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Dumb dungeon players (salty rant)

uzi
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Every day i'm astonished by the raw dullness of these players.

And no, i'm not talking about being a noob. I know what a noob is because i was a noob when i started playing this game. I tolerate noobs 100% and give them friendly advice and help them out if they need. I tolerate their lack of dps, lack of gear and lack of skill. I tolerate their ignorance of boss and dungeon mechanics and i'm always patient to explain any dungeon mechanic. Heck, i even like noobs, as most of them are humble and sincere and willing to learn the game.

I'm talking about something else. I'm talking about common freaking sense and basic god damn brain functions.

And I speak about them as players, not people, because i'm really starting to doubt if they're people at all. They could be bots just as well. They could also be chimpanzees, for all i know.

Let me tell you an example n. 1:

That fleeing dungeon player - let's call them Bob (no offence to any real Bobs)

Okay - so i use the dungeon finder to a normal random dungeon. (excluding DLC dungeons) This happens:

A boss is attacking Bob. Bob starts fleeing and dragging the boss around the area (or kiting, if you like).

This may happen because of several different reasons:
1. The tank is a pseudo tank (or a fake tank, if you like) and doesn't taunt the boss, and eventually the boss will attack Bob.
2. Bob is the tank and is a real, legit tank who taunts, but does this behaviour anyway.
3. The real tank is afk or dead or whatever for whatever reason.
4. The boss ignores taunts. There are many of this kind of bosses out there, and also bosses who have a specific ability that doesn't care about the taunt.
5. The tank is unable to taunt (has no stamina, is cc'd or just forgets the taunt - which shouldn't happen often but may happen because of bad build, being a noob, or for any understandable reason)

My only conclusion of why they do this, is that they fear of being damaged. But why? This behaviour is extremely inconvenient and irritating.
- You're super hard to kill in non-dlc normal dungeons by any boss
- Even if your health is super low and insufficient, in normal dungeons as a healer i can still keep you alive and make sure you don't die
- Despite anything, you should be prepared to go to dungeons with the capability of equipping a self heal skill and sufficient health and some potions, and these things aren't even necessary if the team has a real healer (and the team indeed does in about 99% of times in my cases)
- Even if the tank is a fake tank, there is absolutely no excuse for this behavior. ZERO EXCUSE.
- This behaviour makes everything tremendously more difficult and tremendously slower and tremendously more irritating
- Just god damn stand there, hold block and simultaneously do what you need to do (heal, taunt or attack or whatever)
- Usually Bob is also jumping while falling back, dodge rolling, doing light attacks and doing pretty much everything else he is supposed to do : BLOCKING AND STANDING STILL, thinking he is a pro ninja or something. HE ISN'T.
- Bob drags boss away from the Ultimate AoE attack i just cast. FREAKING STOP IT FOR HEAVENS SAKES. Why? Does he not pay attention to the game at all? AT ALL?
- Bob, and sometimes the rest of them will all run around the place like crazy, for absolutely no reason, avoiding all attempts from me to do group AoE heals.
- Bob isn't a noob. He is high level, could even be champs 810, may have good gear and good dps.
- I try to advice via the chat but there is no response. I try again to talk sense but it's like talking to a brick wall. He doesn't understand, care, pay attention, or just isn't capable of comprehending the advice and/or his behaviour.
- This behavior is so common and so annoying it makes me want to quit the dungeon and not to play the game altogether.
- Even noobs understand the concept of block, but Bob doesn't. Right mouse button. I suggest going through the tutorial again if this is difficult to comprehend.

Example n. 2:

Stands-in-red - let's call them Chris (no offence to any real Chris)

This guy.

So, i go to a pledge with dungeon finder or by manually forming a group. Or any vet dungeon for any reason.

Boss does an AoE attack. Chris doesn't care. He stands in it. So i have to burst heal him repeatedly or he dies. Or he just dies anyway because it's a delayed insta-kill attack.

