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Autism and Gaming.

  • Kwoung
    Kwoung
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    People get kicked from guilds all the time, generally for not adhering to whatever requirements the GM put in place. In my experience, a great number of players don't even bother to read the guild rules/requirements no matter how obviously they are posted.. or maybe they just blatantly choose to ignore them and hope they can get whatever it is they are looking for out of the guild without following the rules, whatever those may be. Said players almost always act surprised when they are booted and quite honestly, with a 500 player limit and zero guild tools in game, no one is going to send you an email explaining why you were removed.

    I am sorry you got booted, but no one but the GM can tell you why, your friend is simply offering an opinion, not fact as to why. If you are truly curious, I suggest contacting the GM. It could be as simple as they have a rule you need to purchase at least 1 raffle ticket a week and you never did, or you need to come to at least one guild event a month... it could literally be almost anything, because all guilds are different and have different expectations of their members. And yes, sooner or later, if you are not meeting a guilds reqs, you will be booted.



  • Lugaldu
    Lugaldu
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    Syldras wrote: »

    I would have probably written about "cultural differences" now ;) , but I know we're from the same country (or at least I assume that), so... Maybe we have a different definition of politeness.

    I'm not talking about being quiet when being abused, and not about just giving in to everything either (you probably know the proverb "Der Klügere gibt nach, bis er der Dumme ist." - translated for the others: "The smartest one gives in until he's the dumb/disadvantaged one")... I don't think that's a solution. No, what I was about was the ability to discuss unemotionally and fact-based. If you utter your opinion calm, but precise and with a certain sternness/gravity (not sure what explains it better in English, sorry), you won't be considered weak. At least I take someone who talks little, but if they say something, it has weight, much more serious than someone who gets completely aggressive and whines like a baby in case of a disagreement. Not sure if it sounds a bit too harsh or cold, I don't think it necessarily has to be like this. There can even be a bit of friendlyness mixed in ;) Actually it was just about being... calm and not rude or aggressive.

    I really related it to general behavior in society rather than the conversational level. Although the transitions here are of course fluid. Even the best arguments, presented calm and emotionless, can bounce off the ego of another person and leave you behind as "the stupid one" (if you do not get involved in the discussion level of the other person).


    Syldras wrote: »
    This and a proverb... that I have to look up in English first... "As one calls into the canyon, so it echoes back." (interestingly, in German it's the same wording but with a forest instead of a canyon ;)

    Interesting, that makes much more sense than our German version with the forest :)

  • Syldras
    Syldras
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    Lugaldu wrote: »
    I really related it to general behavior in society rather than the conversational level. Although the transitions here are of course fluid. Even the best arguments, presented calm and emotionless, can bounce off the ego of another person and leave you behind as "the stupid one" (if you do not get involved in the discussion level of the other person).

    Yes, they unfortunately can. Politeness is not the solution for everything - but I still think it might help in many situations. At least it's still worth a try and probably better than approaching people impolitely from the beginning, as I wrote.
    Lugaldu wrote: »
    Interesting, that makes much more sense than our German version with the forest :)

    Well, actually forests do echo a bit (we tried it as children, of course), but you should better avoid it, as screaming in forests is officially forbidden ;) (At least in some German states it's a "Ordnungswidrigkeit").
    @Syldras | PC | EU
    The forceful expression of will gives true honor to the Ancestors.
    Sarayn Andrethi, Telvanni mage (Main)
    Darvasa Andrethi, his "I'm NOT a Necromancer!" sister
    Malacar Sunavarlas, Altmer Ayleid vampire
    Soris Rethandus, a Sleeper not yet awake
  • TheWoanderer
    TheWoanderer
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    So, yeah, not only that we should treat people like we want to be treated, people also have a tendency to "mirror" behavior and emotions.

    [snip]

    The hard part in reading the responses to a post like this is that it makes you realise how messed up things really are.

    I remember once my ex wife and her best friend asking me why I was so intense...
    My answer was... To make up for the fact that you are not.

    In other words....

    There will always be extreme reactions in order to retain balance.
    This means that situations such as these are unlikely to change and those of us that hang around to pick up the pieces will simply continue to do so.

    It is what it is.
    As it stands... Mental Health and Social Inadaquesies are not going to go away.
    It's quite clear they are on the increase and the reason for that is a Rabbit hole that many may never understand.

    Most are not wrong in their responses to this.
    If you don't feel you have to offer explanations etc.
    That is your right.

    One thing I try to teach folk is that Expectation most always leads to disappointment.
    I see it in my guild and others as well as my general interaction with folk.

