Some concerns about the Jubilee confetti mount

ClowdyAllDay · May 6

Some concerned citizens from Tamriel have noted that the dyes used to make the confetti paper might not be environmentally friendly as they have been shown to possibly have a negative effect on the reproductive rates of various wildlife and also the confetti itself is shown to be not biodegradable or compostable. Hence we are looking for a governing body within Tamriel to take up the cause to conduct further testing and to find alternatives before these substances begin to pollute Tamriel's water supply and we end up drinking these harmful substances. If you wish to join us in our petition please respond below.

TheImperfect · May 6

I feel maybe a petition to the mages guild or perhaps the psijics (maybe they can send it through time?) might help with this endeavour. A concerned citizen.

(secretly I love the confetti - it makes me giggle)

ArchangelIsraphel · May 6

As someone who regularly consumes at least 10, if not more, jesters coffers during every single jesters festival, I refute these claims. Glitter and confetti are a nessicary part of the diet of all citizens in Tamriel. We should all be ingesting much more confetti than we already are. I am glad that the new jubilee horse is properly distributing confetti in our waterways.

If confetti should become outlawed in tamriel, let it be known that I do not keep an obscene amount of jesters coffers stored in my psijic villa along with said jubilee mount. These are slanderous rumors.

Signed,
A Concerned Bosmer Citizen

P.S. I will not be participating in the illegal distribution of confetti at a location on the outskirts of fargrave. Definitely not.

Lixiviant · May 6

I like farting confetti, toxic or not.

WhiteCoatSyndrome · May 6

Sharp wishes me to inform all of you that several of the fish he caught recently had confetti in their guts.

Lugaldu · May 6

Oh, that's why more and more mounts in Tamriel are glowing, glittering, and making strange loud noises!

code65536 · May 6

I believe this requires further study. A very well-funded study...

ArchangelIsraphel · May 6

I would like to submit that if ZOS wishes to conduct a study on the health effects of confetti in Tamriel, I will willingly participate as a test subject.

Testing must be thorough, of course. I'll need one of each mount type, all in varying colors, each one of them surrounded by auras of glitter and confetti, provided to me for free. For science, of course.

I am quite certain that purple sparkles, confetti, and butterflies in the name of Sheogorath will provide me with many health benefits.

ClowdyAllDay · May 6

I def support all the aforementioned motions.

Syldras · May 6

No further testing needed, especially not from amateurs like the Mages Guild! I've been feeding Test Subject #6 my Breton prisoner assistant with nothing but confetti for over a month now. So far, he shows only minor symptoms of poisoning.

ArchangelIsraphel · May 6

In the course of my studies, I have found it worthy to note that suspending the Jubilee Mount upside down produces a steady stream of Confetti that lasts for days.

Therefore, if you were to, theoretically speaking, trap a group of people in an ungodly circle of jesters festival boxes with a knife-juggling mime throw a fun party, you can ensure full confetti exposure to all who are gathered within a certain limited radius.

Please ignore the presence of the cage in the background, it is there for completely innocent reasons that do not involve shipping the test subjects party goers to a certain Telvanni mage.

Surely this is what they intended me to do when they gave me a weekly endeavor to place 35 furnishings in my house.

Syldras · May 6

ArchangelIsraphel wrote: »

In the course of my studies, I have found it worthy to note that suspending the Jubilee Mount upside down produces a steady stream of Confetti that lasts for days.

What a delightful idea! I immediately installed two in my guest rooms.

P.S. I know it's cluttered. You don't have to tell me.

Kiyakotari · May 6

I just wish we could toggle the butt-confetti on and off. I was excited about this mount, thinking I'd have a horse for characters that were a bit more "prissy" but that I wouldn't ever bother getting a special mount to cater to. This was across multiple accounts, on both PC-NA and PC-EU. And then I got them and...WTF is that? I just....I can't imagine ever slotting it, even if I only had the free leveling horse. I'd opt for that one.

ArchangelIsraphel · May 6

What a delightful idea! I immediately installed two in my guest rooms.

Wonderful! I am sure your victims guests love having a bright splash of color to liven up the place!

