The Elder Scrolls Online

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What is your best elder scrolls joke?

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Llidoryc
Llidoryc
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Elder Scrolls jokes, go!

Best Answers

  • Reverb
    Reverb
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    image0.jpg
    Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    Answer ✓
  • ifDoubtNerfIt
    ifDoubtNerfIt
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    • What does a new Sentinel private learn first as a combat technique?
      Retreating Maneuver
    • What do you call an elf who completes all the quests in Skyrim?
      A Done-mer.
    • What do you call a strange Orc who got clubbed by a giant?
      An Unidentified Flying Orsimer.
    • Did you know if you look at plastic under a microscope, you see elves who are in open relationships?
      This is because plastic is made of poly-mers.
    Edited by ifDoubtNerfIt on June 25, 2020 11:56PM
    Answer ✓
  • Llidoryc
    Llidoryc
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    These are some good ones. Keep them coming!
  • Colinr1968
    Colinr1968
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    Good not even laughed yet ,if you can make laugh then it a good one
  • daemonios
    daemonios
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    "We're killing it."
    -Matt Firor

    "There’s been strain on the servers, but they are holding up well."
    -Rich Lambert
  • Gythral
    Gythral
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    online


    ...
    “Be as a tower, that, firmly set,
    Shakes not its top for any blast that blows!”
    Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy
  • ZOS_ConnorG
    ZOS_ConnorG
    mod
    Greetings all,

    We have had to edited and remove posts from this thread, while we understand most of these posts are jokes please ensure that you keep these jokes within the rules, thank you for your understanding an cooperation.

    You are welcome to review the Community Rules here.
    Staff Post
  • ifDoubtNerfIt
    ifDoubtNerfIt
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    People who think ESO is the only Elder Scrolls game smh.
  • Tommy_The_Gun
    Tommy_The_Gun
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    What can you buy an Argonian as a Christmas gift ?
    A Hist-ory book...
  • Olauron
    Olauron
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    Enjoy :)
    The Three Storm Sharks, episode 8 released on january the 8th.
    One mer to rule them all,
    one mer to find them,
    One mer to bring them all
    and in the darkness bind them.
  • rei91
    rei91
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    Olauron wrote: »
    Enjoy :)

    Ah, Daggerfall had some priceless books. Too bad they didn't make it into later games...
    Edited by rei91 on June 26, 2020 2:36PM
  • Dojohoda
    Dojohoda
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    A High Elf and an Orc walked into a bar ... the Wood Elf walked under it.
    Fan of playing magblade since 2015. (PC NA)
    Might be joking in comments.
    -->(((Cyrodiil)))<--
  • max_only
    max_only
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    Dojohoda wrote: »
    A High Elf and an Orc walked into a bar ... the Wood Elf walked under it.

    It’s because he had stealth detect, nothing to do with height.
    #FiteForYourRite Bosmer = Stealth
    #OppositeResourceSiphoningAttacks
    || CP 1000+ || PC/NA || GUILDS: LWH; IA; CH; XA
    ""All gods' creatures (you lot) are equal when covered in A1 sauce"" -- Old Bosmeri Wisdom
  • ArchMikem
    ArchMikem
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    Destai wrote: »
    ZOS_ConnorG wrote: »
    Greetings all,

    We have had to edited and remove posts from this thread, while we understand most of these posts are jokes please ensure that you keep these jokes within the rules, thank you for your understanding an cooperation.

    You are welcome to review the Community Rules here.

    [Quoted post was removed]

    OP asked for Elder Scrolls Jokes. Jokes pertaining to the WORLD, not the game itself.
    Edited by ZOS_ConnorG on June 26, 2020 4:36PM
    CP2,100 Master Explorer - AvA Two Star Warlord - Console Peasant - Khajiiti Aficionado - The Clan
    Quest Objective: OMG Go Talk To That Kitty!
  • Old_Foggy
    Old_Foggy
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    Lyris Titanborn, Abnur Tharn and Cadwell are venturing into a delve

    They come across a magical well guarded by a sorcerer.
    The sorcerer says they can jump down the well and whatever they shout as they descend will appear at the bottom.

    Lyris Titanborn jumps and shouts “gold!”

    Abnur Tharn jumps and shouts “silver!”

    Cadwell jumps and shouts “weeeeeee!”
  • daemonios
    daemonios
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    Actual joke now: what do you call a Sorc with a fetish for necks?
    A neck romancer.
  • ifDoubtNerfIt
    ifDoubtNerfIt
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    • What do you call the Egyptian sun god when he takes a wrong turn and ends up in Oblivion?
      A dead Ra.
  • Llidoryc
    Llidoryc
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    So apparently people have been using my post as a platform to complain about game issues. Please refrain from doing so as this was supposed to be a post about comedy, not grievances. Also, please try to keep your jokes clean, as some people's posts have been deleted by moderators.
  • Thannazzar
    Thannazzar
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    How many PvPers does it take to change a lighbulb?
    - Just one, he holds the light bulb and waits for the game to revolve around him.

