Why add me as a friend and then never talk to me again?

disintegr8 · October 2023

The only people who stay on my friends list are my alt accounts and a friend who I've been playing with for 7 years. Some guild mates get added if I run trials and things with them, but if I leave the guild, they usually get removed again.

I don't play MMOs to be sociable, I like my own company and peace and quiet. This explains why I'm also not on any form of social media.

TaSheen · October 2023

disintegr8 wrote: »

The only people who stay on my friends list are my alt accounts and a friend who I've been playing with for 7 years. Some guild mates get added if I run trials and things with them, but if I leave the guild, they usually get removed again.

I don't play MMOs to be sociable, I like my own company and peace and quiet. This explains why I'm also not on any form of social media.

Agreed in every respect. I despise social media.... and I'm quite happy being a hermit BECAUSE I'm happy with my own company.

whitecrow · October 2023

I don't remember the last time I friended someone, but this always confused me as well. Not long ago I pared my list down to maybe about 10 people, who I actually had significant interactions with (guildmates), but I still basically play solo.

BlueViolet · October 2023

I rarely add people, and I don't send friend requests unless I ask the person first. I generally don't accept them from just random people who I've never even interacted with. Its no offense if I reject requests, I would just rather not clutter my friend list with people who wont ever interact with me.
I generally assume other people feel the same, which is why I always ask first before sending requests.

Daoin · October 2023

i have 12 people in my friend list, 8 have played in last week and longest offline is 5 months. one still in my friend list is over about 5 years now and we have never chatted or grouped up

just briefly partied on a map back then 5 years ago

M_Volsung · October 2023

I have eight people on my friends list... five of them haven't been online for periods varying from a few months to several years, the other three I'm literally within talking distance of in my house...

The friends list is quite useless to me.

peacenote · October 2023

Interesting.

I play at unusual times (early Sat and Sun mornings) so I typically add people to my friends list if we have a good pug dungeon or trial run in case it turns out that they regularly play at the same time I do. I put a note on them that says "tank from xyz run" or similar. Otherwise I'll never, ever find them again. I'll ping them if I need someone to fill a similar role in the future, and if they are frequently in content I like to do I might ask if their guild is recruiting.

I definitely don't add people to have conversations...I add them because I assume mutual interest in filling spots when playing the game.

The list of people I regularly whisper with is VERY short and ESO doesn't have two different lists (friends and acquaintances) so the single friends list must work for both use cases.

It never occurred to me, not even once, that someone I added in a pug run with minimal chatting would expect regular conversation.

SilverBride · October 2023

peacenote wrote: »

It never occurred to me, not even once, that someone I added in a pug run with minimal chatting would expect regular conversation.

If someone initiated a friend request with me I expect at least an occasional "Hey!" or "Do you want to run the RND?" or some kind of interaction. If they never intend to interact with me again then why friend me?

Four_Fingers · October 2023

I tend to have a lot more friends on console than the one on my PC account. lmao
And even on console we text chat more in discord.

Paralyse · October 2023

I do 95% of my social interaction in ESO via Discord, apart from trade guild auction nights or trivia events.

The only reason I add friends to my list in ESO is so I know if they're online in game or not. That also lets me know whom I can ask if I am looking for fills for a dungeon or trial. Most of my ESO friends come from the various Discord servers I'm in.

It is far, far easier to socialize on Discord than it is in-game, and not just from a voice chat perspective; I enjoy being able to share screenshots, pictures, video links, etc. with my friends, and the game supports none of those things natively.

SilverBride · October 2023

Paralyse wrote: »

It is far, far easier to socialize on Discord than it is in-game, and not just from a voice chat perspective; I enjoy being able to share screenshots, pictures, video links, etc. with my friends, and the game supports none of those things natively.

I find the opposite to be true in my case.

I find it much easier to chat within the game setting than to minimize my game while playing, or use my phone or other device to chat in discord. On the rare occasions I've wanted to share a screenshot etc. I do direct message the friend in discord but most of my interaction with my game friends occurs in game while playing together.

Paralyse · October 2023

I use two monitors. Discord and everything else runs on the left, ESO on the right.

Now, in the old days, I preferred guild chat and tells/whispers, because that's all we had before VC existed, especially when I only had one monitor, so I can certainly see (and remember) the inconvenience of only being able to read both at once. But that's because I am a much faster typist than speaker, and that's not the case for some players these days, for whom typing things is a much slower means of communication than voice chat.

I think a lot of gamers are so used to running two screens these days that it's very easy to forget that many players do not have that luxury for whatever reason (money, desk space, etc.) so that tends to color one's perspective.

Freilauftomate · October 2023

Maybe it has something to do with how people see themselves and each other with a lot of "friends" and followers... Maybe some kind of social media disease?

I have almost no friends (5-10) because ESO freezes for 1-2 seconds every time one of my playstation-friends comes online or goes offline. Just happening in ESO, no other games. I often have to explain myself to people i play with, so nobody feels offended. But i stay in contact with them on discord, playstation party system and guildchat anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Just crazy how buggy this game is in so many ways.

SeaGtGruff · October 2023

I'll occasionally send friend requests so I can contact people I'm going to craft for, and I'll accept friend requests from others. But I rarely initiate conversations with other players on my friends list when I see them log in-- not to be rude or distant, but partly because I'm usually in the middle of something, and partly because I don't know if they enjoy getting messages from other people while they're trying to play. I guess I figure that if they want help doing something, or to ask if I'll craft some gear for them, they'll message me first.

