The Scribes of Fate DLC and Update 37 base game patch are now available to test on the PTS! You can read the latest patch notes here:
Maintenance for the week of February 6:
· [IN PROGRESS] NA megaservers for patch maintenance – February 9, 4:00AM EST (9:00 UTC) - 10:00AM EST (15:00 UTC)
· [IN PROGRESS] EU megaservers for patch maintenance – February 9, 9:00 UTC (4:00AM EST) - 15:00 UTC (10:00AM EST)

ESO Limerick Contest

It's once again time for Crown's (sort of) annual limerick contest!

The winner will be entitled to the grand prize of one million gold! Prizes can only be given to players on PC/NA (unless someone wants to donate prizes on other platforms and in other regions).

Limericks will be scored out of 10:
  • Up to 7 points given for how hard you make me laugh (dirty limericks > clean limericks).
  • Up to 2 points given for being ESO relevant (more relevant = better).
  • 1 point given for being PvP relevant.

You may submit multiple stanzas as one submission.

Submissions should be made in the #limerick_contest channel of the ESO PvP Discord @ Considering that there may be rather "bad" language in some submissions, I don't want to encourage violating forum rules (or try to figure out what the stars **** mean if language is auto-corrected here). If you have a non-dirty submission you're welcome to post it here as well.

Feel free to copy-paste elsewhere. This should be fun!
Edited by Crown on September 20, 2018 6:49PM
Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
PvP Guides @
  • Acrolas
    To add permission to post in #limerick_contest, first go to #permissions and add one command from each group:

    .iam AD
    .iam DC
    .iam EP
    .iam AD/EP
    .iam AD/DC
    .iam DC/EP
    .iam AD/DC/EP

    .iam NA
    .iam EU

    .iam PC
    .iam PlayStation
    .iam XBox
    signing off
  • Enemy-of-Coldharbour
    There once was a Bosmer from Nantucket...oh wait...never mind.

    Silivren (Silly) Thalionwen | Altmer Templar | Magicka | 9-Trait Master Crafter/Jeweler | Master Angler | PVE Main - Killed by U35
    Jahsul at-Sahan | Redguard Sorcerer | Stamina | Werewolf - Free Bites | PVP Main
    Derrok Gunnolf | Redguard Dragonknight | Stamina | Werewolf - Free Bites
    Liliana Littleleaf | 9-Trait Grand Master Crafter/Jeweler (non-combat)
    Amber Emberheart | Breton Dragonknight | Stamina | Master Angler
    Vlos Anon | Dunmer Nightblade | Magicka | Vampire - Free Bites
    Kalina Valos | Dunmer Warden | Magicka | Vampire - Free Bites
    Swiftpaws-Moonshadow | Khajiit Nightblade | Stamina
    Morgul Vardar | Altmer Necromancer | Magicka
    Tithin Geil | Altmer Sorceress | Magicka
    Dhryk | Imperial Dragonknight | Stamina

    Guild Master - ESO Traders Union
    PC/NA - CP 1990+
  • BeefyMrTips
    There once was a Crown on PC

    Catered only to those he could see

    Since we don't share a server

    And quite short of murder

    Lets just say

    He better find a way

    To get that million gold to me


    Mr. was my Father's name, just the tips is fine.
  • BWS2K
    How will I do? Well let's just see,
    I'll write 'bout a lizard who's lusty,
    From lady to fella
    More fans than Dibella,
    A pro at PvP, just you trust me!
    Emphasis key:
    How will I do? Well let's just see,
    I'll write 'bout a lizard who's lusty,
    From lady to fella
    More fans than Dibella,
    A pro at PvP, just you trust me!
    Edit: Totally realized I messed up the rhyming scheme, so I made a tiny adjustment. I was... distracted. ;)
    Edited by BWS2K on September 20, 2018 10:14PM
  • WreckfulAbandon
    Tien hailed from Old Elden Root,
    His jagga-drenched parties a hoot,
    But you all picked Orc
    For your Stamina Sorcs,
    So Tien went instead to the Moot.
    PC NA

