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• PC/Mac: NA and EU megaservers for patch maintenance – May 20, 4:00AM EDT (8:00 UTC) – 10:00AM EDT (14:00 UTC)
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The Elsweyr Chapter and Update 22 base game patch are now available to test on the PTS! You can read the full patch notes here https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/categories/pts

ESO Limerick Contest

  • craftycarper73
    craftycarper73
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    There was a sorc called Neil
    He thought he had insta-shield
    He went on to cast it, to only look like he s-hat it
    That was the end for Neil
    Edited by craftycarper73 on September 21, 2018 3:52PM
    Born, Bred & Made in Manchester UK, RIP 22 Angels. 22/05/2017

    1918 - 2018 100yrs We Will Rememberthem
  • Claire
    Claire
    ✭✭✭
    There once was a Nord from Othrenis
    Who made poisons from violet coprinus
    He wore Sload's, he wore Zaan!
    He put swift jewelry on!
    To make up for his lacking OP-ness.
    Edited by Claire on September 24, 2018 4:51PM
  • Atallanta
    Atallanta
    ✭✭✭✭
    Enslaved wrote: »
    I am actually very glad
    That pvp sorc is finaly dead
    Era of jumping has come to an end
    Cyro will become mag sorc free land

    They can cry here or in game
    Unable to hide their own shame
    No more shieldstacking and thats OK
    I hope these changes are here to stay

    Zero skill class will cease to be
    No more light armor tanking in PvP
    Either adapt or go away
    Stop shedding tears and L2P

    If you decide to leave the game
    I will pm you my account name
    So you can send me some of ur stuff
    I could use some financial buff

    10 points!! :D my favourite so far^^ @Enslaved
  • SugaComa
    SugaComa
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    There once was a sorc named Fred
    Who was killing my group stone dead
    Until my blessing of light
    Gave him a fright
    Now my *** are sat on his head
  • Galaen_Frost
    Galaen_Frost
    ✭✭✭
    There once was a Nightblade from Beta named Frost
    Whom the Meta did constantly accost
    "Please don't nerf me, I don't PVP"
    Yet come patch day on his arse he'll be tossed.
    Edited by Galaen_Frost on September 22, 2018 6:57PM
    Wandering the lands of Tamriel, waiting for the hammer to drop.
  • Strychnos
    Strychnos
    ✭✭✭
    I've got a couple :-)

    This one is about an experience I had doing a random normal:

    Once in a PUG run I did sneeze
    The boss he one shot me with ease
    "You lose with us" they yelled
    Though it was hard to tell
    As they cursed at me in Portuguese


    And this one is my Argonian vampire's backstory:

    A lizard, from city not mire
    Kidnapped by a couple most dire
    Locked away with a thud
    He was kept there for blood
    That's how he became a vampire
    lvl50 Characters:
    Toxlexel (Argonian Templar PvE Healer, EP)
    Grove-of-Trees-Swaying (Argonian Vampire NB PvE Tank, EP)
    Kazabi-daro (Khajiit DK PvE DPS, AD)- build under renovation
    Iroas Candaalil (Maormer [Dunmer] PvE Sorc DPS, EP, vMA build)- build under renovation
    Trick-of-the-Light(Argonian Warden PvE Healer, EP)
    Characters being leveled:
    Meera-Ei (Argonian DK PvP Tank, EP, Grove's sister)
  • ihazzit
    ihazzit
    ✭✭✭
    3 players to battle in Vivec
    A magsorc, stam-orc, and a damn cat

    DC zerged in
    The last two jumped in

    But the sorc said gimme a sec
    People are toxic due to their own incompetence.

    Anger is how we punish ourselves for the ignorance of others.
  • trowlk
    trowlk
    ✭✭✭✭
    One day Clavicus Vile found himself a sweetheart
    But every day he has to attend his daedric business
    So he left barbas to keep an eye on her woman while he is working
    And Clavi calls him every day to check her status

    So this is what happened one day:

    The Lusty Daedric Maid

    Volume 1

    Clavi: Is my sweetheart there?

