Humorous ESO in-game truisms (just for fun, not a thread for complaints or insults)

tinythinker · May 2014

I'll toss one out to start.

You know a group member is a provisioner when they run off and miss a battle to check out a crate, barrel, or sack.

sovreign · May 2014

Nice try on a positive post for once.

I'll bite.

Picking up an item thinking 'oh man, I can use this' and then deleting it 5 minutes later for a green armor item cause your inventory is maxed..

tinythinker · May 2014

sovreign wrote: »

Picking up an item thinking 'oh man, I can use this' and then deleting it 5 minutes later for a green armor item cause your inventory is maxed..

Yeah, I've had that for blue items too, and once in a while you luck out and see a traveling merchant walking toward you. Happened to me today.

dannymcgr81b14_ESO · May 2014

"Must run quickly before this thing explodes and kills us al....oooo an iron node!"

Dagoth_Rac · May 2014

NPC: "Please, brave adventurer, we desperately need your help or we will die in the next 5 seconds!"

Me: "Think you can hang in there for a couple more minutes? I need to loot every bookshelf, crate, and nightstand in the vicinity. After that, I would be glad to help you."

(2 Minutes Later)

NPC: "Are you done? I am on the verge of passing out from blood loss."

Me: "Yes, I can help you now. Wait! There is an UPSTAIRS? Why didn't you tell me!? Be right back..."

Noswell · May 2014

When porting to town with a full inventory, without fail I'll go to the crafting stations first to try to deconstruct things, then realize I need to go deposit things in my bank, on the other side of Egypt, first.

Cogo · May 2014

When I was deconstructing after a journey of fighting...I managed to remove and deconstruct my helm, which was my best item.

yiasemi · May 2014

Putting a brave face on it and leaving town with no pants on because you tried upgrading with 90% success rate and destroyed your old pair, you klutz. No mats available. Or money to buy new ones. I recommend whistling for your horse and going round the back way through the alleys. Gallop like you meant it.

rattbagrwb17_ESO · May 2014

Me this week:
Queue for dungeon, pour a nice glass of whiskey and sit around in town while the group forms.
Finally a tank pops into group, "everyone ready to port?"

Sudden thought "Its been a while since I cleaned my bags out"
I take a quick look at my inventory: 97/100
ahh crap...

stabbykitteh · May 2014

Not paying attention...

For instance, a group successfully closes a Dark Anchor in VR. Group then stands around chatting afterwards, like you do, blissfully unaware that enough time has passed for the Anchor to drop again...

Oops

ViciousMink · May 2014

"Take this pendant. It forces werewolves to change, revealing them for the monsters they are!"
Me: (character sheet has LYCANTHROPY stamped on it) "Uhhh, you don't say...."

"Put your swords down, boys, this one doesn't look like a werewolf," Darien says of the eight-foot-tall werewolf walking into the Camlorn Cathedral.

Guard: "Thank you for saving us from those werewolves!"
Me: (currently a werewolf Devouring a body) "Jus' one mo'... *smack*munch*chomp* Be with you in a sec. *omnomnom*"

Faolchu the Undying (Werewolf): "I will devour your bones!"
Me the Squishy (Werewolf): "Bring it, fleabag! ...Wait...."
(Probably) Faolchu: "Pot, Kettle, Black?"
(Probably) Me: "Shut up!"

Liquid_Time · May 2014

"Oh look someone riding alone in Craglor. How silly of them."
-Engage in fight-
-Three more ride up-

**Lose Fight**

RomedyMC · May 2014

Every.... banker.... ever....

"Niedras?! A Thief?! And to think I trusted him with our valuables..."
"No other banking institution offers the troll safety guarantee!"
"Five fold venerations to you friend! You are here to make a deposit, yes?"

What we really need are bankers that sit and chit chat with each other while we spam "E" trying to get their attention.
- "I'll be with you in a minute!"
- "Can't you see I'm on break?"

Not once have I been arrested for going behind the desk in Davon's Watch. Maybe with the crime system...

Finally, holding "shift" like a boss to crouch so I can take a peek over the edge and not fall off a cliff like in minecra... *dead*

KhajitFurTrader · May 2014

[After saving king and kingdom from nefarious plots of some Daedric Prince]

Random town guard: "Wanna lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? I could lob your head off."

Why, thanks! Now I feel recognized... ungrateful oaf! :P

starlizard70ub17_ESO · May 2014

Khajiit merchant; "These claws are only good for slashing prices now."

Lord_Draevan · May 2014

My character, and Argonian, running through Mournhold, then I hear two Dunmer guards:
"Too many Argonians around these days... makes me nervous".
I then run up to him like:
"HEARD YOU WAS TALKIN' ***"
Then spend the next few minutes shooting arrows through him for being a ***.

BBSooner · May 2014

"Oh man, somebody in this house has been murd... BOOKSHELF! LOOT ALL THE THINGS"