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ESO Jokes, riddles, and pranks!

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Tasear
Tasear
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Anyone have any jokes or riddles to tell in honor of Jester's festival?

Here's mine
What's purple and white and running all over?
Edited by Tasear on March 29, 2018 6:27PM
  • Rouven
    Rouven
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    Tasear wrote: »
    Anyone have any jokes or riddles to tell in honor of Jester's festival?

    Here's mine
    What's purple and white and running all over?

    It's my soon to be monkey! :p
    Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. ~ Terry Pratchett
  • Glockcoma725
    Glockcoma725
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    Why did the bantam guar cross the road
    PC-NA CP570 @Glockcoma725
    Maximus Dezimus Meridius Tank DragonKight
    Ri'Skarr DD Nightblade
    Myrddin Emrys DD Sorceror
    Smokes-All-Herbs Healer Templar
    Azog the Defiler DD Warden
  • Drachenfier
    Drachenfier
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    A Nord, a Bosmer and a Khajit walk into a bar....
  • Number_51
    Number_51
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    Drachenfier wrote: »
    A Nord, a Bosmer and a Khajit walk into a bar....

    ... a Bosmer walks out (picking fur from his teeth with a Nord finger bone).
  • Thogard
    Thogard
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    What do you get when you cross an Argonian with a Khajiit?

    A fur-trimmed leather jacket.
    PC NA - @dazkt - Dazk Ardoonkt / Sir Thogalot / Dask Dragoh’t / Dazk Dragoh’t / El Thogardo

    Stream: twitch.tv/THOGARDvsThePeasants
    YouTube: http://youtube.com/c/thogardpvp


  • Tasear
    Tasear
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    Glockcoma725 wrote: »
    Why did the bantam guar cross the road

    So he didn't become chicken
  • vamp_emily
    vamp_emily
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    Q: How do you make an ESO player come to the forum and cry for days?
    A: create a nightblade

    :)


    If you want a friend, get a dog.
    AW Rank: Grand Warlord 1 ( level 49)

  • Rouven
    Rouven
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    Better to stand still and be thought a jester than to run around and to remove all doubt.

    Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. ~ Terry Pratchett
  • Tasear
    Tasear
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    /camp

    Try this emote to get campfire o:)
  • grim_tactics
    grim_tactics
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    My favorite eso joke is always on me.

    Buying crown crates to get a radiant apex mount.
  • greenmachine
    greenmachine
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    By the grace of Arkay and these two fingers I got them all back in!
    greenmachine513 PS4-NA
    GM of Aldmeri People's Front
    Ionien - Altmer Mag Sorc Stormproof | Dr Jonny Fever - Breton Healplar | Bernie Dresden - Dunmer MagDK | Crushasaurus Rex - Argonian Stam DK
    Ser Greywulf - Nord DK Tank | Meow Kapwn - Khajit Magblade | Twink Versatile - Bosmer Stamblade | Loke-Tarr - Orc Stamden | Juicy Thunderthighs - Redguard Stamsorc | Frizz Grizzberg - Magden | Hax Killstealer - Dunmer Mag Sorc
    HEY HEY HEY SMOKE SKOOMA EVERYDAY
    JOIN THE APF ON PS4NA:
    https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/400830/aldmeri-peoples-front-recruiting-ps4na#latest

    HAIL DAEDRA
  • greenmachine
    greenmachine
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    Forget about the hagraven's gold, just keep throwing out that hot, buttered corn!
    greenmachine513 PS4-NA
    GM of Aldmeri People's Front
    Ionien - Altmer Mag Sorc Stormproof | Dr Jonny Fever - Breton Healplar | Bernie Dresden - Dunmer MagDK | Crushasaurus Rex - Argonian Stam DK
    Ser Greywulf - Nord DK Tank | Meow Kapwn - Khajit Magblade | Twink Versatile - Bosmer Stamblade | Loke-Tarr - Orc Stamden | Juicy Thunderthighs - Redguard Stamsorc | Frizz Grizzberg - Magden | Hax Killstealer - Dunmer Mag Sorc
    HEY HEY HEY SMOKE SKOOMA EVERYDAY
    JOIN THE APF ON PS4NA:
    https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/400830/aldmeri-peoples-front-recruiting-ps4na#latest

    HAIL DAEDRA
  • strangeradnd
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    Tasear wrote: »
    Anyone have any jokes or riddles to tell in honor of Jester's festival?

    Here's mine
    What's purple and white and running all over?