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: She is with Sheo?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And she is on her lingerie?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And they are on my bed?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And what are they doing doggy!? Tell me!
    Barbas: *Pants*Pants*Pants*Pants*


    The Lusty Daedric Maid

    Volume 2

    Clavi: Are they still there?

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And they are drinking my whiskey?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And listening to my music?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: Talking about me?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And what are they doing Barbas?! Tell me! Tell me!
    Barbas: *Pants*Pants*Pants*Pants*

    PmHYePU.jpg
  • f047ys3v3n
    f047ys3v3n
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Once were the leaderboard full,
    Then the wobbler came to despoil,
    Softcaps were gone, and champions all,
    But they quit now I'm stuck with this fool
    Yes I am deeply embarrassed to still be playing this game. I know better.
  • Omnia
    Omnia
    ✭✭✭
    There once was an Orc named Fengrush,
    Many enemies daily, would he crush.
    “Bend the Knee”, said mi’ Lord,
    Striking his foes, rather bored.
    All the Covenant to his side, soon would rush.

    “(Gosh darned), SPRINT BUG!!” yelled mi' Lord with a sigh
    The enemy seemingly mighty and high.
    Red and yellow got PAKT UP,
    On their heads, would he sup.
    Called to arms with a roaring battle cry.

    The Dominion he vowed to defeat.
    Pressing on to the scrolls in the keeps,
    With Orc Army in tow,
    Much havoc did they sow.
    And Emperor soon would he be.

    One day close to Blue Road, the Keep
    A dragon would soon take a leap.
    “Son of a (Breton)!” he shouted
    As a warden also soon sprouted.
    "No one's unbeatable!" gg, go to sleep.

    He stood proud over those he had slain.
    "God Bless" said our Lord as he reigned.
    The Orcs bowed to their Liege
    As they took out the siege.
    A victory for the Sotha Sil campaign.




    EDITED: for the nitpickers.
    Edited by Omnia on September 24, 2018 3:47PM
  • rfennell_ESO
    rfennell_ESO
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭
    There once was a sorcerer so feared
    He shielded and shielded without a peer
    Then came ZOS, in with a nerf
    Now the sorc, merely a serf
    His account declines in arrears
  • Crown
    Crown
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Amazing work so far, both here and on Discord. We'll probably keep this going through the end of September and decide on a winner early next week.
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26), First AD/NA Emperor of Trueflame
    PvP Guides @ DarkElves.com / ESO PvP Discord
    Naitachal | AD Templar | Grand Overlord
    Nait | AD DK | Not a Grand Overlord
    Coroin | AD Warden | Also not a Grand Overlord
    Fail Sorc | AD Sorc | Thinks Trying To Reach Grand Overlord Would Be A Bad Idea
    Necronomicrown | AD Necromancer | Name Saved for another toon who won't be a Grand Overlord
    Coronar | DC Templar | Will Never be a Grand Overlord
    Common Sense | DC Warden | Likes His Name, But Is Too Lazy To Even Think About Grand Overlord
    Rematar | EP Templar | Is Too Disillusioned By The Current State Of The Game to Consider AP Farming
    Wyre | EP Sorc | The First Sorc Is Named Fail Sorc For A Reason
  • paulsimonps
    paulsimonps
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭
    Love this thread. Made me think of this old review from Zero Punctuation, if a bit off topic, but limerick lovers will like it.

  • Idinuse
    Idinuse
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    There once lived a man in a bubble.
    Stealing folks fun - that robbe´!
    Whom, I won't say,
    even if you pay.
    But the name rhymes with trouble.

    :trollface:
    Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium dolorem que laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  • Omnia
    Omnia
    ✭✭✭
    Last one I promise. It was just fun to write and I was a bit bored today. My poor husband... :D



    There once was a Khajiit stranded in Bruma,
    Who found he was quite out of the Skooma.
    He asked around town,
    If more could be found,
    And the innkeeper whispered, “…Von’Drooma.”

    “Von’Drooma?” he said, making a clatter,
    For they all knew, just what was, the matter.
    The war-maiden was large,
    And she liked to take charge,
    His poor heart went pitter and patter.

