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Disability and ESO: would you mention it?

Cazzy
Cazzy
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So I have Erbs Palsy and although I do pretty alright I sometimes have off-days where my arm just won't cooperate. At those times I often wonder if I should mention to my team that I have Erbs and it can sometimes, rarely, but sometimes have an affect on certain mechanics etc.

I've been in positions where I've been scolded for something that was difficult for me that day and it made me feel awful. I also feel like mentioning it would put people off inviting me to groups (except the people I know well!)
  • Violynne
    Violynne
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    If you have people criticizing your play, put them on your ignore list and find the many more who won't.

  • srfrogg23
    srfrogg23
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    I would like to think that if you’re honest about it, then people will adjust and not act like turds about it. That’s really the best you can do is be upfront about it. You know you’re not a slacker. If they still act like jerks then that’s on them.
  • Muttsmutt
    Muttsmutt
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    no need. just ignore group chat.
    PC-EU // UNDEAD
  • GrumpyDuckling
    GrumpyDuckling
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    I've met some really awesome and helpful people in this game. Based on my experience, I think you'll run into far more players who are understanding and helpful compared to the small few who aren't.
  • resdayn00
    resdayn00
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    If it affects your ability to react to certain things fairly quickly, or prevents you from executing precise but important gameplay mechanics, I think it's best for everyone that you mention it, because that way your team will (hopefully) understand and adapt to the situation. No matter what the context is (dungeon, trial, battlegrounds, cyrodiil), it's impossible to tell whether someone has no idea what to do, they are simply not experienced enough, they had to go afk due to emergency, or they have an IRL condition like you do that affects gameplay. Saves a lot of headache for everyone.

    Unfortunately you can never tell how people would react if you mentioned your problem, my personal opinion is that if anyone discriminates you for this reason, you shouldn't even bother talking to them afterwards. If your friends are about to do something more difficult then they will probably wait for you to feel better or ask you how you are doing that day. Other than stuff like no death runs, leaderboard score runs or whatever, there should be no problem and any decent human being would understand.
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  • gimpdrb14_ESO
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    I have crohns disease, and whenever I need a bathroom break in the middle of a pug group random run, I have let the group know that I have crohns and it might take up 10-15 mins for me to use the bathroom and I have never been kicked or made fun of, im sorry you have gone thru such an awful experience.
  • Girl_Number8
    Girl_Number8
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    Cazzy wrote: »
    So I have Erbs Palsy and although I do pretty alright I sometimes have off-days where my arm just won't cooperate. At those times I often wonder if I should mention to my team that I have Erbs and it can sometimes, rarely, but sometimes have an affect on certain mechanics etc.

    I've been in positions where I've been scolded for something that was difficult for me that day and it made me feel awful. I also feel like mentioning it would put people off inviting me to groups (except the people I know well!)

    I think this is a brave topic but as to letting people know, I don't think it is relevant as you are doing your best. It's a game that is meant to be fun and that's all that should count. Have a wonderful day Cazzy~
  • wenchmore420b14_ESO
    wenchmore420b14_ESO
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    Not sure how "pug" players might respond, but, let me say...
    Within our guild, not only do we have great-grand parents with physical & health issues, we have quite a few guild mates who are home bound and/or have afflictions that can affect their play, and they have explained it to us and we make allowances for them and understand their difficulties.
    Imo, it's ok to share hose things with others, but, with any large group of people, i.e. a gaming community, there are always a few "Richards"... But ESO has a pretty great community.
    Good luck and many happy adventures.
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  • Saturnana
    Saturnana
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    Whether or not you share your disability, is totally up to you. Having said that, I don't think I'd share in your situation because simply put; it's not anyone's business to know why your play-style is affected that day, and what is affecting it.

    I'd suggest finding a friendly guild to play with, those groups generally are a lot more understanding amongst themselves - and have a much better atmosphere in which to share your disability, should you choose to do so. :) If you're on PC/EU, I am part of a guild with very nice and understanding members (some of which have disabilities of their own if I remember correctly): http://thereapersesoguild.guildlaunch.com/. We'd love to have you!
    @Saturnna | PC / EU

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  • huschdeguddzje
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    You should always tell the whole story, if that group won't even try because of your disability it's not a group I'd want to play with in the first place.

  • Merlin13KAGL
    Merlin13KAGL
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    I think most people would be accepting of this. If it's causing you trouble on a given day, it might be worth a mention that it's the reason why.

    You'd be surprised how much people are willing to adjust if they don't have to assume. You'll just have to ignore the occasional ***, which you'd have to do regardless of condition, because *** are ***...

