Humorous ESO in-game truisms (just for fun, not a thread for complaints or insults)

tinythinker

I'll toss one out to start.

You know a group member is a provisioner when they run off and miss a battle to check out a crate, barrel, or sack.

sovreign

Nice try on a positive post for once.

I'll bite.

Picking up an item thinking 'oh man, I can use this' and then deleting it 5 minutes later for a green armor item cause your inventory is maxed..

tinythinker

sovreign wrote: »

Picking up an item thinking 'oh man, I can use this' and then deleting it 5 minutes later for a green armor item cause your inventory is maxed..

Yeah, I've had that for blue items too, and once in a while you luck out and see a traveling merchant walking toward you. Happened to me today.

dannymcgr81b14_ESO

"Must run quickly before this thing explodes and kills us al....oooo an iron node!"

Dagoth_Rac

NPC: "Please, brave adventurer, we desperately need your help or we will die in the next 5 seconds!"

Me: "Think you can hang in there for a couple more minutes? I need to loot every bookshelf, crate, and nightstand in the vicinity. After that, I would be glad to help you."

(2 Minutes Later)

NPC: "Are you done? I am on the verge of passing out from blood loss."

Me: "Yes, I can help you now. Wait! There is an UPSTAIRS? Why didn't you tell me!? Be right back..."

Noswell

When porting to town with a full inventory, without fail I'll go to the crafting stations first to try to deconstruct things, then realize I need to go deposit things in my bank, on the other side of Egypt, first.

Cogo

When I was deconstructing after a journey of fighting...I managed to remove and deconstruct my helm, which was my best item.

yiasemi

Putting a brave face on it and leaving town with no pants on because you tried upgrading with 90% success rate and destroyed your old pair, you klutz. No mats available. Or money to buy new ones. I recommend whistling for your horse and going round the back way through the alleys. Gallop like you meant it.

rattbagrwb17_ESO

Me this week:
Queue for dungeon, pour a nice glass of whiskey and sit around in town while the group forms.
Finally a tank pops into group, "everyone ready to port?"

Sudden thought "Its been a while since I cleaned my bags out"
I take a quick look at my inventory: 97/100
ahh crap...

stabbykitteh

Not paying attention...

For instance, a group successfully closes a Dark Anchor in VR. Group then stands around chatting afterwards, like you do, blissfully unaware that enough time has passed for the Anchor to drop again...

Oops

ViciousMink

"Take this pendant. It forces werewolves to change, revealing them for the monsters they are!"
Me: (character sheet has LYCANTHROPY stamped on it) "Uhhh, you don't say...."

"Put your swords down, boys, this one doesn't look like a werewolf," Darien says of the eight-foot-tall werewolf walking into the Camlorn Cathedral.

Guard: "Thank you for saving us from those werewolves!"
Me: (currently a werewolf Devouring a body) "Jus' one mo'... *smack*munch*chomp* Be with you in a sec. *omnomnom*"

Faolchu the Undying (Werewolf): "I will devour your bones!"
Me the Squishy (Werewolf): "Bring it, fleabag! ...Wait...."
(Probably) Faolchu: "Pot, Kettle, Black?"
(Probably) Me: "Shut up!"

Liquid_Time

"Oh look someone riding alone in Craglor. How silly of them."
-Engage in fight-
-Three more ride up-

**Lose Fight**

RomedyMC

Every.... banker.... ever....

"Niedras?! A Thief?! And to think I trusted him with our valuables..."
"No other banking institution offers the troll safety guarantee!"
"Five fold venerations to you friend! You are here to make a deposit, yes?"

What we really need are bankers that sit and chit chat with each other while we spam "E" trying to get their attention.
- "I'll be with you in a minute!"
- "Can't you see I'm on break?"

Not once have I been arrested for going behind the desk in Davon's Watch. Maybe with the crime system...

Finally, holding "shift" like a boss to crouch so I can take a peek over the edge and not fall off a cliff like in minecra... *dead*

KhajitFurTrader

[After saving king and kingdom from nefarious plots of some Daedric Prince]

Random town guard: "Wanna lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? I could lob your head off."

Why, thanks! Now I feel recognized... ungrateful oaf! :P

starlizard70ub17_ESO

Khajiit merchant; "These claws are only good for slashing prices now."

Lord_Draevan

My character, and Argonian, running through Mournhold, then I hear two Dunmer guards:
"Too many Argonians around these days... makes me nervous".
I then run up to him like:
"HEARD YOU WAS TALKIN' ***"
Then spend the next few minutes shooting arrows through him for being a ***.

BBSooner

"Oh man, somebody in this house has been murd... BOOKSHELF! LOOT ALL THE THINGS"