    “No choice, this one has”, he lamented,
    So sure his doom firmly cemented.
    With a cloak and a zoom,
    He snuck into her room.
    Eye’s lighting on bottles, fermented.

    “Couldn’t resist? Eh..?.” came from behind,
    As Von’Drooma lumbered in, like 2 jiit’s combined.
    She took off her eye patch,
    And he started to scratch,
    This one must have been out of his mind.

    He rushed out in the night with the Skooma,
    Since he quickly snuck out of her room a’.
    This one felt like a fool,
    When she started to drool,
    And not again would he stay there, in Bruma.
  • rumple9
    rumple9
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Zos started an event called Summerfall,
    With a pet, mount and a house for us all,
    They put up a meter,
    But the game's still in Beta,
    So they sold the house behind a paywall
  • UlanX
    UlanX
    ✭✭✭✭
    I once met a cat name Raz,
    He wore tight leather pants on his ass,
    When I fell from the sky
    I met the Queen's Eye
    So burnt all my panties and bras

    (p.s. no I'm not a Furry but still Raz is a beast)
    Dying your gear red, black and grey is the in-game equivalent of slamming down a 2lt bottle of Dew while simultaneously spraying yourself with Africa by Lynx
  • cheops
    cheops
    ✭✭✭
    I hate these *** crown crates
    Its just making me frown mate,
    Stop grabbing my money
    its not even funny
    you really should hurry
    Micro-transactions make me worry
    I'd rather eat slurry, than spunk any money
    Its just plain greedy, needy and seedy
    Exploiting chumps, just makes you lot flumps
    Less than 10 percent of the base, shouldn't bring a smile to your face!
    The uptakes a disgrace!!

    lol, thats rap not limerick!
    good though
  • red_emu
    red_emu
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I thought this was about Limerick in Ireland. Got me excited that an Irish community exists in ESO :disappointed:
    PC - EU:
    Your-Ex - AD MagBlade
    Falathren - AD MagSorc
    F'lathren - AD StamDen
    Your'Mum - AD MagPlar
    Talagan Falathren - AD MagDK
    Valamae - EP MagPlar
  • FrancisCrawford
    FrancisCrawford
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Vampire Ben, in his perversity,
    Turned a Southern university.
    Said his nephew, "That's not nice!
    Uncle Ben's converted Rice!"
  • pod88kk
    pod88kk
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Did you know that there is a city in Ireland called Limerick and it's Gaelic spelling is Luimnech which means Cloak or shielded. Is this somehow a Nerf shields & Cloak thread now? ;p
  • Amanuensis
    Amanuensis
    ✭✭✭
    Limerick contest is over, I think. Here's one anyway:

    Emeric favors miscegenation
    Ayrenn's Eyes are a furry sensation
    Whilst Jorunn the Skald-King
    And his Pact of noob zerglings
    Like Campaign pawnage and domination
  • Crown
    Crown
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Contest is now closed (unless another amazing one gets submitted before prizes go out). Being as there are a few that are so amazing that I can't pick a winner for, I'm just going to split the prize between a few people. Updates shortly with winners to be confirmed!
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26), First AD/NA Emperor of Trueflame
    PvP Guides @ DarkElves.com / ESO PvP Discord
    Naitachal | AD Templar | Grand Overlord
    Nait | AD DK | Not a Grand Overlord
    Coroin | AD Warden | Also not a Grand Overlord
    Fail Sorc | AD Sorc | Thinks Trying To Reach Grand Overlord Would Be A Bad Idea
    Necronomicrown | AD Necromancer | Name Saved for another toon who won't be a Grand Overlord
    Coronar | DC Templar | Will Never be a Grand Overlord
    Common Sense | DC Warden | Likes His Name, But Is Too Lazy To Even Think About Grand Overlord
    Rematar | EP Templar | Is Too Disillusioned By The Current State Of The Game to Consider AP Farming
    Wyre | EP Sorc | The First Sorc Is Named Fail Sorc For A Reason
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