I don't want your stuff. Really.

KerryG · September 2018

I normally play the NA server (it's closer to where I live by a hair). Today I logged onto the EU server and the following interaction took place.

Other Player: Hi? Are you new to the game?

Me: Sort of.

OP: Cool. Do you need a friend?

Me: Sure. Why not? [Select YES when I receive a friend request.]

OP: Let me make you some armor and weapons.

Me: You don't have to do that.

OP: No, really. It's no problem. What do you need?

Me: Nothing - I WANT to learn to craft.

OP: That's dumb.

Me: Why is that dumb?

OP: You wouldn't understand. Just know that it takes a long time and you need your skill points to learn to play.

Me: Then I'll play with what I find.

OP: That's even dumber. Let me make you some armor.

Me: I just want to play the game. Why can't I play with what I find?

OP: You won't have to. Not with me around.

Me: [Staring at the screen. Wait ... what just happened?] I need to go.

OP: You can stay on until I get this done.

Me: Um, no. I'm sorry. I need to go, I'm logging off. Have a nice night.

That is - I swear to God - an objective rendering of the conversation. Really. And today is the third time some version of this happened to me over the last several months. Twice in guilds, after I logged on to Discord. Now I don't use Discord. I don't even tell people I have it.

Please understand: I know you're trying to be nice. I do. I know you think you're helping. But I don't want your help. I don't. I don't think I need it - and if I do I'll ask. The thing is I just want to play the game. I'm still pretty new, I'm still learning and I like solving the problems that come from being new to the game. I don't need or want someone to carry me. I'm perfectly happy dying until I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Because I think you're trying to be nice, I'm telling you nicely: I don't want your stuff. Don't send it to me. And FFS don't try to make me feel guilty because I won't take your stuff because that will surely *** me off.

Please understand some of us just want to play the game. There are so many nice people in the game. Don't ruin it for us by trying to make us play your game.

/end rant

Sorry. Just something to think about if someone, you know, says they don't want your stuff.

ArchMikem · September 2018

lol, a rudely nice person.

Waffennacht · September 2018

That's creepy imo

Never once did I even want to make people armor when I did.

Then that comment that rightfully freaked you out.

Are you by chance playing a very attractive character? Lmfao

Mr_Walker · September 2018

Bunny boiler. Run.

KerryG · September 2018

Waffennacht wrote: »

... Are you by chance playing a very attractive character? Lmfao

Not anymore. I'm going to make a female version of The Hound.

Actually, that sounds kind of fun.

XxCaLxX · September 2018

KerryG wrote: »

I normally play the NA server (it's closer to where I live by a hair). Today I logged onto the EU server and the following interaction took place.

Other Player: Hi? Are you new to the game?

Me: Sort of.

OP: Cool. Do you need a friend?

Me: Sure. Why not? [Select YES when I receive a friend request.]

OP: Let me make you some armor and weapons.

Me: You don't have to do that.

OP: No, really. It's no problem. What do you need?

Me: Nothing - I WANT to learn to craft.

OP: That's dumb.

Me: Why is that dumb?

OP: You wouldn't understand. Just know that it takes a long time and you need your skill points to learn to play.

Me: Then I'll play with what I find.

OP: That's even dumber. Let me make you some armor.

Me: I just want to play the game. Why can't I play with what I find?

OP: You won't have to. Not with me around.

Me: [Staring at the screen. Wait ... what just happened?] I need to go.

OP: You can stay on until I get this done.

Me: Um, no. I'm sorry. I need to go, I'm logging off. Have a nice night.

That is - I swear to God - an objective rendering of the conversation. Really. And today is the third time some version of this happened to me over the last several months. Twice in guilds, after I logged on to Discord. Now I don't use Discord. I don't even tell people I have it.

Please understand: I know you're trying to be nice. I do. I know you think you're helping. But I don't want your help. I don't. I don't think I need it - and if I do I'll ask. The thing is I just want to play the game. I'm still pretty new, I'm still learning and I like solving the problems that come from being new to the game. I don't need or want someone to carry me. I'm perfectly happy dying until I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Because I think you're trying to be nice, I'm telling you nicely: I don't want your stuff. Don't send it to me. And FFS don't try to make me feel guilty because I won't take your stuff because that will surely *** me off.

Please understand some of us just want to play the game. There are so many nice people in the game. Don't ruin it for us by trying to make us play your game.

