Tales of the Dead - Contest Entry Thread

Brotician

“I'm scared, Jerrin,” said Barth, the fear evident in his voice. “Why? They didn't see our faces, Barth. You're just worrying yourself over nothing,” Jerrin stated matter of factly in an attempt to make his partner feel better.

“Jerrin, I have to tell you something,” Barth almost whispered the last words of his sentence. “What, Jerrin? Tell me, boy. You had better not have done something stupid. Did someone see your face?!”

Barth could only nod solemnly, his eyes cast down for fear of what may come next.

“Barth, do you know what the 'Guild' does to those who get caught? “Lad, you had better hope that whoever saw you didn't tell a soul because otherwise we are two dead men,” Jerrin stopped to spit on the ground near Barth.

“We need to leave these lands. We'll be wanted all over...huh?” Jerrin stopped again, yet this time it was due to the sound of a whistle that progressively began to get louder. Both men looked to the side, only needing to turn slightly in the chairs they had set up along with the table they were seated at.

As Jerrin turned his head to the right just in time for two arrows to force themselves through his eyes. However, the shots were so expertly fired that they drove all the way through until they met the back of his skull. The force of the shots sent Jerrin's corpse straight back and then onto the ground.

Everything had happened so suddenly that Barth felt he couldn't even move. His heart began to beat three times as fast as it did only moments ago. Then after a few more moments pass he begins to try and get up until he hears the familiar sound of a bow being drawn.

“Don't even think about it,” the masked elf ordered. Jerrin sank back into the chair.

“What a bunch of idiots, making a makeshift camp and waiting so long for such a simple job. Now give me what you stole for us,” the elf demanded. Jerrin carefully reached into his sack and retrieved a silver dagger adorned with jewels and glowing with a green aura. He set it down on the table.

“Will you let me live?” Jerrin asked. The wood elf chuckled slightly before answering, “Look forward so that you can't follow me.”

Jerrin did as told. He could barely see the dagger being snatched from under him.
“Now close your eyes,” the elf told him. Jerrin listened and followed directions.

That would be the last thing Jerrin would hear before an arrow was forcefully pushed into the side of his head. Jerrin's body then slumped back into the chair.

The elf then waved his hand and a red portal that resembled a tear in existence appeared and he stepped through it as he laughed the laugh that could only belong to a daedric being.

Vorcil

"note is engraved into the table, a knife is pierced through the wooden planks at the end of the letter.

To the Dark Lord Zenimax,

We have captured one of your disciples, the one they call the "game master"

We are tired of your lies, inconsistent updates... and the bugs flying all over this beach is unbearable.

Yours unfaithfully

Signed on behalf of everyone in Tamriel
Mirrak

rimandirb16_ESO

"See that there..? The one an arrow sticking out of his eyesocket? Yep. That's the one. That is me. I didn't always look like that of course, I actually used to have skin once. But of course, you aren't interested in that, now are you. You are of course more interested in how it happend. Well, let me tell you. See that other guy there? The idiot with an arrow through his head? Yeah, that's my brother. Some fetcher figured that my brother was the best archer in all of Bangkorai. Not sure who the bigger S'wit is. My brother for loosening -Eightteen- arrows against the wind, or me for letting him do it. Yep, that's right. He shot at the moons and had a gust of wind hit the arrows just right. I was the first to go. Didn't even have time to feel it, was dead before I hit the ground.
What a way to go... What a way to go...

See.. I'm not even angry about it. No, really! I'm not. What -Really- rubs me the wrong way, right? See that cheese there? Yeah, just there by my hand. I was just about to eat that. I was really hungry as well! *Sigh* Well. Not much to do about it now I suppose, unless I can figure out a way to haunt a cheesemonger, and make him churn some necrotic cheese.

You have no idea how degrading it is to walk around as a ghost, with an arrow stuck through your eyesocket... And a constant stomach that is groaning more than you are.

Look.. I'll tell you what, right? You run on along now, and try to find me some cheese that I can eat. If you succeed, I'll give you my brothers bow, and what coins we still have. I think that should cover the trouble.

Oh, you'll do it? Thank you! Really! I'll look forward to your return, and in the meantime, I'll try to do something about this arrow... It's really starting to itch."

airosa

Dear Lila,


Have you not remember, you shredded my heart. I was live for 24 years in this realm, and we was together for 6 years, a quarter of my life! My quarter of life, yet you leave me...


I still remember the day you decided to tie-knot with that man. I still remember all the words your father spitted over me. Jobless. Worthless. Even a thug has more honour because he has money. That day, un-intentionally, you pushed me... fall deeply... into the realm of death. Jobless. Worthless. Hopeless.


Sad. When I was young, I only have one dream. Not to become the lord. Not to conquer the empire. Not to be heroic adventurer. I only have one dream, to have a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter. Wife as beautiful as you.


Yet I don't know, the dream as simple as that could be as hard as me trying to touch the star.


Now a year has past. I am lucky two things happened. First, I have a brother, a true companion, pulled me out from the deep trench... liberated me from the trench lord. Yet, it could be anytime before I sat on the bank of the hell again, and then I received your letter.


Your letter, yes, and I swear the letter was shining as I opened it.


Can u imagine... how despair I am... losing you, and from only one letter, I am joy, happy, and thankful to fate. You waiting for me. There is no another man with you. Only me.


Yes, I understand you can't put so much hope on me. I need to proof to your father, I am not worthless. Lucky I am, my brother, my true mate offered me a job, which would make your father proud to have a son like me, which would make you, not only a queen in my heart, but a queen for the people, for the land, for the riches that I am going to bring back home.


Soon, we will be together again, I will end my adventure, bring back home riches and stars to you my queen. I am going home. I going to have you, my star. My beautiful star Lila. I am going home.


Love,

aoverland2k9

T'was like any other night at the campsite outside of the bandit cave. The boss decided it was our turn for lookout. That was ol' Jenkins and I. We'd been in the crew for what seems like a century, or two. However, this night, I had the strangest sense of danger from the wilderness. I thought it was simply paranoia, but it seems that this night was our final night.

As I sat there, drinking my mead, dining on the juiciest grapes and the most delicious cheese wheel in all of Tamriel, my heart wasn't at ease. The boss, Hides-in-holes, seemed to be a little off. He seemed to be a little enraged at some of the other crew. For what, I am not sure. In hindsight, I should have known why Hides-in-holes was off, angrier than normal. However, I let it go. Tonight I was going to relax a little more than usual, and enjoy my supper.

