I heard an NPC say this....

crislevin

I said "this crappy quartz should cover it, catman!"

This is a bosmer in reaper's march. My alt is in AD.

Kemono

MasterSpatula wrote: »

"All Khajiit are grey in the dark." (in AD, not DC)

Oscar Wilde would be proud.

I dont belive it

nudel

"My temper is short and my blade is long...so watch it."

"An undead werewolf took over Camlorn. An undead...werewolf? How does that even work?"

Jeremy

j.murro2ub17_ESO wrote: »

"I need another drink like a head in a hole"

Random statement from a male npc in the streets of Shornhelm outside the Dead Wolf Inn.

While walking through the game I hear all kinds of funny stuff the npc's are saying randomly. This one made me laugh when I heard it.
If you heard anything really funny or interesting that an npc has said, please post it.

I was exploring a random house and noticed a guy getting a personal lap dance on his bed. Was pretty funny ^^

This game definitely has little gems of humor buried out there for thorough players to discover.

kargen27

When you offer to buy a certain person a drink and ask what they want the response is something like, doesn't matter the ale tastes like gutter water and the gutter water tastes like ***. I don't remember it exactly though and couldn't get a repeat.

Kashtana

Shock me, say something intelligent.

XquixoticalX

"Just so you know, as you talk I'm going to imagine there's a little person inside you moving your mouth like a puppet. It helps keep me interested."

- Sheogorath (who else?)

Sharee

"If you lack the claws, a sword will do, yes?" - Khajiit weapon merchant in wayrest.

Rev Rielle

When asking a Nord in Coldharbour if he missed home...

BulbousMeathead

I like the Nord guy somewhere in Deshaan ( iirc ) who was ruminating on the glowing mushrooms: "that's not appropriate mushroom behaviour. I don't approve"

nudel

I heard a drunken bandit say, 'That's what SHE said.'

I couldn't help smiling.

Rev Rielle

A guard in Coldharbour:
"I hear cultists overtook Eagle's Brook. We should double our security here."

High_Marshal

nudel wrote: »

"An undead werewolf took over Camlorn. An undead...werewolf? How does that even work?"

I heard a ghost say that one.

I clicked on a a guy in the Daggerfall inn who said something like:
"The barkeep cut me off, says I am too drunk. I do my best drinking when I am drunk."

LadyLothi

At least some people know what makes this game so much fun to play.

My personal highlight was the letter from the Count of Alcaire to King Emeric (lies on a dresser somewhere in the countess' bedchamber) in which he thanks Emeric for finding him a wife (the countess is the queen's younger sister).

In the PS of that letter he says something like "Why didn't you tell me which great things Redguard women can do in the bedroom, you sly fox?"

Cracked me up , because I so totally didn't expect that.

MasterSpatula

Nice necro!

Current favorite generic guard statement: "When all is said and done, much more is said than done."

DeLindsay

"You think I'm being smart with you? How would you know?" Random guards.

reggielee

"If you want to lose 10lbs of ugly fat, I'd be happy to chop your head off"..


that from some random guard i was passing by.. i was like.. wtf did you just say???? its on!

Runefell

"The only fish that goes with the flow is a dead one." -Random Bandit

'Shoes? Shoes are for lesser men! My manly toes need to breathe!" - A very drunk and barefoot Parquier Gimbert

Tekalynn

"Who throws cat *** in people's faces?!" A horrified NPC after I had, in fact, thrown "eau de chat" at her for perfectly legitimate quest-related purposes. Alas, the game gave me no opportunity to apologize.

wookiefriseur

Rough translation of a bandit quote:

"I only kill people who kill people. Because killing is bad."

Zershar_Vemod

The other day while walking I heard a conversation between npcs and as I walked by I heard, "...that's what she said." No lie.

Carraig

How about this one? Very appropiate for a game:

"There are no rules, but I will let you know if you break one."
It nullifies the prase "rules are made to be broken."

Also very friendly:

"if you question authority, authority has some questions for you."
I thought we're supposed to be on the same side.... well, atleast until the justice system gets implemented.

Panda244

There's a group of people in Northern Cyrodiil, near Whitefall Mountain, they're basically servants of Sanguine, if you talk to the one by the wagon thing, he'll ask if you want a special drink, and then your screen will fade to black and you're character will wake up in the bushes nearby... Roofie'd much?

Ffastyl

"What was her name? The pretty one with the beard." ~bandit

Some Guard lines:
"If you break any laws around here, I'll break your skull."
"Speak softly... Last night's revelry is today's headache." (best said from male guards in Rivenspire)
"If you want to lose ten pounds of ugly fat, I'd be happy to chop off your head."
"I bet if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless."
"Go on. Say something intelligent."
"A couple arrows shy of a quiver are you?"
"I shouldn't have joined the guards. This is a Nord's work." (Dunmer Guards)
"I should have joined the army. More loot!" (Nord Guards)
"My blade is long overdue for a drink."
"I see trouble as a way to practice my swordsmanship." (agreed)
"You should stop running around and start running your mouth, it needs the exercise." (Heard this once, four months ago. Someone please get the exact quote and correct me!)
"The quickest blade makes the rules around here."
"You look like trouble. ...Are you?"
"Safe roads, soft beds, and full flagons to you." (I always want to respond "And full coffers to you.")

This note is no longer in the game, removed sometime over the Summer of 2014


Some quest related screenshots + dialogue

Staal

"Hide your kids, hide your wife"

Unfortunately I did not see who said this as I was otherwise engaged, however it made me chuckle.
I heard it in Stormhaven, in the northern most town.

DaggerfallTradeMasters

Want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? I be glad to chop off your head!

Just wtf??! just 2 minutes ago i saved the king and now???

Seth_Black

"What's that horrible smell? It's making me hungry."
~Random Orc

Ah, my little mortal. I'm a man of many personalities, but tell you what? They're all very fond of you.
~Sheogorath

WebFeat

"He's not the sharpest arrow in the quiver." - one guard to another.

joschwab3ub17_ESO

I've heard twice now from NPCs in Alk'r dessert and Glenumbra say "that's what she said."

jkemmery

I think it's funny that only the female voice says "That's some weapon you've got there!"