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roleplay first backstory is it any good? let me know.
vanquise
Soul Shriven
the backstory of vanquise
when he was just 15 he was droped of in the desert of alkir just like any redguard he had to under go his trail. with only a backpack and a shild and sword. he wanderd the desert for 2 days trying to find shelter he found a cave it was small but long enough for him to stand right up he throw a rock inside of the cave to check if there were any predetors. After wating he went in the sun was starting to go under he went in to the cave inside of the cave he saw something it shined he started digging and digging it was as if he became obsessed with it. All of a sudden he fell throw the sand he fell on his backpack that broke his fall. vanquise had no clue where he was he could not see anything because it was dark. He put his hand in to his backpack and took a torch that his dad gave him. when he lit it he saw something with little redeyes vanquise was not atletiek like most redguards he was only good with one weapon the bow but when vanquise was going to take his bow his father told him no because what are you going to do when you are out of arrows? how wil you defend your self then take this sword and shild then i said but father i dont know how to use a sword in battle. you will just have to learn then. vanquise woke up from his daydream when the being with red eyes charged at him it was a spider he drawed his sword and his shild he smashed his shild on the spider. throwing it back to a wall the spider charged again vanquise swong his sword at it. but he missed leaving him of balance the spider atacked him vanquise just dodged the attack. vanquise looked around he saw a big rock he ran at it taking it and smashing the spider as the liveblood went out of the spider his eyes stoped giving light. vanquise was very happy we survived. but he looked around he was in some abandoned city he saw ruineds of old houses. he started walking when he stumbeld over a book with the title. stormcalling for begginers.
he took the book and started reading vanquised liked to read books as he read it was as if time was not moving anymore. when he was done he started walking again. he stepped on a part of the sand what looked as if some thing was under it. it was a journal of some on the title said journal of it was lost to time.
vanquise started reading he read the suspect us that we where the ones the mages of our city but we are..... vanquise not unable to read the words.
on the last page a sentace said if someone is reading this proof our them wrong find my staff please its in the tower vanquise looked around he saw a huge tower after a few minutes he was there he went up. in the tower he found a body but only its bones and a staff called..... unable to read this vanquise took the staff magic was forbidden for redguards but vanquise felt so drawed to it there was also a book next to the skeleton. the title said basic spells and a note said please
solve the mysterie of the continate that drowed. and with his staff he set out to solve the mystrerie in tamriel
vanquise age: 15 now 23
hobbys: exploring, mystries solving, magic
class: unknown pls help nightblade with magic of sorc?
last name: pls help me cant think of anthing
when he was just 15 he was droped of in the desert of alkir just like any redguard he had to under go his trail. with only a backpack and a shild and sword. he wanderd the desert for 2 days trying to find shelter he found a cave it was small but long enough for him to stand right up he throw a rock inside of the cave to check if there were any predetors. After wating he went in the sun was starting to go under he went in to the cave inside of the cave he saw something it shined he started digging and digging it was as if he became obsessed with it. All of a sudden he fell throw the sand he fell on his backpack that broke his fall. vanquise had no clue where he was he could not see anything because it was dark. He put his hand in to his backpack and took a torch that his dad gave him. when he lit it he saw something with little redeyes vanquise was not atletiek like most redguards he was only good with one weapon the bow but when vanquise was going to take his bow his father told him no because what are you going to do when you are out of arrows? how wil you defend your self then take this sword and shild then i said but father i dont know how to use a sword in battle. you will just have to learn then. vanquise woke up from his daydream when the being with red eyes charged at him it was a spider he drawed his sword and his shild he smashed his shild on the spider. throwing it back to a wall the spider charged again vanquise swong his sword at it. but he missed leaving him of balance the spider atacked him vanquise just dodged the attack. vanquise looked around he saw a big rock he ran at it taking it and smashing the spider as the liveblood went out of the spider his eyes stoped giving light. vanquise was very happy we survived. but he looked around he was in some abandoned city he saw ruineds of old houses. he started walking when he stumbeld over a book with the title. stormcalling for begginers.
he took the book and started reading vanquised liked to read books as he read it was as if time was not moving anymore. when he was done he started walking again. he stepped on a part of the sand what looked as if some thing was under it. it was a journal of some on the title said journal of it was lost to time.
