The secret dungeon etiquette (with a wink)

visionality

Hey everybody,
just stumbled on some hilarious rants of total PVE noobs on the difficulties for vet dungeons and decided to start a little thread on how dungeons REALLY should be done. Feel free to add.

GENERAL DUNGEON RULES
- Never prepare for a dungeon. Keep your gear unrepaired, store your food in the bank, sell your soulgems. When in the dungeon, whine about "oh, I forgot my food" or "oh, I forgot my soulgems" or "oh, I'm out of repair kits". If another player gives you some, store it for sales later. Everybody has to make a living, even in ESO!
- Mechanics are for the weak. Ignore them. If you wipe, blame Zenimax, your healer or your tank. If you're the tank or healer, blame your DDs. Or Zenimax.
- Red circles are for the strong. Always stand inside them. There must be an achievement for stepping into 100000 red circles somewhere in this game.
- Rezzes are for the noobs. You want to sell your soulgems, remember? So you can't waste one on a rezz.
- If you see a player with less CP than you in your group, instantly initiate a "vote to kick". You're the one who needs to be carried, not him!

NOOB DUNGEON RULES
- Never do a normal dungeon before entering the vet mode. Where would be the surprise if you already had an idea what's awaiting you?
- Never tell anybody that you're in a dungeon for the first time and don't know the mechanics. They might start to explain. Booooooring!
- If your whole group does one thing, do the opposite. You're the pro, they can only learn from you.

SPECIAL TANK RULES
- Taunts are for the weak. You can't be bothered by boss-attacks while you show off your fantastic 2.5k dps.
- If you accidentially taunt the boss, always turn him towards your group. Everybody needs to learn how hard a tank's life really is!
- If you have melee DDs in your group, always pull the boss into the biggest red circle you can find. Those squishy guys need to learn toughness!
- If your DDs place static AOEs, quickly pull the boss somewhere else. This rule overrides even the "red cicle"-rule!
- Never debuff an enemy or buff your group. Taunting the boss every 25 seconds and holding up your shield for the rest of the time is already totally filling your schedule, you can't be asked for more.

SPECIAL DD RULES
- For all stamina DDs: There is only one acceptable weapon in dungeons and only one acceptable way of dpssing: Grab your bow and spam light attacks.
- If there is another stamina DD in your group, pray he doesn't know the secret dungeon etiquette. If he does, make sure you're always farther away from any enemy than him. If you can't hit the enemy anymore because of it, that's clearly his fault because he's forcing you away.
- The best way to eliminate mobs is single target. Show your group how perfectly you can cast 3 crystal fragments in a row!
- The best way to eliminate a boss is AOE. Now shine with the steeltornado you couldn't waste on mobs.
- If you're a nightblade, stay in hide all the time during fights. Everybody will be impressed by your thiefish skills.

SPECIAL HEALER RULES
- If you have a resto-staff, always queue for "healer". It reduces your waiting time, and once in the dungeon, you'll kill everybody so quickly that nobody will notice you're in fact a DD and not healing at all.
- If you don't have a resto-staff, queue for healer anyways. The DD-queue is just too long for you. If some group-member complains, mention that "4 DD random dungeon run" from yesterday and ask them to equip a resto-staff themselves. Or to cast vigor.
- If you really, really insist on healing, use rapid regen. Spam it constantly. Like every half second. Use nothing else.
- If nobody needs healing, stand back and watch. You're doing a great job keeping everybody alive, you can't be bothered with dpssing or debuffing on top!
- Never cast orbs, ele drain, shards and anything else that might be useful for any member in your group. They have to learn ressource-management and will be grateful for your support.

strikeback1247

Quality kek post right here. I approve of this message.

Vapirko

I had one tank that insisted that fiery grip was a taunt because someone told them so. Couldn't convince them otherwise for the life of me. They said that even though it doesn't say in the description it does anyway...

alephthiago

This needs to appear in the login screen, such in-depth guide could be applied everywhere

FleetwoodSmack

Ooooh my god I wish LOLs were back.

souravami

Inb4 elitist accusations

Asmael

Considering how many are following these rules, I'm so sure it's a secret etiquette

Eweroun

visionality wrote: »

Hey everybody,
just stumbled on some hilarious rants of total PVE noobs on the difficulties for vet dungeons and decided to start a little thread on how dungeons REALLY should be done. Feel free to add.

