The Elder Scrolls Online

Maintenance for the week of July 27:
• NA megaservers for maintenance – July 27, 6:00AM EDT (10:00 UTC) -11:00AM EDT (15:00 UTC)
• EU megaservers for maintenance – July 27, 10:00 UTC (6:00AM EDT) - 15:00 UTC (11:00AM EDT)

Bad ESO jokes (actual jokes)

Leave a Reply
DuckInRealLife
DuckInRealLife
✭✭✭
Tell me your baddest ESO jokes.

I'll start with mine:
What do you call a group of necromancers?
Manymarcos.
  • Royaji
    Royaji
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    The state of PC EU server.
  • Fiewiel
    Fiewiel
    ✭✭✭
    First time here too. But its just normal, it will be ok!
    (Tank, Frostvault)
  • Glurin
    Glurin
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭
    One day, in full view of the n'wah, the mehra of Koal Canton crushed some muckspunge pulp into a netch's tentacles. In response, the morag of Koal Canton released their kwama across the anmor and poured their shein upon the ground. Only after the mehra was burned in a sujamma molag and put to the dagon was the mora safe to travel again.
    "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you..."
  • InaMoonlight
    InaMoonlight
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Three cool cats walks into a bar, first Kjajiit buys them all a round to show off his successful thieving.
    Second Khajiit buys them all THREE drinks to show off her successful pirating.
    The third Khajiit buys the whole Inn a round to show off HIS success....

    Only after we drank up did we realize the third Khajiit was M'aiq, and he was long gone after telling the bartender the whole Inn bought HIM a round each for saving Queen Ayrenn again, to load it on a wagon in barrels.

    Still wondering what he was so successful at, now I'm hung over and as broke as the others!
    Edit = Typos ... as usual. <;D
  • Dysprosium
    Dysprosium
    ✭✭✭
    What do you call a Mer who is on drugs? A high elf.
  • Dysprosium
    Dysprosium
    ✭✭✭
    What do you call a Mer in the army who is on drugs? Major High Elf.
  • Hapexamendios
    Hapexamendios
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    R A T
    E A T
    R A W
    H O T
    C O O K
    C O L D
    S N O W
    S T A B
  • CaffeinatedMayhem
    CaffeinatedMayhem
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭
    What did Jorunn shout when the bath water was too hot?
    I’m SKALD-KING
  • max_only
    max_only
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    What has eyes, a tongue, a pancreas and pairs well with A1 sauce?
    You lot.

    - Bosmeri joke
    #FiteForYourRite Bosmer = Stealth
    #OppositeResourceSiphoningAttacks
    || CP 1000+ || PC/NA || GUILDS: LWH; IA; CH; XA
    ""All gods' creatures (you lot) are equal when covered in A1 sauce"" -- Old Bosmeri Wisdom
  • yRaven
    yRaven
    ✭✭✭✭
    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.
    Jack of all trades. Master of at least one.
    -
    Àrës - Magicka Dragonknight (EP)
    Persephónē - Magicka Warden (EP)
    Athēna - Magicka Templar (EP)
    Hādēs - Magicka Necromancer (EP)
    Hërmës - Runner Troll (EP)
  • max_only
    max_only
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    The best armor for sneaking is leather armor
    Because it’s made of hide
    #FiteForYourRite Bosmer = Stealth
    #OppositeResourceSiphoningAttacks
    || CP 1000+ || PC/NA || GUILDS: LWH; IA; CH; XA
    ""All gods' creatures (you lot) are equal when covered in A1 sauce"" -- Old Bosmeri Wisdom
  • kargen27
    kargen27
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    A skeleton walks into a tavern and asks for an ale.

    Then he asks for a mop.
    and then the parrot said, "must be the water mines green too."
  • Grandma
    Grandma
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    any remotely evil person: *exists*

    vestige: I'm about to end literally everyone's careers
    GH / 3/04/2021 / Elemental Catalyst Necromancer
  • Tommy_The_Gun
    Tommy_The_Gun
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    What do you buy as a gift for an Argonian ?
    A Hist-ory book...
  • aaisoaho
    aaisoaho
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Every fight is a food fight if you're a bosmer.

