Favorite NPC one-liners?

Shawn_PT

"No! Leave me alone! By the King's shaft, I'll scream!!" - Shifty Tom

seldomseenkd

"Sending you to Master Rvenk would be akin to farting downwind."

Probably not my favourite but it does have the advantage of being one I still remember.

TwinLamps

"Seen any elves"

pleximus

The argonian in Spindleclutch 2 always cracks me up at the red ghost boss.
"Boss, I don't think he's listening to you."

I love everything argonian, funniest race of them all.

Dragonlord573

"I need another drink like I need a head in the hole."

I will never understand what it means, nor do I want to because the confusion it causes is that enjoyable.

"What's a little extortion between friends?"
"Everyone has their price. Mine is five gold."

kojou

"I would be insulted, but I do like the sound of my own voice" -- Hiath the Battlemaster (Dragonstar Arena)

tinythinker

"I swear, it's like being home for New Life Festival. The family's been drinking since noon, and everyone wants you dead" - Prince Naemon

drsalvation

"Your soul is missing. Do you want mine? It's black and gooey"

I don't remember the character's name, it's on the very first island from the Pact, Bleakrock Island. He's like a spirit dude who's messing with you, and that line has stuck with me ever since I started the game 6 years ago.

Kwoung

While standing around camping a spawn and chatting in guild... Mirri pipes in: While us Dunmer are long lived, we can die of boredom you know.

SammyKhajit

From the Deadland’s main quest, Destruction Incarnate;

Aron: "This place smells wonderful, master. Like weapons after a battle!"

And there is something about the way that Arox says “mortal master!” that Sammy finds hilarious. Fantastic character and voice acting.

spartaxoxo

That's how we do things in Daggerfall!

zaria

Kwoung wrote: »

While standing around camping a spawn and chatting in guild... Mirri pipes in: While us Dunmer are long lived, we can die of boredom you know.

Newer got that and its very cool.

Not exactly one liners but very descriptive.

An Argonian with an broom named "dust-foe"

An Khajiit named Gnaws on Tail and a funny quest, the Skyward Eyes is the funny one however.

surfcat

Well, most things from Raz. He is hilarious! Countess Eselde Tamrinth when Darien keeps running his mouth:

Countess: "Darien can't talk right now. I gave him something to relieve his pain. Oh, and to quiet him down for a little while."

Me: "What did you give him?"

Countess: "The end of my staff. Right to the side of his head."

HA HA HA HA HA HA, glad that isn't my woman! Reminds me a little of Bob Hope in Spies Like Us: Doctor. Doctor. Glad I'm not sick!

Beardimus

No charge to take a look

(Somewhere in Davon's watch)

painsworth01

I had been essentially restricted to my house for 9 months due to extensive housing renovations underway when I jumped onto ESO for relief and recreation.

My toon opened in a Tamriel city where i was standing on a street. An NPC ran up to my toon and said, "How is your renovation coming along?"

Twilight Zone Time!

FrancisCrawford

"The pretty one. The one with a beard."

InaMoonlight

Not a one-liner, but he got his pointe across, I paid the man!

FluffWit

"Why is it that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the ones who are most certain of them?"

Elvenheart

Matron Borbuga - “Who are you? Why are you wasting my time?” I want to record that off and then play it every time someone calls me from an unknown phone number 🤣

Jeremy

Not sure if this qualifies as a one-liner... but I like that scream the first boss of Fang Lair does right before she dies.

Necrotech_Master

Jeremy wrote: »

Not sure if this qualifies as a one-liner... but I like that scream the first boss of Fang Lair does right before she dies.

"ugh i cant hold it! ahhhh"

that could be made into a lot of jokes (some of which arent really polite for the forum lol)

spartaxoxo

You look as stringy as a wet Khajiit, and you smell twice as bad.

tinythinker

Forgot this one...

"That is the last time I randomly flip switches on an ancient Dwemer machine." - Revus Demnivanni

krachall

It's good to see your lack of education and repeated blows to the head haven't dulled your wit, Titanborn."

- Abner Tharn

"You've got a little blood on you, right...there. Hope it's not yours."

- Elam Drals

WraithCaller88

Tharayya: "Poor Quintus. Always a little clumsy … in his research, in murdering people. In … relationships."

Jusey1

Does this one from Mirri counts?

"Would it kill them to run away? Well, no, I guess it wouldn't. Maybe they should try that."

Actually, Mirri does have some other good ones depending on situation. Like, I remember having a moment where this random boss from a quest is going on a rampage about how he now has to kill you and yada yada... Mirri's response was "All right, but don't cry for mommy." which honestly got me laughing quite a lot.

SammyKhajit

“This is a great area for harvesting.”

Bastion’s appraisal of the Cold Harbour.

ShawnLaRock

Haskill “I’m so glad we’ve had this time together… one must usually go to a public execution for conversation of this caliber.”

S.

tinythinker

Two good ones with surrounding context of other sentences...

"Give you the -- ? What, do you think I have a boat in my pocket? That it folds up and fits in your backpack? Ridiculous!" - Vanus Galerion


Missing player response options:

"I guess that means you're really happy to see me then."

"I can make room in my pack, just let me take out these six catapults and 1225 potions of magicka..."

WhiteCoatSyndrome

SammyKhajit wrote: »

“This is a great area for harvesting.”

Bastion’s appraisal of the Cold Harbour.

Obviously he was raised to believe ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!’