/end rant

Sorry. Just something to think about if someone, you know, says they don't want your stuff.

I don't understand. Why couldn't you just tell the person that you didn't want their help before you logged out? Telling us isn't going to make them stop. I've learned the best way to deal with these sorta situations is to cut it off at the start. Nip it in the bud as they say.

Sylvermynx · September 2018

I get you, KerryG. A good RL friend made my first girl some armor - but he wasn't being anything but a good RL friend. I've had a few "off" interactions since I started playing (mid-June), but nothing like the stuff that happened over and over and over in WoW and RIFT. I started playing WoW in early '06, quit in '13, then played RIFT until '16 - my goddess the stuff that went on.... Maybe this game is too niche to grab those perverts, but works for me whatever!

I've only had maybe two or three convos that gave me the willies here. I'm not - very social.... and I tend to very brief noncommittal replies. Not to mention I have an addon which keeps the chat pane hidden.... and normally I don't even notice when it's flashing "someone wants to talk to you" - friend keeps having to email me to get me to reply!

Hope you don't get any more of that sort of dreck, for sure!

Malacthulhu · September 2018

No means no, lol. Pressing the issue afterwards is rude. Personally, I hate making stuff for new people, even when they ask. They will just want new stuff they dont need in like another hour of gameplay.

KerryG · September 2018

XxCaLxX wrote: »

KerryG wrote: »

I normally play the NA server (it's closer to where I live by a hair). Today I logged onto the EU server and the following interaction took place.

Other Player: Hi? Are you new to the game?

Me: Sort of.

OP: Cool. Do you need a friend?

Me: Sure. Why not? [Select YES when I receive a friend request.]

OP: Let me make you some armor and weapons.

Me: You don't have to do that.

OP: No, really. It's no problem. What do you need?

Me: Nothing - I WANT to learn to craft.

OP: That's dumb.

Me: Why is that dumb?

OP: You wouldn't understand. Just know that it takes a long time and you need your skill points to learn to play.

Me: Then I'll play with what I find.

OP: That's even dumber. Let me make you some armor.

Me: I just want to play the game. Why can't I play with what I find?

OP: You won't have to. Not with me around.

Me: [Staring at the screen. Wait ... what just happened?] I need to go.

OP: You can stay on until I get this done.

Me: Um, no. I'm sorry. I need to go, I'm logging off. Have a nice night.

That is - I swear to God - an objective rendering of the conversation. Really. And today is the third time some version of this happened to me over the last several months. Twice in guilds, after I logged on to Discord. Now I don't use Discord. I don't even tell people I have it.

Please understand: I know you're trying to be nice. I do. I know you think you're helping. But I don't want your help. I don't. I don't think I need it - and if I do I'll ask. The thing is I just want to play the game. I'm still pretty new, I'm still learning and I like solving the problems that come from being new to the game. I don't need or want someone to carry me. I'm perfectly happy dying until I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Because I think you're trying to be nice, I'm telling you nicely: I don't want your stuff. Don't send it to me. And FFS don't try to make me feel guilty because I won't take your stuff because that will surely *** me off.

Please understand some of us just want to play the game. There are so many nice people in the game. Don't ruin it for us by trying to make us play your game.

/end rant

Sorry. Just something to think about if someone, you know, says they don't want your stuff.

I don't understand. Why couldn't you just tell the person that you didn't want their help before you logged out? Telling us isn't going to make them stop. I've learned the best way to deal with these sorta situations is to cut it off at the start. Nip it in the bud as they say.

I did tell them I didn't want their stuff. I told them in language that was very clear: You don't need to make this for me. I don't need it. I'll play with what I find. ESO is a social game and I communicated in language that made my intentions clear. Further communication would not have helped the situation.

As to why here: It's not the first time it's happened - although this time does take it to the extreme. I posted here in the hopes that people - maybe not you but others - will accept it when I or someone else says, "No - you don't have to help us."

Honestly, I think the idea of not wanting help is maybe foreign to some people. All creepiness aside, my point is simply if someone doesn't want your help, don't force it on them.

Glurin · September 2018

Judas Helviaryn · September 2018

I don't go out of my way to make people things unless I know them personally, or they're desperate.

Something's wrong with this person, OP, and you just dodged a bullet.

Savos_Saren · September 2018

You'll love me.

...I'll make you love me.

