Favorite NPC one-liners?

Jura23

Stopped totally random NPC the other day for no reason really. I think it was some DC area. And he told me this. I laughed.

Robo_Hobo

Not really a one-liner, but these two conversations were pretty funny, just random people in Stonefalls not related to a quest.

http://imgur.com/a/6q4q4

http://imgur.com/a/J3Cdy

I was tempted to take Sendel up on his bet he mentioned at the end...

attackjet

Ha I went up to this female merchant and she said "one day I want to grow a beard just like NY fathers" I thought that was cool

tinythinker

For some reason I had never heard this one until this week:

"They will never expect us to tunnel up underneath them--dig faster you undead cretins!"

(paraphrasing a disembodied voice heard in an Alliance base in the sewers beneath the Imperial City)

Lysette

pureskills101 wrote: »

I Havent heard the 10lbs of fat one yet! But that one did make me laugh

it's a quote which is often to be heard in Daggerfall - guards there comment like this.

Molag_Crow

"OH, MAYBE IT'S A GIANT ARGONIAN DUNG PILE!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9X1KTHvf5E

ShadowDisciple

Hey Fancy Man!

Lysette

tinythinker wrote: »

I was in The Rift (in the city of Riften) playing a female Argonian character who was riding past a guard who said, "So tell me, are (young?) Argonian maidens really..." I was riding fast and missed the end of his comment, though.

There is not much following it - I guess it is " ... you know"

DaniAngione

I really liked the phrase that the Prophet used to say on the wailing prison before the revamp.
Then they removed it

"With the passing of time, any indecision becomes decision!"

Not really an one-liner, but I also miss everyone's favorite banker (in)famous speech:

"Do you know the old saying "neither a borrower or a lender be"? Well, rubbish. Without borrowers and lenders how would we ever be able to buy or sell anything? But pardon me... Welcome to the bank of Daggerfall!"

Oldmanlawlor

" this one has trouble telling Bosmer apart. Not to be bad but they all look the same "
- the Khajit woman at the eldenroot root wayshrine.

log234

I'd have to say my favourite line in Eso doesn't show it's full potential in text. It's from Belkarth, Craglorn.

"Don't you have any heart at all?... "

Just how the voice actor gives this line is absolutely glorious, so much empathy and emotion in those few words. Perfect.

Samsayia

I liked a lot of Naryu's dialogue. Mainly when during the quest with the courier guy and the wine in Mournhold. I was busy thinking about how you shouldn't ever **** with the mailman, especially if they're from Nevada, and how this whole scheme of hers was potentially a god awful idea. If that mailman swears vengeance on us I don't....I don't even.

And then she just looks at you with something or another like: "HEY, he's coming. Don't look over there, look this way. Look into my eyes. You like what you see? Yes of course you do. Yes we're just a lovely couple minding our own business in the back and need not be noticed by the courier."

Taryf

Not funny, but when i first heard it...

"This is the end of the line..." - Ash Titan, vet City of Ash.

and Yes. That was "end of the line" for us...

Lysette

sheggorathb16_ESO wrote: »

kewl wrote: »

@kewl;1393639 I just have to say I will need to hunt this down to see it myself now... I bet thats based off Blackadder, even the NPC's blank stare reminds me of Baldrick.. The quote is in the spoiler below for anyone who doesnt know its madness.

Blackadder: Now Baldrick, fix me some coffee, and make it taste slightly less like mud this time.
Baldrick: Not easy I'm afraid, Sir
Blackadder: And why is this?
Baldrick: 'cause it is mud. We ran out of coffee 13 months ago
Blackadder: Brilliant. So every time I've drunk your coffee for the past 13 months, I have in fact, been drinking, hot mud.
Baldrick: With sugar...
Blackadder: ...which makes all the difference
Baldrick: Well, it would if we had any sugar, but we ran out New Years Eve 1915. Since when, I've been using sugar substitute...
Blackadder: ...Which is?
Baldrick: Dandruff. But I could add some milk this time, or, Saliva
Blackadder: No thank you Baldrick. Call me Mr. Picky, but I think I'll pass.
Baldrick: That's probably because you're mad, sir!
Blackadder: Well, quite!

There are many quotes here that I know and love, and some I didnt know and now love, but the ones I remember that I havent seen here unless I missed them I've listed below.

