Do you call game friends by their irl names?

SilverBride

A casual friend asked me my irl first name and I thought there would be no harm. Now I wish I hadn't because they address me by it every time they see me online. And not just my irl name but a nickname that I don't use.

I've told them I prefer they address me as Silver in game but they still use my irl name. I guess I will have to be more insistent.

But this made me wonder what others do. So how do you feel about using irl names in game?

[Edit] I am referring to first names and would never give out my surname to a casual acquaintance.

TaSheen

I wouldn't ever give my IRL name to anyone in any game, and I would also never call someone whose name I know IRL by that name in any game .

SilverBride

I will edit to clarify. I would never give my surname to a casual acquaintance in game.

ixthUA

I don't have ingame friends, so they don't call me at all. I think its perfect.

AlienSlof

Some of my buddies like to go by their real names, others by the nickname they use in game. The German trial guild I used to run with used to prefered to use real names.

I prefer to go by Slof or Sloffie, though.

One guy I run with likes to call me 'Mrs (other half's nickname)' as we run as a pair more often than not!

boi_anachronism_

I got one friend who knows it but thats because he saw it on my insta when we were sharing some nature photos we had taken. We still just use our in game tags.

freespirit

I have some close friends, made over the last nine years of playing ESO, a few know my first name and one knows my email.

We never use our rl names etc in game or in Discord, we just know them. 💕

Reverb

No, absolutely not. Unless someone specifies otherwise, we refer to each other by IGN, gamertag, or Discord handle (which are usually the same or close to one another).

Soarora

I do not, but I will use real names (if given to me by them) for puns between us (never in “public”) if the opportunity arises. I just don’t like switching up what I call people unless it’s their preference that I do so. For me, a couple people know but I’m not a fan of my real name anyways and prefer fictional ones, so I’m not referred to using my real name ever.

Syldras

No one from my friends list (or here at the forums) knows my legal name. Except for my partner, but even he doesn't use it

spartaxoxo

I have some friends that know my real name. But I still prefer to go by my in-game name (Sparta or Venus, depending on the game).

Dojohoda

No. I use the ingame names.

16BitForestCat

Anyone who ignores my boundaries after I've clearly stated them gets blocked and cut out of my life. I have an unusual name that some people try to "make easier" (it's not a difficult name!) by calling me a similar, more common name.

Me: "Hey, don't call me that name again. I go by [Name] instead. Thank you."

(I'm not saying this to the OP, but to everyone: it's important to not dance around the issue, even if any of you out there find you have to be more blunt than you'd like in stating it. If you soften the message too much, people just won't get the message. Or will pretend they don't.)

Them: "I like the other name better/find the other name easier, so I'm just gonna keep using that. "

Me: "Then, if you do it again, I'm gonna block you and not talk to you anymore. Because if you can't respect one very simple boundary, I clearly can't trust you to respect even more vital ones."

Then I give them a chance to shape up after the boundary is clearly set, but follow through on my threat if they don't, or if they try to argue my boundaries.

I can say, in over 40 years, I've never once had cause to regret cutting someone out for ignoring my boundaries. But I have always regretted backing down and letting someone continue to ignore them. Usually they're disrespecting the boundary because they get sulky over "being told what to do" and like feeling as if they have some power over me, which makes them a toxic "friend." And/or because they're crushing on me and trying to force a connection by ignoring my boundaries.

Not saying this is the OP's only option, but it's certainly time to examine that other person's actions and potential motivations if they continue to use a name OP tells them not to use. Names, especially RL names, are very personal.

Sarannah

Never give out your real name or any other personal information on the internet! Even if someone would tell me their RL name, I would still always use their char/accountname. Mostly so no matter what chat I'd use, I would not accidentally spill their name to anyone else.

This is also why I do not want to use my native language in game. After a while it would get confusing which language to use when and where, so it is better to always use english. Can't go wrong.

Look on the bright side: It could be worse, they could be calling you their "bride"!

PS: The only time I would ever let someone know my RL name, is if I met them in person. And that never happened (so far).

Mesite

Xbox gave me the option to allow a new friend to know my real name or not so I said no, of course. I was never asked that question on PC when I made friends so who knows what my friends knew about me.

SilverBride

Sarannah wrote: »

The only time I would ever let someone know my RL name, is if I met them in person. And that never happened (so far).

One friend I met right after WoW launched and I both know each other's full names, where we live, phone numbers etc. and we still keep in touch after all this time. We don't talk as often as we used to but I will always consider him a "real life" friend.

But even as close as we got through the years we never called each other by our real names in game, and we have played a few MMOs together.