Jenkins was sitting by the campfire whistling that song like always. He enjoys the fire as I do. Which was exactly what I was to do when I finished my meal. There is nothing like the warmth of a fire on your face, with the cool breeze of the night on your back. As I continue to enjoy my supper, I had a crazed sensation run up my spine. Someone was watching us.

Indeed, it was as I imagined, it was a group of archers. In the split second of sighting the enemy, I realized why Hides-in-holes was angry. Someone led them to our place, to collect the bounty on Hides-in-holes' head. Alas, I had realized what was going on, but it was too late, I took an arrow to the head. Needless to say, Jenkins didn't make it either.

In the end, Hides-in-holes was murdered, as well as all the other crew members. If this was part of the job description, I would have never signed up. In truth, I only wished I had taken up that offer to be a mercenary for the Undaunted, or to be a musician. I could play a damn good lute.

Skraticus

“Till the end,” you once told me, and you made me swear by it.

My friend, who could have known that this end you spoke of would come upon us so soon, and so swiftly? We knew our days were numbered in our line of work, but this … no, this was not supposed to happen. We hunted vampires, friend. We knew the danger, but yet each day we continued. Always during the night, that was when we struck. We beat these demons at their own game. We fought fire with fire.

We made an oath, you and I. Our cause was just. We were just too weak with our strength alone. If we were to hunt these demons down, we would have to become the night itself. We would have to become … vampires.

And we did, friend, but never did we stray from our cause. Every one of our nights was filled with the blood of another dead vampire. One by one the demons fell by our hands. Each day was one step closer to our ultimate victory. To bring justice upon the vampire that took both of our families.

But they struck first, friend, and they struck quickly in the dead of night, just like we always had. We were celebrating what we thought yet another victory, only to die by the hands of a pack of vampire hunters. We were stalked, hunted down like the very creatures we were after. We became the monsters, friend! They surrounded us without our knowing, and then … in a split second, everything was gone.

But this wasn’t the failure of our mission, friend. No, our failure was the first day we set out. Our mission wasn’t justice, it was nothing more than a false crusade driven by hate and anger. I’ve been here for a long time now, friend, and in my time as a pale blue ghost, I’ve come to realize something. When justice is tempered without mercy, it is but revenge. This, my friend, is where we truly failed.

But I made an oath, and until the day that vampire dies, I’ll be stuck here.

So, until then, “till the end”, friend.

- Begin Quest -

Caph

I see a heavy sack and I want to loot it, it might have 2 Kutas.

kniver

Day 1 - I am neither desperate nor greedy. Men like myself are motivated by nothing but the desire to watch from a front-row seat as drama unfolds. If not for a set of idle hands and restless legs, I'd have no doubt gone into politics; as things stand, my chosen profession suits me just fine.

Day 2 - Laying low after a heist is always the hardest part. A week spent in the wilderness, waiting for border security to go back to business as usual... it's worse than waiting to die!

Day 3 - Desna has always been so uptight. I was just hoping for a smile and some light conversation when I put a few drops in her drink. Can I really be blamed when the poor girl gets hysterical and starts trying to hide from the shadows themselves?

Day 4 - Note to my future self: Bosmer and Skooma DO NOT MIX.

Day 5 - After she came down from her harmless little episode, we explained (between fits of laughter) how her "religious experience" had come to pass. Once again, she has failed to properly relate her comrades' sense of humor.

Day 6 - It's been almost a full day since I last heard any incoherent shouting along the treeline, and the archery kit was absent this morning when Raelin and I awoke. Maybe she decided to let bygones be bygones and went out to gather food? After a fit like that, I'd be hungry too.

Arsenic_Touch

Nice, I posted about this particular location a while ago.

http://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/discussion/113062/i-used-to-be-an-adventurer-like-you#latest

I'll have to come up with something for it.

Soriana

EtherSerra

Journal of Mateius
Day 7
This day has been nothing but a nightmare, as has this whole trip. Neremor has not stopped complaining this for the past week, I grow weary of his voice. He has even begun to question our beliefs...how DARE he! He of all people cannot deny the will of Our Lord of Madness. Yet still he ridicules me every time that I mention my communion with Our God. He does not believe that I have visited in his holy presence, he does not trust that we were tasked with this journey to a most holy place of our Lord. He will see, THEY WILL ALL SEE!

---

Day 9
We have finally managed to find the holy place, how well Our Lord has chosen it, no one will disturb us here. We have already unpacked the cart and sent the driver away to finish our preparations. For once Neremor seems content, he has no words to say now that I have a semblance of proof. Now we wait for the messenger to arrive and inform us of our next destination. Oh I just cannot WAIT!

---

Day 12
Still no sign of the messenger, even I am beginning to question this trek, but I must be crazy for even thinking such a thing! I know he cares! I know he listens! I saw him with my own eyes! Our cheese supply is starting to run low, I fear I will not have enough for Our Lord when he gets here, and I know it is his favorite...because he told me so he he hehehe.

---

Day 13
I KNEW HE WOULD NOT ABANDON ME! THE MESSENGER CAME! And how kind of Our Lord to send such a beautiful Nord. She brought us wine! Finally Neremor believes me but he will not say, he just cannot stop looking at the girl. She tells us to drink the wine and we shall meet with Our Lord. Oh how sweet this wine tastes!

---

Day Unknown
Everything is so beautiful! The world is spinning! So many colors! The Mad God does not disappoint! But lo, there is a beast among us, and he attempts to devour the lovely Nord lass! I must slay it to prove my faith to My Lord!

I killed it, oh how it fought! I hit it in the eye, its shriek was ungodly, but it was not dead! I had to shoot it again to make it silence itself and would you believe it? I got it's other eye! WHAT LUCK! It finally stopped squirming but the lass is gone. Yet is that my Lord I see?! OH MY LORD OF MADNESS! HOW HE SMILES! HOW HIS EYES SPARKLE! HOW MY ARROW SPARKLES! HOW LUCKY I.......

skexsie

Captain's log, 2E 440.
Bones and myself are the only ones left in the landing party. Red shirt landing party has not returned as of yet. We've lost contact with the Enterprise. We have landed and set up camp in a land known as Tamriel. McCoy and myself are brushing up on local history in case we come across any other life forms.