vanquise started reading he read the suspect us that we where the ones the mages of our city but we are..... vanquise not unable to read the words.
on the last page a sentace said if someone is reading this proof our them wrong find my staff please its in the tower vanquise looked around he saw a huge tower after a few minutes he was there he went up. in the tower he found a body but only its bones and a staff called..... unable to read this vanquise took the staff magic was forbidden for redguards but vanquise felt so drawed to it there was also a book next to the skeleton. the title said basic spells and a note said please
solve the mysterie of the continate that drowed. and with his staff he set out to solve the mystrerie in tamriel
vanquise age: 15 now 23
hobbys: exploring, mystries solving, magic
class: unknown pls help nightblade with magic of sorc?
last name: pls help me cant think of anthing
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Totalitarian✭✭✭✭✭This is a rather difficult read; being that it lacks proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. All of which are fixable.
Next: your whole backstory seems rushed. You have a whole story to explain and give information in, and in this, it's all given in a few paragraphs. Again, this is easily fixable. The brevity is not a problem in and of itself, but coupled with the lack of punctuation and formatting, it gives the whole story the feeling that it is unorganized. Of course, I see that you are trying to cram in other pieces of your character's story into this. But by explaining them in a single sentence, it makes it seem unnecessary. Try making each of those little snippets into the past longer, and explain/make them in a new paragraph for clarity.
That being said, you did correctly separate your later paragraphs for emphasis, which is what you need to do throughout the whole backstory for readability.
So, you have a good idea, but your backstory needs to be polished with simple English mechanics (grammar and other related subjects are simple, compared to the complex subjects of analysis and synthesis). I understand trying to speed out a story, but writing something of quality is something that takes more than just an idea for a story. All you need to do is properly format and proofread your backstory for it to be readable. But, for it to be digestible (meaning to have a greater story to tell) you need to expand more. You have the topics to expand on already written into your backstory, and all you need to do is expand on them.
Class: Well, for RP, any class and loadout works, but due to the fact that he read "Storm Calling for Beginners", I would assume that means Sorcerer. But Nightblade is perfectly fine if it fits your character better.
Last Name: Pick and Arabic/North African one. They tend to work well with Redguards.PC NA CP 531+
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Read their adventures!
The Celestial Lady0 -
Vorcil✭✭✭✭the backstory of vanquise
when he was just 15 he was droped of in the desert of alkir just like any redguard he had to under go his trail. with only a backpack and a shild and sword. he wanderd the desert for 2 days trying to find shelter he found a cave it was small but long enough for him to stand right up he throw a rock inside of the cave to check if there were any predetors. After wating he went in the sun was starting to go under he went in to the cave inside of the cave he saw something it shined he started digging and digging it was as if he became obsessed with it. All of a sudden he fell throw the sand he fell on his backpack that broke his fall. vanquise had no clue where he was he could not see anything because it was dark. He put his hand in to his backpack and took a torch that his dad gave him. when he lit it he saw something with little redeyes vanquise was not atletiek like most redguards he was only good with one weapon the bow but when vanquise was going to take his bow his father told him no because what are you going to do when you are out of arrows? how wil you defend your self then take this sword and shild then i said but father i dont know how to use a sword in battle. you will just have to learn then. vanquise woke up from his daydream when the being with red eyes charged at him it was a spider he drawed his sword and his shild he smashed his shild on the spider. throwing it back to a wall the spider charged again vanquise swong his sword at it. but he missed leaving him of balance the spider atacked him vanquise just dodged the attack. vanquise looked around he saw a big rock he ran at it taking it and smashing the spider as the liveblood went out of the spider his eyes stoped giving light. vanquise was very happy we survived. but he looked around he was in some abandoned city he saw ruineds of old houses. he started walking when he stumbeld over a book with the title. stormcalling for begginers.
he took the book and started reading vanquised liked to read books as he read it was as if time was not moving anymore. when he was done he started walking again. he stepped on a part of the sand what looked as if some thing was under it. it was a journal of some on the title said journal of it was lost to time.
