Being kicked from a Guild without any explanation is tough.
Personally I've witnessed some questionable behaviour towards players and have dealt with it myself personally.

Being invited into a guild and watching it grow to 50 members and more and then seeing the GM totally change the dynamics ie. We are and always will be multi alliance but then the info changes to state we are a Blue Guild with no one being informed.
And then one night in Cyrodil, I'm on a keep wall and a zerg attacks and I take out the GM.
Knowing the GM had already caused a decent player to totally abandon the game and also knowing the GM had said some questionable things about another guildie who has serious medical issues, I did panick.
About 20 minutes later same zerg different keep and I took the GM out again. My exclamations where certainly NSFW... It wasn't intentional.
When 30 enemies storm a keep, I'm looking for whatever kill I can get - I certainly don't focus on one person. I'm not that good a player, especially in pvp.
Sadly I knew there would be repurcussions and 5 minutes later at the top of my screen...
You have been removed from so and so guild.
No explanation... Not that I needed one in this particular case but... Yeah.
For me it was tough as I had been sending the GM a couple of K gold every 2 weeks (where I could) to help with the trader as they were funding it themselves. Despite the questionable behaviour I was aware of.
Some folk questioned why I hadn't left but a personal IRL friend was pretty high up in the guild and I knew beyond a doubt if I did leave he would receive a world of negativity.

But beingkicked opened up a space for me to create my own guild, specifically aimed at people with medical concerns, mental health and social struggles.
Being someone who struggles to ask for help, I know how hard it can be in this game as a solo player and having a guild comprised of similar players means we have little interactions as most of my guildies don't have the capacity to take on roles and I struggle to do it on my own... I have to constantly reinforce, even down to taking items from the guild bank, that as guild members the bank is there for you, please help yourself etc.
But my guildies know that nothing is expected of them (bar treating each other with respect and doing their best not to offend anyone) and they don't have to worry about being kicked for their personal struggles.

Another issue I faced when I very first started the game was bumping into randoms in a dungeon and then being invited into a guild, going into cyrodiil for probably my 3rd or 4th time I suddenly receive messages saying no Yellows in Cyrodiil, I'm thinking who are you to tell me I can't play in Cyrodiil.
Next thing I'm receiving nasty messages and eventually realise it's one of the upper members of this guild, I explain that Firstly, I'm new to Cyrodiil and Secondly I had no idea that being a part of this guild meant I cannot play at certain times, that I don't appreciate the aggressive and negative messages and if that is the case I want no part of the guild especially if you are going to call me names and tell me I'm stupid... Oh man. I may be quiet and not that social but I don't take stuff like that lightly.
In truth I hadn't read the info and it was stated there but I was still learning the game and it was the first guild I had been in and I'd only been involved less than a week, that being said it still left me very nervous about joining another.

So just because there is no context to the OP's post does not mean it doesn't happen and the experience should not be dismissed, as despite the missing context it certainly does happen.
Some of us just struggle with social interaction. I know I do but if someone asks me, I jump to help where I can. I always tend to apologise in advance that my toon is not the best but I certainly do my best despite.
Sadly some GM's constantly belittle their guildies by telling them they are not good enough, their set up is wrong or too often place doubt before even entering the trial or dungeon by saying we won't do it with this group and it pleases me to see how often they are proven wrong.... Not always but often enough.
They offer little support or guidance and it leaves a player questioning whether they are a hindrance due to their play style or setup etc.
Some guilds are really good at stating what they expect, others... Not so good.

I do wish that we had more space to define our guilds a little more because I find the amount of text we can use simply too little.
For my guild, if I had to say in my info we support multi culture, any religion, any orientation and accept any race, any alliance any level. As well as being supportive of mental health, social struggles and medical conditions... there is just not enough space to explain this.
Still... Some guilds would fail to use that space to explain in detail what is expected of a Guild member but those like myself may be easier to identify should someone be actively seeking a guild that is supportive.

Despite this sort of thing happening, there are those of us who try to offer a place of support.
And there are others who don't vocalise their acceptance but just simply do.

One thing I do vehemently believe though. We need more space in the info/about us section to define our Guilds.
Not sure how that stands on PC but on XB it's simply not enough.

Goregrinder wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

expecting someone to lay out all the details for a kick is unreasonable. "Because you don't fit" can be just as harsh as "because of the way you are".

Going to have to agree to disagree here. Of course there's no reason to go into exhaustive detail, it's an MMO guild not an employment tribunal, but I think the decent thing is offer up some concrete reason(s) for excluding someone.

"Because you don't fit" just sounds like a 'polite' way of saying "because we don't like you", and if that's genuinely the reason then hey be up front about it and make it clear that you're the ones with the problem.