    All my comments are regarding PvP
  • AhPook_Is_Here
    There once was a mage with a bucket,
    who's staff was so long he could reach coconuts.
    But his clan-fear, named Chet,
    caught him polishing it,
    and stunned casting shields Chet made him tuck it.
    -Unknown American
  • Stewart1874
    I hate these *** crown crates
    Its just making me frown mate,
    Stop grabbing my money
    its not even funny
    you really should hurry
    Micro-transactions make me worry
    I'd rather eat slurry, than spunk any money
    Its just plain greedy, needy and seedy
    Exploiting chumps, just makes you lot flumps
    Less than 10 percent of the base, shouldn't bring a smile to your face!
    The uptakes a disgrace!!
    Edited by Stewart1874 on September 20, 2018 10:08PM
    PS4 - Europe - Aldmeri Dominion
  • Crown
    rumple9 wrote: »
    There once was a Bosmer named Joe,
    Who liked to slay Nightblades with Sloads
    But whilst casting a shield,
    He couldn’t get any heals,
    And the loadscreen caused his brain to explode

    @rumple9 This is my current favourite!
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
    PvP Guides @
  • Crown
    Amanuensis wrote: »
    Darien Gautier loves all the chicks
    Human, Beast, Mer or Daedric
    The harem at his feet
    Was offered a treat
    "Want to give my sweetroll a lick?"

    Oh my god.. @Amanuensis This is also my favourite!

    Keep them coming!
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
    PvP Guides @
  • Crown
    @ZOS_GinaBruno @ZOS_JessicaFolsom Would it be possible to add a lore book somewhere in an upcoming patch with the best results of this contest?
    Crown | AD NB | First AD/NA Grand Overlord (2015/12/26)
    PvP Guides @
  • RaddlemanNumber7
    There once was an authorly dark elf,
    Who was really in love with himself.
    Narsis Dren was his name,
    And tomb robbing his game,
    So, do not take his books off the shelf.

    PC EU
  • StamWhipCultist

  • Sheezabeast
    There once was a tavern in Riften,
    Where wanderers came in from driftin'.
    They caroused and they drank,
    Some smelled pretty rank,
    And a good time was had by most.

    Those frowning were leery,
    Some even teary,
    From the people RPing in chat.

    The Orcs began stripping,
    Some Nords pants were ripping...
    And the mead continued to flow.

    The bartender turned an eye,
    To the scene gone awry!
    As he poured them more drinks,
    To himself he thinks,
    "This is why it's called the Withered Tree!"

    Grand Master Crafter, Beta baby who grew with the game. PC/NA. @Sheezabeast if you have crafting needs!
  • xxthir13enxx
    There once was a Bosmer from Nantucket...oh wait...never mind.

    ^Wins cause I intended to make the same
  • StamWhipCultist
    23 alts on 2 accounts,
    thousands of hours spent in the game
    countless pets, costumes, mounts
    and in PvP I am still lame

    Maining a DK thats stamina based
    I must admit I do lack a skill
    There are enemies that leave me amazed
    With godlike damage, and hard to kill

    Being a weakling I somteimes do send
    toxic whispers to players like these
    Later I cool down and in the end
    all I can do is salute their skill and expertise

    On other hand if your gear is pure cheese
    consisting of bs like sloads or zaan
    know that you deserved whispers like these
    where ppl question are you a man.
    Edited by StamWhipCultist on September 21, 2018 12:39PM
  • greenmachine
    There was a Khajiit named Pacrooti
    Who saw it as his civic duty
    To convert my bankroll
    Into potions and scrolls
    Now I can't afford skooma or booty

    The Bosmer at whom I make passes
    Completely ignores my advances
    But I find it a hoot
    The way she stands in Elden Root
    And pronounces the word BRRRRANCHES

    My fingers stained with wormwood and cornflower
    Rolis Hlaalu makes my mood sour
    When he says, snootily indeed,
    "About time. Got what I need?"
    Though I've been turning in Alchemy writs for an hour
    greenmachine513 PS4-NA
    GM of Aldmeri People's Front
    Ionien - Altmer Mag Sorc Stormproof | Dr Jonny Fever - Breton Healplar | Bernie Dresden - Dunmer MagDK | Crushasaurus Rex - Argonian Stam DK
    Ser Greywulf - Nord DK Tank | Meow Kapwn - Khajit Magblade | Twink Versatile - Bosmer Stamblade | Loke-Tarr - Orc Stamden | Juicy Thunderthighs - Redguard Stamsorc | Frizz Grizzberg - Magden | Hax Killstealer - Dunmer Mag Sorc

  • Noose
    Soul Shriven
    Edit: Saw the rules
    Edited by Noose on September 21, 2018 2:23PM
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