- This is all the more strange because Bob and Chris can be the same person. IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE. Why are you suddenly standing in lethal poison when you were evading normal boss attacks?
- I get that kiting in vet dungeons may sometimes be necessary but if you have a proper healer and you come prepared for the dungeon, kiting is still no excuse in most cases.
- If there is a pool of red - step out of it. And it doesn't mean you have to kite and be Bob as well.
- Does Chris ever pay attention to his heath bar? Might explain why Bob is afraid of boss attacks because he thinks it's going to hurt him but in reality only takes a fraction off his health.

Example n. 3:

Why is everyone dying? - let's call them Karen (no offence to any real Karen)

Vet dungeons. Or even normal dlc dungs. This is mostly boss mechanics, but really it has more to do with common sense than understanding any specific mechanic.

This happens:

Boss starts a special attack to take down a random player. Karen does nothing. The result being the random player is now dead. This could be bashable attack (like Ibomez in Imperial City Prison) or another mechanic (like Malubeth in Wayrest Sewers where you have to activate the altars). Some bosses even literally give you READABLE TEXT INSTRUCTIONS to follow such as "ally is cocooned" and then "press X to free cocooned ally".
- Without even knowing the boss' mechanics, it should be pretty damn obvious that in veteran dungeons, boss preparing a special attack doesn't mean any good.
- The tutorial taught you to bash. Did you forget how to do it or do you just not care?
- I give Karen advice in the chat, hopes being that she's just not paying enough attention to the game and thus made a mistake. No response. No change in behaviour. She repeats it over and over despite me trying to tell instructions. I can't really tell if Karen is a human or just a bot programmed to follow a certain protocol.
- In Malubeth, Karen keeps attacking the boss, being completely oblivious to the fact that the boss is currently immune to damage. A fellow teammate is being prepared for a FREAKING DINNER. Any bells ringing?
- I guess it's too much to ask for to listen to what other players are trying to tell you. Use google translate if you don't understand English.
- This behaviour is extremely frustrating and is a waste of everyone else's time


All in all:

Pro tips for Bobs, Chrises and Karens:
- Pay attention to the game
- Go to dungeons prepared
- Don't kite the boss unless the mechanic requires it (at least in normal dungeons)
- Don't stand in red
- Make sure you have sufficient health when going to dungeons (recommend at least 18k health for veteran dungeons)
- Pay attention to your health bar (and preferably stamina/magicka bars as well)
- If you go for vet dlc dungeons, check google for mechanics in advance
- Bash whenever boss is preparing a special attack
- Look at the chat every now and then, preferably often.
- Especially look at the chat if you keep freaking dying over and over
- Block if you're being attacked by boss. You can even cast most spells WHILE blocking.
- I'm a healer, not Jesus - I can heal and buff you but I don't have a spell that protects you from stupidity
- If you are a healer, invest in some extra health and protection if you worry about being one shotted by dungeon bosses



Phew! There you go! Please excuse my rant, just want to express my frustration.

Happy New Year for everyone, even Bobs, Chrises and Karens.
  • idk
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    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.
  • VaranisArano
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    The above is why I mainly play my real tank, even in normal dungeons, because at least that way I can control the battlefield. Or a DD/tank with a taunt because then I can carry a bad group through normals.

    On my healer, when a dungeon goes to pot because the tank refuses to tank or the DDs stand in stupid, there's very little I can do except try to heal them and hope the boss aggros on me instead, because at least I can heal and tank even if I don't like it.

    On the other hand, there's an easy solution for when I don't want to deal with the shenanigans of random groups - I just queue with a premade group.

    (Story: I think the only time I intentionally left group members dead was a Crypt of Hearts 1 run on normal where I as tank and the healer were doing the majority of the damage. After the second time the two DDs failed the Illambris brothers "yank to the center, roll out into non-overlapping circles" mechanic after having it explained to them, we left them dead and finished the fight together.)
    Edited by VaranisArano on December 30, 2019 7:26PM
  • uzi
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    idk wrote: »
    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.