I do believe we're doing Tamriel a favor by providing such thorough testing. I knew there was wonderful... health benefits to be had from such a large quantity of Confetti! : D

Araneae6537 · May 6

You guys are hilarious! Horrifying, but hilarious!

spartaxoxo · May 7

Citizens of Nirn,

This is a public health announcement. All reports of confetti being dangerous for one's health are completely fabricated. Ingesting confetti in your water has shown to increase your whimsical attunements with Magicka and to be perfectly safe, minus some superficial and harmless side effects that you'll barely even notice. Any suggestions otherwise are attempts to slander the mad god for butterfly. Butterfly Butterfly, cheesy butterfly. Butterfly butterfly butterfly.

This advertisement has been paid for by the Society for Sheogorath.

Syldras · May 7

ArchangelIsraphel wrote: »

Wonderful! I am sure your victims guests love having a bright splash of color to liven up the place!

Certainly... Tomorrow, I'll suspend another confetti horse for the ever-complaining Breton in my basement, maybe he'll finally stop annoying me then. It's unbelievable what a nuisance he is. It's always "Master Syldras, please let me go!" - all day! Really, I start to wonder what exactly I even keep him for... No matter what I tried he's never been satisfied.

I offered to open a portal to a Daedric pocket realm for him - "No, Master Syldras, it's too hot and really not pretty there!" And when I let my apprentice throw a skeever down the basement hatch, so he would have a little friend to cuddle by day and to use as a pillow by night (I'm a friendly person, after all!), he also complained instead of showing me just the tiniest bit of humility (or at least gratitude)!

If he continues like that, I'll gift him to Gothren.

FeedbackOnly · May 7

Syldras wrote: »

ArchangelIsraphel wrote: »

In the course of my studies, I have found it worthy to note that suspending the Jubilee Mount upside down produces a steady stream of Confetti that lasts for days.

What a delightful idea! I immediately installed two in my guest rooms.

P.S. I know it's cluttered. You don't have to tell me.

You need the skull candles to add flaur to bottom room

ArchangelIsraphel · May 7

And when I let my apprentice throw a skeever down the basement hatch, so he would have a little friend to cuddle by day and to use as a pillow by night (I'm a friendly person, after all!), he also complained instead of showing me just the tiniest bit of humility (or at least gratitude)!

Truly, you have shown this Breton the upmost hospitality, as is only befitting of a Telvanni mage. Where is the world coming to when such warmth and understanding cannot be appreciated?

Syldras · May 7

FeedbackOnly wrote: »

You need the skull candles to add flaur to bottom room

That's a good idea! I'll have my apprentice collect a few skulls for me.

ArchangelIsraphel wrote: »

Truly, you have shown this Breton the upmost hospitality, as is only befitting of a Telvanni mage. Where is the world coming to when such warmth and understanding cannot be appreciated?

Yes, it's outrageous! I had even researched the cultural peculiarities of the Bretons beforehand, so he would feel right at home in my basement, and while doing so, discovered that skeevers occur naturally in the typical habitat of the average Breton: crowded cities filled with mud and filth.

It might seem a bit odd to us Mer, but then again, the Bretons are indeed a curious culture overall. I even read that sewers are so greatly valued by the Breton people that they bury their high-ranking dead there! It definitely has to be that way. I recently heard about necromantic activity in the sewers of Wayrest - and where would those corpses to resurrect come from if they hadn't been buried there? It must be some culturally significant rite. They were hardly flushed down the toilets for no reason, after all.

But anyway, as I said: If he doesn't stop complaining, Gothren will get him. No, seriously - it's Gothren's birthday soon and I have no clue what else to gift him.

Wolf_Eye · May 7

Syldras wrote: »

FeedbackOnly wrote: »

You need the skull candles to add flaur to bottom room

That's a good idea! I'll have my apprentice collect a few skulls for me.

ArchangelIsraphel wrote: »

Truly, you have shown this Breton the upmost hospitality, as is only befitting of a Telvanni mage. Where is the world coming to when such warmth and understanding cannot be appreciated?