SPECIAL TANK RULES
- Taunts are for the weak. You can't be bothered by boss-attacks while you show off your fantastic 2.5k dps.
- If you accidentially taunt the boss, always turn him towards your group. Everybody needs to learn how hard a tank's life really is!
- If you have melee DDs in your group, always pull the boss into the biggest red circle you can find. Those squishy guys need to learn toughness!
- If your DDs place static AOEs, quickly pull the boss somewhere else. This rule overrides even the "red cicle"-rule!
- Never debuff an enemy or buff your group. Taunting the boss every 25 seconds and holding up your shield for the rest of the time is already totally filling your schedule, you can't be asked for more.

- Always equip a 2hander on offbar, as to improve your dps as stated in n°1
- in case you don't have a 2hander, you can use a bow, but only when following DD rules about this one

Merlin13KAGL

visionality wrote: »

Hey everybody,
just stumbled on some hilarious rants of total PVE noobs on the difficulties for vet dungeons and decided to start a little thread on how dungeons REALLY should be done. Feel free to add.

GENERAL DUNGEON RULES
- Never prepare for a dungeon. Keep your gear unrepaired, store your food in the bank, sell your soulgems.

This is the only part I disagree with, OP.

Food is a luxury that not everyone can afford - it costs 10's of septims to purchase and the ingredients are near impossible to find.

You cannot forget your food if you never have any in the first place!

ADDED: If you're a dual wield ranged magicka user (for the spell damage), continue to weave in LA's and HA's even if all mobs are 40 m away. This will certainly still restore stamina and magicka.

psxfloh

visionality wrote: »

- Never tell anybody that you're in a dungeon for the first time and don't know the mechanics. They might start to explain. Booooooring!

Exception: you need to go to the loo and don't want to risk a 'kick' because you're afk... as soon as you're back, call out 'ok, got it' and go for the boss!

visionality wrote: »

SPECIAL HEALER RULES

Exception: templars don't need resto staffs, just spam 'breath of life' until you're out of magicka, then use heavy staff attacks until your magicka's full again. repeat.

visionality

Wow, ran with a random group who already totally applied all rules AND showed me new a new one I must immediately add:

ADDITIONAL TANK RULE
- Never admit that you loose taunt. Just claim "this boss is not tauntable!" and call everybody a noob who says otherwise. You're the tank, you must know!

(You may use that claim too, if you have no taunt at all and just queued as tank because you didn't want to wait in the long DD-line)

I love all the other added rules, too! Thanks for the input, will make all future dungeon groups totally invincible!

Eweroun

psxfloh wrote: »

visionality wrote: »

- Never tell anybody that you're in a dungeon for the first time and don't know the mechanics. They might start to explain. Booooooring!

Exception: you need to go to the loo and don't want to risk a 'kick' because you're afk... as soon as you're back, call out 'ok, got it' and go for the boss!

visionality wrote: »

SPECIAL HEALER RULES

Exception: templars don't need resto staffs, just spam 'breath of life' until you're out of magicka, then use heavy staff attacks until your magicka's full again. repeat.

*edit: be sure not to use a frost staff, because... ah never mind, gives the tank a reason to shout out the additional tank rule

visionality

@Eweroun Love your additions, promoted you to dungeon pro!

@Merlin13KAGL Shame on me, I forgot that food is a luxury not many can afford in this game! All the more reason to sell what you get from your group mates, though!

soll

I'll save it and will post in every QQ pve thread

visionality

@psxfloh: You're totally right with your templar-exeption. Noob-me! How could I forget! So ...

SPECIAL RULE #1 FOR TEMPLAR HEALERS (thanks to @psxfloh)
- Never equip a restostaff, you have Breath of Life. Spam it until your out of magica (with the proper setup that should be easy), then use heavy attacks to refill your mana-pool. Group will manage without healing for a minute or two.

SPECIAL RULE #2 FOR TEMPLAR HEALERS (thanks to @Eweroun)
- Always use a frost staff when you replenish your magica with heavy attacks. This will make the tank's boring work a lot more interesting!

soll

visionality wrote: »

@psxfloh: You're totally right with your templar-exeption. Noob-me! How could I forget! So ...

SPECIAL RULE #1 FOR TEMPLAR HEALERS (thanks to @psxfloh)
- Never equip a restostaff, you have Breath of Life. Spam it until your out of magica (with the proper setup that should be easy), then use heavy attacks to refill your mana-pool. Group will manage without healing for a minute or two.

BIS SETS FOR TEMP HEALER
Seducer is definitely best set for all the times for a healer. If you flavor it with some magnus you would be able to cast Breath Of Life as never before!

Eweroun

visionality wrote: »

@Eweroun Love your additions, promoted you to dungeon pro!