KerryG · September 2018

I'm going to try to explain again because I don't feel I'm doing a very good job:

I like the experience of starting with nothing - absolutely nothing - and surviving until I "git gud." I don't rush games. I can play a good game - a good story game - for years. If I don't die in a game, I won't play it.

I delete the daily drops of ultra-powerful potions. I sell my poisons. I read the tool tips and try to figure stuff out. That's what makes the game fun to me. The intellectual problem solving that leads to accomplishment. For example, the sense of accomplishment when, on the NA server, I made enough money to buy my own house (not the free ones).

Some people don't get this. They want the free stuff. I'm not judging, but I'm not that person and I know there are others like me. That's why I posted this here. Really.

Sheezabeast · September 2018

Aww they were just trying to help!

Us crafters have such few uses these days, we gotta do some self promo!

freespirit · September 2018

Funny thing is I tend to have problems at the opposite end of the scale...……

Somebody asks in chat for say one or two pieces of gear, I respond saying I can make those for you...…

Next thing I know two hours later I am finishing off a complete set of gear and being asked to enchant them too!

Oh and don't forget the absolute horror expressed by the recipient when you don't have the exact style he/she wants!!

Judas Helviaryn · September 2018

KerryG wrote: »

I'm going to try to explain gain because I don't feel I'm doing a very good job:

I like the experience of starting with nothing - absolutely nothing - and surviving until I "git gud." I don't rush games. I can play a good game - a good story game - for years. If I don't die in a game, I won't play it.

I delete the daily drops of ultra-powerful potions. I sell my poisons. I read the tool tips and try to figure stuff out. That's what makes the game fun to me. The intellectual problem solving that leads to accomplishment. For example, the sense of accomplishment when, on the NA server, I made enough money to buy my own house (not the free ones).

Some people don't get this. They want the free stuff. I'm not judging, but I'm not that person and I know there are others like me. That's why I posted this here. Really.

People are gonna judge no matter what. Just brush em off.

I completely get the purist approach, it's something that people apply to hobbies across the board. Blacksmiths, for instance, come in all shapes. You've got the guys with the money and cutting edge tools, who go to school and learn through structured environments from their local masters, and then on the flip side, you have people who want not just to chase the trade, but to be their own first generation; these people want to build up from the ground, with nothing but their own bare hands, what they anticipate to be wholly their own legacy, from nothing more than a cross peen hammer and a T-rail from the railroad. Self-made men and women are no unknown factor in the world.

I'm personally in between the two. I don't have the resources to pick up the best equipment in the world, and I learn far better on my own than I do in a structured environment. That being said, I believe we're standing on the shoulders of giants, the giants being the people who've come before us and made the heavy mistakes so we don't have to. I approach the game in much the same way. I won't copy and paste, but I've got no compunctions about going through the calculations someone else has already done, granted they're not taken as word-of-god, as so many newbies are wont to do in this game anymore.

If I aim too shallow and take everything at face-value from someone else's contribution, I miss the finer details that provide the true fruits of growth in this hobby, and the self sufficiency that comes with it. If I aim too deep, and take everything from day one with no help whatsoever, I end up wasting far more time than I'm happy with.

Do you, don't let people do you.

theyancey · September 2018

Creepy

Salvas_Aren · September 2018

Sounds like some carebear got bored. No zone to post TTCs or MMs nobody asked for?

Sylvermynx · September 2018

freespirit wrote: »

Funny thing is I tend to have problems at the opposite end of the scale...……

Somebody asks in chat for say one or two pieces of gear, I respond saying I can make those for you...…

Next thing I know two hours later I am finishing off a complete set of gear and being asked to enchant them too!

Oh and don't forget the absolute horror expressed by the recipient when you don't have the exact style he/she wants!!

Echhh. I have a dedicated crafter or two. Plus a whole bunch of girls who harvest as they're out in overland. I make stuff for my own girls. It's not "the best there is" because until you hit 50, you don't need that anyway. And besides, I get a LOT of great set pieces out of Psijic Portals, treasure chests etc.

So yeah. I get the OP. I make do with whatever lands - whether it's set pieces from wherever, or crafted stuff by one of my girls. It's 1T - everything everywhere (except for bosses and so on) is your level - you don't need "special stuff" before 50.

Well, unless you're some sort of oddball elitist - which I actually so far haven't run across in this game. Oh yah, I'm sure they exist - I just haven't stumbled over them yet.