    I am aware, thank you. That is why this is a pointless, "salty rant", and i just wanted to express frustration. Happy new year!
  • Veinblood1965
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    Good post well said lol.

    You left out Susie btw.

    - Just god damn stand there, hold block and simultaneously do what you need to do (heal, taunt or attack or whatever)<<<This was me even being an experienced mag pet sorc how ran vets daily with high CP(very sad). I rarely used block until I rolled a tank and never had anyone say anything about it. You don't realize how much dmg mitigation blocking does. I had never tried it as HEY sorc shouldn't block hey they cast spells! Now on my new level 31 Warden on the Elsweyr WB's I just stand there when agroed and block away hardly lose any health.
    Edited by Veinblood1965 on December 30, 2019 7:51PM
  • Odovacar
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    idk wrote: »
    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.

    ^^^ This!
  • MartiniDaniels
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    That's why I stopped trying to play a healer, and turn him into crafter and mule and now into stamplar.
    There is nothing worse in ESO as to play as dungeon healer.
  • uzi
    uzi
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    Odovacar wrote: »
    idk wrote: »
    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.

    ^^^ This!
    uzi wrote: »
    I am aware, thank you. That is why this is a pointless, "salty rant", and i just wanted to express frustration. Happy new year!

    Also, maybe some Bob will pick up something to learn from this post and contribute towards a more tolerable dungeon finder. Happy new year!
  • oxygen_thief
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    what did he say in short?
  • Raisin
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    My name is Karen Chris-Bob and first of all how dare you

    That said, all of these are still noob behaviors. You can make it to 810 whhile still retaining these. These mechanics are why I sometimes farm things as DD rather than Heal, despite the longer queue time, because often there's not much you can do as a healer.
    Also, of course random means random. But that doesn't mean that it's not okay to be upset when you get something bad through random queue. Getting someone with different preferences (rushing vs slow, etc) is one thing. Getting players that are a detriment to the group are another. Yes, you accept that chance when you click random, but that doesn't mean you have to like or accept it. That is what the option to kick, leave, etc is for. ^^ IMO dungeon finder is still there to create a functioning group, and saying "it's random" is a bit of a cop out excuse. Let people be annoyed by ***, as long as they're not being an ass towards others with it.
    Edited by Raisin on December 30, 2019 8:06PM
  • JanTanhide
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    LOL. Good read! I really enjoyed it and I feel ya! I've seen that behaviour too and it's a bit irritating. IDK what to tell ya except it is just the way it is with some players.

    I know a few players that are now over CP 1250 and have no Set gear, no rotation and just play for fun. When they run dungeons with us it is quite interesting! :wink:
  • SydneyGrey
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    You could join a dungeon guild and avoid most of these problems. Just sayin'.
  • VaranisArano
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    what did he say in short?

    TLDR: dungeon healer vents about people who should know better than to kite the boss every which way, stand in stupid, or ignore mechanics.
  • Iskiab
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    Yea, these can be annoying.

    I did a random dungeon the other day with a level 15 fake tank. The guy charges into the first pack of mobs and drops in less than 2 seconds. Then goes ‘Healer, can you start healing!’.

    People are just dumb, that’s why people do premades. I don’t know if he realized everyone else in the group could probably have soloed the dungeon.
    Edited by Iskiab on December 30, 2019 8:12PM
    Looking for any guildies I used to play with:
    Havoc Warhammer - Alair
    LoC EQ2 - Mayi and Iskiab
    PRX and Tabula Rasa - Rift - Iskiab
    Or anyone else I used to play games with in guilds I’ve forgotten
  • Waynerx8
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    Then go with guild members, problem solved, it's just a game, I have real life things to think over, nothing in ESO should stress anyone, except shite performance.
  • idk
    idk
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    uzi wrote: »
    Odovacar wrote: »
    idk wrote: »
    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.