    I do agree that a guild is more likely to be your best bet. You simply never know what kind of person you're going to get on the other end of a random.
    Just because you don't like the way something is doesn't necessarily make it wrong...

    Earn it.

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  • moonio
    moonio
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    You shouldn't necessarily need to share it as everyone has bad days when they don't perform so well.
    You may also be faced with ignorance if you mention it to group members who don't understand the severity of your condition or who may even have a language barrier preventing understanding.

    However one of the best parts of playing ESO IMO is supporting other players so you may find that you bond more with your group if you do mention it..

    I think you should try mentioning it and see what happens, as you shouldn't be made to feel bad about a condition that you have no control over.
    Remember that ESO is full of both lovely players and complete arseholes so you need to prepare yourself for a variety of situations, responses etc.

    Good luck and please do feel free to continue posting on this thread if you need continued support.
    Just a poor healer from Glenumbra..
  • Karm1cOne
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    I would say, it depends on where and when. Pug groups, absolutely not. In guild, I feel most people are more accepting of limitations, especially once more is on the line, like interguild personal relationships.
  • Still_Mind
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    If it affects your performance in a group setting, absolutely share.

    People might actually adjust to compensate, rather then assume you lack the skills, knowledge, etc, and discriminate you.
    "I'm not *giving* him cake, I'm *assaulting* him with cake!"
  • resdayn00
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    Some people raised fair points, it's also important to mention that you don't need to have a condition or disability to have a bad day, sometimes you just don't feel the game, forget a mechanic or two, mess up bar swaps, make a bad positioning, general mistakes, etc. Hardware/software issues can also chime in. No matter what the reason is, I personally think it's nice to tell the group what's up, so they can adapt. I have a friend who randomly goes afk for 2-3 seconds, apparently because of connection issues. And you know, if you feel insecure about it (you shouldn't), or just don't feel like mentioning it, you can blame it on your connection or whatever. We all make mistakes, if I personally make one I just apologize to the group afterwards and tell them it was my mistake: could be a brain glitch, losing focus for a second, etc.
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  • Ley
    Ley
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    I have no interest in playing with people who are going to scold me. When scolding occurs I either leave the group or kick that person from the group. I don't care if it's disability, lack of skill, you sneezed, or just weren't paying attention, I see no good reason to shame people for their in-game performance.

    If someone is afk or trolling, I'll kick them. If I don't feel like struggling through content with someone who's having issues, I'll politely leave the group.
    Edited by Ley on June 20, 2018 12:44PM
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  • michmbk
    michmbk
    Echo the comments above. The great guilds don’t care if you have a disability. I’m sure ultra competitive guilds might act differently, so it’s about finding a good fit. We all have issues, we all have good days and bad days. I’m in a great social guild and we happily accept all comers who are good people, enjoy chatting and have fun play8ng the game. Hit me up if you want an invite.
  • Milvan
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    Very interesting question that actually puts a lot on the table to debate.

    This is a social game, and social interactions are all about expectations. INFORMATION is very important to manage that expectations. Trial/guild leaders and players have different expectations, and is important to let them know don't that may/or may not fullfill their expectations under certain circunstances.

    Myself, as a trial leader and guild leader of a progression guild, I would like to know when a specific player that commited to the group won't perform well. Depeding on the content I may need to replace him/her. You don't need to feel bad for that, I mean it happens to all of us, sometimes we just can't really play, we lagging, we aggro'ed our partners etc.

    If you tell them the issue, I'm pretty sure that some people will be comprehensive. If you don't tell them they will assume that you are just a bad player.
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  • xxthir13enxx
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    I’d leave the Sharing of personal details to the people your more familiar with and I’m sure they will and can adjust to help you out...as the game itself has disabilities we all adjust to.
  • THEDKEXPERIENCE
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    PUGs are capable of anything so I would just ignore any nonsense you might get there, but understand that you might still get kicked cause people can be the worst.

    In a guild though, just tell them. If they can’t accept it they aren’t a guild I’d be associated with.
  • generalmyrick
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    I say "no."

    This is your escape and playground. Some people will change their thinking and it'll label you. The world has nice people, but not 100%.

    You have a right to take breaks, just tell folks you're not feeling it today and you'll catch'em later.
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  • AnviOfVai
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    I've met some really awesome and helpful people in this game. Based on my experience, I think you'll run into far more players who are understanding and helpful compared to the small few who aren't.