    That is why in my Guild I state, consistently... Nothing is EXPECTED of you other than treating others decently and following the guidelines.
    Expect nothing from anyone, they have jobs, problems, upsets and choices.
    If someone takes the time out to help you, gratitude should be a given, they don't have to.

    One saying always comes to mind though.

    An eye for an eye, only serves to make the whole world blind.


    [Edited to remove Inappropriate Content]
    Edited by ZOS_ConnorG on January 23, 2021 1:25PM
  • TheWoanderer
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    [snip]

    My statement was purely to agree with the poster who stated that often folk respond to the mirror effect and that often treating others as you wish to be treated yourself doesn't work.
    That sometimes... A more effective method is to treat others as you know they can be due to the psychological effect it has on an individual.

    'They' is a generalisation due to the fact that I don't recall specifics, nor do I feel the need to.
    I understood it within my capacity and simply practice it within my own engagements.

    Hope that helps clear up my position.

    I don't believe..
    'Treating others as you know they can be'... to be harmful but in my personal understanding could actually believe that 'Treating others as you wish to be treated' could potentially be slightly more harmful.
    Though we would have to nitpick the details and I don't think that would be constructive right now nor necessary.

    [Edited to remove Inappropriate Content]
    Edited by ZOS_ConnorG on January 23, 2021 1:23PM
  • ZOS_ConnorG
    Greetings all,

    After review we have had to edit or remove several posts for Inappropriate Content like discussing real world religions. Moving forward please keep you discussions related to ESO and avoid topics that are not allow on the forums.

    You are welcome to review the Community Rules here.
    Staff Post
  • SilverBride
    SilverBride
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    I really wish the OP would reply with more details. We'd be better able to help him figure out what the cause could have been if we knew more.

    It doesn't really matter if he should have received an explanation or not. At this point it would just benefit him to know what went wrong so he can avoid it in the future.
    PCNA
  • amapola76
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    Lugaldu wrote: »

    The golden rule of "treat others as you would like to be treated" is an oldie but a goodie. :)

    It may be a golden rule, but often only in theory in my opinion. Or maybe I see things too negatively.

    The thing is, you can't control anyone's actions but your own. Want it to be a reality rather than a theory? Here's the good news: it's entirely within your control to put this rule into action yourself!
  • proteinexe
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    Sorry to hear this buddy. Really, I always think people like yourselves should be given leeway. OR told what is wrong.

    I'm fairly odd myself morally. I can be incredibly toxic to people I know who are quite competent with no diagnosed issues if they decide to be an ***, but for those who I can tell are on a spectrum (whether they let me know or just through perception), I'll go out my way to help. I ran a guild, and when I could tell someone was on a spectrum, I'd help, give them info and IF they said anything inappropriate, I'd give them advice on where they stepped wrong. I usually did this privately because, as you said, you keep it hidden most the time.

    I've always had a soft spot for people like yourselves, and not because I 'feel sorry', but more, I understand that some things arnt as obvious, and to not be aware is not a nice feeling. BUT the majority of people out there would love to have you around mate, myself included. I feel like the people who kicked you are worse off, for the simple fact that it sounds like you understand respect and courtesy, which they clearly don't.

    Good luck in your future guild to come, because I know you'll land a great one with great people - they're out there.
  • Maotti
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    Hmm. I'd say getting kicked with no warning and then told afterwards from someone else you got kicked because "whatever yeah. You got kicked, but i can't say why" is a crap move from that guild. And for someone with autism i belivie it's quite hurtful and makes you more insecure.

    Seems to me you are better off without that guild.
    PC EU
  • Vanya
    Vanya
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    OP ,I used to be in a guild, once ... only once. It all seemed great at start, As standard guild procedure, we are all kind,helpful,friendly,social,mature etc, I left not even a week later, I will not name it nor what happened, Being kicked from a online guild should be least your concern OP

    ESO is truly gigantic game when I say gigantic also incredibly deep,complex with impossible amount of stuff to do, generally most of the guilds are usually almost always distraction,drama and a lot of work ,its very difficult to find decent guild

    Me peronally i want to use every minute to learn about game,lore,enjoy story and all little details without any drama,bs or listeting to some fake authority issuing me orders or respecting some nonsense rules or being flodeed by messages,etc

    ESO is too precious to waste it on arguing or guilds becaue a lot of players get consumed by guild talkig about random things unrelated to game as well, there is no excuse its a social game, you have to choose , will you actually play the content or talk with others? Why would you really bother about guildss, let us be fair most of the guilds are plain annoyance.