    ^^^ This!
    uzi wrote: »
    I am aware, thank you. That is why this is a pointless, "salty rant", and i just wanted to express frustration. Happy new year!

    Also, maybe some Bob will pick up something to learn from this post and contribute towards a more tolerable dungeon finder. Happy new year!

    Bob does not read the forums (most do not). He is to busy in accounting.
  • Odovacar
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    uzi wrote: »
    Odovacar wrote: »
    idk wrote: »
    It does not surprise me anymore when some Tom, ***, or Harry, or Janice (no offense to anyone whose has that as a real name) asks the GF for a random group, gets just what they asked for them comes to the forum to complain about it.

    There are ways to ensure you have a decent tank, healer and DPS in your group.

    ^^^ This!
    uzi wrote: »
    I am aware, thank you. That is why this is a pointless, "salty rant", and i just wanted to express frustration. Happy new year!

    Also, maybe some Bob will pick up something to learn from this post and contribute towards a more tolerable dungeon finder. Happy new year!

    MMO's are filled with so-called "Bob's". I too as many try to help new players but as idk said...there are ways to avoid these annoying situations altogether... Sorry OP, no disrespect, but this is not a new topic and this thread positively will not make a dent in the issue.
    Edited by Odovacar on December 30, 2019 8:22PM
  • Royaji
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    There is nothing worse in ESO as to play as dungeon healer.

    Haven't tried tanking, huh?
  • goldenarcher1
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    Maybe Bob was trolling you OP? :D
  • Vorpan
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    As a healer, I find Karen to be really annoying. Sure, I have thousands of soul gems but I shouldn't be having to use so many on one person during a single boss fight.

    During the current event I have been leveling a melee DPS. I've run into several Bobs. It's horrible. I'm having to chase the boss around so I can damage it, and half the time Bob resets it. Why, Bob? Why?

  • zvavi
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    Royaji wrote: »
    There is nothing worse in ESO as to play as dungeon healer.

    Haven't tried tanking, huh?

    Tbh for some reason my experience in that regard has been HORRIBLE lately. Every tank i got, either left right away, or didn't know mechanics. Worst, the ones that didnt know mechanics, were mute. Mute af.

    Edit: still pugging vdlc
    Edited by zvavi on December 30, 2019 9:18PM
  • Royaji
    Royaji
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    zvavi wrote: »
    Royaji wrote: »
    There is nothing worse in ESO as to play as dungeon healer.

    Haven't tried tanking, huh?

    Tbh for some reason my experience in that regard has been HORRIBLE lately. Every tank i got, either left right away, or didn't know mechanics. Worst, the ones that didnt know mechanics, were mute. Mute af.

    Edit: still pugging vdlc

    I've always said that at this point no self-respecting tank will queue in groupfinder unless they enjoy pain or have a DD friend who can carry two potatoes.
  • Loves_guars
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    Fun post to read hehe, I get you.

    As a tank, the Bobs are always frustrating, but also make me chuckle seeing them running away. I don't think they are dumb, is just a reflex, maybe from another kind of games where you are not used to play with a party.

    About Chris standing on the fire, well no much to defend there. Chris is selfish and he expects the healer to heal something that sometimes it's not meant to be healed.

    And Karen not blocking, is more of a lack of reflexes I think, something I can't really hate.

    Can I add Harvey? Yes he is the guy running ahead and pulling everything when he is not the tank. :pensive:

    Edited by Loves_guars on December 30, 2019 9:29PM
  • WiseSky
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    Be Me

    I was fake tanking in vBC1 with a MagSorc with frost staff.

    I did 35% of dps and hold taunt and boss in place.

    Last boss comes up, The Healer keeps getting one shot, I heal people with my matriach and have to rez the healer cause dps dosent but the healer dies again one shot again and we keep wiping.

    I tell him the boss Randomly shoots someone with an OP attack even if I keep taunt up and it must be dogged or blocked or you will die.

    Healer says its 1 am and its late he just dosent feel like blocking or roll dogging.

