyway. I agree on the last though.. if it were directed to my home or such it would be a cause for concern, otherwise, I just shake my head behind my screen at their idiocy.

notimetocare

BlueViolet wrote: »

CaptainBeerDude wrote: »

He'll have a more ladylike gait if you get him 'fixed'.

ROFL
Poor bugger, I couldn't do that to him.

notimetocare wrote: »

Yep, always been my mantra unless the opportunity presents itself to troll back. Words cant hurt me. I notice these threads often get filled with stories of comments like yours or Tara's and either I never see them or i have forgotten because I don;t let it bother me. I mean, if someone is going to make a *** threat at me in person or knows my email/home I might worry. Some person raging on me for stolen loot or trolling just rolls off me like water.

I find it pointless trolling in return. Most of them are too stupid to get it anyway. I agree on the last though.. if it were directed to my home or such it would be a cause for concern, otherwise, I just shake my head behind my screen at their idiocy.

They might be too stupid, but Im not. It amuses me and gives others a laugh

Seraseth

For me gender is irrelevant, and I'm not worried about offending anyone's delicate feelings. It's more a matter of manners. If I wouldn't say it loudly in a crowded restaurant, I'm not gonna say it on a public chat line for all and sundry to hear.

Gaming, even MMOs, aren't a niche group of similar people anymore, it includes anyone and everyone. So I treat any public chat line or forum like the middle of the street and try to keep it just on this side of the line.

In guild/group lines with friends however, I'm worse than most of the guys I play with

Farorin

My wife likes playing it and has never come across a single instance of any bad stuff. Although she doesn't come to the forums, hence why I am posting.

Glaiceana

I've had no real issues personally. Generally I don't mention my gender in game unless it's specifically asked. Even then I might not always say. Actually not too long ago I saw someone complain that there are no girls playing ESO and I replied saying actually there's lots, they just don't run around screaming it. But then the guy proceeded to spam invite me to group and asking me to come to him. Things went crazy weird in less than 30 seconds. Perhaps it was a troll and I shouldnt have said a word in the first place but yeah, I have barely used ignore but I did in this case as I got pretty creeped out.

Other than that things have been fine

phaneub17_ESO

Most female gamers I know tend to be really dedicated tanks, healers, or fanatic at PvP. I used to co-tank with a female warrior tank on WoW, before she stopped playing and popped out twins.

DisgracefulMind

I've not had too many problems, honestly. Of course I've had some really awful things said to me (the PvP ragers will rage), but, eh, it's not too bad.

Lysette

I am not sure if I really should make a statement about this, because it would be inherently about how I judge men in this game and I do not want to judge them nor my own gender. We are all people who love gaming, and that's it to me.

Loralai_907

I have had zero bad experiences in game with other people, whether they knew I was female or not. I don't go around advertising it though, and being on PC, it isn't like they hear my voice. If zone chat gets unpleasant, I just shut it down. No one has chewed me out for anything, everyone I have played with, even briefly, have all been super nice.

That being said, I know it can happen. If someone were to treat me badly because I am female, it isn't going to change how I feel about the game.

Nova Sky

Being 42 and all, I really don't understand this penchant for some male gamers to insult female gamers.

Grow up, because if they cannot treat a woman in-game with respect, it really makes me wonder how those gamers treat women outside of gaming.

Oh, and last but not least, always keep in mind, fellow males, is that it was a woman who gave birth to you. Most of us love our mothers, so let's treat other women the same we'd treat the woman who brought us into the world.

blabafat

So, hello everyone. I'm a Male player, and maybe me commenting on this thread is out of place? I'm not sure

I wanted to express my opinion on the matter. I agree with the many people here that talked about not taking offense. It is very important that you don't let anyone get to you. There are rude and immature people everywhere. There might be someone tomorrow that you meet in game who is rude and sexist, but it's important to look past him/her. You are better than him/her. Don't let em ruin your day. I don't mean to be a suckup, but I have a lot of respect for women. I deeply admire everyone that has the same viewpoint. Despite sex, race, etc. it's important to view everyone with respect and equality.


Also, to any woman that has received harassment, please do not let it offend you. As I stated, there are disrespectful people everywhere. Ignore their hurtful words because you know that they are not true and not worth your time.

Anyway, that is my point of view on the topic.
Thanks

DisgracefulMind

blabafat wrote: »

So, hello everyone. I'm a Male player, and maybe me commenting on this thread is out of place? I'm not sure

I wanted to express my opinion on the matter. I agree with the many people here that talked a about not taking offense. It is very important that you don't let anyone get to you. There are rude and immature people everywhere. There might be someone tomorrow that you meet in game who is rude and sexist, but it's important to look past him/her. You are better than him/her. Don't let em ruin your day. I don't mean to be a suckup, but I have a lot of respect for women. I deeply admire everyone that has the same viewpoint. Despite sex, race, etc. it's important to view everyone with respect and equality.


Also, to any woman that has received harassment, please do not let it offend you. As I stated, there are disrespectful people everywhere. Ignore their hurtful words because you know that they are not true and not worth your time.

Anyway, that is my point of view on the topic.
Thanks

You're so wonderful, Blaba

Esquire1980g_ESO

I'm in a guild (in fact the GL) that has 2 to 1, in favor of women. Wife plays. The only comment I've heard from any of the women is they turn off main chat.

But for guild invites, the main rule is to keep chat and vent very clean as we have kids also.

Kaibeth

The ESO community has, overall, treated me very well. Better than other situations I've been in.

There's jerks everywhere, but, the average ESO player appears to be a class act.

Elsir

I've been treated equally by just about anyone I come across. I don't exactly broadcast that I'm a woman as an opening conversation topic to everyone I meet, of course, but when people find out they're usually pretty cool with it. If the topic ever comes up, I just say "We're all gamers playing a game we enjoy, that's about it really. No gamer girls, gamer guys, just gamers". I can be as crude as any other gamer in my humour so I guess I kind of just fit in with that crowd automatically and, ESO especially, has had a community that is absolutely fine with that at face value. No "OMG, YOU'RE A GIRL!?!?!" type reactions.

Kathrein

Kaibeth wrote: »

The ESO community has, overall, treated me very well. Better than other situations I've been in.

There's jerks everywhere, but, the average ESO player appears to be a class act.

Same, i had some sexist comment, remarks and had to leave a guild for it but other than that, it's all good.

Taisynn

I've had issues with people joking about sexual assault in Davon's Watch and insisting girls don't play games - that we're all guys. I am numb to the 'no girls on the interwebs' jokes, but as a vicitim of assault in my past, I will never get over those kind of jokes. I typically report them but sometimes I doubt anything is done.

But in any other area, it's very decent. Just avoid any starter area like the plague once you finish it.

CherryCake

I am a female and I had no problem with anything, love the game and nobody treated me badly. On PS4 I rarely turn on chat, but even then I didnt have a problem, oh and you might want to leave your chat open sometimes because you hear people that forget to turn it off and they keep on burping xDDD...I dont know why you would want to hear that but then you can scare them with your loud laugh and they get embarrassed or laugh as well xD YAY!!!

BomblePants

I have chat turned on and I've had a few moments where things go quiet every now and then, I've wondered if it's cause I'm a female, but my dog is always lying at my side and he snores - maybe people are just wondering what the sound is