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Unofficial ESO Joke thread

  • Izaki
    Izaki
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    ✭✭
    Heres my joke.

    Your mama so fat, when she created a new character... HER INVENTORY ALREADY FULL! :D

    Yo mamma so fat she filled the crown crafting bag

    You killed me.
    @ Izaki #PCEU
    #FrenchKiss #MidnightSlayers
    #MoreDPSthanYou #ImmortalRedeemerOnStamblade
    #Stamblade
  • Izaki
    Izaki
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭
    I've had this in my signature for a while now, but here's a repost:

    A Khajiit and a Wood Elf Walk up to a market stall.

    The Khajiit whisks three rabbit pasties into his pocket with lightning speed.
    The baker doesn't notice.

    The Khajiit says to the Wood Elf:
    "You see how clever this one is? You will never beat that!"

    The Wood Elf says to the Khajiit:
    "Watch this, a Wood Elf is always cleverer than a Khajiit."

    He then says to the baker,
    "Give me a rabbit pasty, I can show you a magic trick!"

    The baker gives him the pasty which the Wood Elf promptly eats.
    Then he says to the baker:
    "Give me another pasty for my magic trick."

    The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

    Then he says again:
    "Give me one more pasty... "

    The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Wood Elf eats this one too.

    Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
    "And where is your famous magic trick?"

    The Wood Elf says:
    "Look in the Khajiit's pocket!"

    This is actually a pretty famous joke... You just changed the characters, but its still funny :)
    @ Izaki #PCEU
    #FrenchKiss #MidnightSlayers
    #MoreDPSthanYou #ImmortalRedeemerOnStamblade
    #Stamblade
  • Izaki
    Izaki
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭
    Jim_Pipp wrote: »
    How to calculate what Maelstrom Weapon you will get

    Use this equation to calculate what you will get on your next maelstrom run

    Pick any number between 1 and 9

    Multiply it by 3

    Add 3 to that number

    Multiply by 3 again

    Add the 2 digits together and the check the list below to see what you will get.

    1) Sharpened Bow
    2) Powered Restoration Staff
    3) Sharpened One-handed Sword
    4) Sharpened Two-Handed Sword
    5) Sharpened One-Handed Mace
    6) Sharpened Two-Handed Mace
    7) Sharpened One-Handed Axe
    8) Sharpened Two-Handed Axe
    9) A maelstrom weapon with any trait except sharpened
    10) Sharpened Daggers
    11) Sharpened Inferno Staff
    12) Sharpened Frost Staff
    13) Sharpened Shock Staff


    Pretty nicely done I have to say.
    @ Izaki #PCEU
    #FrenchKiss #MidnightSlayers
    #MoreDPSthanYou #ImmortalRedeemerOnStamblade
    #Stamblade
  • Clansman2013
    Clansman2013
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    Q - Why couldn't the Argonian get his mate pregnant?

    A - He was suffering from a Reptile Dysfunction
  • Rune_Relic
    Rune_Relic
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    disintegr8 wrote: »
    Why does an Argonian make a good lover?

    Because he does good breaststroke.

    And is really good at erecting spines ;)

    You know thats an anagram right ? ;)
    Anything that can be exploited will be exploited
  • Pallmor
    Pallmor
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    A Nord, a Breton, and a Khajiit walk into a bar.

    The Khajiit says "I bet 5 gold that this one can drink 5 pints of mead!"

    The Breton says "I bet 10 gold that I can drink 10 pints of mead!"

    The bartender says "Sorry, we're all out--and that'll be 15 gold for the keg your Nord friend just drank."
  • Pallmor
    Pallmor
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    And did you hear the one about the Vegan Bosmer?

    He only eats Vegans.
  • Kram8ion
    Kram8ion
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    A kajiit an orc and argonian walk into a bar, the orc sa[JESUS BEAM]nd the barmaid asks th[JESUS BEAMJESUS BEAM]uch money do yo[JESUS BEAM]
    [JESUS BEAM]
    [JESUS BEAM]
    [JESUS BEAM]
    [[JESUS BEAM]
    ps4eu
    Kramm magblade dark elf

  • TheWhiteDarkness
    TheWhiteDarkness
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I've had this in my signature for a while now, but here's a repost:

    A Khajiit and a Wood Elf Walk up to a market stall.

    The Khajiit whisks three rabbit pasties into his pocket with lightning speed.
    The baker doesn't notice.

    The Khajiit says to the Wood Elf:
    "You see how clever this one is? You will never beat that!"

    The Wood Elf says to the Khajiit:
    "Watch this, a Wood Elf is always cleverer than a Khajiit."

    He then says to the baker,
    "Give me a rabbit pasty, I can show you a magic trick!"

    The baker gives him the pasty which the Wood Elf promptly eats.
    Then he says to the baker:
    "Give me another pasty for my magic trick."

    The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

    Then he says again:
    "Give me one more pasty... "

    The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Wood Elf eats this one too.

    Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
    "And where is your famous magic trick?"

    The Wood Elf says:
    "Look in the Khajiit's pocket!"

    This is actually a pretty famous joke... You just changed the characters, but its still funny :)

    Yep, I had put this up on a previous joke thread as an "Tamrielic twist" to a famous joke. Took me a while to figure out what to replace the cookies with though, didn't think a Bosmer would eat cookies.
    Never underestimate a Bosmer! They're sly *** :D
    Edited by TheWhiteDarkness on December 2, 2016 9:45AM
    PAWS - Positively Against (W)rip-off Stuff - Say No to Crown Crates!
    PC/EU DC
    A laugh a day keeps the Crown Crates away! :
    A Khajiit and a Wood Elf Walk up to a market stall.

    The Khajiit whisks three rabbit pasties into his pocket with lightning speed.
    The baker doesn't notice.

    The Khajiit says to the Wood Elf:
    "You see how clever this one is? You will never beat that!"

    The Wood Elf says to the Khajiit:
    "Watch this, a Wood Elf is always cleverer than a Khajiit."

    He then says to the baker,
    "Give me a rabbit pasty, I can show you a magic trick!"

    The baker gives him the pasty which the Wood Elf promptly eats.
    Then he says to the baker:
    "Give me another pasty for my magic trick."

    The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

    Then he says again:
    "Give me one more pasty... "

    The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Wood Elf eats this one too.

    Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
    "And where is your famous magic trick?"

    The Wood Elf says:
    "Look in the Khajiit's pocket!"
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