Ohhh k, so I had a copy on another SSD in my comp from a couple years ago that I just found while searching for files. Booted up the launcher in this folder and it started updating without issue. I'm at a loss. But, who am I to complain? Let's see if it makes it through the entire patch process.

So to recap:

1. I've uninstalled all instances of the game.
2. I've uninstalled the Visual C++ stuff.
3. I've downloaded the installer from the website.
4. When I run the installer, it crashes.
5. I've interrupted the verification, and run repair. It starts to patch.
6. It crashes while patching.
7. I've tried the "firefox open" trick (seriously guys...) and the launcher doesn't show 'patching stalled' but does still crash. The fact that the launcher interacts with firefox opening at all...
8. I've watched the process in Task Manager, and it runs as a 32bit application and appears to be crashing because in about 12 seconds it hits the 2GB memory limit for a 32bit app.
9. Every time the launcher crashes it generates a 400ish mb log file (nice touch!).
10. This is some inspired bad programming.

I guess I'll spend Monday trying to get my $15 back for re-enabling ESO Plus. I wish I had tried reinstalling the game before turning that back on. Oh well, live and learn. If anyone has any other ideas feel free to leave them here. Unless it is installing a VPN, highjacking a neighbors WiFi / pulling the LAN cable timing tricks, etc. There's only so much I'm willing to do these days to make a game work.

I did. See below - I've been very patient

Looks like you have tried a bunch of things. Did you search for spyware or malware on your system?

There are several free programs that work very well in clearing old registry links and files that cause crashes. You may want to try one or two of them.

I use Spybot for the really deep cleaning (takes a while) and after that I usually use CCleaner Free. I use CCleaner just about every day to stay on top of broken registry links and clearing out junk that should not be there.

Both Spybot and CCleaner are free for the basic versions and both work extremely well. You may want to try cleaning the Registry with CCleaner and follow the instructions. It will ask or suggest you backup the Registry. I have never done so but you may wish to. Anyway, hope this helps. Good luck!

Oh, and Malwarebytes is another good free program that does pretty much what those two do. My preference though is CCleaner and Spybot Search and Destroy.

Yikes, this is a strange problem you have. Seems like you have posted a lot of info. If you don't mind here are some of my thoughts.

1) What are your computer's specs?

I.E. CPU, RAM, GPU type, Etc.

2) Have you updated the BIOS on the Motherboard? Is a BIOS update available?

3) Have you updated the Chipset Drivers? For example if you have an AMD 370 Chipset have you gone to AMD.com and updated to the latest Chipset drivers?

4) Now this one is a bit out of the box so bear with me.... Is your motherboard one of those motherboards that has RGB lighting effects built into the BIOS? If so, I highly suggest going into the BIOS and turning that function off. At least for now.

5) Are you running any program that monitors the system such as HWINFO or any varieties of it? Are you running your video card in overclocked mode? RAM or CPU in overclocked mode?

Just scratching my head here wondering why this is happening to your system. I don't think it is an ESO issue per se but something amiss in your system. Just don't know though.

Good luck again. Hope you figure this one out!

I can reproduce the bug every time. As soon as I press "install" on the launcher, it starts the memory leak. I can then end the process, bring the launcher back up, uninstall, then press install again, and bam, memory leak and crash. Like clock work. Pressing install = crash.