    Please tell me it's not the prune & creme tarts you ate at the Festival!
  • MasterSpatula
    MasterSpatula
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    How many Dwemer does it take to ascend to a higher plane of existence?
    "A probable impossibility is preferable to an improbable possibility." - Aristotle
  • SGT_Wolfe101st
    SGT_Wolfe101st
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    A high elf, a dark elf, and a wood elf walk into a bar....

    The bartender looks up and says "GET OUT!!"
    PS4 -NA AD

    Wood Elf - StamNB - DPS
    Nord - MagDK - Tank
    High Elf - MagSorc - DPS
    Dark Elf - Mag Warden- Healer
  • Tasear
    Tasear
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    MasterSpatula wrote: »
    How many Dwemer does it take to ascend to a higher plane of existence?

    How many?
  • Crumorn
    Crumorn
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    MasterSpatula wrote: »
    How many Dwemer does it take to ascend to a higher plane of existence?

    Non for one remains.
  • jedtb16_ESO
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    Drachenfier wrote: »
    A Nord, a Bosmer and a Khajit walk into a bar....

    and the barman says....

    is this some kind of joke?
  • Rouven
    Rouven
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    Monkey T says: I pity the fool!

    27e5u6.jpg
    Now with picture.
    Edited by Rouven on March 29, 2018 8:10PM
    Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. ~ Terry Pratchett
  • TheNuminous1
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    Number_51 wrote: »
    Drachenfier wrote: »
    A Nord, a Bosmer and a Khajit walk into a bar....

    ... a Bosmer walks out (picking fur from his teeth with a Nord finger bone).

    and a hairball
  • Spacemonkey
    Spacemonkey
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    The imperial historian had a hard time figuring out Khajiit ancestry because no matter who he asked, the answer was always that they came from elsewhere.
  • gangyzgirl
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    Why do Hlaalu have such large egos?
    They are NARSIS-istic


    How do you make a Bosmer tall?
    Give him some Skooma and make him a High Elf

    What do Argonians make the best scholars?
    They know their HIST-ory

    What wildlife is the best for growing plants?
    GUAR-deners

    Why do Tribunal priestesses love Redoran men?
    Because in House Redoran the Temple always comes first

    /danceargonian
  • Violynne
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    Walked up to a group of Khajiit, sitting around playing instruments. I asked, "What are your names?"
    The first replied "J'vanni-do". The second replied "Dahlasuna-la". The third responded with "Anjva-ri".

    I chuckled, and went along my merry way.
    In case you didn't get the joke, "Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti" is often used to denote musical notes.
  • VaranisArano
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    This one is more of a prank: Whilst running the Alikr Dolmen circuit, everything the chest dropped at the end of the dolmen, someone would lay down the Anniversary Cake memento over the chest so people would loot the chest and get cake instead.

    Cake or Chest?

    cake-or-death.jpg
  • Valor
    Valor
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    What's brown and sticky? A stick. (From Wood Elf Joke Book in-game)
    Miniskirt Enthusiast

    Jacob Black|DC|Nightblade|Emped on 9/8/17

    #TeamJacob
  • Tasear
    Tasear
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    VaranisArano wrote: »
    This one is more of a prank: Whilst running the Alikr Dolmen circuit, everything the chest dropped at the end of the dolmen, someone would lay down the Anniversary Cake memento over the chest so people would loot the chest and get cake instead.

    Cake or Chest?

    cake-or-death.jpg

    At least they don't go hungry.
  • Thannazzar
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    Tasear wrote: »
    VaranisArano wrote: »
    This one is more of a prank: Whilst running the Alikr Dolmen circuit, everything the chest dropped at the end of the dolmen, someone would lay down the Anniversary Cake memento over the chest so people would loot the chest and get cake instead.

    Cake or Chest?

    cake-or-death.jpg

    At least they don't go hungry.

    You can do the same thing in daggerfall at the location where the sack full of dazzlers gets dropped!
  • Diabolus1989
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    There was a book in ESII: Daggerfall - simply titled 'Jokes'.

    Some of them are pretty good. It's on the wikis if you want to read it.

    An example:

    "How is your wife," asked Zalither.
    "She's in bed with laryngitis," replied Harlyth.
    "Is that Argonian *** back in town again?"
  • ZOS_Chris
    ZOS_Chris
    Community Rep
    We'll join in, but we only know terrible ones, so please don't boo too loudly...

    Why did the Redguard hurt his foot? His Hammerfell.

    Why couldn't the Khajiit go to the party? He was needed Elsweyr.

    Don't worry, we'll save you the trouble and post the reaction image ourselves.

    sPwgpLj.gif


    Staff Post
  • monktoasty
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    How do you get rid of an argonian? Take an antihistamine

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