The Gold Road Chapter – which includes the Scribing system – and Update 42 is now available to test on the PTS! You can read the latest patch notes here: https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/656454/
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• PC/Mac: No maintenance – April 29

Nords Without Helmets - The Safety Patch v1.1.2

CombatBeard
CombatBeard
✭✭✭
Everyone, come and do the safety patch with me!
(Bit of a summary of the patch problems I'm seeing on the forums to the tune of The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats)


You can patch if you want to
You can leave your quests behind
'Cause achievements don't work and if they don't work
Well there's no points to find
I say, hit escape if you want to
But the key will never bind
You can Alt F4 if you want to leave this world
Leave the wayshrine far behind
You can patch

We can't loot what we want to
The nerf is dumb and so I'll cry
But we can dress real neat from out heads to our feet
And surprise 'em with a poopy dye
Say, we can't load when we want to
If it won't, should you pay the bill?
And then you'll act real rude, get totally removed
From the forums, 'cause you're an imbecile

I say, we can patch, we can patch
Dragonknights out of control
We can patch, we can patch
There're nerfing it from wall to wall
We can patch, we can patch
Everybody getting gold spams
We can patch, we can patch
ZeniMax is takin' a chance

Safety patch
Is it safe to patch?
Is it safe to patch?

You can patch if you want to
We've got bots trains in a mine
They'll still abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right?
I say, you can patch if you want to
You can leave your Nightblades behind
'Cause your passives don't work and if they don't work
Well there's no point this time
Edited by CombatBeard on May 23, 2014 6:22PM
  • Galen_the_Black
    Galen_the_Black
    Soul Shriven
    Someone who does internet music should make a cover of this song. Even better if you can use recordings of the game to spoof the music video of the original song.
    Just my 2 Septims.
  • CombatBeard
    CombatBeard
    ✭✭✭
    It's a shame that a lot of people don't know the original song.
  • ciannait
    ciannait
    ✭✭✭
    It's a shame that a lot of people don't know the original song.

    I feel old. I'm only (nearly) 36, and I feel old.

    YOU KIDS GET OFF MAH LAWN
  • stabbykitteh
    stabbykitteh
    ✭✭✭✭
    For the uninitiated:

    http://youtu.be/AjPau5QYtYs
  • skarvika
    skarvika
    ✭✭✭✭
    Amazing. <3
    QQing is a full time job
  • Liquid_Time
    Liquid_Time
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Was not disappointed. haha!

    Edit: Still a good song btw.
    Edited by Liquid_Time on May 23, 2014 3:54PM
    ¸.•¨)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•`
    Liquid_Time'*-.¸.-•-.¸_¸.-•-.¸_¸.-•-.¸_¸.-•-.¸_¸.-•-.¸_¸.-••¤
    ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
       IGN: Liquid Past || Rank: V14 || Class: Nightblade || World Skill: Vampire
    ╚═══════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
  • rawne1980b16_ESO
    rawne1980b16_ESO
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I tip my hat to you for this.

  • daveben007b14a_ESO
    haha
  • kirnmalidus
    kirnmalidus
    ✭✭✭✭
    This is awesome.
    Life of a Nightblade (Screenshot Tumblr)

    Attention Zenimax: Stamina builds don't hold up to magicka builds, and this is causing most of your class imbalance. It makes melee weapons and bows weaker than staves and class abilities. It makes medium and heavy armor less desirable than light armor. Fix this imbalance, and you'll address most of your balance issues.

    - @ruze84b14_ESO
  • Electus
    Electus
    ✭✭✭
    Amazing! Great job! :)
  • ZOS_TristanK
    ZOS_TristanK
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hey, all. We've moved this thread to our Community Creations section of the forums. Thanks!
    The Elder Scrolls Online: Tamriel Unlimited - ZeniMax Online Studios
    Facebook | Twitter | Google+ | Tumblr | Pinterest | YouTube | ESO Knowledge Base
    Staff Post
  • Soriana
    Soriana
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Nice!
  • Xiola
    Xiola
    Soul Shriven
    You win +1,000 internets!
  • Enkshar
    Enkshar
    ✭✭
    U made my day :)
  • kirnmalidus
    kirnmalidus
    ✭✭✭✭
    Hey, all. We've moved this thread to our Community Creations section of the forums. Thanks!

    This reaction is maybe even more funny than the original post, but I don't think that's actually possible.
    Life of a Nightblade (Screenshot Tumblr)

    Attention Zenimax: Stamina builds don't hold up to magicka builds, and this is causing most of your class imbalance. It makes melee weapons and bows weaker than staves and class abilities. It makes medium and heavy armor less desirable than light armor. Fix this imbalance, and you'll address most of your balance issues.

    - @ruze84b14_ESO
  • Marrkkiid
    Marrkkiid
    It's a shame that a lot of people don't know the original song.

    Whose said they don't know the original song? My 12 year old nephew was singing this just the other day, even knew the name of the band. It's a timeless song.
  • GrimlockSaves
    GrimlockSaves
    ✭✭✭
    Hey, all. We've moved this thread to our Community Creations section of the forums. Thanks!

    This reaction is maybe even more funny than the original post, but I don't think that's actually possible.

    At least ZOS has a sense of humor about the bugginess. I would argue that a sense of humor is probably the last thing they need, but it will at least soften the blow when reality sets in.
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