vanquise started reading he read the suspect us that we where the ones the mages of our city but we are..... vanquise not unable to read the words.
on the last page a sentace said if someone is reading this proof our them wrong find my staff please its in the tower vanquise looked around he saw a huge tower after a few minutes he was there he went up. in the tower he found a body but only its bones and a staff called..... unable to read this vanquise took the staff magic was forbidden for redguards but vanquise felt so drawed to it there was also a book next to the skeleton. the title said basic spells and a note said please
solve the mysterie of the continate that drowed. and with his staff he set out to solve the mystrerie in tamriel
vanquise age: 15 now 23
hobbys: exploring, mystries solving, magic
class: unknown pls help nightblade with magic of sorc?
last name: pls help me cant think of anthing
The coming of age, by Vorcil of the Dagger;
Listen close child, and listen well,
for I do have a tale to tell;
there was once a young Redguard, from Alik'r,
wandering through sands, his life did not care.
Searching for shelter, a cave had he found,
glittering treasure, did he fall back on the ground;
emerged from the shadows, an Arachnidian beast,
ancient and red eyed, looking for feast.
Drawing his sword, an oath to his father,
who questioned his arrows, begged sword for him to master;
he struck out his blade, and what had emerged,
was a bloodied black blade, giant spider had he purged.
Stumbling around, and what he did see,
was an abandoned dark city, carved rock nought of green;
a menacing sight, ancient and old,
lightening in air, Yotkudan mountain hold.
Searching did find, a mysterious sight,
encircled within city, Mage tower's blight;
spent many an hour, reading spell tomes,
did this young Redguard, found his new home.
...
Edited by Vorcil on December 15, 2015 4:00AM1 -
Vorcil✭✭✭✭Good start bud! I like the story, keep at it.
I put your story into a wee poem, I hope you don't mind.
Now all you have to do ingame is /lute and write the story out line by line, memorize it and you'll be an rp'r
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vanquiseSoul ShrivenThanks for the help i really appreciate it thanks guys. Well lets go on a adventure!!
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vanquiseSoul ShrivenI have a question is it a good idea to lvl up a new caracter so i can make choices based on what my caracter would do
for a full rp experience?0 -
Vorcil✭✭✭✭I have a question is it a good idea to lvl up a new caracter so i can make choices based on what my caracter would do
for a full rp experience?
Roleplaying is what you make of it, whether you decide to walk / ride everywhere and not fast travel, sing songs, read every book or just in general pretend that the world you are in is real, and the way you play reflects that.
Just have fun;1 -
vanquiseSoul Shrivenok i will thanks for you advice i am off on a adventure in the world of tamriel i hope i will meet you to on my travels.
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Cool story, as mentioned before, just fix some spelling and grammar errors and it's good to go.
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ListerJMC✭✭✭✭✭
✭vanquise age: 15 now 23
hobbys: exploring, mystries solving, magic
class: unknown pls help nightblade with magic of sorc?
last name: pls help me cant think of anthing
I'd probably go sorcerer if he loves magic, but it depends. Nightblades get some cool illusion type abilities, but sorcerers get more destruction based abilities - it depends which school of magic he's more into, but 'Storm Calling' is a sorcerer ability.
Redguards don't usually have surnames, but some Redguards in this game seem to have surnames based off their hometown. For example, I've run into people with the surname "al-Satakalaam", which means they're from the town of Satakalaam. It's basically "al-" + Hometown. So maybe pick a hometown and do that?
I've seen "af-", "am-", and "at-" used as well; but I'm not 100% on what they mean - I think "af-" goes before the name of a parent, the other two I don't know.PC NA & EU || Mammoth Guilds - Victory or Valhalla || Altmer sorcerer main
"Wood Elves aren't made of wood. Sea Elves aren't made of water. M'aiq still wonders about High Elves."0 -
nice backstory, similar to mine, i play ps4/na mystic_gc525, message me if you want to play!PS4 NA
PSN: Mystic_gc525
Atmun Yzir - LVL 41 Templar Battle Mage
Roshan Solas - LVL 32 Dragon Knight Spell Sword
Theodastyr Arc'hantael LVL 10 Sorcerer Spell Sword0