    Why a bosmer kid isn't allowed to play with others? Because you shouldn't play with your food.

    What's the best thing of having an argonian wife? Endless supply of omelettes.

    And yes, my sense of humor is so dark it could start an argonian slaving operation.
    Edited by aaisoaho on October 31, 2019 7:18AM
  • mocap
    mocap
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭
    dude continue dying at first boss vSCP. After X times he say in chat during combat: "any mechanics i should know?"

    Craglorn chat:
    Servers will go down for maintenance in 10 minutes!
    LFM 1 heal 1 tank 6 dd, nHRC

    Make sure to Dragon Leap right into pack of mobs tank created. Just imagine it's a bunch of Pact players.

    Trow mud balls in everyone you can find near Bergama wayshrine. Refuse any duels.

    Don't forget to use Witchmother's Whistle infont of maunted players at the bridge in Hel Ra Citadel.
  • sedi
    sedi
    ✭✭✭✭
    A Bosmer walks under a bar...

    Edited by sedi on October 31, 2019 7:58AM
  • Conduit0
    Conduit0
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭
    How much does a Bone Colossus weigh?


    A skele-TON.
  • TheShadowScout
    TheShadowScout
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Dysprosium wrote: »
    What do you call a Mer who is on drugs? A high elf.
    ieLtFSi.gif
    :p;):lol:
  • Pauls
    Pauls
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    EU PC is running smoothly
  • logarifmik
    logarifmik
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭
    Murkmire prologue is a one bad joke.
    EU PC: @logarifmik | Languages: Русский, English
    Dimitri Frernis | Breton Sorcerer | Damage Dealer | Daggerfall Covenant
    Scales-of-Ice | Argonian Warden | Tank / Healer | Daggerfall Covenant
  • fossoyer
    fossoyer
    ✭✭✭
    12k group dps in direfrost vet pledge on first static boss
    (3dd run with my tank).
    Game over
    Edited by fossoyer on October 31, 2019 8:29AM
  • EmEm_Oh
    EmEm_Oh
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Them: "Frostcaster is too expensive!"

    Me: "Chill."

    :dizzy:
  • max_only
    max_only
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Fiewiel wrote: »
    First time here too. But its just normal, it will be ok!
    (Tank, Frostvault)

    I was born playing Frostvault, it was never my first time ever.
    #FiteForYourRite Bosmer = Stealth
    #OppositeResourceSiphoningAttacks
    || CP 1000+ || PC/NA || GUILDS: LWH; IA; CH; XA
    ""All gods' creatures (you lot) are equal when covered in A1 sauce"" -- Old Bosmeri Wisdom
  • JahneeO
    JahneeO
    ✭✭✭
    Why did the Kajhit fall out of the tree?

    He was dead.
  • Veinblood1965
    Veinblood1965
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭
    yRaven wrote: »
    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

    A Stick.
  • vamp_emily
    vamp_emily
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭
    What singer does ESO Players like the most?
    Elf-is Presley!

    :)
    If you want a friend, get a dog.
    AW Rank: Grand Warlord 1 ( level 49)

  • faeeichenlaub
    faeeichenlaub
    ✭✭✭✭
    A Bosmer, A Khajiit, An Altmer, and a Breton are all pulling a Merchant Cart through an intersection.
    They all crash together in the middle. Whose Fault is it?
    ZOS


    "Azura give me strength, Let my voice change the world as long as I am in it."
  • vamp_emily
    vamp_emily
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭✭✭
    This is a bad bad bad joke :)


    What do all EP/AD players have in common?
    They all have Hollow-Weenies
    If you want a friend, get a dog.
    AW Rank: Grand Warlord 1 ( level 49)

  • MrGarlic
    MrGarlic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    ✭
    Why can't you do the Argonian quests twice?

    Because Hist Story never repeats.
    'Sharp Arrows'Mr.Garlic
    Hidden by darkness, a shadow in the night,A sped arrow dissecting the gloom,Finding it's target, such delight.
Sign In or Register to comment.