What? How does "we don't like you" equate to a problem? We are all free to choose who we do and do not associate with, and it doesn't have to be "because we're the one with the problem". It could very well be that the one kicked is the problem, it could be the kickers are being jerks too. It's all within the realm of possibility, but, saying "well, you kicked 'em, so you're the one with the problem" is, and I really hate to use this word, as much as it's abused these days, but it's problematic. It assumes automatically that the kicker(s) have issues, when it is just as likely that the one kicked is the problem.

Yeah that is the thing, people these days feel so entitled to explanations from other people for everything, but the truth is no one owes an explanation to anyone for anything. No one is obligated to be our friends, just like we're not obligated to be anyone else's friend. Someone's feelings getting hurt doesn't supersede our right to be friends with who we want or don't want to.

It's just polite to give someone some kind of explanation, rather than a vague and evasive reason which makes them feel like they did something wrong but offers no basis for them to defend themselves nor clue as to how they might improve their behavior in the future. Of course nobody is entitled to anything from a social circle, but civility and politeness are supposed to be part of what separates us from the animal kingdom.

Goregrinder wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

Goregrinder wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

expecting someone to lay out all the details for a kick is unreasonable. "Because you don't fit" can be just as harsh as "because of the way you are".

Going to have to agree to disagree here. Of course there's no reason to go into exhaustive detail, it's an MMO guild not an employment tribunal, but I think the decent thing is offer up some concrete reason(s) for excluding someone.

"Because you don't fit" just sounds like a 'polite' way of saying "because we don't like you", and if that's genuinely the reason then hey be up front about it and make it clear that you're the ones with the problem.

What? How does "we don't like you" equate to a problem? We are all free to choose who we do and do not associate with, and it doesn't have to be "because we're the one with the problem". It could very well be that the one kicked is the problem, it could be the kickers are being jerks too. It's all within the realm of possibility, but, saying "well, you kicked 'em, so you're the one with the problem" is, and I really hate to use this word, as much as it's abused these days, but it's problematic. It assumes automatically that the kicker(s) have issues, when it is just as likely that the one kicked is the problem.

Yeah that is the thing, people these days feel so entitled to explanations from other people for everything, but the truth is no one owes an explanation to anyone for anything. No one is obligated to be our friends, just like we're not obligated to be anyone else's friend. Someone's feelings getting hurt doesn't supersede our right to be friends with who we want or don't want to.

It's just polite to give someone some kind of explanation, rather than a vague and evasive reason which makes them feel like they did something wrong but offers no basis for them to defend themselves nor clue as to how they might improve their behavior in the future. Of course nobody is entitled to anything from a social circle, but civility and politeness are supposed to be part of what separates us from the animal kingdom.

Actually, what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is like 2% of our DNA. And politeness, while great in social interactions, is not required. None of us are entitled to it, and none of us are obligated to provide it. Much like how respect is earned by being a respectable person in the eyes of your peers, it's still not a guarantee.

Well there's not really anything I can say to that, other than that I would encourage the OP and others of a civil disposition to exercise their right not to associate with those holding such harsh law of the jungle beliefs about social interaction.

JungleHyena wrote: »

I was a late diagnosed autist. I never knew why I had social issues, until I was diagnosed aged 40+. Oddly enough my father who has some background as he dealt with handicapped people in his work, had said to my mother, when I was 16:

"I think he has autism. But he is doing good at school, so lets not tell him."

I only learned that after my diagnosis.

But this is not a joke. I have struggled with social interaction all my life,... not knowing why I had these issues... until I was diagnosed and stuff clicked in my head: "Haaa that is why I reacted that time this way!"

And it is troubling me in gaming too. Like in ESO. I love the Elder Scrolls, and the online game. Yet it is giving me issues.

2 weeks or so I was kicked from a guild, no reasons given. No respectful in game mail telling why I was kicked. I was just kicked.
Another former member told me:

"Look all I can say is you were kicked because how you were. I can't say anything to it"

How I was? is vague. I can run a bar in TES, which I am. And I am fine. But that is I me, the one owning the property.... and I kinda determine things.

It goes completely different for me,... when I am on another persons property and rules.
I have serious difficulty socially interacting with the people there. Though I am trying.
I have issues socially talking in game as well. And connecting to the other players there.
I do not do this on purpose for *** sakes.

I need to meet a match. SInce release of TES it has happened to me 1 time I met a guild I liked and with a guild leader that was understanding to me. But that guild kinda died out due to the IRL obligations of the great guild leader (absence) who mostly ran it... so I had to leave it.

Myeah... I do not tell people online I am an autist. I hope to play this game and socially interact without the need to tell them.

Result? Kicked from guild because:

"Look all I can say is you were kicked because how you were. I can't say anything to it"

I'm sure he just lied. His whole phrase just screams "we have a reason, but I do not want to tell you waht reason and therefore I will just blame your personality to shut you up." Don't take it personally, forget them and find a new guild. I am a member of social guild and I don’t talk to anyone there, I do not play with them, no one kicks me for that x).

robertthebard wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

Goregrinder wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

Goregrinder wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

adriant1978 wrote: »

robertthebard wrote: »

expecting someone to lay out all the details for a kick is unreasonable. "Because you don't fit" can be just as harsh as "because of the way you are".