@Merlin13KAGL Shame on me, I forgot that food is a luxury not many can afford in this game! All the more reason to sell what you get from your group mates, though!

Whoohoo... thx, I'll spread the guide around whilest doing randoms

SolarCat02

visionality wrote: »

@psxfloh: You're totally right with your templar-exeption. Noob-me! How could I forget! So ...

SPECIAL RULE #1 FOR TEMPLAR HEALERS (thanks to @psxfloh)
- Never equip a restostaff, you have Breath of Life. Spam it until your out of magica (with the proper setup that should be easy), then use heavy attacks to refill your mana-pool. Group will manage without healing for a minute or two

This one applies even if you are stamina.
You're a Templar! Breath of Life is all you need!
Plus you can always back bar Vigor if your group looks like they are getting ready to kick you.

DHale

One of the best posts I have ever read on the forums. Sad to me that it's all true.

RebornV3x

Our trials group finally beat VMOL thanks to this guide I definitely recommend this thread to new players

Magdalina

Bwahahaha. This is good.

Universal dps rule:
Brighten up the bland boredom by using both stamina and magicka skills. I mean you have 2 resource pools for a reason, must use both - ought to improve both sustain and damage! If someone attempts to tell you that you're generally better off sticking to just one, read them a long lecture about how they have no right to tell you how to play - it's "play how you want", and if you want to spam some bow attacks in between hardcasting frags or shoot a few of those cool looking silver bolts in between heavy attacking with your staff, who are they to stop you? Also, jesus beam just looks too cool to pass out on it even if you're a stamina build.

Universal pull rule:
Always pull everything(unless you're the tank. In this case, be cautious and stick behind, everyone knows tanks take most damage so you better be careful out there). If someone's trying to explain mechanics that you don't know, pull faster so they don't have time to explain, then complain as you die to those mechanics. If tank is afk or not there yet for whatever reason, you'll notice that giant popup saying "PULL NOW" over all of your screen and should follow it immediately. If you die, blame the tank.
(on side note, yes, it is absolutely possible for a dps or healer to pull, hell you don't even need tanks for most dungeons. But that's when you know what you're doing and have run the place before...)

Universal hardmode rule:
Always do hardmode. If it's obvious that your group is not capable of one, just keep activating hardmode regardless, nevermind what they say. Persistence is the key.

Universal interrupt rule: Bashing is for the weak. If you die to interruptable mechanic, blame the tank. If it turns out tank was cc'd/dead/unable to interrupt for whatever reason, blame the healer. If you're the tank/healer, blame the dps as nowhere in your role does it say you gotta bash those pretty red lines. Alternatively, just blame ZOS for stupid op one shot mechanics that have no place in the game.

Universal mechanics rule:
If you're told not to attack something or not to go somewhere(that in case you failed one of previous rules and they did manage to squeeze some mechanics explanation in)...you know what to do. Show them that you live in a free country and they have no right to dictate your actions. Play how you want!

Tank blocking rule:
There're only 2 ways around tanking.
1) Never stop blocking(don't even drop it when everything is dead, just in case) and blame the healer for when you run out of stamina, because everyone knows tanks must block.
2)Never block. This is all the more valid strat now that there's no stam regen while blocking. In fact, it actually makes your job as tank a hell of a lot of easier. Just taunt and stand there. If you die, blame the healer. That's it.
Everything in between those 2 options is for weaklings.

Oh and a somewhat new one that I've even see a few friends pull off by accident...
Rule of the frost staff:
If you're magicka dd(works even if stamina), use the frost staff because its attacks just look so cool. Don't forget to heavy attack to restore your magicka...

Magdalina

Oh, forgot another one.

Rule of the jesus beam:
If you can use jesus beam, use it. No matter your role, monster's health % or the number of monsters - just do it. You know you want to. (Yes, it is a great fight opener and wonderful aoe, ignore anyone telling you otherwise.)

Seri

Magdalina wrote: »

Oh, forgot another one.

Rule of the jesus beam:
If you can use jesus beam, use it. No matter your role, monster's health % or the number of monsters - just do it. You know you want to. (Yes, it is a great fight opener and wonderful aoe, ignore anyone telling you otherwise.)

All about that minor sorcery buff... :P

FleetwoodSmack

Hardmode Rule:

Never acknowledge the mechanics. They can be ignored, despite what any reputable or CP 600+ says! YOUR WILL IS LAW!