Kirk: "I need another piece of cheese like I need another hole in my head."
Bones: "Ha ha ha. You are a riot, Jim. Seriously Jim, remind me why we are out here with out our clothes eating grapes and cheese?"

thoomp, thoomp, thoomp,thoomp. This will be the last entry. Kirk out...

Americanzombie26

2E 526, 13th day of Heartfire

Does love at first sight exist? Oh yes, it truly does; it goes by the name of Nelacar. We met during one of father’s merrymakings. I felt as if I was floating. It was as if only he and I existed. How can one simple glance, one simple conversation, one simple kiss spark such a reaction? Ah yes, it is true! Love at first sight does exist.

2E 526, 18th day of Evening Star

Father found the letters I had been sending Nelacar. I am forbidden to see him again. Father says he plans to arrange a marriage for me in order to clean this “mess” up. Oh how my heart aches! I feel as if an arrow has pierced my heart and the poison is slowly spreading through my body! My entire being aches with sorrow and anger! My father be damned! Why can I not be with the one I choose? Is it because of social class? It should not matter that Nelacar is a servant in my father’s house! Who I choose to love is of my own choice! No one else should choose for me. I would throw my name away in a heartbeat if it meant sending the rest of my life with him!

2E 527, 23th day of First Seed

This might be the most daring thing I have ever done in my life! I have decided to leave my father’s court and run away with Nelacar. No one will be able to disapprove of our love ever again. We will start a new life…together.

2E 527, 13th day of Mid Year

Tonight is the night. Everything is set up. The campfire is roaring, the candles are flickering, and plates and cups are filled with cheese and wine. All that’s left if for my dear Nelacar to return, and then I can finally ask him to spend the rest of his life with me. He is my soul mate, now and forever. Till death do us part.

(Last entry is written in a different hand. Blood and tear stains upon the paper.)

2E 527, 13th day of Mid Year

I will keep this short, for I wish not to speak anymore ill of the dead. Lie to rest my dear son, my sweet Fanildil. May the divines guide your soul to your eternal slumber. Sleep well.

With a heavy heart,
Father

cthulhie

Our new client said it was a protection job; said he needed peace during his rituals. Turns out he was vague for a reason.

I've done plenty bad in my time, but always to get by, and no more than was needful. But what we left back at that farmhouse. I don't want to think what would need for that.

I can see it bothers Hamiir too, but she won't talk about it. Says she's glad he only wanted us to keep watch. Glad he didn't ask us to help.
_________

We've got a man and his boy. Took them right out of their field. I think the man sees I don't like it. When I'm ladling them water, he whispers--just let the boy go. Loosen his ropes. The boy can run back to his mother, she can take care of them both.

He has to know that's impossible--it would be obvious he had help. My hands are bound tighter than theirs. He has to see that.
_________

It's finally quiet. This endless night would be over if I could sleep. Clenched hands cramping, wide eyes watering, every thought focused for hours on ignoring the sounds from the cave, the screams and

Shut out the man's pleading. Do something. Get in there and stop him. Save my son.

I haven't seen Hamiir for hours, when the only sound left was the man's moaning sobs. Now even he's gone quiet and it's just me. I would thank the Divines for the silence, but they have no part in this.
_________

The man is calm now. He says the village will track us, that his wife will not stop. Our fates are fixed. Hamiir and our client stay away from him, leaving me to bring the food that he ignores. He describes in detail everything they will do to us before they let us die. I listen carefully.

Our client says we'll arrive at his permanent camp tomorrow. Way she's been drinking, Hamiir will be blacked before I take second watch. I'll cut the man free and we'll be gone by second moon.
_________

Our client started his ritual the night we arrived. Longest yet. I buried what was left at dawn.
_________

Volunteering for watch every night. Hamiir's not sober for it, and it's not like I'm going to sleep. Our prisoner was right--his wife is coming. I hear her out there, taunting me. Rustled leaves and twig crack, timing her movements with the wind so I have to strain to hear. Three nights now, staring down at Hamiir passed out in her chair while our client eats and reads at the table. Surrounded by silent villagers, his wife hisses into the wind, in her husband's voice, in shivering leaves what they'll do to us. How she'll take her time. What we deserve.

Fruitmass

The following seems to be an advertisement brochure for "Crazy Larry's Undead Emporium" and was found tacked to a table at what many are calling the worst show case disaster to happen in Tamriel in recorded history:


"The skeleton!

For eons they've been a staple feature in crypts and ruins the world over. Magically animated remains tirelessly bent on carrying out their master's will. Every undead army's got 'em and now SO CAN YOU!

Cost efficient and functional, skeletons have been prized by the magically inclined not only for their unrivaled ability to NOT pester their masters with inane or invasive questions but also for their ability to perform repetitive and mind numbing menial tasks WITHOUT COMPLAINT.

That's right, your new undead servant will never mouth off, back sass or question your directive EVER AGAIN!

But that's not even the best part!

Your undead servant will never have to eat, drink, sleep or bath EVER!

Each of our skeletons are assembled by hand right here in Tamriel and inspected by a staff of fully licensed and board certified necromancers.

Your skeleton is guaranteed to shamble about your tomb, castle or laboratory for a minimum of 150 years before ever needing a tune up. THAT'S RIGHT! They'll keep going even after YOU stop.

Yes, whether it's setting the dinner table, keeping grandma company, baby sitting the kids or taking a hail of arrows on your behalf you'll love your new animated friend.

Order now and we'll throw in:

"The Big Book of Magical Incantations and Wards" An absolute must for the megalomaniacal necromancer who has it all.

The monographed rawhide spare parts carrying case.

And for a limited time a set of 24 fully charged soul gems.

That's right......"

The rest is smeared with blood and illegible.

Laylla

Aerlick stuffed another slab of meat into his mouth even before he finished chewing the previous one. Juices dribbled down his bearded double chin as Leon watched in disgusted fascination. He shook his head at the obese huntsman, took up his sword, sheathed it and climbed to his feet.

“The fire’s dying,” he announced, “I’m going to collect more wood.” Anything to get away from the gluttonous man that Lady Arwen had paired him with on this trip. He could have moved faster to Daggerfall to deliver her message to the King without this flashy bag of leather-wrapped fat on his heels. Every five miles he began to whine that his backside hurt and they needed to take yet another “needed” break.