Although I've seen various wonderfully sarcastic and sharp witted comments from the players side I think my favourite character response so far was when they had to 'commit their soul' (which obviously they dont have anymore) to get into a Veiled inheritance area...
Player: "I'm ready. What do I have to do?"
Palomir: "You can see the black soul gem, here. Place your hand on it. Good. You can come and go all you want, but first. you take the oath. Be sure you want this. You commit your immortal soul with this pledge."
Player: "My soul, huh? I'm ready. Go ahead."

One of Raz's that stayed with me was; "Razum-dar is just a simple Khajiit. He seeks the best for all the people of Tamriel. Also, a saddle that won't pinch the tail. One day ...." Me and my Khajiit friends always joke about saddles now... Like when I'm complaining that I really want the tiger mount, someone just said, 'because the saddle wont pinch your tail?' I probably just said yes.

A female Khajiit guards phrase I quite like because it rhymes, and I like the enthusiastic delivery was something like; "Where words fail, CLAWS prevail!"

My new alt just came across that line with the saddle - it was when you meet Raz in Mistral, he is waiting at the northern exit of the southern bridge of Mistral and says this line, when you ask him who he really is.

Lysette

Shadesofkin wrote: »

"The only way to change a slavers mind, is to drive a sword through it" -Dragonstar Arena Champion

Lol, this is price-less - hahahaha.

tinythinker

"You wouldn't by any chance know where I could acquire a fresh corpse?" - Ferordomas (Craglorn Outlaw Refuge)

SymbioteKing26

Stay moist, my friend

Metamon

I ran past an NPC and hear

"Can I touch you?"

newtinmpls

I love the little spaz of a bosmer in Wrothgar... you meet her early on, and one of the things you can ask her is "what brought you here?"

Can't figure out how to do spoilers, so I will eave it at that. If you know, you know, if you don't - go talk to her.

Melilotta

I've been trying to remember something not yet listed here... And I simply love the Bosmer guide in Elden Root who's conducting a tour and telling about the city. I used to stop and listen to her again and again. The voice acting is just right, with those guide's intonations!

BlackguardBob

Haven't read all of this so apologies if I repeat anything.

"If you must climb the ugly tree, start with the lower branches." [Grahtwood]

"Come back again the next time you can't stay long." [Grahtwood]

"Nice weaponry but do you know how to use it?" - [Auridon] My staff was a random drop piece of crap and I DID know how to use it.

"You do like to rack up bounties don't you?" [Auridon bank]

Also anything the Kajits say in the AD later areas of ESO. ZoS have some great script writers with a huge sense of humour.

Molec

"No charge to have a look" from a female merchant in Rawl'Kha i think.

LostScot

Walked past a guard at a wayshrine the other day and he said "Welcome to the arse end of nowhere" - I was so surprised I went back and kept running around him trying to get him to say it again! After that he kept his mouth shut, I guess there's not much to say about the arse end of nowhere!

Lysette

Molec wrote: »

"No charge to have a look" from a female merchant in Rawl'Kha i think.

A lot of merchants say that, it is pretty commonplace.

Edit: speaking of merchants, I like Khajiit merchants saying "Honest Merchant, come and trust this one" or an Argonian merchant saying "come and erect the spine of trade" - love the sound of argonian voice saying this and as well "a fortunate tide brought you to my stall" - argonians are so likable.

theher0not

I don't remember exactly what she said but Jizali (The blademaster khajit in Halow city) says that she is in love with the enchantress(Dunmer female) and says that she did every thing she could to get the dunmer to get feelings for her, from rubing her head to the enchantress leg and purr to leaving a dead skeever outside the enchantress' house.

If you go and speak to the enchanter you can see that she has no idea why the khajiit is acting so wierd.

Iove

"If you're going for wit, I'd say you're half way there."

"You think I'm being smart with you? ... How would you know?"

I_killed_Vivec

ShadowDisciple wrote: »

Hey Fancy Man!

I like that one so much I'm going to use it down the pub this weekend...

newtinmpls

theher0not wrote: »

I don't remember exactly what she said but Jizali (The blademaster khajit in Halow city) says that she is in love with the enchantress(Dunmer female) and says that she did every thing she could to get the dunmer to get feelings for her, from rubing her head to the enchantress leg and purr to leaving a dead skeever outside the enchantress' house.

If you go and speak to the enchanter you can see that she has no idea why the khajiit is acting so wierd.

Ohhhh. this is awesome.

Alabyn

"Buy a shield."

You know who I mean!

tinythinker

Can't believe I forgot about this dialogue from Fronjolf, a Nord imprisoned in Coldharbor:

"I'm drinking mead! Well, I'm pretending to drink mead. But it tastes pretty good.

"Now I'm eating fried guar. Yum!"