    Same here, I normally put a shout out in dungeons normally before I start like "I have not done this one before, so sorry if i'm slow" or "I struggle at a certain area, any tips?" normally people are great in dungeons that I have met and they do help out! I feel really sad that someone scolded you as you found it difficult on that particular day, I'm sure you whoop butt on other days ;)
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  • Takes-No-Prisoner
    Takes-No-Prisoner
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    If you're with a guild doing stuff like trial progression or dungeon progression and you have days where your disability is just not letting you play. It's time to speak up about it. You owe it to yourself and the people you're playing the content with.

    Just be cautious of how you present yourself and your disability. Most good natured people will immediately sympathize and try to help you out, but there is always bad apples who just won't care.

    You need to try your best to forgive ignorant people who scold you. I know its tough, I really get that. But please try to forgive them in their ignorance if they don't understand your disability.

    Always try to surround yourself with people who will help you regardless of what day it is.
  • Prof_Bawbag
    Prof_Bawbag
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    The day anyone feels the need to explain personal things to faceless randoms in a game is the day they should consider whether or not they're playing the right game. You owe no one anything.

    Not knocking those who do divulge such information as that is their right, but Wee Timmy can gtf if he thinks he's owed some sort of explanation. I've ran dungeons with players who have had issues performance wise, but i let it pass me by as I don't assume everyone is just an awful player. No one knows who is sat behind that toon, but the majority of players assume they do. It's crazy.

    Edited by Prof_Bawbag on June 20, 2018 1:42PM
  • Riptide
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    I think its what makes you feel comfortable at every turn. Those of us who do not have a disability can afford to be inconvenienced a bit, it is fleeting. You have to live with it.

    I doubt in your shoes I would bother telling a PUG, they aren’t entitled to that information. I’d be more apt to blame it on lag or my cat or whatever, so that I don’t have to waste my time explaining something they don’t need to know. Guildies I may run with multiple times or form friendships with I’d likely be open with. And if one guild was snarky or turdlike then Id find a other.

    But I don’t know, I’m conjecturing. I do know you should feel no guilt no matter how you handle it.
    Edited by Riptide on June 20, 2018 1:58PM
    Esse quam videri.
  • Nestor
    Nestor
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    I appreciate anyone who lets me know up front they have an issue that will affect the group, from lag to kids getting home soon or dinner or pie needing to come out of the oven or an injury or condition or whatever.

    I can accomodate anything that i am aware of. I am also in the group of players who do non need to finish a dungeon in less than 10 minutes either.
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  • Agenericname
    Agenericname
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    Cazzy wrote: »
    I also feel like mentioning it would put people off inviting me to groups (except the people I know well!)

    Not to anybody that you'd want to be around. Whether or not you choose to disclose it is up to you, but in my opinion there's no reason to hide it or be ashamed of it. There may be other reasons why you, or anybody else, wouldnt want to mention it, but having a disability in and of itself shouldn't be an issue at all.
  • Takes-No-Prisoner
    Takes-No-Prisoner
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    Nestor wrote: »
    I appreciate anyone who lets me know up front they have an issue that will affect the group, from lag to kids getting home soon or dinner or pie needing to come out of the oven or an injury or condition or whatever.

    Yeah, like if people tell me their child is sick and they might need to leave to check on them. I get this and can definitely chill out to wait for them.

    I really appreciate when people give me a heads up. It's becomes increasingly difficult to know why a player left unless they give some kind of context.

    I also want to point out, It's also OK to 'suggest' or 'hint'. No need to go into huge details if what is going on is extremely embarrassing. :)
  • pauli133
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    I'll take a team of various peculiar levels of physical and mental ability, but good attitudes, over an all-DPS-or-bust high strung leaderboard crew any day.

    Last week, I watched a trial group demand that someone join them on voice chat, until he pointed out that there was a reason his @ began with "deaf". He's been in the guild for months, guys...

    We've all got limitations. Bring them up when appropriate so that nobody gets caught flatfooted, and ignore the people who freak out. It's just an MMO, we're almost all here to have fun.

    I can't count the number of times I've said "sorry guys, I can't see the color of the telegraph very well" or "sorry, my hands aren't working today", or even "sorry we wiped, I'm just not thinking very quickly tonight". Yet, somehow, I have no shortage of people to play with.
  • jaschacasadiob16_ESO
    jaschacasadiob16_ESO
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    My opinion is that you should keep your real life well separated from your gaming activity. Only a very few selected number of people you play with should know who you are, where you live (city). Even less confidential details such as this.

    If you think this can affect your performance, just avoid doing high-end content those days.
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