    I am stunted by that comment still to this day.

    We go again Healer dies we wipe, I get called a fake tank and get kicked.

    I tanked Vet Hard Mode of BC2 so I know what I can fake tank and what not.

    Moral of the Story, If KAREN or Chris is on your team, They will call you BOB and kick you.
    Edited by WiseSky on December 30, 2019 9:56PM
  • Jura23
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    pro ninja :D
    Georgion - Bosmer/Templar - PC/EU
  • Langdon64
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    You forgot the AFK'r. The one who stands motionless in the doorway and doesn't respond to chat. For me that's the worst, because they are just taking up space in the group that should be filled by someone more useful.
  • Starlock
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    Insulting players who fail to meet expectations you likely never communicated to them is...

    ... well, it says a lot more about the person complaining than anything else. I prefer to run dungeons with folks who aren’t so up tight about it all. This is a game and should be treated accordingly... as something fun above all else. Loosen up. Your blood pressure and mental health will thank you for it.
  • bluebird
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    Okay, this post is absolute gold. GG OP :lol: !!! I'd also like to add one more... :tongue:

    Example n. 4
    Is an 'ub3r l33tpr0' player and wants everyone to know it - let's call him Tyler (no offense to any real Tylers).

    Tyler is a awesome player (at least according to him he is, and he wears an ugly-as-hell skin to show everyone that he means srs bsnss). Some might even say he's an elite, pro player (and by 'some might say' we mean 'he might say'). He may have read an Alcast guide one time, so Tyler is now of course the absolute authority about endgame content and he'll school any of us casual noob scrubs if needed. So what does Tyler do?

    - Constantly talks about the 'meta' and will belittle / insult anyone who doesn't follow online cookie cutter builds exactly. 'Ugh, such a lame group, Werewolves are SO last patch. And a tank that's not a DK? Ugh!'

    - Will bully low-cp players even before the dungeon starts, and will attempt to vote-kick them without even trying the dungeon to see if we can clear it. "Cp170 scrub??? Your first vet??? Votekick the n00b, el-oh-el, we ain't got time for filthy casuals" he says, in vDSC 1 (!ONE!) which is literally one of the easiest dungeons and the healer already soloed two caves in the time it took Tyler to stand at the entrance and whine about 'n00bs'.

    - Is convinced that his way of playing the game is the only valid way of playing the game and will tell everyone. Tyler may have watched some Streamer run this dungeon once, or maybe he did a trial with his guild group, so now he knows how every group should always do every dungeon and trial. "OMG, tank you need to stand exactly there, and we need to move exactly like this, I can't believe you guys are such noobs, why does cruel fate punish me with PUGs?!" Or you can just shut up Tyler and drag yourself to the corner where we're literally melting all the mobs we AoE pulled.

    - Has no actual understanding of the game so he'll treat every dungeon like it's a vMoL HM no-death run because that's what the guide he read one time was for. Pugging a WS pledge? Tyler thinks you should have at least cp810, gold Jewelry and gold weapons, and also need to have a fully leveled Psijic skill line. Tyler can also be a tank or a healer btw. "Ok, everybody link your sets right now, before we start. What, you're not running Perfected FGD?! Ew, filthy casual, I'm not here to waste my time so votekick me, because I refuse to move from the entrance with such a sub-par party composition."

    So please, don't be a Tyler. :grimace: And if you're a Tyler, why don't you spare us your insufferable presence ... I mean why don't you spare yourself the trouble and run dungeons with premade groups instead of inflicting your idiocy on the rest of us... err instead of having to lower yourself to the level of PUGs. :wink: (And yes unfortunately most quotes are actually based on real encounters with Tylers ingame, I only combined and paraphrased some.)
  • zvavi
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    Royaji wrote: »
    zvavi wrote: »
    Royaji wrote: »
    There is nothing worse in ESO as to play as dungeon healer.

    Haven't tried tanking, huh?