They were only a night’s ride from Daggerfall when Aerlick made his latest pain-filled announcement. Leon sighed and finally gave in. It was wearing on his patience and making him tired to even try and argue against it. They rounded the bend and came across an abandoned camp. A fire pit sat neatly, simply waiting for someone to stack wood and set it aflame. There was even a small table and a couple of chairs. Leon gave a one shouldered shrug. Hell, maybe Aerlick was right for once.

They roasted the pair of quail they had hunted earlier, accompanying it with some wedges of cheese and a large bunch of green grapes. Leon had taken a leg, half a breast and a few slices of cheese, leaving the rest for the eternally hungry Aerlick.

He gathered up kindling, shaking his head when he heard Aerlick belch loudly in the distance. The man had no couth and was about as tactful as a rutting boar during mating season. He could hear his teeth clacking from even this distance.

Wait…that was not the oaf’s teeth. By Oblivion, that was the sound of arrows piercing armor!

Leon dropped the kindling and drew his sword as he dashed back to camp. Upon bursting into the clearing, he froze in his tracks. Sitting quite properly in his chair was Aerlick, one hand on a large cheese wheel, the other placed delicately on a bunch of grapes. Grease still dribbled from his beard and onto his chest and he wore a look of disbelieving shock. Bursting proudly from his skull like a Nobleman’s House Banner was a large ebon feathered arrow. The grapes next to his hand and the cheese to his left had suffered the same fate.

Leon’s eyes darted about the area, seeing movement in every shadow. He stepped away from the macabre scene slowly and almost failed to feel the punch of the arrow that pieced his chest until his breath seemed to escape him against his will. He dropped as two more pierced his skull, taking out both eyes.

His immediate death prevented him from seeing the robed and shadowy figures who moved soundlessly through the camp, taking nothing but the message meant only for King Gothryd’s eyes.

Gasgiant

The Secret War of the Cheese Barons

To the untrained eye, this supplied picture would likely be brushed off as the work of bandits or even warring noble houses. And while much closer to the later than many realize, the whole truth is still not readily apparent. What you see are a pair of dead men, riddled with arrows from afar. But notice that only time and scavengers have done their work upon these men. Many valuables are still in place, stem and flat ware in what appears to be silver, candles even. No, had this been the work of common bandits, even the work of soldiers; cups, plates, even candles would have been fair game for looting. No good readers, this was a warning. A warning that any Chronicler of the Curd would notice form a mile off. This was the work of the Cheese Barons.

And who might these men and mer of magnificent Munster be? The Cheese Barons are a group of the most accomplished cheese makers in the whole of Tamriel, maybe even the whole of Nirn. So secretive of their recipes that even Hermaeus Mora would love to learn of their methods. Each Baron tries to out make the others. A creamier brie, a sharper cheddar. These are the things that these lords of Limburger fight and die for. To them the art of the curd and whey is as serious to them as the political intrigue of the Cyrodiil court
is to the aspiring Emperor.

So be wary young adventurer. If you happen upon a scene such as this one, turn back. But if you must take something, take the items of use and value, but never, and I mean NEVER touch the cheese. To do so would be a death sentence as these unfortunate souls can already attest.

Greggor Zola
Chronicler of the Curd

jefilm94b16_ESO

Tarhin's Journal 20th of Suns Height.

That silly fool Agandil is always complaining. I mean he has been at it all day!
First of all; waking someone up in the morning is hardly something to be considered mean. It is the polite thing to do so he should be grateful no matter what means was used to do so.
As usual he asked what it was I wanted. I happily replied "today is the day". He obviously couldn't wrap his head around it as he kept asking what I meant by that. I kept replying that "it just is", and if he don't get that, then he should just stop asking.
I sometimes get the feeling that he don't really enjoy my company, but I'm probably just being paranoid. He wouldn't come along if he wasn't at least curious about what was going to happen today. So there we went, the "towns drunk" and the "towns madman" (what funny nicknames!), off for a little walk in the sun.

Honestly I wasn't really certain what it was exactly that was going to happen today, but I knew it was important.. let's call it intuition.
Sometime into our little stroll I saw a very pretty butterfly. It was then I knew.
"There!" I said, to which he replied "what?". I mean come on, what kind of reply is that to a sophisticated description of observation? I didn't feel the need to explain myself, so I simply told him to follow me as I ran after the little one.

It didn't take long from that point until we reached this very campsite. I'm sure there's some book somewhere written by some mage at some point stating that butterflies have a very significant sense of direction. If there's not then there should be. The little fellow did a magnificent job leading the way.
"Look, my dear Agandil. This is what we have come for!" I said. I could see it in his eyes. His curiosity had finally kicked in, and his steps seemed more motivated as we approached the well placed furniture.

We cracked open the crate and started to withdraw its contents. Amongst it was grapes, wine and candles. It was going good, but everything became so much clearer when I opened the fine looking sack next to the crate.
Cheese! Glorious and delicate cheese! I was right all along.. I interpreted the signs correctly, and this was the reward. As the townsfolk celebrate Sun's Rest, we shall have our own celebration!
I told Agandil to prepare the table for us at once.
"But what if it belongs to someone? Hunters or bandits?" he said. And they call me the mad one?
"Well do you see any hunters or bandits? This is for us! My master has seen that we are not welcomed in the taverns and have made this place for us to enjoy Sun's Rest in his honor!"

Agandil is almost done preparing now. Tonight we shall toast to Lord Sheogorath!

BrackishBobcat

Fredas, 21st of Mid Year

I've decided its about time to head out of Dawnstar and travel the world. My family doesn't agree with me leaving but its my choice. I'm already 22 and I barely know anything outside of this town. Of course I still have many preparations to make so that means I will have to listen to my family complain about it for weeks to come. I sure hope Elayna will understand and come with me....without her I don't think I will last a month out there....

Morndas, 5th of Sun's Height

Well I finally got all the gear I will need to leave and survive for awhile in the wild. It's funny, a few weeks ago my family hated the idea of me leaving Dawnstar. Father kept saying "A true Nord's place is next to an anvil with a hammer in his right hand and a drink in his left." I used to think the same thing till I discovered what it felt like to actually use a sword....guess father forgot Nord's are warriors as well. But now it seems he is pushing me out the door.....my family is acting strange........

Turdas, 8th of Sun's Height

Tonight, down by the old pond, I'm going to tell Elayna what my plans are. I pray she will come with me. I haven't known her for very long but I can't imagine my life without her.......but I know she feels the same way, afterall, she was the one who taught me how to fight.


