Help!! How do I gently tell a new eso friend that I dont want to voice chat? (They are persistent)

wishlist14 · September 2021

Hello 😊
I can't be the only one that doesn't feel comfortable talking in voice chat. Or am I ? 🤔

I play solo mostly because I enjoy doing things at my own pace and in my own time BUT sometimes I meet a really nice person that needs help and me being me, I start helping them even more and before i know it we are friends and then they start asking me to join their discord. This is where I struggle...

1. I am barely okay on guild chats so i stopped talking just listen when needed in a trial or pvp group. It's okay cos its a large group, just not one on one. Not in a guild atm.

2.When I play games I don't have an age or gender Im my characters while ingame, it's my escape from my social anxiety, depression and real life or world problems.
Talking on voice chat makes my game experience stressful ...I wish it was different for me but after years of it i know i wont change anytime soon.

3.im a mature person and as much as I appreciate young people I really feel the generation gap in the way we communicate. This adds to my feeling awkward in voice chat its not as noticeable in text and when we are killing monsters, sharing dailies non of that matters.

4.My REASON for posting this is that I dont want to hurt someone that might be feeling lonely and was so happy they made a friend who is willing to craft them gear, willing to answer every newbie question they have...😢😢😢😢. I logged out very quickly to get some space to sort out how im going to tell them why i dont want to voice chat.
Thing is we agreed to pvp soon and now i feel like a mean cow for leading this person on without even meaning to.

Excuse my rant im an emotional person and sometimes caring gets me into awkward or uncomfortable situations 😕

Thanks if you even read this far 🌻💕

colossalvoids · September 2021

You can always just tell how you feel about it (the best way?), or if you have problems being on voice can always say like hey man, can't get on voice because personal reasons xyz, I barely remember any people that were not good with that as it's a personal choice and they actually should respect it no matter their feelings towards speaking directly. You can also limit your time on voice with them as a middle ground but I'm pretty sure it's not something you wanted to do.

Lying or finding ways around it isn't advisable, I personally 90% of times can't or do not want to commit on voice so I'm pretty transparent about it and it was going okay for years.

theCampeR_ · September 2021

Learn to say NO. This is a great trait to learn as you go forward in life. During scenarios when people are uncomfortable or don't wanna do something, if they just say no, a lot of things will be much easier and straightforward.

This is how I would approach the situation. Just my 2 cents.

Jackey · September 2021

I can relate, I always feel that I paint myself into a corner when I do this.
This have lead to coming up with excuses (My mic is broken, I have a sore throat, can't speak right now because xyz). This works if it's a one time deal, like joining a group in Cyrodiil or something but in your case it would only move the problem forward.
The problem I've had with gently telling someone is that they might not accept it and come up with reasons you should join anyways. It's probably better to just tell them how it is.

Jaimeh · September 2021

Basically say what you've just explained here: you're happy to be their friend and play together but you're not comfortable in voice, and you hope you can still continue to play regardless of that, or perhaps listen in on the voice chat, if it's an organized group and what not. I know lots of groups who don't mind 'no mic' teamates, and even have text channels for people who want to comment on the comms conversation by text.

wishlist14 · September 2021

theCampeR_ wrote: »

Learn to say NO. This is a great trait to learn as you go forward in life. During scenarios when people are uncomfortable or don't wanna do something, if they just say no, a lot of things will be much easier and straightforward.

This is how I would approach the situation. Just my 2 cents.

Yes you are right and i know it...i just have to find a polite way of saying it that agrees with my sensitive nature

wishlist14 · September 2021

Thank you i now realise its best to get some courage and tell it how it is. Be true to myself. 😊

wishlist14 · September 2021

Thank you all so much for your feedback...i know what i need to do, it helped a lot to get your support 💕

InaMoonlight · September 2021

I simpy tell people with brutal honesty that I have severe social phobia, which also touches on phones, and voicing, I tell them that I would LOVE to chat with them, any time, the problem is the medium, not them, and then we use ingame chat, fb, ingame mail, regular mails and its usually been super fine with everyone being understanding that its not them as such who triggers/cause my anxiety, but the experience on voicechat overall

Just be honest and explain as best you can, my experience is that 90% are super able to cope ^_^ And with the 10% remaining, it was just not meant to be - if empathy is not in the relation I don't need it.

Danikat · September 2021

I agree with everyone else, just be honest. I can't imagine they would be offended by it unless you went out of your way to be rude (like saying everyone who uses voice chat is a horrible troll). Simply saying "Sorry I don't use voice chat, can we stick to text instead?" should be fine.

I very rarely use voice chat and ideally I need at least a few hours notice and some flexibility on the time so I can make sure I'll be able to be in a quiet space when it happens. So it's usually easier to just say I don't use voice chat and that's what I do. The most common problem is having to explain that listening and not speaking is also not an option for me, because a lot of people assume that anyone who can't/won't use voice chat either doesn't want to speak or doesn't have a microphone but for me listening is also impractical.

I have had to decline guild invites (including some guilds I had applied to join) because of it, but that's been the worst of it. Usually if it's one person or a small group they're willing to use text chat instead or as well.

fizl101 · September 2021

'I'm really not a fan of voice chat, but very happy to chat on text chat'

The person you are talking to may have challenges with text, but it starts the conversation. I don't talk to people generally on voice chat, and even when I do I am not the chattiest person, I'm happy to let other people do the talking and lead the conversation

LannStone · September 2021

Just adding that you're not the only one who will not do voice chat. I simply say, "I don't talk" or "I don't have a microphone set up" and leave it that.

Ringing_Nirnroot · September 2021

I relate to this so much, I avoid voice chat due to my severe anxiety and terrible social skills.

fiender66 · September 2021

Just say a polite no thanks. Adding that you don't like to chat through voice should be ok.

And to give you some support.. I too do not like to use voice chat, ESO is a world apart for me, and I am not the least interested in knowing anything about RL of other players. Enjoy the game and have fun

mvpethic · September 2021

Just say "no thanks" or get a voice mod for discord. There's no reason why talking to someone needs to give away your gender or identity.

There's also game reasons and social reasons for chatting. If you're not into one but the other is ok, just tell folks that. If they're not ok with that answer; then they're not cool enough to hang with in the first place.

Minyassa · September 2021

"I love chatting with you, but I need to use text. I have anxiety that makes it hard for me to enjoy conversation in voice chat, and text gives me the opportunity to communicate better without being distracted by stressy thoughts."