Favorite NPC one-liners?

Ffastyl

"Want to see my collection of ears?

They're all from irritating travelers."

-Belkarth Guard

tinythinker

"If I could get my hands on that damn lizard, I swear I'd make a pair of boots from his hide. And then I'd put them on and stomp through troll poop!" -Darien Gautier

skarvika

"You look...skeletal...I like...skeletal...your jewelry hangs...cute..." - Emeric

sheggorathb16_ESO

kewl wrote: »

@kewl;1393639 I just have to say I will need to hunt this down to see it myself now... I bet thats based off Blackadder, even the NPC's blank stare reminds me of Baldrick.. The quote is in the spoiler below for anyone who doesnt know its madness.

Blackadder: Now Baldrick, fix me some coffee, and make it taste slightly less like mud this time.
Baldrick: Not easy I'm afraid, Sir
Blackadder: And why is this?
Baldrick: 'cause it is mud. We ran out of coffee 13 months ago
Blackadder: Brilliant. So every time I've drunk your coffee for the past 13 months, I have in fact, been drinking, hot mud.
Baldrick: With sugar...
Blackadder: ...which makes all the difference
Baldrick: Well, it would if we had any sugar, but we ran out New Years Eve 1915. Since when, I've been using sugar substitute...
Blackadder: ...Which is?
Baldrick: Dandruff. But I could add some milk this time, or, Saliva
Blackadder: No thank you Baldrick. Call me Mr. Picky, but I think I'll pass.
Baldrick: That's probably because you're mad, sir!
Blackadder: Well, quite!

There are many quotes here that I know and love, and some I didnt know and now love, but the ones I remember that I havent seen here unless I missed them I've listed below.

Although I've seen various wonderfully sarcastic and sharp witted comments from the players side I think my favourite character response so far was when they had to 'commit their soul' (which obviously they dont have anymore) to get into a Veiled inheritance area...
Player: "I'm ready. What do I have to do?"
Palomir: "You can see the black soul gem, here. Place your hand on it. Good. You can come and go all you want, but first. you take the oath. Be sure you want this. You commit your immortal soul with this pledge."
Player: "My soul, huh? I'm ready. Go ahead."

One of Raz's that stayed with me was; "Razum-dar is just a simple Khajiit. He seeks the best for all the people of Tamriel. Also, a saddle that won't pinch the tail. One day ...." Me and my Khajiit friends always joke about saddles now... Like when I'm complaining that I really want the tiger mount, someone just said, 'because the saddle wont pinch your tail?' I probably just said yes.

A female Khajiit guards phrase I quite like because it rhymes, and I like the enthusiastic delivery was something like; "Where words fail, CLAWS prevail!"

Shadesofkin

"The only way to change a slavers mind, is to drive a sword through it" -Dragonstar Arena Champion

tinythinker

"Hello!" ("I'm not supposed to talk to people, it's embarrassing.")
-Kjaluld the Dull, in the city of Northpoint (at the stables next to Davynu's Workshop)

Nyghthowler

In a letter my Provisioning Hireling sent me;

"I started writing a song on cats. Unfortunately the third verse got run over by a wagon. Next time, I'll use parchment."

Mutagem

From an Argonian in Windhelm

"What interesting customs you Nords have, Drink too much; throw up. All to honor your king"

Brizz

"We want to help take down Mont Clair. We haven't had a good fight in... well.... it's been at least a couple of minutes"

Deome

From the Deshaan Llodos chain, town of Serk phase--NPC's brother is begging her to leave him so he doesn't infect others. Her reply:

"Stop making sense, damn you!"

Ithilis

It was from npc at the end of a quest Conflicted emotions in Bangkorai:
"Come to think of it, my wife is very similar to this Ayleid relic - she is old and strange and brings out all my emotions."

Grayphilosophy

"Stay moist"

WolfingHour

"What delightful folly is this?" High kinlord Rilis

All of Rilis' dialogue is pretty great, all thanks to a great bit of voice acting.

tinythinker

"I bet if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless."
-random citizen in Sentinel

newtinmpls

I'd forgotten this one:

From the banker in Port Hunding "The last time someone tried to steal from my vault, he died.

He died because I hit him."

My favorite banker.

dafox187

tinythinker wrote: »

From a kidnapped NPC in a cage awaiting gruesome experimentation after being freed...

"That's the last time I accept an invitation from a mysterious robed stranger."

razum dar must go make sure every part of the queen is the same

RalavomWalde

I love the wonderful drunk Nord in the Flaming Nix who's dancing on the coals and if you talk to him he either says: "look at me, i'm a flaming nix" or "this would hurt much more if i was less drunk"

And of course the ever modest Vanus Galerion with his "extremely powerful and fantastically impressive spell", he drops some of those gems ^^ .

Mutagem

Jakarn "Why do evil lairs always smell so bad?"

Daemons_Bane

Lyris Titanborn to Abnur Tharn.

"The gods gave you a nose for a reason. So you could shut up and still breathe"

MercyKilling

Random Nord in Windhelm:

"It is NOT a rumor!"


What's that? Choking? TOUGH YOU BABY! EAT THAT PIE!" or something to that effect.

Ignotus

Tigeracer wrote: »

Anything razum dar says. I love that cat.

This is a very long thread that I'm not going to read, so perhaps this was already mentioned. I was questing with Raz tonight in Auridon and he said something about riding a guar naked through an argonian temple. The then said that he couldn't elaborate because that story is for field veterans or something along those lines.

tinythinker

"You're lying! She must be dead, or she'd have come for me.

"She's coming for me, isn't she?"

-Ambassador Ulondil of the Maormer.

Islyn

Still - the stablemaster in Rivenspire: Need something to riiide? *hand gesture*

Bookwyrm

Deome wrote: »

From the Deshaan Llodos chain, town of Serk phase--NPC's brother is begging her to leave him so he doesn't infect others. Her reply:

"Stop making sense, damn you!"

My husband says this to me at least three times a day. That and "Would you PLEASE stop using logic on me, you know I can't deal with it."

Sorry, just adding my +1 for this is a great quote. :P

Maddhawk

"I'm going to be immortal, or die trying" - random NPC soldier while I ran by in Highrock.

tinythinker

"Oh, I remember seeing you around." - royal guard in Skywatch after you ask for his sword and tell him you are working for the queen. While you are wearing a disguise to infiltrate the Veiled Heritance.

c.p.garrett1993_ESO

Being a total *** is like the number one requirement of an ESO guard.
...At least I know I'd have an easy job if I were actually a part of the game.

C0pp3rhead

Dark Elf says, "Do my eyes look red to you?" I lol'd

bloodenragedb14_ESO

"look, you want the book? whack some folks with the wabbajack"-Sheogorath

lovESOng

If you are trying to rely on wit I say you are half way there.