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ESO Limerick Contest

  • craftycarper73
    There was a sorc called Neil
    He thought he had insta-shield
    He went on to cast it, to only look like he s-hat it
    That was the end for Neil
    Edited by craftycarper73 on September 21, 2018 3:52PM
    Born, Bred & Made in Manchester UK, RIP 22 Angels. 22/05/2017


    The Place by Tony Walsh Please Read
    This is the place in the North West of England

    It’s ace, it’s the best and the songs that we sing

    From the stands, from our bands set the whole planet shaking

    Our inventions are legends! There’s nowt we can’t make and

    So we make brilliant music. We make brilliant bands

    We make goals that make souls leap from seats in the stands

    And we make things from steel and we make things from cotton

    And we make people laugh, take the mick summat rotten

    And we make you at home and we make you feel welcome

    And we make summat happen, we can’t seem to help it

    And if you’re looking for history then yes, we’ve a wealth

    But the Manchester way is to make it yourself

    And make us a record, a new number one

    And make us a brew while you’re up, love. Go on!

    And make us feel proud that you’re winning the league

    And make us sing louder and make us believe it

    that this is the place that has helped shape the world

    And that this the place where a Manchester girl

    Name of Emmeline Pankhurst from the streets of Moss Side

    Led a Suffragette City with sisterhood pride

    And this is the place with appliance of science

    We’re on it, atomic, we strut with defiance

    In the face of a challenge we always stand tall

    Mancunians in union delivered it all

    Such as housing and libraries, and health, education

    And unions and co-ops, the first railway station

    So we’re sorry! Bear with us! We invented commuters!

    But we hope you forgive us – we invented computers!

    And this is the place Henry Royce strolled with Rolls

    And we’ve rocked and we’ve rolled with our own Northern Soul

    And so this is the place to do business, then dance

    Where go-getters and goal setters know they’ve a chance

    And this is the place where we first played as kids

    And me Mam lived and died here, she loved it she did

    And this is the place where our folks came to work

    Where they struggled in puddles, they hurt in the dirt

    And they built us a city. They built us these towns

    And they coughed on the cobbles to the deafening sound

    Of the steaming machines and the screaming of slaves

    They were scheming for greatness, they dreamed to their graves

    And they left us a spirit, they left us a vibe

    The Mancunian Way to survive and to thrive

    And to work and to build, to connect and create and

    Greater Manchester’s greatness is keeping it great

    And so this is the place now we’ve kids of our own

    Some are born here, some drawn here but we all call it home

    And they’ve covered the cobbles, but they’ll never defeat

    All the dreamers and schemers who still teem through these streets

    Because this is a place that has been through some hard times

    Oppressions, recessions, depressions and dark times

    But we keep fighting back with Greater Manchester spirit

    Northern grit, northern wit in Greater Manchester’s lyrics

    And there’s hard times again in these streets of our city

    But we won’t take defeat and we don’t want your pity

    Because this a place where we stand strong together

    With a smile on our face, Mancunians Forever

    And we’ve got this* as the place where a team with a dream (*Forever Manchester)

    Can get funding and something to help with their scheme

    Because this is the place that understands your grand plans

    We don’t do No Can Do, we just stress Yes We Can!

    Forever Manchester’s a charity for people round ‘ere

    You can fundraise, donate. You can be a volunteer

    You can live local, give local. We can honestly say

    We do charity differently, that Mancunian Way

    And we fund local kids, and we fund local teams

    We support local dreamers to work for their dreams

    We support local groups and the great work they do

    So can you …help us help… local people like you?

    Because this is the place in our hearts, in our homes

    Because this is the place that’s a part of our bones

    ‘Cos Greater Manchester gives us such strength from the fact

    That this is the place. We should give something back.

