Unofficial ESO Joke thread

RAGUNAnoOne
RAGUNAnoOne
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Since @ZOS_AntonioP asked for it here it is

Antonio's joke:
Orc: "I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
Breton: "Have you seen a healer?"
Orc: "No, just spots."

My lame joke:
Why does everyone lust for Argonian Maids?
Because you always get some tail ;)

Let's hear yours.
PS4 NA
Argonian Master Race

PAWS (Positively Against Wrip-off Stuff) - Say No to Crown Crates!

Support Tail armor and tail ribbons: http://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/236333/concept-tail-armor-for-beast-races#latest
http://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/246134/request-dyeable-tail-ribbons
  • Strider_Roshin
    Strider_Roshin
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    The balance in this game.
    And when I vest my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold in judgement, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who hase me. O Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.
  • Ghettokid
    Ghettokid
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    Orc

    :smiley:
  • Shad0wfire99
    Shad0wfire99
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    This update. I can't log out? lul
    Dro-M'athra Destroyer
    Voice of Reason
    Bringer of Light (XBox First)

    XBox NA
  • Rohamad_Ali
    Rohamad_Ali
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    This is the most balanced update ever .
  • Tryxus
    Tryxus
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    Do you know why the campaign is called "Trueflame"?
    Cuz Death Recaps are full of "Eye of Flame"
    "Imagination is a powerful force, for it is the beginning of Creation"
    Tryxus - PC/EU/DC

    CP 1000+
    Tryxus: Magicka Warden - Breton
    Tryxus de Kielesjoai: Magicka Nightblade - Argonian
    Lux Tryxus: Magicka Templar - Breton

    Main: Warden | Healer | AR 30 | vDSA - vHRC HM - vAA HM - vSO HM - vMA - vMOL - vHOF - vAS - vCR

    Imaginos, a Magicka Warden pet build for PvP
  • Publius_Scipio
    Publius_Scipio
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    The joke is that ZOS loves all these streamers and players like Jules, Kevduit, Sypher, Pink Mav Latex Show, etc etc.... Where everything is all about fresh cut flowers, baby bunnies, and hearts kisses and hugs. But Scipio.... Completely FORSAKEN!!!!! I came here and gave of myself to the Alliance War!!!! I have left my blood all over Cyrodiil in buckets! I have crawled on all fours through the muddy pools surrounding BRK as Pact and elves stabbed me over and over and over!

    I never used engines of cheating. I have never used addons. I fight with the purity of what ZOS hands me! But alas no love for Scipio....
    United States of America /salute

    The Second Son of Cyrodiil
  • disintegr8
    disintegr8
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    Why does an Argonian make a good lover?

    Because he does good breaststroke.
    Australian on PS4 NA server.
    Everyone's entitled to an opinion.
  • RAGUNAnoOne
    RAGUNAnoOne
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    disintegr8 wrote: »
    Why does an Argonian make a good lover?

    Because he does good breaststroke.

    And is really good at erecting spines ;)
    PS4 NA
    Argonian Master Race

    PAWS (Positively Against Wrip-off Stuff) - Say No to Crown Crates!

    Support Tail armor and tail ribbons: http://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/236333/concept-tail-armor-for-beast-races#latest
    http://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/246134/request-dyeable-tail-ribbons
  • Mettaricana
    Mettaricana
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    Heres my joke.

    Your mama so fat, when she created a new character... HER INVENTORY ALREADY FULL! :D

    Yo mamma so fat she filled the crown crafting bag
    I'm everything that doesn't belong in the pact but i'm there anyway...
  • Mettaricana
    Mettaricana
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    Yo mamma is like vivec she likes molag bals in her mouth.

    Lore junkies would love this

    Apologies if its to pg13
    I'm everything that doesn't belong in the pact but i'm there anyway...
  • JD2013
    JD2013
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    This is the most balanced update ever .

    It's always heartwarming to see how much you enjoy this game :smile:
    Sweetrolls for all!

    Benoit Christophe Raziel III - Breton Mage of Winterhold. Dwemer and Daedric Scholar. EU DC
    Marius Palenix - Imperial Nightblade from Kvatch, Thief, Assassin and Fisherman. EU DC
    Christophe Mottierre - Breton Templar with his own whole darn estate! Templar Houses are so 2015. EU DC

    PC Beta Tester January 2014

    Elder of The Black
    Order of Sithis
    The Runners

    @TamrielTraverse - For Tamriel related Twitter shenanigans!
    https://tamrieltraveller.wordpress.com/

    Crafting bag OP! ZOS nerf pls!
  • Kram8ion
    Kram8ion
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    3 forum warriors walk into a bar....






    No they didn't.
    ps4eu
    Kramm stamblade kitty
  • Rohamad_Ali
    Rohamad_Ali
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    JD2013 wrote: »
    This is the most balanced update ever .

    It's always heartwarming to see how much you enjoy this game :smile:

    giphy.gif
  • pewbis
    pewbis
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    Tryxus wrote: »
    How do the 10 races chop down a tree?

    Altmer: Will use a Levitation Spell to rip it out of the ground, then boast about his/her magical talents
    Argonian: Will worship the tree instead
    Bosmer: Obeys the Green Pact and will slay anyone who dares to harm the tree
    Breton: Chops it down with a regular axe, cuz they're a boring race
    Dunmer: Gets his/her Argonian slaves to do it for him/her
    Imperial: Tries the diplomatic approach and attempts to convince the tree to chop itself down
    Khajiit: This one prefers to run up the tree, then complain that this one can't get down
    Nord: Is too drunk from all that mead to chop it down, so he/she will instead pee against it and then be merrily on his/her way
    Orc: Rams it headfirst
    Redguard: What makes you think a Redguard can chop down a tree? Have you seen any in the Alik'r desert?

    Maybe the reason there are no trees in the desert is because the redguards are TOO good at chopping trees...
    PC NA @Hoqs

    Are you a lusty maid that wishes to find the same fame as the infamous Argonian that still finds her way into our dreams and fantasies? Then join, the Lesser Known Lusty Maids! We are a PVE focused casual guild with about 100 members now and recruiting fast! At 150, we will have our first guild raffle, with tempers and perfect roe as prizes! Remember, less people = more chance to win, so... join sooner rather than later. PM/send me a mail for an invite.
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