    Tbh for some reason my experience in that regard has been HORRIBLE lately. Every tank i got, either left right away, or didn't know mechanics. Worst, the ones that didnt know mechanics, were mute. Mute af.

    Edit: still pugging vdlc

    I've always said that at this point no self-respecting tank will queue in groupfinder unless they enjoy pain or have a DD friend who can carry two potatoes.

    Well then, i am not a self respecting tank then xd
  • uzi
    uzi
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    Starlock wrote: »
    Insulting players who fail to meet expectations you likely never communicated to them is...

    ... well, it says a lot more about the person complaining than anything else. I prefer to run dungeons with folks who aren’t so up tight about it all. This is a game and should be treated accordingly... as something fun above all else. Loosen up. Your blood pressure and mental health will thank you for it.

    Good sir, this rant is me loosening it up.

    I don't insult anyone in person. I make silly imaginary stereotypes of certain behaviours and rant about them. This rant is satirical as such and intended as a rather humorous way to share some frustrating moments that others may relate to in the game. Have a Happy new year!
  • uzi
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    bluebird wrote: »
    Okay, this post is absolute gold. GG OP :lol: !!! I'd also like to add one more... :tongue:

    Example n. 4
    Is an 'ub3r l33tpr0' player and wants everyone to know it - let's call him Tyler (no offense to any real Tylers).

    Tyler is a awesome player (at least according to him he is, and he wears an ugly-as-hell skin to show everyone that he means srs bsnss). Some might even say he's an elite, pro player (and by 'some might say' we mean 'he might say'). He may have read an Alcast guide one time, so Tyler is now of course the absolute authority about endgame content and he'll school any of us casual noob scrubs if needed. So what does Tyler do?

    - Constantly talks about the 'meta' and will belittle / insult anyone who doesn't follow online cookie cutter builds exactly. 'Ugh, such a lame group, Werewolves are SO last patch. And a tank that's not a DK? Ugh!'

    - Will bully low-cp players even before the dungeon starts, and will attempt to vote-kick them without even trying the dungeon to see if we can clear it. "Cp170 scrub??? Your first vet??? Votekick the n00b, el-oh-el, we ain't got time for filthy casuals" he says, in vDSC 1 (!ONE!) which is literally one of the easiest dungeons and the healer already soloed two caves in the time it took Tyler to stand at the entrance and whine about 'n00bs'.

    - Is convinced that his way of playing the game is the only valid way of playing the game and will tell everyone. Tyler may have watched some Streamer run this dungeon once, or maybe he did a trial with his guild group, so now he knows how every group should always do every dungeon and trial. "OMG, tank you need to stand exactly there, and we need to move exactly like this, I can't believe you guys are such noobs, why does cruel fate punish me with PUGs?!" Or you can just shut up Tyler and drag yourself to the corner where we're literally melting all the mobs we AoE pulled.

    - Has no actual understanding of the game so he'll treat every dungeon like it's a vMoL HM no-death run because that's what the guide he read one time was for. Pugging a WS pledge? Tyler thinks you should have at least cp810, gold Jewelry and gold weapons, and also need to have a fully leveled Psijic skill line. Tyler can also be a tank or a healer btw. "Ok, everybody link your sets right now, before we start. What, you're not running Perfected FGD?! Ew, filthy casual, I'm not here to waste my time so votekick me, because I refuse to move from the entrance with such a sub-par party composition."

    So please, don't be a Tyler. :grimace: And if you're a Tyler, why don't you spare us your insufferable presence ... I mean why don't you spare yourself the trouble and run dungeons with premade groups instead of inflicting your idiocy on the rest of us... err instead of having to lower yourself to the level of PUGs. :wink: (And yes unfortunately most quotes are actually based on real encounters with Tylers ingame, I only combined and paraphrased some.)

    That description of the "Tyler" type is a spot on! I noticed that my examples of intellect deficits were of a more cognitive origin, while Tyler clearly has challenges on the social intellect department. Thank you for the contribution! Have a great new year good sir!
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