    Always remember. Never forget. Forever Manchester.
  • Claire
    There once was a Nord from Othrenis
    Who made poisons from violet coprinus
    He wore Sload's, he wore Zaan!
    He put swift jewelry on!
    To make up for his lacking OP-ness.
    Edited by Claire on September 24, 2018 4:51PM
  • Atallanta
    Enslaved wrote: »
    I am actually very glad
    That pvp sorc is finaly dead
    Era of jumping has come to an end
    Cyro will become mag sorc free land

    They can cry here or in game
    Unable to hide their own shame
    No more shieldstacking and thats OK
    I hope these changes are here to stay

    Zero skill class will cease to be
    No more light armor tanking in PvP
    Either adapt or go away
    Stop shedding tears and L2P

    If you decide to leave the game
    I will pm you my account name
    So you can send me some of ur stuff
    I could use some financial buff

    10 points!! :D my favourite so far^^ @Enslaved
  • SugaComa
    There once was a sorc named Fred
    Who was killing my group stone dead
    Until my blessing of light
    Gave him a fright
    Now my *** are sat on his head
  • Galaen_Frost
    There once was a Nightblade from Beta named Frost
    Whom the Meta did constantly accost
    "Please don't nerf me, I don't PVP"
    Yet come patch day on his arse he'll be tossed.
    Edited by Galaen_Frost on September 22, 2018 6:57PM
    Wandering the lands of Tamriel, waiting for the hammer to drop.
  • Strychnos
    I've got a couple :-)

    This one is about an experience I had doing a random normal:

    Once in a PUG run I did sneeze
    The boss he one shot me with ease
    "You lose with us" they yelled
    Though it was hard to tell
    As they cursed at me in Portuguese

    And this one is my Argonian vampire's backstory:

    A lizard, from city not mire
    Kidnapped by a couple most dire
    Locked away with a thud
    He was kept there for blood
    That's how he became a vampire
    lvl50 Characters:
    Toxlexel (Argonian Templar PvE Healer, EP)
    Grove-of-Trees-Swaying (Argonian Vampire NB PvE Tank, EP)
    Kazabi-daro (Khajiit DK PvE DPS, AD)- build under renovation
    Iroas Candaalil (Maormer [Dunmer] PvE Sorc DPS, EP, vMA build)- build under renovation
    Trick-of-the-Light(Argonian Warden PvE Healer, EP)
    Characters being leveled:
    Meera-Ei (Argonian DK PvP Tank, EP, Grove's sister)
  • ihazzit
    3 players to battle in Vivec
    A magsorc, stam-orc, and a damn cat

    DC zerged in
    The last two jumped in

    But the sorc said gimme a sec
    If you are angry about anything in this game you are only punishing yourself.
  • trowlk
    One day Clavicus Vile found himself a sweetheart
    But every day he has to attend his daedric business
    So he left barbas to keep an eye on her woman while he is working
    And Clavi calls him every day to check her status

    So this is what happened one day:

    The Lusty Daedric Maid

    Volume 1

    Clavi: Is my sweetheart there?

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: She is with Sheo?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And she is on her lingerie?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And they are on my bed?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And what are they doing doggy!? Tell me!
    Barbas: *Pants*Pants*Pants*Pants*

    The Lusty Daedric Maid

    Volume 2

    Clavi: Are they still there?

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And they are drinking my whiskey?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And listening to my music?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: Talking about me?!

    Barbas: *Woof... Woof*

    Clavi: And what are they doing Barbas?! Tell me! Tell me!
    Barbas: *Pants*Pants*Pants*Pants*

  • f047ys3v3n
    Once were the leaderboard full,
    Then the wobbler came to despoil,
    Softcaps were gone, and champions all,
    But they quit now I'm stuck with this fool
    I am mostly pleased with the current state of ESO. Please do continue to ban cheaters though and you guys have to find out who is duping gold and how because the economy is currently non-functional.
  • Omnia
    There once was an Orc named Fengrush,
    Many enemies daily, would he crush.
    “Bend the Knee”, said mi’ Lord,
    Striking his foes, rather bored.
    All the Covenant to his side, soon would rush.

    “(Gosh darned), SPRINT BUG!!” yelled mi' Lord with a sigh
    The enemy seemingly mighty and high.
    Red and yellow got PAKT UP,
    On their heads, would he sup.
    Called to arms with a roaring battle cry.

    The Dominion he vowed to defeat.
    Pressing on to the scrolls in the keeps,
    With Orc Army in tow,
    Much havoc did they sow.
    And Emperor soon would he be.

    One day close to Blue Road, the Keep
    A dragon would soon take a leap.
    “Son of a (Breton)!” he shouted
    As a warden also soon sprouted.
    "No one's unbeatable!" gg, go to sleep.