I did actually meet a friend from a different MMO a long time ago but that is a different story for a different day.

spartaxoxo

16BitForestCat wrote: »

Anyone who ignores my boundaries after I've clearly stated them gets blocked and cut out of my life. I have an unusual name that some people try to "make easier" (it's not a difficult name!) by calling me a similar, more common name.

Me: "Hey, don't call me that name again. I go by [Name] instead. Thank you."

(I'm not saying this to the OP, but to everyone: it's important to not dance around the issue, even if any of you out there find you have to be more blunt than you'd like in stating it. If you soften the message too much, people just won't get the message. Or will pretend they don't.)

Them: "I like the other name better/find the other name easier, so I'm just gonna keep using that. "

Me: "Then, if you do it again, I'm gonna block you and not talk to you anymore. Because if you can't respect one very simple boundary, I clearly can't trust you to respect even more vital ones."

Then I give them a chance to shape up after the boundary is clearly set, but follow through on my threat if they don't, or if they try to argue my boundaries.

I can say, in over 40 years, I've never once had cause to regret cutting someone out for ignoring my boundaries. But I have always regretted backing down and letting someone continue to ignore them. Usually they're disrespecting the boundary because they get sulky over "being told what to do" and like feeling as if they have some power over me, which makes them a toxic "friend." And/or because they're crushing on me and trying to force a connection by ignoring my boundaries.

Not saying this is the OP's only option, but it's certainly time to examine that other person's actions and potential motivations if they continue to use a name OP tells them not to use. Names, especially RL names, are very personal.

Boundaries are generally speaking rules you have for yourself, not behavior that is expected of other people. Some people try to misuse the term boundaries to control others, so it's important that distinction is made.

I'm not saying you're doing that because expecting someone to call you by your name is an incredibly normal, valid, and important thing. It's disrespectful to call someone a name they don't want to be called, and refusing to do so is often itself a form of manipulating someone. I would agree that with you that if someone doesn't want to show that type of basic respect, they should be shown the door.

16BitForestCat

spartaxoxo wrote: »

Boundaries are generally speaking rules you have for yourself, not behavior that is expected of other people. Some people try to misuse the term boundaries to control others, so it's important that distinction is made.

That's a different type of boundary! One of the great things about boundaries is how versatile they are, how there are different types of boundaries for different situations. There are boundaries that determine how you act, and boundaries that tell others how they are allowed to act with you. I'm going by this one for here:

Boundaries separate people from each other. Boundaries define an individual's physical space, as well as their emotions, needs, and personal responsibilities. Boundaries also exist to inform other people how they may act toward you, interact with you, and they set limits for what kinds of behavior are and aren't acceptable with you. Individuals need boundaries, both for their own safety, as well as for the safety of others. We need these limits in order to prevent being taken advantage of, both in ourselves and in others.

Edited to fix the formatting, and to clarify that quote actually comes from a scholarly source I had saved in my psychology resources. I didn't link where it came from because it being from a scholarly database means it's unfortunately not publicly accessible and paywalled.

Wolfkeks

Ingame Friends use my ingame name - I don't think I would even react to someone saying (or trying to pronounce) my real name via discord 😅

spartaxoxo

16BitForestCat wrote: »

spartaxoxo wrote: »

Boundaries are generally speaking rules you have for yourself, not behavior that is expected of other people. Some people try to misuse the term boundaries to control others, so it's important that distinction is made.

That's a different type of boundary! One of the great things about boundaries is how versatile they are, how there are different types of boundaries for different situations. There are boundaries that determine how you act, and boundaries that tell others how they are allowed to act with you. I'm going by this one for here

That's not the most reputable source. The reason I brought it up is because there were several therapists I read that discussed how therapy speak can be weaponized during that whole Jonah Hill thing. I'll leave it at that because it's a bit off the course of the thread.

But yeah, I agree with the rest of your post. And as far as the thread goes, even people who know my real first name know to call me by game name inside the games. I don't mind as much if they call me my real one in private chats in discord, but game spaces it's game name only.

Syldras

16BitForestCat wrote: »

Anyone who ignores my boundaries after I've clearly stated them gets blocked and cut out of my life. I have an unusual name that some people try to "make easier" (it's not a difficult name!) by calling me a similar, more common name.

Me: "Hey, don't call me that name again. I go by [Name] instead. Thank you."

(I'm not saying this to the OP, but to everyone: it's important to not dance around the issue, even if any of you out there find you have to be more blunt than you'd like in stating it. If you soften the message too much, people just won't get the message. Or will pretend they don't.)