    Edited by Thannazzar on June 26, 2020 7:35PM
  • Jolipinator
    Jolipinator
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    The Elder Scrolls Online almost entered the Video Game Hall of Fame,
    but someone declined the invite.
    PS5 EU.
  • Jerkling
    Jerkling
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    OXhMSQS_d.webp?maxwidth=728&fidelity=grand
  • BenevolentBowd
    BenevolentBowd
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    I read this one on twitter and it's still my favourite.

    Why didn't the DPS get their car fixed?
    Because they didn't know any mechanics.
    Megaservers: Xbox NA
    Website:BenevolentBowd.ca, "Helping Others by Helping Others"
    ESO Calendarmancer - Retired
    #TeamStackableTreasureMaps
  • maddiniiLuna
    maddiniiLuna
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    My Ping in Cyrodiil during Prime - Time is 20....
    Per Person

  • WhyMustItBe
    WhyMustItBe
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    BenevolentBowd wrote: »
    I read this one on twitter and it's still my favourite.

    Why didn't the DPS get their car fixed?
    Because they didn't know any mechanics.

    That's just fantastic. :D

    LOL I used to tell this joke every time I leveled a character through Khenarthi's Roost:

    "What do you call a Khajiit who sails with Sea Elves?"
    A meowmer! :p

    *dodges what are hopefully rotten tomatoes*
  • Destai
    Destai
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    ArchMikem wrote: »
    Destai wrote: »
    ZOS_ConnorG wrote: »
    Greetings all,

    We have had to edited and remove posts from this thread, while we understand most of these posts are jokes please ensure that you keep these jokes within the rules, thank you for your understanding an cooperation.

    You are welcome to review the Community Rules here.

    [Quoted post was removed]

    OP asked for Elder Scrolls Jokes. Jokes pertaining to the WORLD, not the game itself.

    Yup, that's pretty much all I was asking.
  • spartaxoxo
    spartaxoxo
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    Why was Molag kicked off the Daedric prince's basketball team?

    He was a Bal hog.

    What do you call an Altmer that's ate too much moon sugar?

    A high elf.
  • Hamish999
    Hamish999
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    The PC EU server.

    That's the biggest joke.
    PC-EU
    Do'Zahra - Khajiit - StamDK - AD
    Narese Telvanni - Dunmer - Petsorc - EP
    Anastasie Chastain - Breton - Magplar - DC
    Gashnakh the Lusty - Orc - Stamsorc - AD
    Stands-In-Stoopid - Argonian - Warden Tank - AD
    Talia al-Morwha - Redguard - Stamden - AD
    Makes-Fier-Wrong - Argonian - Stamblade - AD
    Busty-Argonian-Maid - Argonian - Templar Healer - AD
    Alaru Telvanni - Dunmer - Stamplar - AD
    Ko'Raehsi - Khajiit - Magsorc - AD
    Torhild Rock-Chucker - Nord - StamDK - AD
    Drusilla Larouche - Breton - MagDK - AD
    Ko'Khanni - Khajiit - Magden - AD
    Ilithyia Ectorius - Imperial - DK Tank -AD
    Rosara Laumont - Breton - Warden Healer - AD
    Do'Darri - Khajiit - Stam Arcanist - AD
    Llerusa Redoran - Dunmer - Stam Arcanist - AD
    Terannil - High Elf - Magsorc - AD
    Sharuk the Indomitable - Orc - Necro - AD

    Keyboard and mouse FTW!
  • Klad
    Klad
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    Summerset

    *Mic Drop*
  • Enemy-of-Coldharbour
    Enemy-of-Coldharbour
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    Performance...

    Silivren (Silly) Thalionwen | Altmer Templar | Magicka | 9-Trait Master Crafter/Jeweler | Master Angler | PVE Main - Killed by U35
    Jahsul at-Sahan | Redguard Sorcerer | Stamina | Werewolf - Free Bites | PVP Main
    Derrok Gunnolf | Redguard Dragonknight | Stamina | Werewolf - Free Bites
    Liliana Littleleaf | 9-Trait Grand Master Crafter/Jeweler (non-combat)
    Amber Emberheart | Breton Dragonknight | Stamina | Master Angler
    Vlos Anon | Dunmer Nightblade | Magicka | Vampire - Free Bites
    Kalina Valos | Dunmer Warden | Magicka | Vampire - Free Bites
    Swiftpaws-Moonshadow | Khajiit Nightblade | Stamina
    Morgul Vardar | Altmer Necromancer | Magicka
    Tithin Geil | Altmer Sorceress | Magicka
    Dhryk | Imperial Dragonknight | Stamina

    Guild Master - ESO Traders Union
    PC/NA - CP 2540+
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