    He stood proud over those he had slain.
    "God Bless" said our Lord as he reigned.
    The Orcs bowed to their Liege
    As they took out the siege.
    A victory for the Sotha Sil campaign.

    EDITED: for the nitpickers.
    Edited by Omnia on September 24, 2018 3:47PM
  • rfennell_ESO
    There once was a sorcerer so feared
    He shielded and shielded without a peer
    Then came ZOS, in with a nerf
    Now the sorc, merely a serf
    His account declines in arrears
  • Crown
    Amazing work so far, both here and on Discord. We'll probably keep this going through the end of September and decide on a winner early next week.
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
    PvP Guides @
  • paulsimonps
    Love this thread. Made me think of this old review from Zero Punctuation, if a bit off topic, but limerick lovers will like it.

  • Idinuse
    There once lived a man in a bubble.
    Stealing folks fun - that robbe´!
    Whom, I won't say,
    even if you pay.
    But the name rhymes with trouble.

    Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium dolorem que laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  • Omnia
    Last one I promise. It was just fun to write and I was a bit bored today. My poor husband... :D

    There once was a Khajiit stranded in Bruma,
    Who found he was quite out of the Skooma.
    He asked around town,
    If more could be found,
    And the innkeeper whispered, “…Von’Drooma.”

    “Von’Drooma?” he said, making a clatter,
    For they all knew, just what was, the matter.
    The war-maiden was large,
    And she liked to take charge,
    His poor heart went pitter and patter.

    “No choice, this one has”, he lamented,
    So sure his doom firmly cemented.
    With a cloak and a zoom,
    He snuck into her room.
    Eye’s lighting on bottles, fermented.

    “Couldn’t resist? Eh..?.” came from behind,
    As Von’Drooma lumbered in, like 2 jiit’s combined.
    She took off her eye patch,
    And he started to scratch,
    This one must have been out of his mind.

    He rushed out in the night with the Skooma,
    Since he quickly snuck out of her room a’.
    This one felt like a fool,
    When she started to drool,
    And not again would he stay there, in Bruma.
  • rumple9
    Zos started an event called Summerfall,
    With a pet, mount and a house for us all,
    They put up a meter,
    But the game's still in Beta,
    So they sold the house behind a paywall
  • AoEnwyr
    I once met a cat name Raz,
    He wore tight leather pants on his ass,
    When I fell from the sky
    I met the Queen's Eye
    So burnt all my panties and bras

    (p.s. no I'm not a Furry but still Raz is a beast)
  • cheops
    I hate these *** crown crates
    Its just making me frown mate,
    Stop grabbing my money
    its not even funny
    you really should hurry
    Micro-transactions make me worry
    I'd rather eat slurry, than spunk any money
    Its just plain greedy, needy and seedy
    Exploiting chumps, just makes you lot flumps
    Less than 10 percent of the base, shouldn't bring a smile to your face!
    The uptakes a disgrace!!

    lol, thats rap not limerick!
    good though
  • red_emu
    I thought this was about Limerick in Ireland. Got me excited that an Irish community exists in ESO :disappointed:
    PC - EU:
    Falathren Noctis - AD MagNecro
    Falathren - AD StamSorc
    Falathren Eryndaer - AD StamDen
    Falathren Irimion - AD MagPlar
    Talagan Falathren - AD StamDK
    Falathren Infernis - AD MagDK
    Your-Ex - AD MagBlade
  • FrancisCrawford
    Vampire Ben, in his perversity,
    Turned a Southern university.
    Said his nephew, "That's not nice!
    Uncle Ben's converted Rice!"
  • pod88kk
    Did you know that there is a city in Ireland called Limerick and it's Gaelic spelling is Luimnech which means Cloak or shielded. Is this somehow a Nerf shields & Cloak thread now? ;p
  • Amanuensis
    Limerick contest is over, I think. Here's one anyway:

    Emeric favors miscegenation
    Ayrenn's Eyes are a furry sensation
    Whilst Jorunn the Skald-King
    And his Pact of noob zerglings
    Like Campaign pawnage and domination
  • Crown
    Contest is now closed (unless another amazing one gets submitted before prizes go out). Being as there are a few that are so amazing that I can't pick a winner for, I'm just going to split the prize between a few people. Updates shortly with winners to be confirmed!
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
    PvP Guides @
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