The officially unofficial "Best new line for M'aiq" contest

tinythinker · May 2018

which in now way is endorsed by ZOS; nor will it have the Loremaster pick the winner.

And the contest starts...

...now!

Common themes include:

observations/hints about the game and it's mechanics/development (bumping the 4th wall)
humorous observations with a hint of non-sequitur and/or dad-joke style jokes or puns
things that sound like lies or play on his name being "the Liar"
tends to refer to himself in the third person (and claims his ancestors all had the same name)

Other possibilities exist as well.

Go on.

Put words in M'aiq's mouth.

MaleAmazon · May 2018

M´Aiq hears there will be a DLC that will let you reverse the flow of time!

M´Aiq hopes people will not use this to go back and not buy the DLC.

tinythinker · May 2018

"Unfortunately, M'aiq's father was unable to have children, but he doesn't take it personally."

Narvuntien · May 2018

You look like you do a lot of damage, M'aiq thinks you should watch out for nerfs.

Ashtaris · May 2018

If High Elfs are so high, should M’aiq be selling Sweetrolls?

tinythinker · May 2018

"M'aiq hears rumors about the civil war at the heart of Tamriel, but lines of communication can lag from intense fighting. One should take such reports with more than just a grain of salt. Best to use a whole block."

jedtb16_ESO · May 2018

m'aiq once met an argonian maid. he blushed at her words....

tinythinker · May 2018

"M'aiq has heard there is a bumper crop of tubers in Cyrodiil this year, but who would farm potatoes in a warzone? What will they say next? The Three Armies have run out of mercenaries to recruit? All the deer in the province vanished overnight? M'aiq would not have you think he is unreliable."

VaranisArano · May 2018

M'aiq desires golden jewelry but does not wish to scrabble in the dirt with all the adventurers seeking many, many seams. Perhaps M'aiq will wait upon the lovely Adhazabi Aba-daro the Golden after all.

Aetherderius · May 2018

"M'aiq once heard of a city called Sunhold. But M'aiq has never visited. The sun is far too hot for him to hold in his furry hands."

I don't know if you want multiple bad M'aiq jokes, but two more are below, I'm just most proud of that one.

"A Psijic mage once told M'aiq that they watch the world from a "Ceporah Tower". M'aiq asked "Well, is it a Cep or a Tower? What is a Cep?" But the mage simply vanished."

"M'aiq always thought that time was simply the past, present, and future. But the little Psijic mage that lives in the bottom of his skooma bottles told M'aiq otherwise."

Nightfall12 · May 2018

M'aiq once heard one can become emperor by simply repairing walls. Too bad M'aiq does not have walls to repair.

Enslaved · May 2018

"Mai'q would never buy a crate. What if there is a mudcrab inside? Horrible creatures."

Morimizo · May 2018

"M'aiq wonders if 'Lillandril' was founded by a florist and a dentist."

Dhukath · May 2018

"Mai'q wonders how many khajiit he can place into an empty box?
Ah only one. After this the box no longer empty."

Rouven · May 2018

M'aiq hears the Altmer have invented invisible walls to keep people from visiting their holy mountains, yes?

timb16_ESO85 · May 2018

"If M'aiq always lies, why does he call M'aiq M'aiq the liar, M'aiq the wise would fit M'aiq better."

obscure7 · May 2018

M'aiq likes jewelry and pretty trinkets but he cannot afford to spend all his time or money on them. M'aiq must eat after all.

Sheezabeast · May 2018

M'aiq often hears of this 'Meta' and how people chase it. M'aiq wonders if he will ever cross paths with it, and if it's tired from running!

MaleAmazon · May 2018

'M'Aiq hears that people sometimes complain about being kicked out of dungeons. M´Aiq thinks they should be grateful instead. A dungeon is a dark, scary place.'

'M´Aiq hears you can change your appearance at will these days. So, maybe you are not really talking to M´Aiq, yes?'

NordSwordnBoard · May 2018

"M'Aiq wonders why he can take aggro, and hold aggro, but never keep aggro for himself."

"M'Aiq has heard the fastest path to higher powers is by traveling to a place called Skyreach. M'Aiq wonders if those who travel this path are reaching higher than than their feet should allow, by standing on the backs of others."

tinythinker · May 2018

"People sometimes mistake M'aiq for Khajiit. Probably because of the accent he picked up while traveling Elsweyr."

Nightfall12 · May 2018

M'aiq has heard that in the future there will be one known as M'aiq in far off places, M'aiq has also heard of time travelling Psjiccs, M'aiq wonders if future M'aiq is the same as this one? perhaps M'aiq should not eat so many Psijic Order Pigs-In-A-Blanket...

jedtb16_ESO · May 2018

m'aiq has heard that the forum is a den of degradation, iniquity and endless torment. he shudders at the thought, perhaps that is not the forum he is looking for.

Saucy_Jack · May 2018

M'aiq slept with Razum-dar's mate. Or did he? M'aiq does not remember the last time he slept.

Greevir · May 2018

M'aiq loves to buy boxes with random contents usually containing potions and poisons with his hard earned money. It fills him with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Ragged_Claw · May 2018

M'aiq once saw a beautiful house for sale, but after three days it vanished! M'aiq did not have time to save up such a princely sum...

The_Smilemeister · May 2018

"Maiq was once stopped by a guard in Stormhold after this one had been accused of racism by an Argonian labourer whose tail he stepped on whilst sleeping in the dirt. This one replied "Maiq is not a racist, this one hates everyone equally". Maiq would recommend if you see anything with scales you treat it like you would a crocodile, and walk in the other direction."