I told Elayna I was going to travel and she said it sounded amazing! I'm supposed to meet her outside of town next to the big dead tree tomorrow night. After she agreed to come I thought she was leaning in to kiss me but instead turned her head and rested it on my shoulder next to my neck. Speaking of my neck it's awfully sore. I must have twisted it or something. The sun will be up soon. Think I just need to sleep...

Fredas, 9th of Sun's Height

Something is very strange, I woke up after the sun went down...I SLEPT THE WHOLE DAY! And on top of that my family is nowhere to be seen, the house is completely empty. Agh, my head is killing me. Feels like someone took a battle axe to it....Well despite all this I'm still going to meet Elayna tonight and leave Dawnstar.

Where is she? I came to the dead tree and have been waiting for what seems like hours. I fear she may have changed her mind...I hope she hurries, I forgot to eat before I left and im starving, Oh wait, I just heard someone talking...

Loredas, 10th of Sun's Height

What the hell is happening?! Last night, my own family attacked me! I peered over a rock when I heard voices and saw my Father, Mother, and older Brother with swords and bows in hand talking about a Vampire. It sounded like a Vampire has come to Dawnstar and been "seducing" someone in the village. I approached them and asked why are they out here and their first reaction was to shoot arrows at me! I jumped to the side (and seemed to do it quickly) and dodged them. I yelled at them to stop but they took aim again so I ran. I was a lot faster than I have ever been before and managed to find an abandoned cave. Why would my family attack me and what about this Vampire? And more importantly where is Elayna?......

Sundas, 11th of Sun's Height

I woke up about mid day I would guess. Had a terrible nightmare. I started to walk outside and when the sun hit my skin it burned so badly I fell over backwards and yelled till I was out of breath. I think I realize why my family is trying to kill me......Elayna made me a Vampire.

I fell back asleep and woke up to Elayna standing over me smiling. I shot up and backed up against the cave wall. I demanded to know what she did to me. She claimed I already knew. Of course I knew...when the sun hit me I knew instantly. I asked her, "Why me?" She claimed the smell of my blood was irresistible. She just had to have me. She also told me that my family are Vampire hunters. Apparently they have killed many of Elayna's past lover's and been tracking her for a long time. But they found my brother and I, when he was 7 and I was a baby, during their travels after Elayna killed off our real parents, and decided to raise me and my older brother ,Wiskon, as their own. When they discovered Elayna was in Dawnstar, they decided to tell Wiskon of their past and teach him how to kill Vampires. Apparently they must have decided I was good bait since I am a few years younger. So now I know the truth....but what should I do?

Morndas, 12th of Sun's Height

Its been about two days since I came to the cave and still my family hasn't found it. I asked Elayna if she knew why that was and she said she put up a barrier that hides it. She then told me I need to feed tonight or I will slowly die. The first feeding is important it seems and I don't feel like dying before deciding what to do about all this. So we are going out to find an animal for me to kill and drink the blood...sounds gross but my mouth waters at the thought..

I killed a Sabre Tooth cat with my bare hands! I jumped out of a tree, landed on it and sunk my teeth in....the rush, the victory, the blood....blood...I want more. Elayna says Nord blood is ALOT better than animals....i'm beginning to see what I must do to survive.

Tirdas, 13th of Sun's Height

I've decided.....I don't want to die, I don't want to be scared of my own family, I want to live and see the world.....with Elayna by my side. The goal is clear then, I can't escape what I have become and my family won't obviously look the other way. I have no choice........we have to kill them off. And I think I know where they are.

I told Elayna my family had an old hunting retreat south of here. They kept crates with supplies , table, weapons, etc. We practically lived there growing up it seemed. We go tonight to finish them before they finish us.....

This is the last time I will write in this journal....in the end...we weren't careful enough...to.....kill my family. We...walked right....into a trap. They....stayed in the shadows...and pelted us with arrows...must be coated...in a...paralyzing poison.....can barely move to...write this....I think they are still out there....watching...probably waiting for the sun to come up and end us. I....used to sit ..in this same chair when I was little......I never stared up at the sky and realized....just how beautiful it is......I can see dawn coming....I look at Elayna on the ground...she doesn't even seemed phased by this...I bet...she has been....planning this for awhile.....use me to kill my family...........well at least I get to see the sunrise one...more....... time........

Snakewitch13

Don’t Mess with the Nine By Sandra Zimmerman Snakewitch13
The sorcerer detective Adam Snigly walked slowly and purposefully towards the grizzly remains before him. He had been searching for over 2 years for his client’s brother John Poperscoper and his brave companion Leslie flathead. His client a lovely blonde bombshell Janet had been worried when her brother had not returned as promised, so she had hired Adam to find out what happened to him.
After following many trails Adam had finally tracked them down, it looked like they had both been dead for quite some time. Going through the remains Adam found clues that started to unravel the story.
There was evidence that a tracker by the name of Aron Hadnuts had been hired to lead them. Why had Aron left them here to their fate? There was no sign of Aron anywhere. The arrows were unfamiliar; they weren’t ancient or modern.
Adam analyzed the arrow, fletching from a strange bird off Gilligan’s Island and the arrow head was black ebony. Expensive arrows, obviously the arrows were left as a warning. In a heavy sack, Adam found a strange metal nothing like anything he had ever seen before; he ran a quick magic test on it and found it was some kind of ebony mixed with another element? Stranger still was the map on the table marking a small cavern further up the mountain.
Adam found and explored the cave and found a stone warning all to go no further, he pulled up his wards and called forth his familiars and went into the cave and found more of the strange metal and a huge lab where the metal had been produced. Strange creature’s bones lay everywhere in cages, no animal like anything on Tamreil. Adam realized what had happened. They had killed all these animals to make this strange metal!
This metal had been made at a cost to natural wild life that were now extinct, the metal and all who partook of this great evil had been slaughtered and all were forbidden to ever continue to make this metal again. The two explorers were killed for trying to start the lab up again to recreate the metal, they were left there as a warning to all.
Adam made it back to Rocktown and found the tracker Aron Hadnuts and he was a bent and shriveled old man, he claimed the metal was stronger than Daedra metal and they were gonna get rich starting up the lab again, find a different creature to use and then he claimed to have seen a Goddess of the Nine, when he saw the Goddess pull her bow strings he had ran and kept running till he made it back to town, when he woke in the morning he was an old man.
Adam returned to Janet and gave her the strange metal and told her the sad story of her brother. Janet was grateful for the closure and rewarded Adam. The End

Firestar1992

Kailah Auroran stared at the grisly, disturbing scene before her with calculating eyes. The two bodies were old and withered, hardly anything but bones remaining. Arrows were scattered over the campsite, some still lodged in the remains of the corpses. There was one in the firepit, strangely unburnt. There were candles burning on the table, perhaps in memory of the fallen.