Tasear · September 2018

Maybe they thought you were being shy? Still this wasn't your everyday story, so thanks for the interesting thread.

firedrgn · September 2018

Dude i would have went with full set of gold armor and weapons. Lol that would cure them.

Sylvermynx · September 2018

Tasear wrote: »

Maybe they thought you were being shy? Still this wasn't your everyday story, so thanks for the interesting thread.

It seems kind of rare here, @Tasear - but in the other MMOs I played it was quite frequent. And it was more obvious if you were an "attractive" female in whichever game.

Predators.

radiostar · September 2018

Yikes! I only craft for players that ask for specifics in /zone. Certainly would never prey on newbies, lol. Sounds like someone thought your char was VGL.

Conduit0 · September 2018

Sylvermynx wrote: »

Tasear wrote: »

Maybe they thought you were being shy? Still this wasn't your everyday story, so thanks for the interesting thread.

It seems kind of rare here, @Tasear - but in the other MMOs I played it was quite frequent. And it was more obvious if you were an "attractive" female in whichever game.

Predators.

You know people say this but I have never seen it myself despite playing mostly females characters in numerous MMOs over more years than I'd care to admit.

DanteYoda · September 2018

This is why open world loot needs an overhaul...... The population are so obsessed with the meta they force it on new customers because the main game has become so horrible to play without it..

Op i had a similar start when i returned.. but mine appeared in my mail... I didn't even ask i may have said i was new in a guild chat though..

Honestly the game has become so disgustingly forced gear wise in openworld customers force what they think is the norm on you..

Sylvermynx wrote: »

Tasear wrote: »

Maybe they thought you were being shy? Still this wasn't your everyday story, so thanks for the interesting thread.

It seems kind of rare here, @Tasear - but in the other MMOs I played it was quite frequent. And it was more obvious if you were an "attractive" female in whichever game.

Predators.

Many "Attractive" females play on it as well and abuse it, some only play mmo's to get adoration... met many like that in years i played mmo's.

Glurin · September 2018

Conduit0 wrote: »

Sylvermynx wrote: »

Tasear wrote: »

Maybe they thought you were being shy? Still this wasn't your everyday story, so thanks for the interesting thread.

It seems kind of rare here, @Tasear - but in the other MMOs I played it was quite frequent. And it was more obvious if you were an "attractive" female in whichever game.

Predators.

You know people say this but I have never seen it myself despite playing mostly females characters in numerous MMOs over more years than I'd care to admit.

I have. Granted it's not nearly as common as one might be led to believe, but these people do exist. Guys that for some inexplicable reason think that the hot chick made of pixels means there's a hot chick on the other end who's interested in a relationship.

Enslaved · September 2018

Why accept friend request if you dont want help from a friend? Sorry, but I see zero logic there. Also, because you managed to turn down help from someone, that someone might not try to help someone else who would require help in the first place. He will probably reason like last time I tried to help I was ridiculed so fts.
Also, why join guild if you want to play alone?

ccfeeling · September 2018

A good story

CountEdmondDantes · September 2018

@KerryG:

I agree, but particularly with the idea of wanting to grow your character on your own. I remember playing Morrowind, coming off the boat, and getting utterly murdered. I love that need to problem solve in a game. I don't feel there's enough of it anymore.

My daughter - she's married and has a baby - plays ESO. As of Morrowind, has every motif in the game. Lucky for me as she's my go-to-girl for armor. But having read your posts, I wish I'd relied on her little less. I'd probably be a better player.

One more thing: awhile back, you posted a thread seeking help with a witch hunter build. I'm curious how that worked out for you, since it was more of a hybrid build and I'd like to try something similar myself.

Grandesdar · September 2018

I don't know what to say, switching platforms, I needed a headstart instead of starting from scratch, but I hardly found anyone to help me in PS4 servers. Those willing to help didn't have many crafting skills, rest just ignored me, I had to farm crafting stuff myself for a long while, and by the time I was able to create my own gear, I found a friendly guild willing to help but it was too late. I would've started playing the game for long hours like a couple months earlier if I had found some help. But on the other hand, insisting so much on giving a hand doesn't look good, either.

yiasemi · September 2018

When I make an attractive Breton or Bosmer I get invited into guilds faster than I can craft my first armour set. Especially small ladies. In real life I'm 6 foot (almost) and my matching towering altmers, redguards nords and poor beast races never get invited to the ball. I did have an imperial with a rude name in Latin who got strange requests. Ah well, that was my fault.