Merlin13KAGL

* Sorc only: Cast mage's wrath well before the 20% execute mark. It's really only a guideline anyway. (Templars can start at 50%, so should you.) Endless fury is an even better option here. After all, it's not really endless unless you constantly cast it.

* Non healers: If your healer is doing an excellent job (seriously), tank and at least one DPS should probably slot Vigor anyway and cast regularly as a show of support. Nothing says "Great heals" like spamming Vigor when you drop below 95% health for more than 1.3 seconds. *Bonus points for slotting and casting Vigor if you're magicka based.

* General: Spread out on large maps, especially when there are multiple trash adds that could waste resources under the non-AoE rule listed. Disregard tooltips, as everyone knows templars really have almost infinite range, slightly under that of restro healers'.

* Line of sight is overrated. Single target abilities get a damage bonus with rocks, pillars, and general obstacles between you and the intended target. The exception to this if for enemies LoS'ing you. This also goes along with the above - heals are most effective when you're two rooms away looking for recipes.

* Specialized areas such as open bridges or sheer cliffs: Fall damage is completely negated by roll dodging off said location and can be used to confuse and bewilder your opponents.

OP, I vote we promote you to the Tamriel equivalent of "Murphy" for helping lay down the law.

visionality

Merlin13KAGL wrote: »

* Specialized areas such as open bridges or sheer cliffs: Fall damage is completely negated by roll dodging off said location and can be used to confuse and bewilder your opponents.

Love all your added rules, @Merlin13KAGL , but this one is definitely my favorite.

visionality

Learned a new rule today, yay. Or actually it's more a refinement

visionality wrote: »

SPECIAL TANK RULES
- If your DDs place static AOEs, quickly pull the boss somewhere else. This rule overrides even the "red cicle"-rule!

REFINEMENT: Then complain: "This group has low dps". This will not only show your superior social and diplomatic skills but also be a 100% encouragement for your DDs.

visionality

Thanks @Magdalina, for filling up so many etiquette-gaps!

This one is another all-time-favorite:

Magdalina wrote: »

Universal interrupt rule: Bashing is for the weak. If you die to interruptable mechanic, blame the tank. If it turns out tank was cc'd/dead/unable to interrupt for whatever reason, blame the healer. If you're the tank/healer, blame the dps as nowhere in your role does it say you gotta bash those pretty red lines. Alternatively, just blame ZOS for stupid op one shot mechanics that have no place in the game.

(To everybody who's now wondering "What is an interrupt?" or "What is bashing?" - We'll come to that in another thread on the secret dungeon pro-etiquette. Only available for players at cp1200+ though)

Magdalina

I've seen a new one recently...

Universal squishy rule:
If you get agro, even if it's a skeever agro, RUN. Everyone knows being hit hurts(and then who knows those rats could have rabies!), so that's your only solution. Run as far away as you can, out of range of heals and taunts, as your team proceeds onto boss, and stay there heroically fighting your own battle and then dying to the last skeever standing. If asked what you were doing there and why didn't you follow the group, say that that's where the mobs chased you. If someone dares to imply you should follow the group, not the mobs, tell the stuck up jerks to mind their own business.

LordMitchell123

This made me cry of laughter! I will inform all my friends that we have been playing the game wrong all this time and will follow your guide from now on!

ForsakenSin

Remember healing is ONLY FOR YOU!

When you are DPS with 15k health and people offer you health and stamina food refuse it ! tell them to f off ( who knows it could be out of date or you might be allergic to it) you are cp 350 and a vet after all, the reason why you died 20 times at the beginning of the dungeon its not because of low health, standing in red all the time but because a healer cp 600 who healed vet trials has no idea what he is doing in this dungeon and can't spam breath of life more then 18 times before he runs out of magica. ( probably a noob and you should tell him what to do! Blame him all the time and ask why can't he heal one shot ? and vote to kick him that will teach those cp 600 noobs to L2P! )

Flank it like you mean it!

Also as you have a bow don't stand next to your team but instead split up and flank the enemy at the other side far far away from your team ( its called tactics) , don't worry you are the main DPS this is what bows were made for ! Impress the rest of your team by your accuracy with the light bow attacks! And as you are THE main DPS don't worry healer will rush and stand by your side after all healing should be only for you.

YOU GOT THIS !

If you team dies ( not due to any of your fault ) do not waste your time trying to rezz them, instead as you are the main DPS this is the perfect time to impress them by running around the boss using the light bow attacks for as long as you can after all this is up to you to kill the boss with 4mill health don't worry the longer you stay alive the more impressed your team will be and they are all cheering for you!

Now you are ready to go out there and teach those noobs how to play!