Curiosity got the better of her. Why would they have gone to the trouble to set up a table and chairs out here in the wilderness? And who had attacked them?

She knew well the art of necromancy, though her "allies" of the Ebonheart Pact were unaware of this fact. She produced five black soul gems and placed one within the ribcage of the skeleton on the ground, and another on the lap of the one leaning against the rock. Then, after studying the angle of the arrows, she walked a number of paces away and placed the rest of the gems on the ground there. Then she called upon her magicka and summoned the ghosts of the deceased, with a command to re-enact the scene of their deaths.

"Nathain," a young Breton lass giggled, "Thank you for doing this for us. It's been so long since all of us have been together." The reply came muffled, from an image that appeared to be a blurred shadow. Nathain had not died here it seemed. There were three others, but the only defined ghost was of a Bosmer male. The merry group stood drinking around the table, laughing. The Breton was the only one sitting. Apparently this was a celebration for her.

"I don't feel safe here," the Bosmer said at one point. "I should have liked to meet somewhere closer to the city." His face was contorted into concern. The Breton and a couple of shadows seemed to laugh off his worries, but one of them agreed. The celebrating continued for a while, until all at once, the Breton girl was jerked backwards and thrown out of her chair. An arrow seemed to sprout from her eye. The others cried out in alarm, the Bosmer and another leaping into action. Arrows seemed to rain down from the sky, pelting them. At the location of the other soul gems, Kailah could see one clearly defined figure of a Dunmer firing, although there were more shadows around him, also seeming to have bows. He soon had an arrow drill through his own chest, straight into his heart, as the Bosmer fired in retaliation. Moments later, an arrow sent him sprawling against the rock, striking him through the side of the head. The shadows of the party fled, the attackers not pursuing but rather attending to their own fallen comrade.

The ghosts faded as the soul gems shattered, the scene now over. Kailah shook her head, disapproving. It seems such a waste. Young lives should not be squandered needlessly. After all, they were much easier to manipulate than older, more experienced souls.

Firestar1992

(My entry is exactly 500 words. Boo-yah! Had to cut out 30 words from the original.)

Anastasia

13 First Seed, 582

Moonlight barely shone through the mists across the curve of plantation fields as Arii of Camoran headed south that evening. Coming around a bend, she saw a rough hewn table to the right with food laying on it.

Stepping closer Arii saw movement and slid her right hand into her sheath. A deep, ragged voice sounded ahead of a dragging movement, and then Arii saw the reptilian form. "Easy fair one. Are you hungry? Then feed, help yourself to what you see. You must be weary."

Arii loosened her tabard, as her stomach rumbled and looked warily at the wisened Argonian trader. "What I see is that you have pouches and bags of supplies in the middle of nowhere."

"How much coin must I part with for this food?" she asked. "Oh, no, no. Free, for now. Don't let it waste," grunted the Saxhleel female. "Here, taste cheese and drink to wash away road dust." Arii wondered what else aside from day-old food the the Argonian merchant had for sale.

Reaching over, Arii quickly raised the cup to her mouth as she peered over at the second figure laying near the mouth of a cave entrance, a cold-blooded bard with darker blue scales than those of the female speaking. His lute looked splintered and worn. Laying disheveled, with little to cover him and less to speak for his prowess...he had obviously already tasted of the Argonian maid's drink.

"I have not usually found welcome from Argonians so pardon me if I am a little suspicious."

"Understandable pale one. I am Amusei, and Myia-hot-Stroke both for my mage abilities and my pillow-talk expertise. At this, Myia grinned and raked her tail along the length of the now-snoring bard's legs.

Finding a place to squat, the lanky elf kept her back to the rocky outcropping and started eating the sour lumberries. "How many moons have you walked this path?" said Myia, nodding, "Sharp daggered Altmer is closer to Blackmarsh than most pointy-eared ones.”

"It being none of your business what my business is, I shall answer you with my own question -- did you lug this table and all the food on your back?" Laughing deeply, Myia said, "No, trader wagon we drug over behind cave entrance. Not wise to provide easy target for trouble looking to take what they should pay for."

Peering through the slits of her eyes, Myia noted the faded Camoran sigil on Arii's tabard. The lizard shoved a clump of cheese toward Arii, waiting.

"I've lost count of the days now. I have a couple wood-thieves after me because I interrupted their breakfast of a young one who they were preparing to skin. They have dogged my steps for several moons," she explained as she started to rest her head back against the rockface.

Sucking air loudly between her front four razersharp teeth, Myia hissed, "Think this be a good day to fight woodrot Bosmers...To your left flank, down!" Suddenly Arii felt the whizz of an arrow loosed ripping past her ear as she quickly flattened her body on the rockpile. Wresting her daggers, she careened around lunging up and over the boulder as she barrel-rolled toward the brush and tree line beyond.

Grunting and coming right behind her, Myia raised her arms and a short staff, uttering broken syllables to her god, Hist. Focusing a wall of elemental force twenty meters in front of Arii gave her enough time to traverse the deep ravine and bear down upon one of the two archers.

His last gasp was short as sharp bone knives pierced his throat. Arii pulled one blade out, then the other and leapt forward twisting to disarm the second Bosmer archer. Before that one could lift his arms in defense, a jagged light bore through his chest and he screamed aloud with the breath of darkness received.

Myia brought her arms back to her sides and made a clicking sound with her tongue. She disdainfully lifted a piece of burlap up and wiped her jaw. "Despise weakness in battle, and interruptions to bedtime equally. Come brave-one-who-Thinks, eat cheese and bard wine now. After eat, the two woodcravens bones shall sit at this banquet of ill-deeds. Their own arrows will stand as a warning to all!"

