One and all good citizens of Tamriel!
Rather and hear the decree of Emperor Elvin of Highstone, 1496th emperor of Cyrodiil, wearer of the Ruby Crown.
Upon the morrow of yesterday, our good land was assailed by a foe wholly incomparable to any Daedric Prince. The very stability of our Divines-Blessed world was brought low by a being our glorious emperor thus named the "Lethargic, Apathetic God" or LAG for short.
Whole our wholesome lands have faced this foe before, its influence upon our lives and loves grows ever stronger with ever patch. If naught is done, before long, this LAG will surely meld its own plane of existence with our own. Whereafter, the continuum of time would be brought to ruin, with our actions taking place many minutes after we enacted them and random space-time distortions causing you to be displaced into an Eye of Flame.
Together, we people of Nirn must unite and implore the creators of our world, the Divines and even their Magna-Ge that watch us from high above, to bring an end to this scourge.
So by imperial decree, is thus ordained, kneel down, pray and open a ticket. Together we will bring our message to the ears of our great forebears and hopefully, if enough prayers ascend to Aetherius, we might be heard.
Signed and approved by Elvin of Highstone, first of his name and frequent upon your death recap.