Elvenheart · October 2023

There are several names on my friends list, out of those, one I see almost every day and is a true friend, one plays occasionally and sometimes asks for help with a big boss or something and if I’m able I’m glad to oblige, and one gave my first character the gift of vampirism 9+ years ago and we haven’t talked since. But like me, that person still plays to this day, and almost daily I see them cycle though a list of characters with interesting lore-appropriate names, presumably doing their crafting writs for the day. I often wonder what they think when they see my character names as I cycle through my characters, and if they remember that I ended up on their list because they gave me a bite at one point. 🧛‍♂️

Arafyn · October 2023

Sometimes, it's just someone fumbling with a bad interface

DreamyLu · October 2023

In ESO and in my main game, as idiotic as it may sound, I use the friend list for "non-friend" players.

I explain: if players are friends, I'm in contact with them via discord and/or they're guildies and/or they're in my real life. So, contact is straight and I have no need to use the friend list for them.

Aside of that, there are persons I like, but with whom I have no regular contact. They're not in my guild, not in my real life and we're not bound in discord. For those, the friend list is the best way to keep contact and it's very useful.

peacenote · October 2023

SilverBride wrote: »

peacenote wrote: »

It never occurred to me, not even once, that someone I added in a pug run with minimal chatting would expect regular conversation.

If someone initiated a friend request with me I expect at least an occasional "Hey!" or "Do you want to run the RND?" or some kind of interaction. If they never intend to interact with me again then why friend me?

Well it depends on the circumstances of how they friended you and how you define interact.

For the scenario I described, I intend to *potentially* interact with people such that I may say "want to be our 4th in vDSR?" or "want to run pledges?" IF they are on at the same time as me and IF they aren't already clearly running other content. And I expect the same types of communications in return.

What I'm not going to do is ping them and say "hey good morning!" or "long time no see!" while they are in vCR and I'm only on for 15 min to do dailies. Especially since we never had that kind of interaction to begin with.

Now, if someone friended you after, say, you connected in zone chat about a topic where you were typing back and forth for 30 min or more and you ended the friend request with "chat soon!" or something like that... well, then, if they don't interact with you and say hello that might be a little odd. But I personally don't have those types of interactions or use the friends list in that way.

And I agree with what others have said that conversations with my close friends usually are in Discord, and actually they tend to be when we aren't all on playing together, because when we are playing together we are on voice chat.

Rogue_WolfESO · October 2023

PVE people who have added me are from pug dungeons where we have had a good run, or something funny happened that we all laughed about. Mostly, I will never hear from them again, aside from the occasional pm asking if I can help run dungeon or trial or fill in somehow. The majority on my friends list today are from pvp, and those people I interact with a lot more because I focus pvp gameplay.
TLDR: maybe some of your friends have changed their gameplay styles?

Daoin · October 2023

if you did well during a dungeon who ever friended you will probably get in touch again for something, if you were just a nice guy they probably did it to be polite at the time but have no intention of chatting with you again. for example your dps was very high or tanking very good and they need you for something

Redguards_Revenge · October 2023

It's so annoying I can't keep up with friends. I'd rather just be a fill in for dungeon runs. 4/5 I give the items even though I don't have them.

SandandStars · October 2023

human social dynamics run toward the self-serving

we want to appear nice and friendly without having to exert the effort to actually be nice and friendly

vibeborn · October 2023

I'm shy

I have maybe 20ish friends on my friendslist in-game, and most of them, are them adding me, but admittedly, I am very bad at communicating with them (also some haven't been online for over a year)

A few I have exchanged discords with.

But most of those, whom I would call my friends, aren't even on my friendslist, but from my main guild, and we talk mostly on discord.

My brother who used to play the game, a lot on end-game level, a few years ago, would sometimes appear offline on Steam (and maybe also in-game) because if he didn't, he would get tons of PMs from friends asking for help or to do something with them, when he just wanted to chill while gaming

Necrotech_Master · October 2023

i have my friend list maxed out, but a lot of it is too lazy to delete ones that havent been online for many months lol

i do have some friends i chat with every day and even outside the game through other applications
i also have some people who added as friends, that i rarely talk to or havent talked to in months lol

if i had them on my friend list its likely because i had a positive interaction, and then suggested if they needed help or something in the future can add me to friends, and that becomes the extent of the interaction

the friends list i see as a conglomeration of "casual acquaintances" to "good friends", the more casual the acquaintance, the less i usually end up interacting with them

i dont feel like i have any obligation to message them, but if say im in a group and we need a fill (dungeon or trial), then ill at least offer to people on my friend list as a nicety, if they say no then i leave it at that, as i figure they might be busy or not comfortable with that content, and most of the ones who decline usually still thank me for offering

mocap · October 2023

they're not friends, more like acquaintances (fancy word, don't even know how to pronounce it)

Marronsuisse · October 2023

I think most of my friends have come from when I'm trying to rez someone in a hectic PvP battle and someone gets in the way. I am... so clumsy with the player interact button :P It's kind of funny that people accept those friend requests, but I also accept probably-accidental requests too, just to be nice.

So, yeah, I don't really talk to people on my friends list since the only thing we have in common is being awkward butterfingers.