Liambicb14_ESO

Life can be a hard thing. Just ask Drumond gro-Ket. Drumond was a proud orsimer. He was strong, his axe sharp, and his women happy. Drumond, known as “The Diner” due to his penchant for carrying a shield ‘as large as a dinner table’ which he also used for that very purpose, was a happy orc. All that changed when he met Galdiir. The young bosmer maiden from the nearby wood elf village enraptured The Diner with her beautiful song one evening as Drumond was collecting the heads of a rival clan to decorate his hearth with.
Drumond and Galdiir fell into a whirlwind romance that they knew one day would lead to their demise. They were not wrong, though the method of their death was unforeseen. A monstrous creature that they never learned the name of but that others now call Dringoth buried them both beneath piles of rubble quite inadvertently as he was trying to mimic the dance of a hummingbird. The lovers died together only months after discovering their love for each other.
Their rest in Aetherius would have remained undisturbed were it not for the luck of a neophyte Worm Cultist, who happened upon their remains many years later. This cultist, who called himself Alabaster the Pale Master yet whose real name was Austen Muckraker of Wayrest, and who frequently overestimated his own prowess, raised Drumond and Galdiir’s bones to act as his skeletal slaves. Sadly, Alabaster failed to include the servitude runes in his inscriptions, and Drumond immediately crushed him with a nearby boulder.
The lovers stripped Alabaster the Flat of his possessions and decided to make the most of their new un-life. They terrorized merchants and travelers along the roads, Drumond collecting heads once more, and tales of the Skeleton Bandits began to spread. Bounty hunters were hired, but returned beaten by what they described as a table-wielding psychotic skeleton… when they returned at all.
When the Dark Anchors began to drop, such minor annoyances were left to wandering adventurers, the resources of all the world turning against Molag Bal. These terrible wars had the added effect of reducing the easy pickings along the road, and so the Skeleton Bandits quickly grew bored with mundane banditry. And so they stopped.
But now tales are trickling in from various places… disturbing tales. Tales of travelers, typically beset by enemies and fleeing blindly, stumbling upon what to all appearances was an abandoned campsite, with a scarred dinner table, a couple of skeletons, a peppering of arrows, and oddly fresh food… and those travelers were rarely heard from again.
When these reports were investigated, all that was found was a cold campfire surrounded by heads, and a note reading, “I don’t have any more space in my pack, you can keep these,” in Orcish. Yes indeed, life is hard for murderous ambushing skeletons. Well… unlife is, at least.

Fuzyhamster

I felt like writin' down what be happenin' today and all I be finding ta write on was the back of a paper wine label. Hopes you don't mind too much, I be tryin' ta write neatly!

Workin' for Sheogorath isn't... twasn't so bad! 'cept for the torturing but it be only because ta love of keepin' things right, I would think. I be a free man now! A free man with the voices but them don't bother me much 'cept for the bad days. Yellin' about cheese an' getting them cabbages for the king. Not something I can't be handlin' though!

I met a friend on the road, bookish fellow! So many books to satiate the head but nothing ta satiate his belly. I brought him to me camp on the account he learn me a ward or somethin' to keep me camp safe from bandits and them... goblins of sorts. Goblins always be snatching my prized cheese! I keep 'em in barrels and crates but them greedy sneaks break right into me stores when I go off ta gather supplies! Heartless! No manners at all! Shame shame shame to take me cheese! Sheogorath himself would curse them an' make them do his will! 'cept if they gave him back more cheese... 'course he would be generous he would.

Thought I would mention me new friend is cookin' up himself a trap spell to be in the wood of me stores! All them greedy slimy goblins need ta do is touch me cheese holders and they be blasted with a fine grace of a hundred arrows! He is following his side of the deal so I be preparin' a grand dinner of fine wine, grapes I be picking all afternoon, and cheese! So much cheese because only a monster could hate cheese! 'cept if you be a sneakin' goblin... stealin' me cheese! Taste me arrows trap next time you be nickin' my cheese ya goobers!

Wonder if the bookish fellow is done with the spell on me cheese stores yet... such a fine friend! A friend like he be deserves better cheese! He be restin' at the table right now... a surprise! My finest cheese! I have it hidden in the bottom of a barrel, wrapped in me silk! Silk me friend! I will serve me new friend only the best I could be offerin'! Fine cheese, fine cheese in the bottom of a barrel it be! Sheogorath be proud!

Greanis

The Vestige

"It is believed that the Vestige who turned back the Daedric tides of the prince Molag Bal, King of *** was a male Dunmer from the city of Mournhold. It is spoken among the people who reputedly birthed this man that he was a prodigy of the arcane and master of the blade at a young age. However due to the sentiment against outlanders and pride of race it is entirely possible that these claims are merely meant to emphasize the superiority of the Dunmer over their neighbors. In all honestly the Vestige that we know passed down through Imperial records most likely was simply a street urchin who tended the scrib and rats that found their way into the city as a source of food. However regardless of his origin story their are a few details of his story that remain consistent. It is known that he was present at the battle of Vivec's Antlers where one of the "False Tribunal." The Warrior-Poet Vivec flooded the fields drowning the Akaviri invaders whilst his people breathed under the tides. However according to Dunmeri legend the Vestige worshipped the Daedric Prince Molag Bal and that the Vestige drowned under Vivec's holy retribution. While this may be another example of historical bias and propaganda it is known that this was the lest recorded example of the Vestige's former life according to popular story. From here we can believe that Molag Bal pulled the soul of his supposed worshiper into his realm. From here we have no idea what happens but it can be assumed that he found a way out of his masters realm and became a quest against him." -Marcinius Tirell, Imperial Commission on the study and classification of Heroes. 17th of Evening Star, 4E 189.

ruth2000jackub17_ESO1

Loredas, 14th day of Heartfire, Tashad Kuln
~ Today I stumbled upon two skeletons
lucky for me they were skeletons otherwise I would have a fetching amount of alits on me in no time. Whilst I was...liberating items from their camp I found a journal, I knew that I shouldn’t have read it but i was intrigued. I found out from the first few pages that it was a merchant and a mercenary who had befallen such a fate, I took a look at one of the arrows while I was reading. The arrows were not of the likes i’ve ever seen before, definitely not your typical raider’s arrow, tip do not mix hist sap with mead.

~ I continued reading I found out that they had gotten lost in the wild’s this surprises me because the arrows seemed very sophisticated but at the same time they seemed very brutal, I took a look at my arms and armaments book, I find it useful in these situations None of the sketches in the book had any resemblance to the arrows i found on the corpses. I usually don’t go around investigating corpses there a common sight now a days but i felt intrigued. I went back to the journal most likely by the merchant the one that clad a sword looked like an Orc In my finding Orc’s are not the best writer’s. I found out that when they had gotten lost they fell upon a Dwarven ruin both of them saw fortune in the ruin.