Them: "I like the other name better/find the other name easier, so I'm just gonna keep using that. "

Me: "Then, if you do it again, I'm gonna block you and not talk to you anymore. Because if you can't respect one very simple boundary, I clearly can't trust you to respect even more vital ones."

Then I give them a chance to shape up after the boundary is clearly set, but follow through on my threat if they don't, or if they try to argue my boundaries.

I can say, in over 40 years, I've never once had cause to regret cutting someone out for ignoring my boundaries. But I have always regretted backing down and letting someone continue to ignore them. Usually they're disrespecting the boundary because they get sulky over "being told what to do" and like feeling as if they have some power over me, which makes them a toxic "friend." And/or because they're crushing on me and trying to force a connection by ignoring my boundaries.

Not saying this is the OP's only option, but it's certainly time to examine that other person's actions and potential motivations if they continue to use a name OP tells them not to use. Names, especially RL names, are very personal.

Very well written. Sadly, I've met too many people who have been treated without respect by their "friends" or even partners, and said nothing because of misunderstood politeness, lack of self-confidence or because they didn't know any better (because they already grew up under similar circumstances and therefore thought this was "normal"). What I witnessed was that it always started with small things, things shrugged of as "not nice, but not important enough to make a fuzz about it" (using a disliked name would be one example), but always got worse over time. I don't know a single case where the respectless person suddenly realized the wrongness of their behaviour and improved, so in the end, contact broke off anyway. It's a waste of precious life time.

Danikat

I call people whatever they tell me to call them, and if I know more than 1 name I go by what they told me first unless they tell me they prefer something different. So I'm more likely to go the other way and keep using their screen name in real life.

It hasn't come up with ESO because I haven't gotten to know anyone that well but that is the case with some of my online friends from other games/communities. I've known some of them for 20+ years and we still go by old screen names (although I'm still using the same one). Although it went the other way with friends from music sites: meeting up at gigs shifted to meeting up any time we were in the same place, to arranging trips to meet up and over time we used real names more than screen namss. I'm not sure I remember all their screen names now.

The other exception is my husband (who I also met on a music forum) we almost never call each other by screen names except on forums.

TaSheen

There ARE people whose real names and other info I know - as they know mine. These are people I met back on the old bethsoft forums when Skyrim released. We used screen names back then, but when beth shut the old forum down and the new one was so awful, I set up a forum "just for us". We've been there ever since.

And when one of our original members died and we didn't find out what happened (he had lost his wife, and was not well himself) for almost a year.... well, the other admin and I, and two of my "sisters from other mothers" did trade real world info - so if any of us (especially one of my "sisters" and I who are much older than anyone but one of the men) had a problem, someone would have contact info to find out what was going on. And the man who's also as old as I sent me his info when he and his wife had Covid because he wasn't sure how it was going to go.

Said info includes contacting my daughter, the other admin's wife, my "sisters'" sons, the other man's nephew - with all the contactee's permissions as emergency contact.

We still don't use anything but screen names on the forum though....

[Edit for typos]

SilverBride

I brought this up to my friend again today and said I really prefer if he calls me Silver in game because I like being my alterego. He said ok but then logged off and on a few times and hasn't spoken to me all afternoon. But I just wasn't comfortable with it.

Blood_again

Your ingame friends have real names?!

fizl101

Some of them yes. The social guild I’m in manages events on facebook so we know each other from there

emilyhyoyeon

I go with whatever each person wants which is usually some form of their username. My name is almost always in my usernames and I prefer people call me it anyway.

SickleCider

I address people how they want to be addressed, full stop. When I meet someone new I don't ask, "What's your name?" I prefer to ask something along the lines of, "What do you go by?" or "So, what can I call you?"

thorwyn

Among the people I usually hang out with on discord and in raids, we alwyas use our real names. Whenever I'm addressing someone with their ingame name, it's always some sort of situational joke to express some fake seriousness, like when a mother is calling her child with first name and surname.

DreamyLu

In my main game, when we're between us we use our real names, because we're playing together since decades and over the passing years, we became friends in real life too. However, this is limited to a small group of persons. Aside of them, with other players, even if I know them since long, we usually have an abbreviation of our main char name and use that only. Same in ESO and other games.

SilverBride

I was in a guild once in another game that was formed by a group of real life friends. They all called each other by their real names and it was very confusing. We were not able to show UserID, which is what I do here, so I had to learn that TankGuy and Healz and DP Ess all belonged to the same player. Then on top of that I had to also memorize which real life name went with each group of characters. I ended up leaving the guild because of it.