Yes, it's outrageous! I had even researched the cultural peculiarities of the Bretons beforehand, so he would feel right at home in my basement, and while doing so, discovered that skeevers occur naturally in the typical habitat of the average Breton: crowded cities filled with mud and filth.

It might seem a bit odd to us Mer, but then again, the Bretons are indeed a curious culture overall. I even read that sewers are so greatly valued by the Breton people that they bury their high-ranking dead there! It definitely has to be that way. I recently heard about necromantic activity in the sewers of Wayrest - and where would those corpses to resurrect come from if they hadn't been buried there? It must be some culturally significant rite. They were hardly flushed down the toilets for no reason, after all.

But anyway, as I said: If he doesn't stop complaining, Gothren will get him. No, seriously - it's Gothren's birthday soon and I have no clue what else to gift him.

I am so very delighted to see that you have found a new guest, and he is not me!

Do give him my best wishes, Master Syldras! And tell him not to anger the rats in the corner, they're a bit ornery.

As lounge about my family's home (they were so delighted to have their daughter back after she had been missing for so long, but I was at a sore loss to explain where I had been!), I can safely say that Telvanni hospitality is....certainly unmatched. By anything (except perhaps the Deadlands itself).

I will, perhaps, send you some of this excellent Jasmine tea we have here, Master Syldras! It has been doing wonders for my poor anxiety, albeit I cannot say where most of this anxiety must have been borne from! Very strange that it would spike so much upon receiving your most recent letter. I can certainly cut the tea leaves with some confetti if you'd like.

Syldras · May 7

Wolf_Eye wrote: »

I am so very delighted to see that you have found a new guest, and he is not me! Do give him my best wishes, Master Syldras! And tell him not to anger the rats in the corner, they're a bit ornery.

As lounge about my family's home (they were so delighted to have their daughter back after she had been missing for so long, but I was at a sore loss to explain where I had been!), I can safely say that Telvanni hospitality is....certainly unmatched. By anything (except perhaps the Deadlands itself).

I will, perhaps, send you some of this excellent Jasmine tea we have here, Master Syldras! It has been doing wonders for my poor anxiety, albeit I cannot say where most of this anxiety must have been borne from! Very strange that it would spike so much upon receiving your most recent letter. I can certainly cut the tea leaves with some confetti if you'd like.

Indeed, your stay here was a much more pleasant experience than what my current Breton guest is inflicting upon me. You're lucky you can't hear all that squealing and wailing right now! It is truly a bit unnerving... Maybe I should feed him more confetti. Lots of confetti. He's probably screaming out of hunger, yes, that must be it! More confetti for the Breton!

It's a real shame, by the way, that I'm only now finding out that you appreciate tea as much as I do. How about I send you a little package, as a small thank you gift for your participation in some of my research projects? I have a special mixture here, collected all the ingredients myself. It consists of different Vvardenfell fungi, bitter roots and some, uhm, wonderful lush and colourful flowers that only grow on abandoned cemeteries. Rest assured: They're not exactly lethal. The occasional occurrence of internal bleeding is no need to worry - it will stop on its own after a few days!

vsrs_au · May 7

I'm concerned that the confected rumours of confetti will cause conflict. I believe we all need to confer, preferably with the aid of wine, mead (or skooma).

ClowdyAllDay · May 10

After carful experimentation and study, both Valsiren and Vanus have concluded beyond any doubts that the confetti mount is infected with a variant of the toxoplasmosis gondii (typically referred to as t gondii) and that what appears to be colored confetti is intact the immature ova of said parasitic infection. This variant is not so lethal but is highly contagious and given its ability to produce ova in the colon of said horse, they have taken to calling this variant t confettii; short for toxocolon confetti. Please be advised that measures are underway to irradicate this potential health risk with a proper dewormer and they are presently testing pyrantel pameoate fir potential benefits due to its ability to be non toxic even at 7x the prescribed dose as it tends to stay in the gi tract and not be absorbed into the body.

Syldras · May 10

Doesn't toxoplasmosis normally occur in cats? ... By the Three, that's probably the explanation for why its legs looks so weird - this "horse" has some type of feline crossed in!

Tazzy · May 10

Some very talented and creative writers here!

Thanks for the giggles!!