    ESO has incredible amount of content that with exception of dungeons and trials i dont see any reason to have one

    Besides that Autistic people can be quite intelligent and emotional, very attentive to details and they look things, let us call more deeply.


    Also theme for another time, why would anyone join a guild without coop with anyone or being silent and non social? There has not be some sort of communication in that case you could just form a group say hi and bye run trial explain etc

    Anyway time is of essence , there is much to experience and learn that i could easily be hooked 10-12 hours a day until end of the year without need to even touch any gtoup content at all, just exploring, doing all quests and squeezing most as solo player is worthy easily years of game play,

    I m not even going to extreme, if you want to finish every single side quest,explore all, are you I cwonderig why do i write so much I wish to emphasize how insignificant grouping and guild can be when you look endless content eso has to offer, people bother about guilds

    Some players care to truly about game ,going slowly cleaning each region to very detail , trying every class, maxiing etc, then again you dont need to touch any group content it is possible later on with enough skill ,dedication to even solo normal dungeon or public dungeon but that is not even 0,0001% what ESO has to give you

    if I play ESO every single day until December 31 2021 i wont even every solo quest ,not even close i calculated especially at my pace when I want to read most and i dont kill foes that rapid either nor i habve tons of crown points or gold to burn

    I could pick one zone let us say Grathwood and easily play it for weeks without even a slighest need to talk to anyone or group ,nothing.

    If you want to immerse yourself fully OP you need to play it alone ,indepence freedom,peace and quiet and clean every region and read every dialogue book dont skip any quest ,go through all what you can

    If you are like me you will always thirst for more ,ESO is infinite fun satisfaction is a point of view, even if you are a factotum from Clockwork city and keep playing 24/7 until game dies you still wont be able to go through all. TIs not mechanically nor Super humanly Super Highly Elvishly possible
    Edited by Vanya on January 26, 2021 2:12AM
  • SilverBride
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    Vanya wrote: »
    you have to choose , will you actually play the content or talk with others?

    No, you don't have to choose. You can enjoy all the content ESO offers and talk with others. People are inherently social. Getting to know other players and being part of something can enhance a lot of player's experience.
    PCNA
  • SOT
    SOT
    Soul Shriven
    I have Aspergers myself and haven’t had much issues in ESO regarding guilds, liek you I was also diagnosed late and had the epiphany of “oh that’s why I act like this” it comes with the territory.

    Honestly if they are so vague about it, it’s probably for the best that you aren’t in that guild as they seem to not want to take the time out of their lives to even explain to you why you was kicked so consider this a blessing. You will find a good guild one that will treat you right (most treat people great)
  • Syldras
    Syldras
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    Vanya wrote: »
    why would anyone join a guild without coop with anyone or being silent and non social?

    Trading. That's the only reason I have ever joined guilds for.

    Honestly, I don't think that speculating about the reasons for the kick make sense here. Only the guild member(s) know and may really answer that question. Who knows - maybe there isn't even a real reason at all? Or it was simple antipathy for whatever stupid reason? Overinterpreting things leads to nothing.

    @Syldras | PC | EU
    The forceful expression of will gives true honor to the Ancestors.
    Sarayn Andrethi, Telvanni mage (Main)
    Darvasa Andrethi, his "I'm NOT a Necromancer!" sister
    Malacar Sunavarlas, Altmer Ayleid vampire
    Soris Rethandus, a Sleeper not yet awake
  • ZaroktheImmortal
    ZaroktheImmortal
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    I have autism and haven't had much of issues with guilds I've joined. I'm told I'm on the high functioning end of that whatever that means. But there's going to be jerks everywhere sadly some people are just meh.
  • ZaroktheImmortal
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    Ackwalan wrote: »
    This is not directed to you specially. Being autistic does not mean you are not responsible for your actions. It has become very popular in this age, to excuse actions, and even play the victim by claiming autism. In reality, people were just being jerks.

    There's also people who will be jerks to someone over autism I've seen people in game making autism jokes or using autism as an insult because some are stuck in the backwards thinking that being autistic means the person is stupid.
  • Chrysa1is
    Chrysa1is
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    Wolfpaw wrote: »
    Your best bet is to talk with someone you're comfortable with, & cares, about your concerns.

    Not the internet, or a gaming forum.

    Good luck.

    I got told off for saying pretty much this
  • TwinLamps
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    As someone with similar diagnose I must say its not easy, especially for people that we deal with.
    Awake, but at what cost
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