Going to have to agree to disagree here. Of course there's no reason to go into exhaustive detail, it's an MMO guild not an employment tribunal, but I think the decent thing is offer up some concrete reason(s) for excluding someone.

"Because you don't fit" just sounds like a 'polite' way of saying "because we don't like you", and if that's genuinely the reason then hey be up front about it and make it clear that you're the ones with the problem.

What? How does "we don't like you" equate to a problem? We are all free to choose who we do and do not associate with, and it doesn't have to be "because we're the one with the problem". It could very well be that the one kicked is the problem, it could be the kickers are being jerks too. It's all within the realm of possibility, but, saying "well, you kicked 'em, so you're the one with the problem" is, and I really hate to use this word, as much as it's abused these days, but it's problematic. It assumes automatically that the kicker(s) have issues, when it is just as likely that the one kicked is the problem.

Yeah that is the thing, people these days feel so entitled to explanations from other people for everything, but the truth is no one owes an explanation to anyone for anything. No one is obligated to be our friends, just like we're not obligated to be anyone else's friend. Someone's feelings getting hurt doesn't supersede our right to be friends with who we want or don't want to.

It's just polite to give someone some kind of explanation, rather than a vague and evasive reason which makes them feel like they did something wrong but offers no basis for them to defend themselves nor clue as to how they might improve their behavior in the future. Of course nobody is entitled to anything from a social circle, but civility and politeness are supposed to be part of what separates us from the animal kingdom.

Actually, what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is like 2% of our DNA. And politeness, while great in social interactions, is not required. None of us are entitled to it, and none of us are obligated to provide it. Much like how respect is earned by being a respectable person in the eyes of your peers, it's still not a guarantee.

Well there's not really anything I can say to that, other than that I would encourage the OP and others of a civil disposition to exercise their right not to associate with those holding such harsh law of the jungle beliefs about social interaction.

Why are you assuming an uncivil disposition, because it offends you in some way? Even the OP's example isn't uncivil, even if it doesn't give a list of reasons/excuses.

As I think I said before, we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this. I think that ejecting someone from a social circle with nothing more than a vague and non-specific explanation is rude and unpleasant behavior, and I have sympathy for the OP on that basis, simple as that.

Hello,
I am high functioning, non neuro typical. It's my choice how I decide to explain who i am.

As a non neuro typical person people either love me or hate me.

I am honest about what I feel, think, see and that sometines can come across as being too blunt

I have severe social anxiety and as soon as I tell anyone in a guild they treat me like Im ***.

I have a hate for certain behavioirs in others and if im exposed to them for too long i cant cope and i quit guilds.

Every detail of everything people say to me I analyse over and over and over

Syldras wrote: »

It's not required, but it affects how people view and treat you. If you want to be seen as "that impolite jerk" by others, fine, then don't be polite. I see it from the opposite perspective: Why would I not be polite? Is being polite a hassle, does it do me any harm? If not, why would I avoid it? It probably really depends on one's mindset. I try to be the best person I can (knowing that sometimes I fail, but at least I try), not just a sufficient one.

Sadly, it is a fact that in our society politeness, friendliness and honesty are often exploited and even viewed by some as a weakness. You can really only try to be at peace with yourself and get a thick skin.

Syldras wrote: »

zvavi wrote: »

Yes. It is a hassle. People are [Snip]. Interactions on negative subjects usually make them flame you, so the less the better, to avoid drama. Both for you and the other person. After all if it escalates it doesn't become "this impolite jerk" but much worse.

You're not talking about being polite but about human interaction in general here. That can indeed be annoying with some people (I know enough you can talk to about negative things without any bad reaction at all, btw), but being polite increases the chance that it will not.

If you enter a conversation with the expectation that the people you talk to are "[Snip]" and will abuse you anyway, and they notice that you've judged them before they even said a single word, how should they react to you? Honestly.

Exactly.

The golden rule of "treat others as you would like to be treated" is an oldie but a goodie.

adriant1978 wrote: »

The golden rule of "treat others as you would like to be treated" is an oldie but a goodie.

It may be a golden rule, but often only in theory in my opinion. Or maybe I see things too negatively.

zvavi wrote: »

I am talking about interactions on negative subjects specifically, not interactions in general. Obviously if interactions are already happening, being polite is best, but generally if you can avoid interactions on such subjects to begin with it could be great.

Then this is a misunderstanding. I was writing about politeness in general, reacting on that comment that politeness was never required in conversations (but more of a rare nice extra or something). In this situation you describe, I agree: Talking with some negative people makes no sense at all, and politeness also won't help in such cases. If they want to mistreat you, they will, and it's best to just avoid or ignore them, if possible.