~ They decided to explore the ruin’s they apparently stumbled upon a dwarven contraption that looked like it would be worth a lot to a place like the mage’s guild the Orc wrenched it from the ground it had opened up containing a scroll of sort’s they hastily decided to take it back to their encampment neither one of them wanting to find out where the sound of the gears and rising steam were coming from. When they made it back to their camp they decided to open up the scroll the merchant had opened up the scroll first seeing as his companion had no other interest other than splitting skulls and coin. A blinding light came from the open scroll as the merchant tried to close it, but it had been too late from the looks of the gibberish most likely written by the Orc seeing as though his companion had been blinded by the scroll. They deemed the blindness temporary from the light most likely wishful thinking. when a barrage of fetching big dwarven contraptions came upon them.

~ The journal cut off at that point. I was a little shaken up from the contents of the journal If I didn’t know better i would say that they had found an Elder Scroll I jumped up looking everywhere for it but it was to no avail all I found was a note with a black hand on it~~~

khitten97386_ESO

The small breeze felt good upon Devon's back as he watched his Uncle Travis in slight disgust. The older man was guzzling the ale making his nephew wonder if tonight was the night for cleaning the vomit from his Uncles boots again. Then it happened, in a blink of an eye “WHOOSH” then the arrow is right there sticking out of his Uncle's head, hanging there begging to be pulled out, the rivulets of blood finally catching up to the “CLINK” CLINK” of the bottle only seconds before it settled down atop the table. The pungent contents finding its way to the ground below.

A loud piercing sound registered within Devon's mind seconds after the surge of fear mixed with adrenaline coursed through his veins. He jerked to his feet quickly the chair falling backwards settling. More dust flew about with each “WHOOSH” WHOOSH” that followed, arrows flying left then right impacting the dirt near the tipped chair. “AAAAAA” Devon screamed, his gaze shifting to the arrow sticking out of his side the searing pain reminding him of when he sliced it open when he was five, then “WHOOSH” “THUD” more arrows found their mark. The young man stumbled slightly then looked to his Uncle, the lifeless gaze mocked poor Devon now, just as his Uncle had done when he tried to warn him of the rumors he heard the other day about the old ruins.

“Curse you say boy, There is no curse, just foolish nonsense, now help me remove this book and necklace from the coffin” Echoed through young Devon's head another arrow hitting its mark. The world seemed to tilt on its axis, the smell of blood and dirt filled poor Devon's nose after his body hit the ground hard. The sound of rustling is heard over the loud “thud” thud” noise within Devons ears, something was approaching.

Blood was everywhere as the hideous undead ambled itself into the camp heading straight for the table where the necklace laid in all its shining glory atop the tome that its master bid him to protect in life as well as death. With both items clutched within its bony grasp the thing turned, eye sockets pulsing with a red eerie light with each step it made on its way back to the tomb leaving death behind.

jwboudreau1b16_ESO

The Madness of Lust

“It’s getting closer!” The woman yelled, panting from exhaustion.

“Nevermind, Thelas, just keep running!” The man said as the two charged forth into the dark, treacherous woods.

“Dorand, I… I…” Thelas’ steps began to slow and her vision blur.

Dorand noticed his wife’s misstep, and before Thelas fell to the ground, the Breton grabbed her by her waist and hoisted her into his arms, without seemingly slowing down. Thelas was unconscious, but Dorand wouldn't slow down. He couldn't.

As he continued to storm through the forest, the Breton finally began to slow. It wasn't his conditioning that was failing him – it was his hope. He ran seemingly for miles without seeing a single person or outpost. Dorand dropped to his knees, holding his beloved in his arms, crying. He had sacrificed so much for Thelas just to be torn to pieces by a beast from Oblivion.

The Clannfear’s heavy stomps were getting closer and closer. Dorand lifted his head and his eyes darted around until, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a fire beyond the woods. There it was. This was Dorand’s sanctuary.

The Breton rose to his feet and began charging through the woods, once again. His thoughts of doubt cast aside by his new found hope and resolve. Once Dorand had broken out of the woods, he immediately saw a bonfire with a table and chairs outside a cave. Dorand ran into the cave and placed Thelas down. He drew his sword, took stance, and waited for the creature to emerge.

As Dorand remained in position, Thelas began to stir.

“Is it over?” Thelas asked, still groggy.

“Stay back! I can’t be sure.”

“Cheese! I'm starved!” Thelas exclaimed, walking toward the table.

“Eat some, but be careful.”

Thelas took a bite into the wedge of cheese and immediately began to feel amiss. She stumbled toward the fire and began to scream. Her joints began to elongate and hair began to sprout all over her body.

“Thelas?! What’s happening?" Dorand questioned in horror.

“A beautiful story!” A voice exclaimed from shadows. “A hearty knight leaves the war in Cyrodiil to elope with his bride to be!"

“What have you…” Dorand trailed off as a familiar face emerged from the shadows. The being was none other than the prince of madness, Sheogorath.

“Well, I wanted to test your love, of course! Say the word and that hideous she-troll will be executed by my dark seducer friends behind me, haha! Or live with that thing for your remaining days. Beauty is only skin deep, after all! Trust me, there’s nothin’ pretty underneath mortal skin...” Sheogorath scoffed.

“I’m sorry, my love…”

Arrows soared through the air and pierced through Thelas. As she fell to the ground, she took her human shape once again. Dorand walked to the nearest chair in shock. As he sat down, he saw Sheogorath grinning with delight. In despair, Dorand lifted a nearby arrow and plunged it into his own head.

Kos

April 2014:

Steps-in-Dung - "Heavy sack!"
Big Muck - "Another 'Fat' joke?"
Steps-in-Dung - "No, no, look! A heavy sack! Let's check it out"
Big Muck - "It's always useless, but you check if you want"
Steps-in-Dung - "Wow! Epic! A greatsword for you and a flame staff for me!And we have just reached Veteran level 1!"
Big Muck - "Hm,hm we will kick arse"
Steps-in-Dung - "Yes! Let's celebrate! Let's have some cheese with grapes!"
Big Muck - "Ok. Oh look a pack of three veteran level 2 archers. Let's use
our new weapons to destroy our first enemies!"
Steps-in-Dung - "Yes! For the win!"
...
Big Muck - "Crap, what was that!?"
Steps-in-Dung - "No idea, but lets go to forums to ask for a nerf to Veteran content"

The End.